Dominating Through Text: 68 BDSM Messages To Send Your Partner

In this guide, you'll walk away with 68 messages designed to help you take charge of your partner via text.
But first, I'm going to show you how to be dominant through texting in a way that feels smooth and sexy rather than forced.

This part matters.

A lot of people jump straight to firing off dominant text messages at their partner WITHOUT first learning the right approach.

Miss the timing and technique, and... things can turn awkward, weird, and cringeworthy fast.

Let's kick off with Rule #1 for sending dominant texts to a partner — call it the Golden Rule.

(Or throw caution to the wind and jump straight to the dominant text message examples)

Rule #1 – Confirm They're Comfortable

Before diving into text domination, confirm your partner is actually comfortable receiving these kinds of messages from you. Make them uneasy, and they'll shut down and become far less receptive going forward.

Getting a solid grip on the meaning of dom and sub can also help if you're steering this toward BDSM territory.

Timing – Getting your partner receptive to dominance over text is partly about timing. They might be totally on board most of the time — but a message that lands mid-meeting probably won't get the reaction you're after. Timing is just the start of what makes text domination successful, though...

Consent – Overlooking your partner's comfort also means overlooking the golden rule of all sexual activity and communication: CONSENT IS NON-NEGOTIABLE.

Best case, skipping consent just makes you look foolish. Worst case, it can leave someone feeling genuinely violated if you weren't sure they were on board.

The Pause Button – One way to protect your partner's comfort is giving them an easy way to pause, stop, or dial things back. Think of it as a digital safe word. If a message goes too far or feels off, your partner should feel free to say so. Same goes if life suddenly interrupts a BDSM texting session. They might state it plainly or use a codeword that won't derail the conversation. Figure out what suits you both.

Keeping your partner comfortable starts with Starting Slow...

Rule #2 – Start Slow

Easing in gradually is just as crucial for dominance over text. DO NOT open with something like "I want to tie you up and whip you" or "I'm going to make you call me Daddy/Mommy" or "You're going to wear a collar for me."

If you've never sent a dominant command before and suddenly start with messages like these, your partner is probably going to feel turned off or even alarmed...

Even if deep down they'd love to be dominated by you.

It's too much too fast. And...

It skips the runway they need to get comfortable with being dominated at all.

Instead, ease in with some lighter domination texts to test the waters.

Watch Their Reaction – As you start sending milder dominant messages, pay close attention to how your partner responds.

Do they love them, dislike them, or find them kind of dull?

Their text replies usually tell you plenty about whether they're enjoying it. That said...

Sometimes it's worth a real conversation next time you're together in person or on the phone. A casual chat about whether they liked being dominated over text is often all you need.

Because talking about sex isn't always easy, we put together this guide to sexual communication.

If they respond well to being submissive over text, you're on the right path and can keep escalating.

Side note: They might also enjoy using some of these 103 submissive phrases for texting.

Rule #3 – Escalate Gradually

A common misstep people make with dominant texting is getting...

Carried away.

They read an early positive reaction as a green light to jump straight into intense, explicit territory.

That's usually the wrong move.

A smarter approach is ramping up your intensity and explicitness slowly, across days, weeks, or even months.

This gives your submissive partner time to settle into your texts, and...

It gives you both room to discuss what's working and what isn't in your BDSM messaging.

Push too hard too fast and you risk turning your partner off this kind of texting entirely.

Hardcore Domination Lands Better When They're Aroused – As you get better at reading your partner's reactions and dialing up intensity, you'll notice something: when they're already turned on, they can often handle messages that would otherwise register as turn-offs.

You've likely noticed something similar in bed — when you're extremely turned on, dirty names from your partner can feel great, but the same words in a non-sexual moment might land as offensive. Someone who's mastered dirty talk knows exactly when certain phrases work, and the same logic applies to dominating someone over text.

Get skilled enough at reading the room, and you might be able to take your partner from completely unaroused to willing to hear — and do — almost anything you ask.

As mentioned, though, you'll sometimes need to just ask your partner directly what they enjoy, since text lacks the tone and nuance that tells you whether your words are actually landing.

Rule #4 – Discover Your Style Of Domination

As you find your groove texting dominant messages, you need to zero in on the flavor of domination that works for both of you.

Usually that ends up being some blend of the domination styles below rather than just one.

Caring/Guiding Domination – Here, you step into the role of a nurturing authority figure. Often this looks like gentle domination — think Daddy/Mommy, teacher, or coach. You want what's best for your partner and tell them what to do to bring that out. Something like, "I want you on your best behavior tonight, and make sure you wear that short skirt I bought you" or "I'm going to teach you how to suck my dick like a pro__."

Sensual Domination – This flavor blends control with warmth and affection. "I love being on top of you, pinning you down" or "Feeling you give in to me is the hottest thing."

Check out this guide to sensual domination for more inspiration.

Sadistic/Humiliation – Sadism and humiliation are trickier to pull off over text since sadism usually involves physical pain and humiliation often needs witnesses. That's why describing a scene you plan to create later works so well here.

"I'm going to make you wear your highest heels and shortest skirt with no panties when we go to the bar later" or "Your ass will be red raw when I finish whipping you tonight."

Bondage – Bondage generally works better in person, but you can approximate it by texting your plans. "I'm going to handcuff you to the bed" or "I can't wait to put your collar around your neck and see your submissive eyes look up at me."

You can also ask your partner to bind parts of their body while texting in your Mommy/Daddy dom persona, and request photo or video proof if that works for you both.

Teasing – Teasing can range from mild to intense, or anywhere between. "I'm going to make you work for it tonight" or "I can tell I didn't spank you enough last time" or "I'm not going to let you orgasm for a while" all work well for teasing dominance over text.

Primal – Primal domination unleashes your animal instincts on your partner. Since you can't act it out live, the next best thing is narrating it. "I'm going to rip your clothes off, pin you down on the bed and fuck you until you can't take it anymore" or "I can't wait to cum inside you" both work well for primal domination texting.

Bottom Line – Pick a style — or blend of styles — that genuinely appeals to both of you. Factor in your existing dynamic when deciding what to text so it feels personal. One idea: use a special pet name for him when you're in domme mode!

Know When to Shift Gears – Some moments call for sensual and intimate exchanges, others for full-on hardcore. It comes down to knowing yourself and your partner. Fortunately, you don't need to start from scratch to find what style works best.

That means you don't have to go hardcore constantly — or ever! Softer, more romantic styles of domination work great for plenty of people. Feel free to skip styles that don't appeal to you (leaning too hard into cliché can feel silly anyway), as long as they aren't specifically what your partner is craving. If they are, you'll need to find some middle ground.

Rule #5 – Get Clear On What You Want From Text Domination

Before diving in, figure out what you actually want out of text domination. It can take several shapes:

• Dirty talk
• Directing a partner you also see in person
• Kinky roleplay
• Just tossing out dominant lines to your sub during sexting

Each of these calls for a different approach, from formatting to response speed. BDSM roleplay over text, for instance, might mean firing off multiple quick replies to your partner's submissive texts, while a dominant command might work fine as a single message that doesn't need an immediate response.

More: 35 BDSM Role Play Ideas & Scenarios For Wild Sex

If you're combining BDSM texting with in-person interactions, some activities are simply better saved for real life. Punishing a sub over text, for example, rarely lands the way you want. Still, you can get creative if texting is your only option!

Related: 16 BDSM Punishments for Effective Behavior Training

Scheduling Sexting Sessions Helps – For a lot of people, texting doesn't happen in real time. Setting a specific window for a domination scene can ensure you're not rushed and have the privacy needed to freely send and receive these messages.

Sometimes a quick instruction is all you want; other times you're after a fully developed domination scene over text. Just make sure you and your partner are on the same page — otherwise you risk an awkward or frustrating exchange.

Rule #6 – Stay In Control Of The Scene

Remember, you're the one steering this, so you need to keep control of the situation. A few pointers...

Feedback matters – In person, you can read body language, hear their sounds, and pick up on tone — assuming there isn't a ball gag involved!

Texting gives you way less to work with, which makes it trickier. You've probably had text exchanges go sideways simply because you lacked the context that in-person communication provides — and most texting isn't nearly as loaded as domination scenes are.

Stay in the driver's seat – Keeping control matters a lot when dominating over text. Here's what that means...

If you've dominated someone in person, you know the dominant doesn't just seize control — the submissive has to hand it over.

That's a lot harder to pull off via text, especially during roleplay. There's a delicate balance between knowing how to be a dom over text and your partner understanding their end of things. You need them responsive and submissive. Without that, neither of you is going to have much fun.

There are alternatives to text domination – You may have also had exchanges that stalled out because your partner just wasn't that enthusiastic. Some people aren't strong texters. If that's your partner, you might be better off keeping domination in the bedroom instead.

You could also try dominating your partner over phone sex instead, using some of the phrases further down this article.

That said, if you want to run a longer domination roleplay over text rather than just tossing out kinky one-liners, you'll want to keep the momentum going. A few ways to do that:

• Set a response time limit — just leave room for typing, corrections, and completing whatever submissive tasks you've assigned.
• Schedule time for a scene, as mentioned earlier.
• Anticipate likely reactions and prepare multiple responses in advance.
• Use a code phrase like "Ready?" to keep the connection and momentum going.

If a full BDSM scene over text feels like a struggle, just lean on the dominant lines below instead. You might even frame it more like a story than an interactive scene to make it easier to manage. And remember — your partner still needs to consent to and feel good about this kind of texting!

Now that you understand how to start dominating your partner over text and which styles are out there, let's get into the examples...

11 Light Domination Text Messages

1. I love seeing you underneath me.
2. You look so submissive when we have sex__.
3. What's the most submissive thing you've ever done?
4. I'm going to make you cum hard later. Read: How to make a guy cum hard.
5. I love pulling your hair when I fuck you.
6. Sometimes I just want to completely dominate you.
7. I can't wait to push you down to your knees later. Read: How to give a good blow job.
8. You look so hot with me in your mouth. More: Great blow job techniques.
9. There's something about you that just makes me want to dominate you.
10. You look so submissive when you wear that dress (or some other piece of clothing).
11. What are your thoughts on BDSM/bondage__/dominance & submission?

7 Caring, Guiding Domination Text Messages

1. If you don't have the house looking perfect when I get home, then I'm going to spank you__. Hard.
2. You better be on your knees when I walk in that door. Learn: 10 blow job positions.
3. If you look good when I come over later, I'll let you orgasm__.
4. You're going to learn how to have anal sex tonight. It may hurt, but you'll thank me afterward.
5. Tonight, you're going to masturbate anally until you reach orgasm. Understood?
6. Text me your affirmations. (These could be, "I'm a good girl" or "I'm a slut" or "My purpose is being Master's sex toy" etc).
7. Tomorrow, you're going to wear those pink panties (or whatever underwear) to work. Send me a picture of you wearing them in the morning.

9 Sensually Dominant Texts

1. Holding you in my arms and feeling you cum is the hottest thing.
2. Tell me how much you enjoyed last night.
3. I never want to hurt you, but I love lightly choking you.
4. I'm going to blindfold you tonight.
5. Tell me how much you want to please me. Learn: how to please your partner sexually.
6. I'm going to use your face as a seat later. How to sit on someone's face__.
7. You're going to eat me out until I'm dripping wet. (This one only works if you have a vagina). Get: Pussy eating tips.
8. You're going to beg me for sex later.
9. When we get home. The first thing you're going to do is get naked. The second is putting on your blindfold. The third…I'll let you know the third thing when you've got your blindfold on.

15 Sadistic/Humiliating Texts

1. You're going to have tears roll down your cheeks tonight.
2. Send me a picture of your breasts. Now.
3. Whipping you and seeing your red cheeks is all I need right now.
4. You are a piece of shit.
5. You're worthless. Do you know that?
6. Sometimes I want to strip you naked and parade you down the street.
7. Tell me how stupid/worthless you are.
8. Strip naked. Take some lipstick and write SLUT on your chest. Then send me a picture.
9. Put on that lingerie I bought you and send me a picture.
10. You're going to wear your collar all day today.
11. Admit it. You can only get turned on when I humiliate you.
12. You're nothing more than a sex toy to me.
13. I'm going to make your cry later.
14. I want to cum on your face and then parade you in front of my friends, how do you like that?
15. You've been such a good sub lately. So good that you've earned 10 lashes

9 Bondage Domination Texts

1. Seeing you helplessly tied up turns me on so much…And I know you like it too.
2. I'm going to tie your wrists and ankles to the bed and have my way with you.
3. Seeing you struggle in handcuffs is such a turn on.
4. Sometimes I just want to put you in a straightjacket.
5. I'm going to get a collar for you and make you wear it.
6. From now on, you need to start wearing a chastity device.
7. You may not like nipple clamps, but you're going to wear them the next time we have sex. Learn: Nipple play ideas.
8. Here's how tonight is going to go down. First, I'm going to blindfold you. Next, I'm going to tie your wrist to the bed. Finally, I'm going to eat you out in the most agonizing slow way possible.
9. Tonight, I'm only going to allow you to talk to me when you're on your knees.

9 Teasingly Dominant Texts

1. If you don't behave, then I'll have to spank you. Learn: Erotic spanking.
2. Play your cards right later, and I just may let you cum too 😉
3. How come you get so turned on when I dominate you?
4. What's the most submissive thing you've ever done?
5. I haven't decided what I'm going to do to you tonight. Should I make you hurt or orgasm or both?
6. What hurts less: Spanking or whipping?
7. If you don't behave tonight, I'm going to spank you.
8. I will only let you come if you ask politely.
9. I'm going to bring you to the edge of cumming later, but I haven't decided yet if I'm going to let you orgasm.
10. You've been such a good submissive that I think you deserve a reward…I just haven't figured our what it will be yet. It might be painful or it might be pleasurable.

8 Primally Dominant Texts

1. I blame you for me wanting to pin you up against the wall and fuck you.
2. I want to take you out to quiet beach and just take you there and then.
3. There's something about you. I just want to rip your clothes off and fuck you to exhaustion.
4. Tonight is going to be rough. Learn: Rough sex ideas.
5. You going to take me deep tonight. Learn: Deep penetration ideas & positions.
6. I keep thinking about coming over to yours, grabbing you, bending you over a table and taking you.
7. I love the feeling of forcing your legs open.
8. Send me a voice message of you masturbating. I want to hear you cum.

More Sexting Advice

Domination texting also pairs well with swapping photos, videos, or voice notes — great for raising the temperature or having your partner prove they've followed through on a request.

Now that you know how to sext your partner with a dominant edge, you might also want to expand your sexting and dirty talk skills with the Dirty Talking Guide, these kinky sexting tips, and this guide on how to sext your partner.

And...

If you've got go-to dominant or submissive texts of your own, drop them in the comments below for the community.

April 18, 2022