19 Ways To Take Charge Sexually In The Bedroom

Being dominant is amazing…when it's done right. Get it wrong and it comes off weak, awkward, and unsafe. This guide will show you how to take control of your partner in bed in a way that feels intensely satisfying, drama-free, and so good they'll keep begging for more. Here's how this guide is laid out:

• 6 ground rules for domination – not thrilling, but essential
• 5 dominant foreplay ideas
• 19 techniques for fully dominating your man sexually
• 3 tips if being dominant doesn't come naturally

6 Ground Rules For Domination

Before jumping into becoming sexually dominant, there's some foundational info and rules you need to understand so things go smoothly whenever you try these dominant moves in bed.

1. Sexual dominance vs. BDSM dominance – Being more dominant during sex isn't quite the same as dominating your partner within a BDSM framework, though some would say dominance is naturally baked into BDSM.

If you're more drawn to the BDSM side of dominating your spouse, check out my detailed guide on how to be a Dom.

2. Consent over coercion – For your partner to actually enjoy this (or any sexual activity, dominance or not), they need to freely consent to being dominated. Skip that step and things will go badly for them.

3. Talk it through & check in – Especially early on, as you're experimenting with new dominant moves, check in with your partner regularly to confirm they're comfortable and having a good time.

Never assume they're loving everything. Our guide to sexual communication can help here.

4. Ease into it, then build – Unloading every intense domination fantasy you've got all at once is a great way to overwhelm — or even hurt — your partner. Doing that on your very first attempt makes it worse.

A smarter approach…

Start with your milder ideas, gather feedback on what lands and what doesn't, then gradually escalate toward your more intense desires.

You might feel eager to rush, but going slow keeps safety and comfort front and center as you figure out your dominant side.

Over time, you'll naturally build a clear sense of what kinds of domination they love and what falls flat.

5. Safety first – Dominating your partner means taking safety seriously.

Two safety essentials worth prioritizing:

• Set a safeword your partner can use anytime they want things to stop.
• Talk through boundaries with your partner to understand their limits — what excites them and what's off-limits.

Safety extends well past this too — playing sober and clear-headed, knowing your gear inside and out and keeping it in good shape, encouraging your partner to speak up, and reading their body language.

6. Aftercare matters – For many submissive partners, being dominated is intense. Endorphins surge as you dominate them, creating a euphoric high, followed by…

A crash sometimes called sub drop once the scene ends (you might feel something similar, top drop, after dominating your partner). People often compare these highs and lows to a drug-like experience.

Physical domination can also leave marks — cuts, scrapes, bruises.

Even without physical marks, snapping back to everyday life after sex or a kinky scene can feel disorienting.

That's where aftercare comes in — helping your partner through emotional lows, physical aftereffects, or just the transition back to normal life. I've got a full guide on giving your partner aftercare.

Now let's get into some dominant foreplay moves and sexual domination tips…

5 Dominant Foreplay Ideas To Kick Off Domination

We already have a complete guide on foreplay that doesn't require dominance, but these 5 techniques below focus specifically on staying dominant while you dominate your man during foreplay.

1. Take The Initiative

Initiating is the single most important move for dominating your man during foreplay (and sex itself).

By initiate, I mean:

• Make the first move yourself.
• Take the lead on what happens next — or doesn't.

If you've never done this before, initiating foreplay can feel nerve-wracking at first.

That's completely fine, but…

You still need to step up and make that first move using one of these dominant techniques…

2. Kiss Dominantly

There's more than one way to kiss your partner with dominance:

Make the first move – Lean in and kiss them, or use your hands to turn their face toward yours.

Kiss from above – If you're taller, standing over your partner naturally puts you in the dominant kissing position.

If your partner is taller, wait until they're seated on a couch, or tell them to sit or kneel. Then climb on top, straddling them, so you're kissing them from above.

This also works beautifully in the Mastery position.

Cup their neck – While kissing, place your hands on their neck — four fingers along the neck, thumbs resting on their cheeks.

Use your thumbs to guide their head one way or another, essentially "steering" the kiss.

Lightly scratch the back of their head – Reach around to the back of their neck while kissing them, then slowly drag your nails upward, grazing their neck and then scalp.

Short hair? Softly scratch and massage the back of their head instead.

Long hair? Even better…

Tilt their chin up & expose their throat – Grip their hair at the base (back of the head) and tug gently downward. It feels good, and it also tilts their chin up, deepening their sense of submission.

Pin their hands overhead – Grab your partner's wrists and push their arms above their head while kissing them — a classic dominant foreplay move.

Lead the kiss – Obvious, but worth repeating:

Take the lead. Don't just passively receive their kisses if dominance is the goal.

Switch things up — French kissing one moment, sucking their earlobe the next, then moving to their neck.

3. Undress Your Partner

Undressing your partner is another dominant foreplay move.

Go fast and passionate, tearing off their shirt, pants, and underwear.

Or slow it way down…

Building anticipation and turning them on with every inch you reveal.

Dig deeper: Learn how to turn a guy on and how to turn a girl on.

If your partner's noticeably taller, undressing them can be awkward — have them kneel, or instruct them to strip themselves instead. You could even turn it into a private show for you.

4. Physically Move Them

Physically repositioning your partner is a powerful way to seem more dominant. A few approaches…

Pull them in close – On the couch or in bed, draw your partner toward you.

Push them beneath you – A subtle but very dominant move: push your partner into a position below you so you can maintain eye contact while looking down at them. You can push them:

• Onto their back (great setup for Woman On Top)
• Onto their stomach (try Prone Bone)
• Down to their knees (perfect for these 27 blow job tips or 34 cunnilingus tips)

Lead them somewhere new – Take their hand and walk them to another room (kitchen to bedroom, for instance). Add a leash for extra flair if you're into props.

More ideas: 48 wild, romantic & unexpected places to have sex & oral.

5. Talk Dirty Dominantly

Talking dirty is a solid way to ramp up sexual tension while staying dominant.

Take it further by…

Using dominant dirty talk or firing off dominant texts to get them worked up and feeling more submissive. Try telling them exactly what to wear or do the next time you see them.

Related to getting them worked up: How to make a girl horny and 7 ways to make a guy horny.

Plus, dirty talk before sex often gives your partner an easy way to hint at how they want to be dominated.

19 Techniques For Fully Dominating Your Man During Sex

There's a lot below. You don't need to use every single one — just pick whichever techniques genuinely excite you and match your style.

1. Bondage

Bondage means restraining your partner by tying them up.

Some easy starting points:

• Tie your partner's wrists to the bed frame above their head before trying one of these bondage positions.
• Bind their hands behind their back and have them kneel while deep throating you, or going down on you.
• Secure their wrists and ankles spread-eagle to the bed so they're entirely at your mercy, then tease them slowly with a hand job or by fingering them.

Our bondage for beginners guide covers the basics, but bondage carries real risk if done carelessly. A few safety points to know before diving in:

• Never step away while your partner's restrained — if something goes wrong, they can't free themselves.
• Avoid restraints that cut off circulation or press on nerves.
• Know how to release the restraints quickly in an emergency, even if it means cutting through your favorite rope or cuffs.

Try this too: These 15 self-bondage ideas let you experiment with bondage solo.

From there, you can graduate to more niche bondage gear, like cock cages, as you dominate your man in bed.

2. Dominant Sex Positions

Certain positions naturally hand you control…

Perfect for dominating your partner.

Cowgirl – You're on top, free to move, grind your clit against him, and set the pace up and down, while he's essentially pinned beneath your body. Lean forward and pin his arms overhead for even more control.

Variations worth trying: Asian Cowgirl, Fast Fuck, Jugghead, and Man Missionary.

Face sitting/queening – An intensely dominant way to receive oral. Have your partner lie on their back, then kneel with one leg on either side of their head and lower yourself onto their mouth.

• Lower yourself further, applying more pressure to make your control clear.
• Grind against their whole face for extra clitoral stimulation.

Learn more: How to give a girl head – 85 techniques.

Amazon – Likely the most dominant position available if you're a woman with a male partner. You're on top, pinning his legs back, entirely in control.

Missionary – Missionary can feel deeply intimate while still being very dominant. If your partner's on top, they can pin your wrists down.

More dominant positions: 12 female-led positions to unleash your inner femdom.

Don't overthink the positions themselves, though. Any position becomes a dominant one with the right mindset.

3. Take The Lead During Sex

Just like with foreplay, leading during sex itself is one of the most important pieces of dominance.

How?

• Guide them into new positions.
• Stay on top — Corner Cowgirl if you're a woman, Anvil if you're a guy.
• Prioritize your own pleasure – how women can orgasm.
• Move things to new locations — just take their hand and lead the way.

One caveat: Insisting on leading 100% of the time can start to feel stiff or forced. Stay flexible and hand over control to your partner occasionally.

And…

You can even wrestle each other for control…

4. Wrestle & Pin Your Partner Down

There's something wonderfully primal about wrestling with your partner and pinning them down as they push back against you.

It naturally puts you in a dominant headspace while your partner feels completely submissive and at your mercy.

Dig deeper: How to be submissive during sex.

Even better…

It gets both of you out of your heads and fully into your bodies — ideal if staying present during sex is a struggle for you.

Some ways to wrestle and pin your partner:

• Straddle them, one leg on either side of their hips.
• Grab their wrists and press them into the bed.
• Press your legs over theirs to keep them from moving.
• Simply cover their entire body with yours, wrap your arms around them, and hold them in place.
• Add cuffs for extra restraint and a touch of bondage.

One caveat: It's worth discussing this beforehand so your partner knows to push back and struggle against you.

5. Control The Pace

Controlling the tempo of sex is a quietly powerful way to be dominant — you decide how fast or slow penetration happens.

It's simplest when you're already in the dominant position (on top during Missionary or Cowgirl, say), but you can control pace from the submissive position too. Some approaches:

• If you're doing the penetrating, speed up or slow down at will. Tips for slower sex.
• To get your partner to change pace, whisper "Slower" or "Fuck me faster" in their ear. Challenge them to match a song's rhythm.
• Grab their hips to physically slow them down.
• Or grab their ass and pull them into you to speed things up. Quickie sex tips.

6. Tease & Denial

Teasing and denying your partner is psychological domination — and it can hit even harder than physical control.

Playful tease and denial can include:

• Flirting
• Building sexual tension
• Teasing them about what they "can't have" or what you "won't do"
• Building anticipation for something pleasurable to come…
• Occasionally denying them pleasure in a playful way — pausing your movements or pulling back.

The trick to good tease and denial is keeping it fun. Get too serious and your partner might start to feel punished rather than teased.

Check out these 7 tease and denial games or 9 orgasm denial games if psychological domination interests you.

7. Choking*

*Proceed with extreme caution — choking carries real danger. In the heat of the moment it's easy to squeeze too hard, cut off blood flow, and cause serious injury.

That said…

If both of you are into it, choking can add serious heat and dominance to sex.

Note: This absolutely requires an upfront conversation and consent, plus close attention throughout to avoid hurting your partner. The full guide on choking your partner during sex covers it in depth, but here's a quick primer:

Start by resting your hand on your partner's neck and squeezing gently while watching their reaction closely.

Not into it? Move on to something else.

Loving it? Try these ideas:

• During sex from behind, like Spooning.
• During a face-to-face position like Coital Alignment Technique.
• While kissing.

8. Spanking

In BDSM, doms frequently use impact play like spanking for a range of purposes — sometimes as discipline for a submissive, though plenty of people just love it purely for the sensation (a "funishment," if you will).

Spanking your partner's butt is also a great dominance move that…

Amplifies their sense of submission. A few approaches:

• Playfully spank your partner for "misbehaving" during foreplay or flirting
• If it's practical mid-sex, work it in — alternate between grabbing and spanking their butt
• Spank them right as they're about to orgasm to intensify the sensation

Stick to the fleshier parts of the butt with your palm. Hitting other areas or making contact with nails or jewelry risks injury.

If you're dominating a woman, spanking her pussy is also on the table.

9. Slapping & Spitting

Slapping and spitting can be an incredibly hot, dominant sex move…

Or a massive turn-off.

It comes down entirely to your partner's preferences.

Just like choking, this is something to discuss beforehand to gauge interest.

And…

Follow up afterward to see how they felt and whether they'd want to try it again.

Context matters enormously – Whether your partner enjoys being slapped or spat on hinges heavily on the moment:

• Spring it during slow, candlelit, romantic foreplay and it'll land completely wrong — jarring and disrespectful.
• Introduce it mid-rough-sex (more on that shortly) and it fits naturally.

As with anything new, start small:

• Gently slap your partner during intense sex and gauge their reaction — shoulders or chest first, face later. Not their thing? Try something else. Loving it? Keep going.
• Talk about spitting ahead of time. If they're game, do it when the moment fits. Loved it, try again. Not their thing, there's a whole world of other sex techniques to explore instead.

10. Hair Pulling

Hair pulling is a great tool for sensually dominating your partner during sex.

The core rule when grabbing your partner's hair…

Grab a generous amount

Ever had a single hair plucked out? It hurts. A fuller grip spreads the force out, making it feel sensual instead of painful. A few dominant ways to pull hair during sex…

Grip close to the scalp, not the ends.

Face-to-face positions – Run your fingers up their scalp, brushing it lightly before grabbing a handful and pulling down. This tilts their chin up, exposing their neck and deepening their submissive feeling.

Doggy Style positions – In Doggy Style and similar setups, grab your partner's hair with one hand while steadying yourself on their hip, waist, or shoulder with the other.

Oral sex – While receiving, run your fingers through your partner's hair, grip it, and use it to guide their movements. Works beautifully whether they're deep throating you or going down on you.

As always — talk it through first, ease in gently, and check in with your partner.

11. Grab Them

Pulling your partner toward you, or pushing them away, is naturally dominant.

You're controlling their positioning. A few ways to grab them:

• During sex from behind, like Turtle, grab their hips or waist and pull them into you with every thrust — or push them away.
• If you've got the strength, lift them clean off their feet, whether during sex in the Stand and Carry position or even while flirting.
• If they're pulling away from you, grab them and draw them back in.

Just avoid gripping pressure points or squeezing hard enough to cause pain.

12. A Touch Of Pain

A little pain mixed with a lot of pleasure amplifies domination.

Steer clear of anything that leaves permanent marks or hurts enough to break the moment. Some ideas:

• Spanking and slapping – Already covered above.
• Pinning wrists – Also covered above.
• Pinching – Worth discussing beforehand to make sure your partner's on board.
• Nipple pinching – If they're into it, work it into sex — some people love it right as they orgasm. Nipple clamps are another option here.
• Biting – Ranges from a light nip to something more intense. Fleshier, muscular areas like the butt tend to handle biting better. You can also scrape your teeth along their skin or gently pull loose skin with your teeth.

There's plenty more you'll discover as you explore your dominant side — even flicking your fingers or controlling your breath can be surprisingly powerful.

13. Cowgirl

This one's specifically for women. The Cowgirl position naturally puts you in a dominant role.

You're literally pinning your partner beneath you while looking down at them.

A few ways to amp up the dominance in Cowgirl:

• Grab their wrists and pin them overhead. You could even tie wrists and ankles to the bed for full restraint.
• Try light choking, but stay careful not to hurt them.
• Pull out and pause sex entirely to tease and deny them.
• Lean in and whisper filthy things in their ear (my dirty talk guide has hundreds of dirty talk examples).

14. Face Sitting

Sitting on your partner's face is incredibly dominant — and feels amazing if you love receiving oral 😉

My confidence guide for riding a partner's face covers everything, but here's the quick version:

1. Start in 69 – You'll already be on top, making the transition to face-riding smooth.

2. Push yourself upright – And there you go, now you're sitting on their face!

3. Rest your arms on their chest – Use their chest for balance.

From there, plenty of options open up for dominating your partner:

• Lower your full weight onto their face.
• Grind your vulva against them.
• Rock rhythmically up and down.
• Tickle them if that's your thing — just be careful, since laughing can make it hard for them to control their mouth.
• Position yourself so they're "forced" to eat your ass.

15. Rough Sex

Some people love it rough. It's primal, dominant, and lets you cut loose, which can help you tap into your dominant side.

A few ways to get rough:

• Hard, powerful thrusts – Ditch the gentle pace and go harder.
• Manhandle your partner – Push, pull, and reposition them physically — firmly, but never hard enough to actually hurt.
• Let instinct take over – Tap into your primal side and stop overthinking. Let your body lead.

16. Consensual Non-Consent

Consensual non-consent (CNC) is role play where consent isn't given in the moment, but was agreed to beforehand for that specific activity. A classic example: "forcing" your partner, or being "forced" yourself — sometimes called a rape fantasy or rape role play.

Consent remains absolutely essential in CNC. Your partner has to agree ahead of time, and they can pull that consent at any point.

Plenty of ways to explore this scenario:

• A burglar breaks in and "attacks" you.
• You're establishing dominance over a new cellmate in prison.
• You "demand" sex from your spouse.

But keep in mind — waking your partner up with sex, or having sex while they're drunk, both count as CNC since real-time consent isn't possible. Tickling someone who hates being tickled during sex also fits this category.

Bottom line: CNC always requires consent, and that consent can be withdrawn instantly, at which point you stop.

Speaking of role play…

17. Dominant Role Play

There's no shortage of dominant role play scenarios. A few fun ones — some may suit dominating a woman better, others a man:

• Headmaster/Headmistress and student
• Prison guard and prisoner
• Boss and secretary
• Experienced partner and virgin
• Cop and criminal

Dig deeper: I've got a full role play guide with 42 ideas. Check out these 35 BDSM scene ideas too if you want something kinkier.

Get as creative as you like when figuring out how to dominate during sex.

18. Mark Your Territory

"Marking your territory" is one of those freaky acts that isn't universally appealing, but…

It's undeniably dominant.

A few ways to mark your territory during sex:

• Peeing on your partner.
• If you have a penis, finishing on your partner with a pearl necklace or facial — and interestingly, data shows plenty of women actually enjoy facials.
• If you have a vulva, squirting on your partner.

Learn more: How do I make myself squirt?

For something a bit less intense, claim ownership by having your partner wear a specific item or accessory, or even explore body modification like piercing or branding.

19. More Dominant Dirty Talk

I mentioned earlier how powerful dominant dirty talk can be during foreplay for building tension and getting your man turned on.

It's just as effective mid-sex. You can:

• Humiliate or degrade your partner verbally (with consent secured beforehand!).
• Offer encouragement.
• Command and instruct them like a true femdom.
• Voice your sexual desire for them.
• Let them know you want to hear them say submissive things back to you.

More: 81 sexy things to say during sex to keep it intensely passionate.

20. Penetrate Them

You can dominate your man while being penetrated, but you might also find that penetrating your partner strengthens your dominant side.

Dominate them using fingers, a toy, or even a strap-on. The last option is great if you're dominating a man interested in anal, AKA pegging. It works equally well dominating a woman via vaginal or anal sex.

3 Tips If Dominance Doesn't Come Naturally To You

Some people slide into dominance effortlessly; others find it stressful or hard to access. Here are a few tips for building that dominant side:

1. Softer domination – There's nothing wrong with skipping aggression or roughness. Try gentle femdom instead — a calmer style of control that's still very much dominance. Even saying "please" doesn't disqualify you from being dominant — feel free to use it if it helps.

2. Prioritize your own pleasure – Focusing purely on your own satisfaction, without worrying about theirs, is itself a dominant move.

3. Be a pleasure dom – If giving your partner pleasure is what satisfies you most, you might be a pleasure dom.

A pleasure dom controls their submissive by giving pleasure — and sometimes withholding it. That way, you're still fully dominant without ever needing roughness or verbal control, neither of which is actually required for dominance.

Withhold pleasure through edging, tease and denial, or whatever mischievous approach fits your style.

Just be yourself – Don't force yourself into a mold. Be authentically you, just dominant in bed.

Final Thoughts On Sexual Dominance

Dominating your partner can be enormously fun and satisfying. Two things worth keeping in mind to get the most out of it:

1. Demanding dominance every single time you have sex can get strange fast. It risks turning domination from an exciting spice into something predictable and dull (21 ways to spice up a blow job) if dominant isn't really your identity.
2. Trade feedback with your partner regularly. Figure out which types of domination genuinely excite you both. Adjust over time, dropping what doesn't land and leaning into what does. That's the path to dominating your man in a way you both genuinely enjoy.

January 19, 2026