How To Have An Orgasm Every Single Time – A Guide For Women

Few sensations beat a full-body orgasm. That's exactly why this Orgasm Guide exists — every woman deserves to know how to reach powerful climaxes, whether that means clitoral orgasms, vaginal orgasms, or both, since research shows these are the two types women most often describe experiencing [1]. It doesn't matter if you're flying solo or with a partner. Let's get into it…

What This Orgasm Guide Covers

What you're reading right now is chapter one of a much longer Orgasm Guide. Consider it your starting point — a rundown of how to bring yourself to a powerful climax. If orgasming has felt out of reach so far, whether alone or with a partner, this chapter will walk you through what it actually takes to get there and enjoy your body more fully.

Getting To Know Your Anatomy

Below you'll find diagrams marking out the key parts of your anatomy worth paying attention to, both during partnered sex and while masturbating. Focus especially on the areas packed with nerve endings — the clitoris, the G-spot, and the A-spot — since these tend to deliver the most pleasure. Don't stop there when exploring solo, either; plenty of women also love attention paid to the labia or even the area around the anus. Want a deeper dive into each of these zones? You'll find the full breakdown here.

The Easiest Path To Making Yourself Orgasm

Reaching orgasm comes down to feeling at ease in your own skin and being willing to let go. It's almost always simpler to figure this out on your own before bringing a partner into the mix. My advice: set him aside for now and work on masturbating to orgasm reliably by yourself first. Once that's second nature, invite him back in.

Ease into it slowly – Orgasms can't be rushed. If there's one rule for learning how to climax, it's to build arousal gradually — think of it as your own personal foreplay. Start with a long shower or a warm bubble bath, washing thoroughly so you feel clean and refreshed. Towel off, climb into bed once you're ready, and dim the lights.

Before anything else, get yourself into a headspace where you feel hot, sexy, and at ease. If lingerie makes you feel more confident, put it on. If you're more of a cozy-pajamas person, go with that. And if being fully naked is what feels freest and sexiest, skip clothing altogether. This is your moment, so do whatever puts you most in the mood.

Getting there – Begin by running your hands over your body, noticing which spots respond best to touch. When you're ready to escalate, guide your hand(s) down toward your vagina. Right above it sits the clitoris — the most sensitive external area, tightly connected to arousal [2] and central to how you experience pleasure [3]. It feels like a small, hypersensitive bump of skin and becomes much easier to locate once you're aroused.

Penetrative sex alone doesn't always stimulate the clitoris well, particularly if yours sits smaller or a bit farther from the vaginal opening [4], which might make it feel like you're simply unable to orgasm. That said, research indicates that becoming more familiar with your own clitoris tends to make solo orgasms easier to reach [5], and once masturbation-based orgasms come easily, partnered orgasms tend to follow suit.

When you're first learning how to reach climax, I recommend concentrating mainly on the clitoris while also giving some attention to the labia — the folds of skin flanking either side of the vaginal opening. Most women find the greatest pleasure by stimulating the clitoris from roughly the "1 o'clock" position, picturing it like a clock face. That spot sits toward the upper left of the clitoris, making it most comfortable to reach with your left hand. Play around with different pressure levels to find what feels best.

From there, keep the stimulation steady, staying tuned in to exactly which type of rubbing, pressing, or caressing feels most satisfying. Intensity should climb steadily until it peaks into orgasm.

If this is new territory for you, expect some trial and error before you find your rhythm — and that experimentation is part of the fun. You'll find plenty of techniques spread across the rest of the Orgasm Guide (the full chapter list is available here).

Struggling to get in the mood in the first place? Take a look at this in-depth guide to boosting your sex drive.

What If I Just Can't Orgasm?

Everything above might make climaxing sound straightforward, but plenty of women find it's anything but. That's because orgasm has a huge mental component, not just a physical one.

Mental roadblocks are often what stand between you and fully letting go, which is exactly what makes orgasm difficult — sometimes even impossible — to reach. Clear these obstacles and climaxing becomes noticeably easier. Here's what tends to get in the way:

Stress – This one's obvious. Feeling stretched thin over work, kids, or anything else major makes it genuinely hard to feel aroused or sexual [6]. And ironically, skipping physical and emotional closeness can leave you more stressed the next day — a frustrating loop.

How to handle it – Stress is unavoidable to some degree. But if literally every day feels overwhelming, it might be time to pause, reevaluate, and carve out time to meditate, work out, or just claim some solo downtime to decompress.

Research also shows that sex tends to reduce stress the following day, and being less stressed tomorrow makes you more likely to want sex again [7] — a genuinely positive cycle. Sex itself can double as a stress-reliever for both you and your partner, which in turn makes orgasm easier to reach.

Fixating on the result – Here's an odd truth: worrying about whether you'll orgasm is correlated with taking longer to actually get there, or not getting there at all [8]. You end up so preoccupied with technique and outcome that you stop paying attention to what actually feels good.

How to handle it – Counterintuitive as it sounds, stop chasing orgasm every time you masturbate or have sex. Redirect your focus to whatever feels most pleasurable in the moment. Try different positions and techniques and pay attention to what you enjoy — you'll naturally find yourself edging closer to climax without forcing it.

Feeling like you have to perform – Worrying that your partner is watching, judging, or expecting something from you during sex can make you tense up, and that tension makes it much harder to relax into orgasm.

How to handle it – Have an honest conversation with your partner. Tell him what helps you feel relaxed and comfortable. You might discover he's carrying the exact same performance anxiety.

Interestingly, men frequently feel just as much pressure to perform, if not more — worrying about penis size, staying erect, avoiding premature ejaculation, whether you're enjoying yourself, whether you like his body, and so on.

More often than not, he's so wrapped up in his own worries that he's barely paying attention to how you're "doing."

He can ease some of that pressure by learning what he can actively do to help you orgasm, which gets him more engaged in the process.

Body image – Feeling uneasy in your own skin can pull you out of the moment and make it hard to feel desirable in the first place.

How to handle it – There's no simple fix for body confidence, but as you gradually accept yourself as you are, self-consciousness tends to fade, and orgasm tends to come more easily.

Sexual shame – A rough past sexual experience, or being taught that sexual desire itself is shameful, can leave you carrying real sexual shame. That weight can sit on your mind and block you from fully letting go and climaxing [9].

How to handle it – Sometimes just noticing the shame as it surfaces and consciously setting it aside is enough. Other times it runs deeper, and working with a licensed therapist or counselor can help you untangle it.

Not knowing your own body – Understanding what your body responds to and what actually feels good is essential to figuring out how to climax. Once you've identified the right spots and techniques to get yourself turned on, orgasm becomes far easier to reach.

How to handle it – Experiment. The only way to discover what your body truly likes is to try new things and pay attention to the response. You might find that nipple stimulation, anal masturbation, exploring submission, or lightly brushing your clitoris in just the right way pushes you right to the edge.

Clear these mental blocks and reaching orgasm gets dramatically easier.

Tools That Can Help

Your hands aren't the only option for reaching orgasm — plenty of tools can take the experience further.

Vibrators

Vibrators come in an enormous range of styles, and they can be a huge help if you're struggling to climax using fingers alone. Research even shows vibrator users tend to report better sexual function than those who don't use them [10], worth keeping in mind if you're still deciding whether to buy one.

This in-depth vibrator guide walks through the techniques that lead to intense, muscle-spasming, eye-rolling orgasms.

Dildos

If penetration is part of what gets you to orgasm, a dildo is worth adding to the mix. Like vibrators, they come in every shape and size imaginable, so there's one out there suited to exactly what you're after.

Check out the full Dildo Guide here for techniques that can lead to seriously intense orgasms.

Fantasy

Fantasy covers a lot of ground, since everyone's turn-ons look different. Whatever yours are, leaning into them tends to make orgasm come much more easily. If there's a celebrity or actor you find irresistible, try watching a clip of them while you masturbate, or listening to their voice or a song that reminds you of them. If a piece of erotica does it for you, read it.

Everyone's fantasies differ, and that's completely normal. Give yours some space while masturbating — you'll likely find it makes climaxing noticeably easier.

Where To Go From Here

This opening chapter of the Orgasm Guide should get you moving toward more frequent orgasms, whether you're alone or with a partner.

But what about the actual how-to?

Good question! For specific masturbation techniques, check out this guide, which zeroes in on clitoral stimulation, along with this one, which covers fingering and penetration.

If you're aiming to orgasm more often with a partner during sex, take a look at this guide on clitoral stimulation during intercourse and this one on vaginal orgasms. For quick reference, here's the complete chapter list for the Orgasm Guide:

Chapter 1 – Introduction & Overview On How To Orgasm (the chapter you're reading now)

Chapter 2 – Clitoral Masturbation Techniques

Chapter 3 – Fingering Yourself To Orgasm

Chapter 4 – Finding Your G Spot

Chapter 5 – How To Squirt Like A Pornstar

Chapter 6 – Using A Vibrator Alone & During Sex For More Orgasms

Chapter 7 – Tips On How To Climax With Your Dildo

Chapter 8 – How To Increase Clitoral Stimulation During Sex With Your Man

Chapter 9 – The Secret To Vaginal Orgasms & Full Body Bliss

February 18, 2018