How To Get A Girl Crazy Horny & Obsessed With You Sexually

23 min read

Getting your girl worked up is a lot simpler than most guys assume. There are plenty of individual tactics you'll find below, but almost everything comes down to three core areas. Nail these, and you'll have her tearing your shirt off. They are…

Making her feel deeply desired and sexy. Flip this switch and she goes weak in the knees for you.
Building intense amounts of sexual tension. The "why" is obvious, so instead I'll walk you through exactly HOW it's done.
Her Kryptonite — the specific foreplay moves that light her up individually (even if they'd do nothing for another woman).

Before I dive into the actual techniques, let's circle back to something covered in the earlier step, Step 1 – Turning Her On By Removing The Brakes To Her Sex Drive. Skip that step and you'll find it an uphill battle to ever give her the kind of orgasms she's capable of.

That earlier step was all about clearing away the "Brakes" that keep your partner from getting turned on — things like stress, anxiety, feeling unappreciated, guilt, shame, medications affecting her libido, and other health factors. Once those Brakes are out of the way, arousal comes far more naturally to her.

Understanding this single concept matters more than making your penis bigger, for what it's worth.

It might sound obvious once you hear it, but tons of guys overlook these "Brakes" entirely, then wonder why their exhausted partner — juggling two toddlers and a full-time job — isn't as enthusiastic about sex as she used to be.

You, on the other hand, already read Step 1, so you're ahead of the game…

With the Brakes-removal toolkit from Step 1 already in hand, it's time to press down on the "Accelerators" — that's what this page is all about. These are the moves that will crank her sexual appetite up to a level that might genuinely catch you off guard.

Men and women get aroused through different pathways, as I've mentioned already. A guy might see, hear, or even just think about something and be instantly ready for sex. Women tend to work differently — they usually need to arrive at a certain feeling first before they're in the mood to get intimate. That's precisely the skill I'm about to teach you in this step.

The number one way to pull this off is to…

1. Make Her Feel Desired And Sexy

Nothing moves the needle more than making your girl feel genuinely, deeply wanted by you. Guys might shrug off the feeling of being desired, but for women, it works almost like a spell — it can be totally consuming and intoxicating.

There's a catch or two to doing this properly, which I'll get into shortly.

Bottom line: get this part right, and you may not even need any of the other tricks in this guide to get her horny.

So what's the actual method for making her feel deeply wanted?

Flatter Her

Flattery is a bit of a double-edged sword with your partner.

Fake or half-hearted compliments read as insincere immediately — and they'll do more harm than good.

That said…

Genuine flattery is incredibly powerful and communicates real desire and attraction toward her.

So what does "doing it right" actually look like?

The simplest approach is complimenting her on something that genuinely matters to her.

For instance…

If she's clearly put effort into her outfit, tell her it's paying off.
If she's started a new workout routine, point out that you've noticed the results.
If she landed a promotion or certification through hard work, tell her how attractive that work ethic is.
If she helped your child ace an exam, let her know what a great parent she is.

An even stronger move is delivering that flattery in front of her friends.

Send flowers or a small gift to her workplace. This works well for birthdays, anniversaries, or Valentine's Day, but it hits even harder when it's unprompted — just because she crossed your mind. Her coworkers will ask where it came from, giving her a natural reason to talk about you.
Next time you're hanging out with her friend group, drop a genuine compliment about her ("She's honestly the worst — always trying to get me to eat healthier," or "If it weren't for her looking out for me, I'd probably be living under a bridge somewhere").

Keep in mind, if your girlfriend isn't into public displays of affection, skip the big group gestures and stick to smaller, more private moments — like quietly asking her individual friends what her favorite restaurant is, why she's so much fun to be around, or what kind of gifts she likes.

Also, don't overdo the compliments. Too much flattery cheapens it fast.

Genuine Appreciation

Along the same lines as flattery is showing real appreciation for what she does for you, no matter how minor it seems.

If she throws in a load of laundry unasked, makes you breakfast when you're running late, or helps polish up your resume, make that appreciation visible. Even a quick text later that day goes a long way, though returning the favor is even better.

Be Thoughtful

Thoughtfulness is a quiet but powerful driver of arousal. It doubles as both an Accelerator here and a Brake-remover, something Step 1 covers in more detail.

At its core, being thoughtful just means lightening her load. A few examples:

Handling the cleaning on days she's especially stressed.
Taking her weekly errands off her plate so you get more time together.
Cooking a meal and doing the dishes for her.
Putting the kids to bed so she can relax with a glass of wine.
And so on.

Fundamentally, thoughtfulness says "you matter enormously to me" without you ever having to say those words.

The "Princess Principle" aka Make Her Feel Special

There's a well-worn (and a little dated) cliché that every woman secretly wants to be treated like a princess.

The interesting part isn't the fantasy of shaking hands with strangers at royal events — it's that the appeal comes from feeling distinct and special compared to other women.

Lean into the "Princess Principle" — do things that make her feel uniquely special — and her arousal and attraction toward you will grow naturally.

Good news: this doesn't require a literal palace. Small gestures tend to land far better than extravagant ones.

A few ways to put the Princess Principle into action:

Surprise her Friday night with a small treat, like her favorite ice cream or wine.
Show up with flowers unannounced.
Text her mid-workday just to say she crossed your mind.
Mention that you thought about her while you were traveling or away.
Plan a surprise weekend getaway.
Take her to that restaurant she's been wanting to try.
Book a table for the two of you and her friends at a club.

Making her feel special doesn't just set you apart from other guys in her orbit — it works on a deep, almost primal level to make her want you.

Work On You

All the effort you put into making her feel good will naturally boost her arousal. But if you're carrying yourself like a slob — poor hygiene, no effort in how you dress or take care of your body — that arousal is going to be an uphill climb.

The goal isn't chasing 5% body fat, designer suits, a luxury watch, or perfect hair. It's simpler than that.

Really, it's about being someone she's proud to introduce to her friends. A baseline level of fitness, clean well-fitting clothes, and solid hygiene should be the target. You can push further if you want, but you'll hit diminishing returns pretty quickly beyond that.

One more thing worth noting: your partner likely has specific preferences that really turn her crank sexually. That could be when you:

Wear a suit.
Have a six-pack.
Wear a certain cologne.
Style your hair a certain way.
Have a beard/facial hair.

Your job is to quietly figure out what that is and weave it into your everyday life. Making a big announcement about your gym routine, weight loss, or new beard isn't sexy — treating it as no big deal is far more attractive.

Physical upkeep is one piece of the puzzle, but career growth, relationship investment, and future planning matter too. These are naturally appealing to your partner, though they're long-term projects. Since this guide focuses on what moves the needle tonight, this week, and this month, I won't dig deeper into those here.

So — flattery, genuine appreciation, thoughtfulness, self-improvement, and deploying the Princess Principle are all solid ways to get her engine revving…

But…

There's a major gap in all of this.

Skip showing her physical desire, and she'll start seeing you as more of a buddy or roommate than a lover.

Let's fix that…

Touch

Skip physical touch that signals desire, and she may start to doubt that you even want her. So touch matters — the trick is doing it in a way that reads as romantic rather than merely friendly.

Focus on touch that broadcasts intent and attraction. Here are some starting points:

In public, guide her with a hand on her lower back — stepping off an escalator, walking down a street, that kind of moment.
Don't hesitate to drape an arm around her shoulders when you're seated together.
While watching TV together on the couch, let your hand rest on her inner thigh.
Alternatively, pull her in close so she can lay her head in your lap.
Give her a playful swat when you're joking around together.
Hug her from behind while she's cooking, anywhere at home, or even in public.
Grab her waist, pull her toward you, then playfully push her back.

Once touching her intentionally becomes second nature, you'll find yourself doing it constantly and in new ways.

Touch that signals desire matters, but if it only happens when you're angling for sex, it backfires — she'll feel more like an object than someone who's loved and wanted. (This doesn't apply, obviously, if you're both in a casual arrangement.)

Make Eye Contact

Eye contact is a major signal of desire toward your partner.

Everyone wonders about the "right" way to do it — how much is too much, what feels weird, what reads as sexy, when to look away.

Here's the one rule that actually matters: keep it comfortable for both of you. That's the whole formula. Hold eye contact for as long as it feels good on both sides.

If eye contact doesn't come naturally to you, ease into it gradually and lean more on the other techniques in this guide. If it comes easily, go for it — AS LONG AS SHE'S COMFORTABLE. If you notice her getting uneasy, back off.

But if you can both hold each other's gaze for ages without it feeling strange, go for it.

That's really all there is to eye contact.

So…

Making her feel wanted is an incredibly effective way to make her feel sexy and turned on.

But there's another layer of arousal you can tap into.

It comes down to building…

2. Sexual Tension

Done right, sexual tension acts almost like rocket fuel for her libido. Build enough of it, and you might be surprised by what happens once you're finally in bed together.

Don't worry — I'll show you exactly how 😉

So, what actually is sexual tension?

It's that gnawing urge to rip each other's clothes off that, for whatever reason, you can't act on right away.

Maybe you've been flirting with a coworker for months, but office policy means getting involved could cost someone their job.
Maybe you're a student and you've noticed your attractive teacher giving you more attention than anyone else in class. She glances your way even when you're not speaking to her. You both know there's mutual interest, but the consequences terrify you both, so nothing happens — even though you can't stop thinking about her.
Or maybe it's a work event, a few drinks in, and you still have to mingle before you can finally head home together.

You get the idea.

Now let's build it…

Teasing

Playful teasing is a killer way to ramp up sexual tension and get her worked up. An easy way in is treating her a bit like your submissive brat. Here are some lines you could use:

When she pays you a compliment: "Is everyone from California this forward?" (swap in whatever state or country applies.)
When she makes a small mistake, like ordering you the wrong drink: "I don't normally put up with this, but you're cute enough to get a pass — this time."
When she says something a bit outrageous: "My mom warned me about girls exactly like you."
When she's clearly put effort into looking good before a party: "You really shouldn't dress like that — now I'm going to be distracted the entire night. You're the worst."

Deliver any of these with a straight face and an irritated tone, and it'll land badly. Say them with a playful smirk and a light tone, and they'll land perfectly.

Innuendo

Innuendo can also crank up sexual tension, but only when it's subtle. Get too heavy-handed with it and you'll turn her off almost instantly.

Some women love innuendo, others find it grating. If she's rolling her eyes rather than responding, drop it and lean on the other techniques here instead.

Build Anticipation

Anticipation is the backbone of sexual tension. It shows up naturally early in a relationship, when everything is still unknown — what the next date holds, what sex together might be like.

Note: for some people, that anticipation can tip over into anxiety instead. If that's you, check out this advice for getting rid of sexual anxiety.

As a relationship matures, that anticipation naturally fades once you know each other's preferences inside and out. That's fine for building comfortable routine, but it's the enemy of sexual tension.

So if you want tension back, you need to deliberately rebuild that sense of anticipation. There are several ways to do it.

Texting – A few hours before you see her, send a text hinting at what you have planned — anything from a kiss to sex to cooking her dinner. This is consistently one of the top-rated methods women report as effective.

Tell her – Next time you're out somewhere public, murmur what you'd do to her if you two were alone: "If it weren't for all these people around, I'd have your clothes off right now."

Leave a note where she'll find it – Won't see her for a few days? Leave a note somewhere she'll stumble on it, hinting at what's coming when you're reunited. Her pillow or the steering wheel both work well, or anywhere else she's guaranteed to spot it.

Whisper something filthy in her ear as you're leaving in the morning – While saying goodbye, quietly drop a suggestive line like "I can't wait to see you tonight" or "You're going to be on my mind all day."

What actually builds anticipation for the two of you depends heavily on your specific relationship — there's no universal script. If something as simple as "I put fresh sheets on the bed" gets her thinking, run with it. If she responds better to something more explicit, go that route instead.

Get more ideas for building sexual tension.

That covers the two big levers for cranking up her arousal — making her feel desired and building sexual tension. There's one more tool worth adding to your kit.

3. Her Kryptonite

aka the specific foreplay techniques that work uniquely on her

Every woman has some particular trigger that sends her into overdrive with desire. I call it her Kryptonite. It can be anything — something totally ordinary or something a little unusual. Often it's something she feels a bit self-conscious admitting to.

As mentioned earlier, it might be something like:

Wearing a suit.
Having a six-pack.
Wearing a certain cologne.
Styling your hair a certain way.
Having a beard/facial hair.

But the list of possibilities goes way beyond that.

Here's a broader sampling. Keep in mind her particular Kryptonite could be something entirely absent from this list.

A guy with piercings and/or tattoos.
A guy with a slight belly.
A guy with long hair.
A guy with lots of body hair or none at all.
A glass of wine, or a joint if she smokes.
A particular accent.
A guy who's great with kids.
Reading erotica or watching porn.
Tight pants (or a tight shirt).
Dancing together.
A novel setting, like a fancy hotel room or a secluded beach.
A flash of jealousy or protectiveness from you when other guys talk to her.
A guy who talks passionately about something he genuinely cares about — not something you fake just to seem appealing.
You taking charge of planning an entire evening for her.
Candles and/or incense.
Certain songs.
Being kissed a specific way.
Getting a massage from you – tips for giving a satisfying massage.
A bit of aggression and dominance from you in bed.
Watching a horror movie together.
Watching something with sensual or sexual content.
Masturbating.
A video or recording of you masturbating.

The list really is close to endless. What matters is figuring out her particular Kryptonite and keeping it in mind whenever you want to turn her on. Obviously, getting tattoos or piercings or gaining weight purely to please her would be absurd — stick to things you actually want AND that happen to also work on her.

You don't have to guess blindly here either. We polled women directly on what gets them going, and the responses were eye-opening. Check out their answers in this post about what can make women horny.

A couple of final notes and caveats on everything above…

Novelty

By now you've probably mentally flagged a handful of things you already know work on your girl. Great!

Here's the catch.

Lean on the same three or four tricks repeatedly, and they'll lose their punch — making it harder over time to get her aroused. So don't fall into the trap so many guys do of leaning exclusively on female ejaculation.

Novelty is something everyone craves — it's actually the third most common sexual fantasy in America, according to sex researcher Justin Lehmiller [1 p 11] — and she's no exception. Keep mixing things up: a different time of day for sex, a new location, or a new toy or position.

Check out this list of 119 sex positions.

Guidelines, Not Immutable Laws

Every piece of advice across this step and the other two should be treated as a starting point, not gospel. Keep what works, ditch what doesn't, and experiment with the rest to find your relationship's sweet spot.

If you're assuming every technique here works identically on every woman — well, that's a mistake (no offense).

Being genuinely great in bed means treating each partner as a blank slate, since she may dislike plenty of things a previous partner loved.

With that in mind, mentally track what's landing well for her — or better yet, write it down and monitor what's working over time.

One more thing before we move on to Step 3…

If she's already thoroughly turned on and aroused, feel free to skip Steps 1 and 2 entirely and jump straight to learning how to eat her pussy, how to make her squirt, how to finger her, and the techniques to make her orgasm powerfully.

And if none of the above is working for you, it's most likely because you skipped removing the Brakes to her arousal — go back to Step 1 – Turning Her On By Removing The Brakes To Her Sex Drive.

Now, onward to the fun part — Step 3. There are actually four guides waiting for you there…

Resources

The Bad Boys Bible is our full guide to giving your girl the most powerful orgasms of her life.

Paula de la Torre discusses sexual brakes and accelerators for Howl Magazine.

Discover why you and your girl get horny so differently depending on whether one of you leans toward spontaneous desire and the other toward responsive desire.

The post on Huffington Post by sex coach Pamela Madsen shares advice for helping your female partner get in the mood.

Learn how one thing can be a brake for one person and an accelerator for another at Uncovering Intimacy.

Frequently Asked Questions About Making a Woman Horny

FAQ #1 – What are these Brakes and Accelerators you're talking about?

Back in the late 1990s and early 2000s, researchers Bancroft and Janssen put forward the dual-control model of sexual arousal [2, 3], and it's essential if you want to understand how to make a girl horny. It isn't just about what turns you on — some things actively hold back or shut down arousal too. The researchers labeled these your sexual excitement scale (SES) and sexual inhibition scale (SIS) [4, 5]. I've borrowed the "Brakes" and "Accelerators" shorthand, which is also used by the Kinsey Institute [6] and sex educators like Emily Nagoski [7 p49], to keep it simple.

Brakes and Accelerators can each be more or less sensitive, giving four possible combinations:

Sensitive Accelerators and sensitive Brakes
Sensitive Accelerators and less non-sensitive Brakes
Less sensitive Accelerators and sensitive Brakes
Less sensitive Accelerators and less sensitive Brakes

Everyone falls into one of these four buckets. Women statistically lean toward more sensitive Brakes, while men lean toward more sensitive Accelerators [7 p47].

That's why your wife's Accelerators might trigger easily and her Brakes might barely register — making arousal simple. On the flip side, someone with a very sensitive Accelerator and dull Brakes might be prone to riskier decisions [8, 7 p 51, 9]. The sweet spot allows for easy arousal alongside smart decision-making, and that's where most people land.

Many people first encounter the dual-control model after running into sexual difficulties — understanding it can genuinely help with sexual dysfunction [10].

FAQ #2 – Do I have Accelerators and Brakes, too?

Yes. Bancroft's original paper on the dual-control model was actually written about men. As noted, your Accelerators are typically more sensitive than your partner's, which is often why you get turned on faster than she does.

That said, it's not universal.

You might have less-sensitive Accelerators or more-sensitive Brakes (or both), which can make arousal harder for you too.

FAQ #3 – I've tried to make her horny, but it's not working. What am I doing wrong?

Her Brakes might simply be very sensitive, and you haven't yet found a way to fully release them. Another possibility: whatever releases her Brakes and fires up her Accelerators might be something only she can trigger. Plenty of readers have mentioned solo rituals — a shower, reading erotica — as things that get them going.

You can, of course, turn these into shared activities with a bit of creativity. Try showering together (which could naturally lead into sex in the shower), or read erotica to each other. If your partner isn't sure what turns her on or off, it might be time for a conversation — and you can help her figure it out together.

If starting that conversation feels intimidating, learn how to talk about sex with this advice.

Also, take an honest look at the relationship overall. Relationship friction is a massive Brake, and it bleeds into the bedroom constantly. No relationship is flawless, but a struggling one makes a thriving sex life unlikely.

FAQ #4 – Is it normal that my girl gets horny after we start fooling around?

Ever notice your partner seeming lukewarm about sex at first?

So you kiss a particular spot, go down on her, or start on your own (because you already know her Accelerators)…

But…

Then suddenly she's fully into it? What's going on there?

Totally normal! It's exactly why skipping foreplay (some call it "coreplay") is a mistake, especially if she typically needs more warm-up time. Do this right and you'll also boost her odds of orgasm.

Quick hint: deep kissing, oral sex, and manual genital stimulation (finger) are the three biggest levers for her orgasm [11]. As a bonus, you'll stress less about lasting longer in bed.

As a guy, you're probably used to the classic arousal cycle: you get turned on, excitement builds through a plateau, you orgasm, then things wind down and you're ready to sleep [12]. Most of us learned some version of this.

Except…

That's not always how it plays out, especially for women. First off, plenty of women don't experience mental desire until physical arousal is already underway. That could be triggered by kissing, oral, or even penetration. That's why it can look like she's "changing her mind" — really, her mind is just catching up to her body.

Sexual concordance describes how closely genital response lines up with self-reported arousal [13].

When mental and physical arousal don't line up, that's called sexual (or arousal) discordance/nonconcordance [14, 15], and men tend to show more concordance (body and mind on the same page) than women do [16, 17, 18]. That's part of why she might say she's in the mood without seeming especially wet (grab plenty of lube regardless). Women can, however, become more attuned to their physical response over time [19].

This phenomenon — desire showing up after things are already in motion — is called responsive desire [20, 21, 22, 23, 24, 25] (sometimes labeled "reactive" [26]). It can look like disinterest right up until you realize her desire simply needed something to respond to — her arousal cycle just runs on a different track.

You've probably never heard of the Kaplan model of arousal, even though it dates back to the 1970s. Psychotherapist Helen Singer Kaplan proposed that desire needs to kick off the arousal cycle — something the earlier model never accounted for [27 p 17]. Desire is central if you're trying to understand how to make a girl horny.

Since then, newer models have emerged that may map more accurately onto how women get aroused — including circular [28] and non-linear [29, 30, 31] frameworks, which better account for multiple orgasms and the different ways desire and arousal function between men and women.

Bottom line: it's completely normal for a woman to feel horny once things have already started. And as long as that arousal is genuine and she's enthusiastically on board, you're both in for a good time.

One last thing that should be obvious, but bears repeating for some guys:

Just because she might end up into it once things start doesn't give you permission to push, pressure, or coerce her into anything. That decision always has to be hers.

October 11, 2020

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