How To Flirt With A Guy: 9 Tips To Make Him Wildly Attracted To You

From your very first meeting all the way through your time together, flirting is a key tool for signaling interest and attraction. It might feel clumsy or awkward at times, but flirting actually plays a real evolutionary role, and humans have been wired to do it. Don't stress if it doesn't come naturally — this article covers everything you need to flirt confidently with guys.

What's Holding You Back From Flirting

You're far from alone if flirting — or the guys who catch your eye — feels intimidating. Not everyone's a natural. Plenty of reasons might make you hesitant:

• You're introverted.
• Your confidence isn't where you'd like it to be.
• You've faced rejection before.
• Someone mocked you for trying to flirt in the past.
• You don't see yourself as attractive.
• You blank on what to say to someone you barely know.
• You're worried about looking foolish.
• Nerves get the better of you.
• You struggle to notice when someone's flirting with you.

Keep in mind even seasoned flirts get nervous sometimes. And if he's genuinely into you, he might be feeling those same jitters. He's human too.

Loads of people find flirting tricky. It can be subtle, coy, even a little mysterious [1].

Letting yourself be a bit vulnerable can actually become something you bond over later. You might laugh together about the nerves you both felt, and if things click, you'll laugh about the story of how you met for years to come!

And if he doesn't feel the same way?

You've lost nothing. You're in the exact same spot as before you tried. In fact, give yourself credit for putting yourself out there, and take the lesson with you.

Another thing that can trip you up? Assuming flirting stops mattering once you're already dating this guy.

Not true!

A lot of women misunderstand flirting. It's not just a tool for landing your dream guy.

It's also how you keep him.

Flirting shouldn't disappear from your relationship — even decades in — unless losing his interest sounds appealing.

Pick up any dating book, article, or website, and you'll hear the same message: flirting is essential for capturing a guy's attention.

That's entirely accurate. Flirting is a fun, effective way to connect with a guy and pull him in. But using it to land him doesn't mean you should shelve it once you're official.

Some level of daily flirting should stay part of your relationship, indefinitely.

Flirting and dirty talk together are the perfect combo for building tension, turning him on, and keeping you on his mind.

Discover why sexual tension is so important and how to master it.

Breaking Down The Flirting Process

Let's walk through the stages of flirting step by step. Here's the quick version if you're completely lost on where to start!

• You Notice Him: And something about him catches your eye. Maybe you're at the same party or bar, or a mutual friend makes the introduction.
• Eye Contact Happens: If he holds your gaze, that's a strong signal he's open to flirting, since eye contact signals interest and preference [2]. A smile makes it even clearer! This is a good moment for flirtatious body language — biting your lip, playing with your hair, or a light touch to your own body. Sending over a drink is another option.
• Someone Closes The Gap: Verbal flirting requires proximity (though that's not always the endgame!). If you've already been introduced, just keep the conversation flowing. You might feel bold enough to approach directly — a great way to show interest. Or use an excuse like ordering a drink nearby, checking out artwork near him, or grabbing a seat close by.
• Kick Off The Conversation: Comment on something related to the venue or him specifically. Since you don't know him well yet, your topics may be limited at first. The trick is finding shared ground in an engaging, not boring, way. A random bit of trivia or a joke can work too, though it risks landing oddly if it's too out-there.
• Keep Flirting: Lean on both body language and words to signal genuine interest.
• Read His Response: Is he flirting back? Can you push a bit further? Does he seem checked out? Adjust the conversation if needed.
• Swap Numbers: If staying in touch afterward is the goal, you'll need to trade contact info eventually. This can feel like a big step, but remember plenty of men love when a woman takes charge here. If he's shown interest, he'll likely be glad to exchange numbers — though he may mention if he's not single.
• Know When To Walk Away: If the conversation's fizzling, a smile and a graceful exit works fine. Not every interaction lands. There's real strength in recognizing when to wrap things up. If it's going well and he's clearly enjoying you, leaving him wanting more is a great move. Try shifting to another spot and saying playfully, "I'll be over there if you want me." You can do this right after swapping numbers, or beforehand if you really want to keep him guessing. It's a gamble, but a mutual friend can sometimes help bridge that gap later if needed.

It might sound counterintuitive, but knowing when to end the conversation is sometimes the most important flirting skill of all. Sticking around too long can turn something great into something flat or awkward. Still, don't bolt abruptly either — watch for a natural pause. Leave him with a good impression, whether or not he seemed fully interested or was willing to swap contact info.

Which brings us to the next point.

Knowing When To Flirt

Some settings are simply better suited to flirting than others. A little workplace flirting might be fine, but always stay mindful of power dynamics — never flirt with someone who reports to you [3]. Understand that your intent doesn't always match how it lands; it can read as harassment even when that's not the goal [4].

If he's being friendly because it's literally his job and you're a customer, he's probably just doing his role, not reciprocating interest. Flirting cues can genuinely be hard to spot [5].

Related: How to Tell if a Coworker Likes You

Outside of work hours, at a bar or party, it's usually fair game to start a conversation. He may be even more receptive if he's on his own.

Just be aware he could be waiting on someone else, though.

Also check whether he's tied up with other people or activities first. Barging in can come off as pushy. But asking a friend of his to make an introduction, or saying something bold like "I just had to find out who you are," can work in your favor.

What Actually Works When Flirting With Guys

Curious how to flirt with a guy successfully? Here are some reliable tips. Want even more specific tactics? Check out these flirting tips.

1. A Little Friendly Competition

Some light competition can work wonders when learning to flirt with a guy. It shows off your playful side, and it gives you a shared focus that pulls you out of your own head.

Plus, competition speeds up your heart rate. It's thrilling — like a rollercoaster, or, well, flirting itself!

That's exactly why first dates centered on adrenaline-pumping activities get recommended so often: those hormones create a euphoric feeling similar to falling in love. It's fantastic when he starts associating that rush with you.

Also worth noting: plenty of men have a competitive streak they simply can't resist. If you're a worthy opponent, he'll push harder to win — and might earn some genuine respect for you along the way.

2. Blend Compliments With Teasing

The simplest flirting technique is a bit of light teasing.

Just like friendly competition proves you can hold your own, teasing signals you're not intimidated by him (even if you secretly are). It keeps some power on your side, making the whole exchange less nerve-wracking. Feeling in control is actually one of the things that separates flirting from harassment [6].

Still, aim for balance between teasing and genuine compliments. Let him know you're interested while also signaling you won't put up with nonsense. Keep any teasing friendly, never harsh — harsh comments read as backhanded insults.

The goal isn't to offend him — it's to get a reaction.

To tease him playfully, you might try:

• Cool shoes, your mom always gets you the best clothes. Just remember to have a devilish smile when you say it!
• The next time he says some well-known catchphrase or line, you could say: "Wow, I didn't know people still say that. What age are you again?"

Find more ideas like these in the guide to teasing your man.

Keep a playful smile on while teasing so he knows you're flirting, not being genuinely mean.

By the way, if you need ideas for complimenting a guy, you have to read this.

3. Figure Out Your Flirting Style

You've probably heard of books like The 5 Love Languages. There's actually a similar concept applied specifically to flirting, called The Five Flirting Styles — written by Jeffrey Hall, a communication professor, so he's clearly done his homework.

Hall identifies five flirting styles:

• Physical: You lean toward playful touch — a hand on the arm, shoulder, chest, or even face. Body language often speaks louder for you than words. Because of this, you're less bothered by loud or crowded environments where conversation is hard. Covering your face, for instance, can read as coy — though be careful, it can also come across as hesitant [7].
• Traditional: You prefer him to make the first move — paying for dates, initiating contact. Your own flirting stays fairly reserved until he takes that first step.
• Polite: Since you don't know him well yet, politeness carries through even your flirting. No crude language, oversharing, or crowding his space.
• Sincere: You're exactly what you appear to be. Genuine connection matters most, and you open up to build it. No forced laughter here — your attention stays locked on him.
• Playful: Flirting is fun for its own sake, even with people you're not seriously interested in. This often means bigger gestures — more touching, freer language. It's usually obvious when you're in this mode.

You might spot yourself immediately in one of these. Or take the quiz linked in the Resources section below to pin it down.

Understanding your own style can explain why a guy might miss your cues entirely, or why flirting with someone feels off if his style clashes with yours or he wants something different from a woman.

Flirting styles can also shift between straight and gay communities [8], worth remembering if you're flirting with a woman instead of a man!

4. Amplify Yourself, Don't Copy Someone Else

When people focus too hard on how to flirt or seem sexy, they sometimes end up imitating someone else entirely — and it tends to feel awkward and forced. You'll be too busy performing to actually enjoy yourself.

The real secret to flirting well with your guy? Just turn up the volume on who you already are.

Otherwise you risk not being taken seriously at all.

Dial up your smiles, laughter, touch, energy, and outgoingness. Amplify those existing traits rather than manufacturing new ones. Low energy tends to correlate with less flirting activity and lower perceived attractiveness [10]. Skip trying to be somebody else entirely.

5. Use Touch

Physical flirting comes in countless forms. It's fun, and genuinely powerful, whether your goal is just enjoying his company or actually turning him on. It's actually one of the most effective flirting methods out there [11], while women often respond best to flirting that signals real emotional investment [12].

So what does physical flirting actually look like? Got examples?

Absolutely, here's a whole list…

Tap The Wrong Shoulder – This one's admittedly childish. But it works surprisingly well. If you haven't pulled it yourself, someone's probably pulled it on you.

Sneak up behind your guy, shift slightly to his left, and tap his right shoulder at the same moment. He'll turn right, find nobody there, and realize someone's messing with him.

When he turns back toward you, all you need is a smile.

Hand Bigger Than Your Face – You may have heard this one. Mention casually that you just read that if your hand is bigger than your face, you're three times more likely to develop cancer.

If it's new to him, he'll instinctively raise his hand to check. As he does, gently push his hand into his own face and say "Gotcha!"

A little embarrassing, sure, but an effective bit of physical flirting.

Something On Your Shirt – Everyone's seen this trick coming, yet it still lands. Point at his shirt or sweater and claim there's something on it. As he glances down, flick his nose gently.

Don't forget that mischievous grin!

Your Shoe's Untied – Similar concept — tell him his shoe's untied. Even funnier if he happens to be wearing shoes without laces!

All of these are pretty juvenile. But they genuinely work.

Why?

Because they're playful, fun, and above all, flirty. If this section had you smiling but you're craving something a bit more intense to bring to the bedroom, check out my most powerful blow job techniques in this instructional video. Enjoy!

6. Keep It Genuine And Specific

Have you ever noticed when someone's flirting comes across scripted, like they've got a template running on autopilot?

To them, it barely matters who you are — just that you're someone to flirt with, maybe take home later. That's fine if you're both playful flirts (see the styles above). But it can feel hollow if your style is sincere, or you're genuinely hoping for real connection.

Sure, keep a few icebreakers or a general game plan in your back pocket, but avoid making it obvious you're reciting lines. If the conversation veers off-script, you might freeze up.

Instead, zero in on him specifically. Notice something about his appearance, his friends, his energy, or even his drink order, and build from there. Ask questions, and reference his answers as things progress. This shows genuine attentiveness and reduces your reliance on prepared material.

7. Add A Little Edge

A whole section of Love Curi focuses on talking dirty to your man.

Flirting through dirty talk operates differently than teasing him. It's almost always aimed at turning him on or keeping him thinking about you when you're apart.

If you're hoping for something long-term rather than just sex (though casual sex is totally fine too), you might want to hold back on going too far. You might also feel less comfortable talking this way with someone you barely know. Still, hinting at your naughtier side can grab a guy's attention fast.

Want a full masterclass on dirty talk? Check out the book on talking dirty.

8. Keep The Conversation Alive

Sustaining a natural conversation is a genuine skill, and it's trickier than it sounds — especially if talking to strangers isn't your strong suit, or you feel the urge to fill every silence (some pauses are actually comfortable).

Try not to dominate the conversation or crowd out his own contributions.

One trick: reference something he mentioned earlier to keep things flowing.

Another: steer clear of yes-or-no questions.

Open-ended questions push the person you're flirting with to elaborate, giving you more material to build on. Compare:

Do you have any siblings?

versus

Tell me about your family..

The first might get you a quick "yes" with a brief explanation, or a dead end if the answer's "no." The second still might reveal he's an only child, but it could also surface a favorite relative or a great story about his grandfather.

You might also earn bonus points for demonstrating genuine curiosity about him while flirting!

Love Curi has a few more resources worth checking out for extra guidance:

Naturally, all of this applies to conversations with anyone in your life, not just romantic interests — it'll make you a sharper communicator overall.

9. Just Enjoy It

If you're not naturally social or a smooth flirt, the idea that this could actually be fun might feel like a stretch. But it genuinely can be. It's easy to get stuck overanalyzing every moment — try to resist that urge.

Instead, focus on how enjoyable it can feel to flirt playfully, step outside your usual comfort zone, and show a little personality.

Flirting Mistakes To Avoid

Don't walk into the interaction mentally rehearsing a list of "don'ts." Fixating on what not to do often backfires and leads you straight into those exact mistakes. Still, it helps to know the pitfalls:

• Skip the negativity – keep the mood light and upbeat
• Don't overshare – leave him curious about you
• Avoid ex talk – way too much information, way too soon
• Don't put yourself down – project confidence even when you don't feel it
• Don't spiral if it flops – there's always another shot

Is He Flirting Back?

The clearest sign you're doing well is spotting reciprocal flirting cues. Smiling, laughing, teasing, playing along — all good signs.

Related: 13 Ways to Tell If a Guy Is Flirting With You

His body language also tells a story. Facing you directly, appearing open, leaning in — these all point toward genuine interest [13]! Distance or a closed-off posture suggests otherwise.

Learn about body language and how it can help you tell what he's thinking.

Friends can also help you read the situation. Go easy on yourself if picking up on flirting cues doesn't come naturally — research shows men are actually a bit better at spotting when women are flirting than the reverse [14].

Once you're confident he's flirting back, it might be time to hand over your number!

Just remember flirting back doesn't automatically mean he's interested in something more. Motivations behind flirting vary quite a bit [15]. His style might simply be playful and fun without deeper intent. Enjoy the moment without reading too much into it.

Find out how to tell if a guy likes you.

Moving The Flirtation To Text

Got his number? Nice work! That's a solid sign of genuine interest.

Now it's time to flirt over text. It's a different game without body language cues from either of you, but it can still be a blast — and you get to add photos, videos, voice notes, emojis, and more into the mix.

Check out this post for more on how to flirt with a guy over text.

These flirty text messages can help liven things up too.

A quick reply is a good sign, but don't read too much into any delay — he might just be busy.

What If He Doesn't Seem Interested?

Sometimes a guy seems uninterested when he's actually not. He might be too shy or intimidated to reciprocate clearly. Or maybe your flirting cues have simply flown under his radar — perhaps you've been a little too subtle.

On the spectrum? – He might also struggle to respond or read your signals because he's on the autism spectrum, which can affect flirting ability [16] and reading others' emotional cues [17].

At some point, you might need to simply tell him you're interested rather than relying purely on flirting. Asking him out directly is always an option too.

Handling Rejection

Sometimes putting yourself out there ends in a hard no. He might ignore you outright or say something unkind. Or he might just be more blunt than you'd expect, since women tend to reject more gently than men do [18].

The best move is walking away with your head held high. If the mood strikes (and the setting allows), send him a drink from across the room as a classy parting gesture.

What you don't want is to visibly crumble. A calm smile goes a long way here — easier to manage if you avoid pinning too much hope on the outcome beforehand. This conversation might've gone great, but it's not headed toward marriage. Don't stake everything on one interaction!

Thanking him for his time as you leave is also a graceful touch. Stay kind, not bitter.

At the same time, rejection genuinely stings for plenty of people, sometimes feeling almost physical [19]. He might be taken, gay, or simply not looking for anyone right now.

Reviewing Your Own Performance

You put yourself out there and gave flirting a shot. Maybe you walked away with his number smoothly, or the exchange was a little bumpy but you got there anyway. Or maybe it just didn't click at all.

Revisit the interaction — not to beat yourself up, but out of genuine curiosity.

What didn't land?

What worked well? (Keep those tricks in your back pocket.)

Friends who witnessed it can offer useful outside perspective too.

But if it went poorly, don't linger on it. Things don't always go as hoped, and sometimes all you can do is shrug it off. Treat it as a learning moment. You're in no worse position than before you tried — which is exactly why getting out there and just doing it matters so much.

Flirting can feel intimidating if you're new to it, shy, or sensitive. The real key is enjoying yourself without overanalyzing. Let go of self-consciousness, and you might just have fun — and maybe take things further with someone.

Resources

The Flirting Styles Inventory can help you pin down your own flirting style. Check out the book that goes with it.

If you'd rather read a book, try the Secret Rules of Flirting, which digs into body language, or Flirt Fearlessly, an accessible step-by-step guide.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – Why does flirting feel so awkward to me?

You're definitely not alone. Flirting comes easily to some, but far from everyone — and you'd be surprised how many people are essentially "faking it till they make it."

What makes it feel so uncomfortable in the first place?

For one, it requires social ease, which comes naturally to some more than others. It also demands genuine vulnerability, since flirting signals attraction and interest. If exposing that feels scary, awkwardness is bound to follow.

It's easy to see why shy, introverted, or less confident people find flirting uncomfortable. The good news: practice tends to smooth things out over time.

FAQ #2 – How do I avoid looking foolish while flirting?

This worry stems from the same anxieties mentioned earlier. Flirting demands openness and sociability, often with someone you barely know. Nobody wants to fumble or seem overeager.

As we mentioned, practice really does help. The more you flirt, the more natural it feels (and looks), and the less you'll fixate on how you're coming across. It also helps you nail down your personal flirting style.

Try practicing on lower-stakes people first — friends, or people you're not actually interested in — so their looks or your own feelings don't throw you off.

Still, it helps to remember the absolute worst-case outcome is looking a bit silly in front of someone. That's never actually harmed anyone, so try not to sweat it too much!

FAQ #3- How do I know if my flirting is landing?

An easy way to check is looking for reciprocal flirting — or even just confirmation someone's noticed you're flirting at all. Talking, smiling, teasing, or light touching are all encouraging signs. Dismissiveness, short replies, or a cold demeanor probably mean it's time to move on.

Body language offers more clues too. Are his feet pointed toward you? Is he maintaining eye contact? Does his voice shift around you? These all lean positive [20].

Or is he angled away with crossed arms?

Some people are simply harder to read than others, of course.

A friend watching from across the room can offer valuable outside perspective — sometimes others spot interest more clearly than we can ourselves!

FAQ #4 – Does flirting work differently with a shy guy?

Somewhat. It can be tougher to gauge his interest since shyness often means less visible flirting in return. He might be completely into it — just unsure how to show it.

Read More: How to Tell If A Shy Guy Likes You

He may also struggle to recognize your flirting cues in the first place. Being a bit more obvious can help if you suspect someone isn't great at picking up on subtlety — common among shy guys or those on the autism spectrum.

FAQ #5 – What should I steer clear of while flirting?

Above all, flirting should feel fun. Enjoy the moment and keep it light — this isn't the time for heavy topics or negativity. A little self-deprecating humor can land well, but overall you want to radiate confidence.

This matters a lot when it comes to seducing a man. More seduction tips.

Steer clear of coming across desperate or clingy.

Skip talk of the distant future — marriage, kids — with someone you've just met!

And don't go overboard trying to impress him. Skip the performance; just be a livelier version of yourself!

Sometimes faking confidence until it feels real is the way to go. Play it cool and self-assured while flirting, and eventually, it genuinely will come naturally!

November 28, 2020