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19 Tips To Be Sexually Dominant In The Bedroom

26 min read

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Domination is delicious…when done right. When done wrong, it’s weak, weird, and dangerous. This domination guide will teach you how to dominate your partner in bed in a way that’s intensely sexually satisfying, awkwardness-free, and is so enjoyable that it keeps them coming back for more. Here’s how I structured this domination guide:

6 Domination Ground Rules

Before you dive and learn how to become sexually dominant, you need to understand some ground rules and basic information to make sure everything goes smoothly when you try any of these dominant things to do in bed.

1. Sexual domination Vs BDSM domination – There is a difference between being more dominant sexually versus dominating your partner in the context of BDSM. Although some might argue that being dominant is part of BDSM by default.

If you are more interested in the BDSM aspects of dominating your husband or wife, check out my in-depth guide on how to be a Dom.

2. Consent, not coercion – If you want your partner to enjoy themselves (during any sexual activity, not just with a domination kink), then you need to make sure they freely give their consent to being dominated. If you don’t have their consent, then they’re going to have a terrible time.

3. Communication & check-ins – When you first start dominating your partner in bed and trying new domination techniques, make sure to check in regularly with them to make sure they are ok and enjoying themselves.

Don’t assume they like everything you’re doing. Our guide on sexual communication will help with this.

4. Start slow & ramp up domination – A great way to freak out your partner or even to injure them is to unleash all of your most intense domination fantasies on them at the same time. Even worse, try doing this during the very first time you dominate them in bed!

A better approach…

Start with your more timid domination ideas, get feedback from your partner on what they like/don’t like, and then ramp up to your more intense domination ideas and desires over time.

You might feel impatient, but taking things slowly prioritizes safety and comfort as you learn how to be dominant in bed.

Over time, you’ll quickly build up a list of what kinds of domination they adore and what they find to be “meh.”

5. Safety – You need to take safety seriously when dominating your partner.

Two important safety aspects when you dominate your man in the bedroom:

But safety goes well beyond this, including playing with a sober and clear mind, knowing your tools well and keeping them in good condition, encouraging communication from your partner, and learning your partner’s body language.

6. Aftercare – For many submissive partners, being dominated is an intense experience. Their body releases a surge in endorphins as you dominate them, giving them an ecstatic high, followed by…

A draining low known as sub drop once you’ve finished (you might experience a similar thing known as top drop after you dominate your woman in the bedroom). People describe these high/low feelings as similar to the effects of drugs.

Physical domination can also lead to cuts, abrasions, bruises, and other effects on the body.

Even when that’s not the case, moving from sex or a kinky scene to regular life can be jarring.

To combat this, you may need to provide your partner with aftercare to help them out of emotional lows, physical effects, or the adjustment back to daily life. I put together an entire guide on providing aftercare to your partner.

Now it’s time to learn some ways to be dominant during foreplay and get some tips for sexual domination…

5 Dominant Foreplay Ideas To Start Dominating Your Partner

While we have a full guide on how to do foreplay without necessarily being dominant, the 5 techniques below will show you how to be dominant during foreplay when you dominate your man.

1. Initiate Foreplay

Initiating is the most important thing you can do if you want to dominate your man during foreplay (and sex).

When I say initiate, I mean:

  • Start and make the first move.
  • Lead and decide what happens, or doesn’t happen, next.

If you’ve never done it before, it can be a little nerve-wracking to initiate foreplay.

That’s fine, but…

You still need to act and make the first move using one of the following dominant techniques…

2. Dominant Kissing

You can kiss your partner dominantly in a few ways:

Initiate – Make the first move. Lean in and kiss your partner or turn their face toward you with your hands.

Kiss from above – If you are taller than your partner, stand above them, and you will be kissing from the dominant position.

If you are smaller than your partner, wait until they are sitting on a couch or instruct them to sit or kneel. Sit on top of them, straddling them, so you can kiss them from above.

This also works great in the Mastery sex position.

Put your hands on their neck – While kissing your partner, put your hands on their neck. Your four fingers should be on their neck, while your thumbs are on their cheeks.

You can use your thumbs to push their head to one side or the other and “control” the kissing.

Lightly scratch the back of their head – When kissing your partner, reach your hand around to the back of your partner’s neck. Then gently and slowly run your nails upwards, lightly grazing their neck and then their scalp.

If they have short hair, softly scratch and massage the back of their head with your nails.

If they have long hair, even better…

Tilt their chin upwards and expose their neck – Grab their hair from the base (at the back of their head) and lightly pull it downward. This feels pleasurable, but doing so also tips their chin upwards, making them feel even more submissive.

Push their hands over their head – A sexually dominant foreplay move is grab your partner’s wrists and push their arms over their head when kissing them.

Lead the kissing – This should be obvious, but I still need to say it:

Lead the kissing. Don’t just passively accept their kisses if you want to be the dominant partner.

This means switching from French kissing them to sucking their earlobe to kissing their neck to something else.

3. Undress Your Partner

Another dominant foreplay move is to undress your partner.

You can do it passionately and quickly, ripping off their top, pants, and underwear.

Or do it slowly…

Building anticipation and turning on your partner as you slowly undress them.

Go deeper: Learn how to turn a guy on and how to turn a girl on.

Undressing your partner can be hard if they’re much taller than you. Try having them kneel during the process or instructing them to undress instead. You could even make your partner give you a private show!

4. Move Them Around

A great way to be more dominant in bed is to physically move your partner. Here are a few different ways to do it…

Pull them closer to you – Whether you are sitting on the couch or lying in bed together, try to pull your partner closer.

Push them below you – A subtle, but super-dominant idea is to push your partner into a position that is below you so you can make eye contact while looking down on them. You can push them:

Lead them somewhere – Grabbing your partner’s hand and leading them to another room is a great way to be dominant (e.g., kitchen to bedroom). Add a leash if you like props.

More: 48 best, crazy, kinky & romantic places to have sex & give oral.

5. Dominant Dirty Talk

A dominant way to build sexual tension is talking dirty to your partner.

You can take it a step further, and…

Use dominant dirty talk or even send them dominant text messages to make them horny, while increasing their feelings of submissiveness. Try telling them what you expect them to wear or do when you see them next.

Speaking of making them horny: How to make a girl horny and 7 ways to make a guy horny.

Plus, dirty talking before sex lets your partner give you ideas about how to dominate them.

19 Techniques To Completely Dominate Your Man During Sex

There are a lot of sexual dominance techniques below. Don’t feel like you need to use them all. Pick the ones that you are most passionate about and that suit your own personality.

1. Bondage

Bondage is the act of restraining your partner by tying them up.

Let’s start with some simple bondage ideas:

  • Tie your partner’s wrists above their head to the corners of the bed before trying one of these bondage sex positions.
  • Tie your partner’s hands behind their back and get them to kneel while performing deep throat, or make them go down on you.
  • Tie your partner’s wrists and ankles to the bed in the spread eagle position, so they are completely at your mercy. Then slowly tease them with a hand job if he has a penis or finger her if she has a vulva.

While you can check out the bondage for beginners guide to learn how to get started with bondage, it can be dangerous if not done right. There are a few safety concerns you should be aware of before you jump in:

  • Never leave your partner alone while bound. Why? If something goes wrong, your partner can’t free themselves.
  • Don’t use restraints that cut off blood supply or cause nerve damage.
  • Know how to quickly remove the bondage in an emergency. This may mean cutting through your favorite rope or cuffs.

Try: You can also try out bondage alone with these 15 self bondage ideas.

Then, you can move on to more niche bondage, like cock cages, when you dominate your man in bed.

2. Dominant Sex Positions

Some sex positions naturally put you in a position of control…

Perfect for dominating your partner.

Cowgirl – You’re on top and have freedom to move, grind your clit against them, and rock up/down. Meanwhile, your partner is pinned down with your body. You can increase the domination by leaning forward and pinning your partner’s arms above their head.

Variations include the Asian Cowgirl, Fast Fuck, Jugghead, and Man Missionary positions.

Face Sitting/Queening – Face sitting is an incredibly dominant way to receive oral sex from your partner. Your partner starts by lying on their back. You will then kneel with one leg on either side of their head and lower yourself onto their mouth.

  • You can lower yourself even further, pressing on them with more force to let them know who’s in charge.
  • You can also grind against their entire face for more clitoral stimulation.

Learn: How to give a girl head – 85 techniques.

Amazon – Amazon is probably the most dominant position you can try if you’re a woman and your partner is a man. You’ll be on top, pinning his legs back and in control.

Missionary – Missionary position can be intimate and very dominant. If your partner is on top, they can pin down your wrists.

More dominant positions: 12 female dominant sex positions to unleash your inner femdom.

Don’t get too caught up in positions, however. Any position can be a dominant sex position if you’re in the right headspace.

3. Lead Sex

Just like with foreplay, one of the most important parts of dominating your partner is leading sex.

How?

Caveat: It can feel a bit stiff and even awkward if you insist on leading sex 100% of the time. Be flexible and let your partner be in control from time to time.

And…

You can even wrestle for control…

4. Wrestle Your Partner/Pin Them Down

There is something animalistic about wrestling with your partner and pinning them down as they struggle against you.

It will naturally make you feel dominant, while your partner will feel completely submissive and helpless.

Go deeper: How to be submissive during sex.

Even better…

It allows you to both get out of your heads and into your bodies. This is perfect if you currently struggle to stay in the moment during sex.

Some ways to wrestle with your partner and pin them down:

  • Get on top of them, straddling them with one leg on either side of their hips.
  • Grab their wrists and pin them to the bed.
  • Press your legs on top of theirs to keep them pinned down.
  • Simply lay on top of them with your whole body, wrap your arms around them, and hold them in position.
  • Add cuffs to further restrain them and introduce some bondage.

Caveat: You should probably discuss this before trying it. This way, your partner will be ready to struggle back against you.

5. Control The Pace

Controlling the pace is a very subtle way to be dominant during sex. You’re going to control how fast or slow penetration happens.

It’s easiest when you are in the dominant position (e.g., on top during Missionary or Cowgirl), but you can also do it when you’re in the more submissive position. Here are some ways to set and control the pace of sex:

  • If you are doing the penetrating, simply slow down or speed up. Tips for slow sex.
  • If you want your partner to slow down or speed up, whisper in their ear, “Slower” or “Fuck me faster.” Challenge them to move toward the beat of a song.
  • Another way to slow your partner down is to grab their hips and physically slow them down.
  • Alternatively, you can grab their ass and pull them in to you to speed them up. Quickie sex tips.

6. Tease & Denial

Teasing and denying your partner is a form of psychological domination that can be more potent than physically dominating your partner.

Playfully teasing and denying your partner can range across the following:

  • Flirting
  • Creating sexual tension
  • Teasing your partner about what they “can’t have” or what you “won’t do for them.”
  • Building anticipation of something pleasurable to happen in the future…
  • Denying them sexual pleasure, in a fun way, from time to time. This may mean pausing your movements or pulling away.

The key to making tease and denial exciting is to keep it fun for your partner. If you are too serious, your partner may feel like you are punishing them.

You may want to try these 7 tease and denial games or these 9 orgasm denial games if you are interested in dominating your partner psychologically.

7. Choking*

*Be very careful; choking is incredibly dangerous. In the heat of the moment, it’s easy to squeeze too hard, cut off the blood flow to your partner’s head, and injure them or worse.

However…

If both you and your partner are into it, choking during sex can also be super dominant and hot.

Note: This is one of those sexual practices that you need to discuss with your partner beforehand. You need to get their consent to dominate him in bed, and you need to pay close attention as you do it, to ensure you don’t hurt them. While the guide on how to choke your partner during sex goes in-depth, here is a quick start guide:

Start by placing your hand on your partner’s neck and gently squeezing it while paying attention to their reaction.

If they don’t enjoy it, then skip to the next technique.

If they do enjoy it, then great! You can try some of these choking ideas:

8. Spanking

In BDSM, doms often use impact play like spanking for various purposes. Obviously, it can serve as a form of discipline to punish your submissive partner. Some people love spanking, however, so it’s more of a “funishment.”

You can also spank your partner on the butt to dominate them, and to…

Increase their feelings of submissiveness. Here are a few ways to do it:

  • You can playfully spank your partner for “disobeying” you during foreplay or while flirting with them
  • If it’s easy to spank them during sex, try it. You can also switch between grabbing their butt and spanking it
  • If you sense that your partner is about to come during sex, try spanking them to increase the sensation as they do

Make sure to focus your spanking on the “meaty” areas of their butt with the palm of your hand. Spanking other areas of their body or making contact with fingernails or jewelry may injure them.

If you’re dominating a woman in the bedroom, you can also spank her pussy.

9. Slapping & Spitting

Slapping and spitting can be a super dominant and hot sex move…

Or a huge turn off.

It all depends on how your partner feels about it.

Just like with choking during sex, this is one of those sex moves that you need to discuss with your partner beforehand to see if they are interested in trying it.

And…

You also need to talk about it afterward to see whether your partner enjoyed it or wants to try again.

Context is vital – For your partner to enjoy being slapped and spat on during sex, you need to be keenly aware of the context:

  • If you try it during slow, romantic, candlelit foreplay, then it will come out of left field and feel really weird and disrespectful.
  • If you are already having rough sex (more on that later), then the context is perfect for introducing some slapping and spitting into sex.

As with trying any new sex move, start off in the shallow end:

  • Gently slap your partner during intense sex and observe their reaction. You can start by slapping their shoulders/arms or chest before moving on to their face. If they don’t like it, then try something else. If they adore it, then try it some more.
  • Discuss spitting beforehand. If your partner is keen to try it, do so when the context is right. Again, if they like it, try it again. If they don’t like it, there are lots of other sex techniques to try.

10. Hair Pulling

Hair pulling is great for sensually dominating your partner during sex.

The main thing to keep in mind when pulling your partner’s hair is…

Grab a lot of hair

Ever pluck a single hair? It hurts. Grabbing a lot of hair distributes the force, making it sensual rather than painful. Here are a few ways to dominantly pull your partner’s hair during sex…

You also want to grasp the hair close to the scalp and not at the ends.

Face-to-face positions – Run your fingers up the back of their scalp, gently grazing it before grabbing their hair and pulling down. This will tilt their chin up, exposing their neck and making them feel more submissive.

Doggy Style positions – During Doggy Style and similar sex positions, the penetrating partner can grab their partner’s hair in one hand while using their remaining hand to steady themselves on their hips/waist/shoulder.

Oral Sex – While receiving oral sex, run your hands through your partner’s hair, grab it, and use it to guide them to where you want them. This can be super hot whether your partner is deep throating you or performing cunnilingus.

As always, talk about it first, start easy, and get feedback from your partner.

11. Grab Them

Grabbing your partner and pulling them in towards you or pushing them away is naturally dominant.

You’re controlling their position. Some ways to grab your partner:

  • During sex from behind, like in the Turtle position, grab your partner’s hips/waist and pull them towards you with every stroke…or push them away.
  • If you are strong enough, grab them and lift them off their feet. You can do this during sex using the Stand and Carry position, or even when you are flirting with them.
  • If they are moving away from you, grab them and pull them closer.

Just be careful not to grab any pressure points on their body or hold their skin so tightly that it hurts them.

12. A Little Pain

Inflicting a small amount of pain on your partner while giving them lots of pleasure adds to your domination.

You don’t want to do anything that leaves a permanent mark or hurts so much that it takes them out of the moment. Here are some ideas:

  • Spanking and slapping – I already discussed this above.
  • Grab their wrists and pin them down – Also discussed above.
  • Pinch them – This is one of those things that is better to discuss beforehand to make sure your partner is on board.
  • Pinch their nipples – If they enjoy this, try it during sex. Some men and women enjoy it right as they orgasm. You can even try nipple clamps when you dominate your woman sexually.
  • Bite them – This can range from a little nipple to more intense biting. Usually, biting a fleshy part of the body with a lot of muscle or fat, like the butt, is easier to tolerate. You can also scrape your teeth along their body or pull at loose skin with your teeth.

Of course, you can probably think of a bunch of other things to do as you’re discovering how to be sexually dominant. Flicking your fingers and using your breath can be powerful tools.

13. Cowgirl

This dominant sex tip is specifically for women. When you are in the Cowgirl position, you will naturally be dominating your partner.

You will literally be pinning your partner to the bed with your body while looking down on them.

Here are a few ways to make the Cowgirl position feel more dominant.

  • Grab their hands/wrists and pin them above their head. You can even tie their wrists and ankles to the bed to fully restrain them.
  • Try lightly choking your partner, but be careful not to hurt them.
  • You can pull out and stop sex, to tease and deny your partner.
  • You can lean forward and whisper dirty things in their ear (my dirty talking guide has 100’s of dirty sex talk examples).

14. Face Sitting

Sitting on your partner’s face is insanely dominant. It also feels great if you like oral sex 😉

While my guide on how to sit on a guy’s face with confidence will teach you everything you need to know about riding your partner’s face, here are some quick pointers:

1. Start in the 69 position – You’ll be on top, which makes it easy and smooth to transition to riding their face.

2. Push yourself upright – Voilà, you are now sitting on their face!

3. Place your arms on their chest – You can steady yourself by placing your hands on your partner’s chest.

From here, there are lots of things you can do to dominate your woman or man:

  • Lower your weight onto your partner’s face.
  • Grind your vulva against their face.
  • Rock up and down.
  • You can even tickle your partner if you enjoy it. Just be careful, as your partner may not be able to control their mouth as they laugh.
  • You can also adjust yourself so that your partner is “forced” to eat ass.

15. Rough Sex

Some folks adore rough sex. It’s primal, dominant, and allows you to be uninhibited, which can help you learn how to be dominant in the bedroom.

A few ways to have rough sex:

  • Hard, powerful thrusting – Instead of gently thrusting during penetration, go hard.
  • Throw your partner around – Push, pull, and change sex position by physically moving your partner roughly, but not so roughly that you hurt them.
  • Let go – Tap into your primal, inner nature and let go. Let your body lead, not your mind.

16. Consensual Non-Consent

Consensual non-consent (CNC) is a role-play scenario where you do not give consent in the moment to be dominated in bed, but it has previously been given for some activities. One common example is when you take your partner by “force,” or they take you by “force.” This is sometimes known as a rape fantasy or rape role play.

Consent is very important when engaging in a CNC role play. Your partner needs to consent to it beforehand, and they can revoke their consent at any time.

There are many ways to explore this role play:

  • A burglar breaks into your house and “attacks” you.
  • You are in prison and want to show your new cellmate who is the alpha.
  • You “demand” relations from your spouse.

However, even waking your partner up with sex or having sex while drunk is CNC because they cannot consent in the moment. And tickling your partner who doesn’t like tickling during sex can be a devious type of consensual non-consent.

Remember, consensual non-consent requires your partner’s consent. They can revoke it at any time, in which case, you need to stop.

Speaking of role playing…

17. Sexually Dominant Role Playing

There are lots of sexual role play ideas that involve dominating your partner. Here are a few fun ones, though you might find that some work better depending on whether you want to dominate a woman or a man:

  • Headmaster/Headmistress and student
  • Prison guard and prisoner
  • Boss and secretary
  • Experienced partner and virgin
  • Cop and criminal

Go deeper: I put together an entire role playing guide with 42 sex role play ideas. You may also want to check out these 35 BDSM scene ideas if you want to take it to a kinkier level.

Feel free to get creative when figuring out how to be dominant during sex.

18. Mark Your Territory

“Marking your territory” is one of those freaky sex acts that’s not for everyone, but…

It’s very dominant.

Here are a few ways to mark your territory/partner during sex:

Learn: How do I make myself squirt?

If you want something less extreme when you dominate a woman, you can also claim ownership by having your partner wear a certain piece of clothing or accessory, or even body modification, such as piercing or branding.

19. More Dominant Dirty Talk

Earlier, I mentioned how powerful dominant dirty talk can be during foreplay to build sexual tension and turn your man on.

Using dirty talk during sex is just as powerful. You can:

More: 81 sexy things to say during sex to keep it intensely passionate.

20. Penetrate Them

You can dominate your man sexually while being penetrated, but you may also find that penetrating someone helps you with learning how to be more dominant in bed.

You can dominate someone else with your fingers, a toy, or even use a strap on. The latter works well if you want to dominate a man sexually, and he’s interested in anal penetration, AKA pegging. However, you can also dominate a woman sexually with a strap on for vaginal or anal sex.

3 Tips If You Are Struggling To Be Dominant

Becoming more dominant comes naturally to some folks, while others find it nerve-wracking and difficult to summon their dominant side. Here are a few tips to help you become more dominant during sex:

1. Calmer domination – It’s ok if you don’t want to be aggressive or rough when dominating your partner. You can also try gentle femdom, which is a calmer type of domination where you are still in control. It’s still domination even if you say, “Please.” In fact, feel free to do so if it helps you with being more dominant during sex.

2. Focus on your pleasure – You can be more dominant by focusing only on your pleasure and making sure that you are satisfied, without worrying about their pleasure.

3. Pleasure dom – If you enjoy and gain satisfaction from giving your partner sexual pleasure, you may also be a pleasure dom.

A pleasure dom is someone who controls their submissive partner by providing pleasure and, in some cases, by withholding it. This way, you are still being dominant without ever needing to be rough or verbally dominant, which are never required to be sexually dominant.

You can withhold pleasure by edging your partner or using tease and denial, or some other mischievous technique for being dominant in bed.

Be yourself – Don’t try to imitate a trope. Just be you, but dominant in bed.

Final Word On Being Dominant

Dominating your partner during sex can be a lot of fun and very satisfying. There are two things that you should be aware of to make sure you get the most out of dominating your partner:

  1. Insisting on being dominant every single time you have sex could get a bit weird. Doing so may change the idea of domination from being something that spices up sex to something that gets boring, quickly (21 tips to spice up a blow job) if you don’t identify as a dominant.
  2. Get feedback from your partner and give them feedback too. Find out what types of domination you both enjoy and don’t enjoy. Over time, adjust and stop doing the less enjoyable things while focusing on what you both find exciting. That’s how you dominate your man in a way that you both like.

January 19, 2026

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