How Do Lesbians Have Great Sex? The Complete Guide To Intense Lesbian Sex

15 min read

Our lesbian sex guide walks you through having genuinely satisfying sex from beginning to end. Follow these tips and you'll keep things running smoothly, ensuring sex with your favorite woman never gets stale!

So how do lesbians actually have sex, exactly?!

However you both want, obviously! But...

A few of the most popular lesbian sex techniques are worth trying:

Cunnilingus and manual play (fingering your partner) are staples. You'll also find orgasm-friendly lesbian sex positions to try, plus toys and every kind of grinding and humping imaginable. Whatever feels good works! That said, a few ground rules come first.

Consent, Communication, And Safer Sex

Before diving into lesbian sex tips, three foundational pieces need to be in place for any sexual encounter or relationship:

Consent
Communication
Safer sex

Consent

Consent is what separates sex from assault. It has to be given freely, whether spoken aloud or communicated another way. It can be withdrawn at any point and might only apply to one specific act or moment. When in doubt, check in and confirm your partner is still enjoying herself and still consents!

Go deeper: Sexual consent guide.

Communication

Consent is part of communication, but it's far from the whole picture. Communication also covers telling your partner what you enjoy, what you don't, what you want more or less of, what you'd like to experiment with, or even just that you've got a leg cramp.

One question that can come up uniquely among women who date women is:

"Are you a top or a bottom?"

This asks whether you'd rather be penetrated (bottom) or do the penetrating (top). Plenty of people are happy doing both, and lots of lesbian couples skip penetration entirely, so it might not even apply to you. Still, it can throw you off if you're not familiar with the terminology.

Communication styles between women may look different than between men and women, but the guidance in our sexual communication guide can be adapted to fit most situations.

Safer Sex

Lastly, safer sex covers everything you need to prevent unwanted outcomes. That often means pregnancy prevention, relevant if you or your partner is a trans woman — condoms can guard against both pregnancy and STIs in that case.

Lesbians can get STIs too – Some people assume STIs aren't a concern between women, but they absolutely are, especially those transmitted through skin contact. Dental dams or similar barriers work well during oral sex and analingus. In a pinch, cutting the tip off a condom and slicing it open lengthwise creates an improvised barrier.

HPV – Getting vaccinated against HPV is another smart way to protect against a virus that spreads easily through skin-to-skin contact.

Get tested – Regular testing matters even in a monogamous relationship. Some STIs stay dormant for a while or show no symptoms at all, meaning you could unknowingly pass something along.

Trimming your nails and keeping them smooth, or wearing gloves, helps avoid scratching your partner, since small cuts can become entry points for infection.

Get To Know Your Own Body

It might surprise you that one of the first pieces of lesbian sex advice is exploring your own body first. Yes, masturbation.

Understanding your own body teaches you what actually feels good, so you can guide a partner on exactly how to touch you to turn you on and help you reach orgasm.

Since you're a woman yourself, much of what works for you likely applies to other women too. No two people are exactly alike, of course, but it's a solid starting point, right down to locating the clitoris.

Plus, mutual masturbation is always an option, and it can be incredibly hot!

More: 14 masturbation techniques for more pleasure.

Figure Out Your Turn-Ons

This next tip applies no matter your orientation or gender: learn what turns both you and your partner on. Turn-ons vary wildly, from the way something feels, smells, or tastes, to the sound of your partner's voice or breath near your ear, to watching her undress, to touching yourself.

Sharing your turn-ons builds closeness and gets you both aroused before putting any of these techniques to use. Your partner might share some overlapping turn-ons, or she might respond to totally different things.

Discover how to turn a woman on and try these tips for getting her in the mood.

Put Sex On The Calendar

Plenty of women experience responsive desire, meaning arousal doesn't strike out of nowhere but responds to something, like touch. If you and your partner both lean responsive, being proactive about initiating, even scheduling sex outright, can help keep it a consistent part of your relationship.

That said, this isn't always necessary. Sometimes you simply can't keep your hands off each other!

Foreplay

The border between foreplay and other lesbian sex acts is razor-thin. Start with passionate kissing, move into an erotic massage, and stimulate her erogenous zones to build the mood. Some couples enjoy a warm shower or bath together, and rubbing lotion over each other's bodies can be surprisingly arousing.

From there, add direct genital touch, or don't. It's entirely up to what you and your partner want!

Go deeper: 22 foreplay tips, ideas, techniques & games for intense, wild sex.

Breast And Nipple Play

Breasts and nipples often take center stage in lesbian sex, if only because there's plenty to work with! It's an obvious go-to among lesbian sex techniques.

You've got a lot of room to play here too. Focus on the whole breast or zero in on the nipples, mix in pleasure, a little pain, or both! You might discover one or both of you can orgasm purely from breast and nipple stimulation!

Hands and mouths are the obvious tools — lick, suck, nibble, and bite freely. Beyond caressing, groping, pinching, twisting, and flicking, breast bondage is worth exploring too.

Check out the Love Curi guide to nipple play for more ideas!

Lube

As always, we recommend lube, needed or not. It reduces pain, boosts comfort, and lets things go on longer. It also cuts down on micro-tears, which can otherwise raise your risk of STIs or bacterial infection.

Staying slippery means longer sessions, and sapphic sex can genuinely stretch on for hours! A good silicone lube doubles nicely as massage oil too.

Clitoral Stimulation

Stimulating the clitoris makes orgasm significantly easier to reach. Plenty of women already sense this intuitively, which likely explains why "[l]esbian women had a significantly higher probability of orgasm than did either heterosexual or bisexual women" [1]. Yes, really — lesbians report more orgasms during sex than straight women do [2, 3]! They also outpace bisexual women in orgasm frequency [2].

Your mouth (85 tips for going down on a girl) or fingers make clitoral stimulation easy, but there's plenty more to explore below.

Related: How to finger yourself to orgasm.

Scissoring, arguably far less common in real lesbian sex than porn suggests, is one route to clitoral stimulation. Technically, it's known as tribbing.

69

Nearly everyone enjoys receiving oral, so it's no shock that 69 shows up often when lesbians have sex. Stick with the classic top-and-bottom arrangement, or lie side by side with heads resting on each other's thighs if that's more comfortable.

Face Sitting

While oral sex often feels pretty standard, face sitting is a bolder variation. It tends to feel more intense and pairs naturally with power exchange dynamics.

G-Spot Stimulation And Squirting

The clitoris isn't the only sensitive zone worth exploring. G-spot stimulation opens up a whole other avenue for pleasure and orgasm.

For many women, the G-spot plays a major role in orgasm and squirting or ejaculation. Several toys are built specifically to locate and stimulate it, though fingers work just as well.

Learn how to find your G-spot or browse positions built for G-spot stimulation. Plenty of positions originally designed around a penis translate easily to fingers or a toy!

Humping

Whether it's scissoring or humping against a thigh or backside, grinding on your partner is absolutely worth trying. That friction against your clitoris can feel incredible, which is exactly why so many people start out masturbating by grinding on a pillow!

Thighs and rear ends tend to be popular for humping, but you're not restricted to them. Really, any part of your partner's body is fair game if it feels good pressed against you.

You might stay fully clothed, go partially undressed, or skip clothes entirely. It's your call (though wearing clothing does cut down STI transmission risk).

Get the full rundown on dry humping.

Edging

Edging is a fun solo activity that gets even better with a partner! Edging means bringing yourself, or her, right to the brink of orgasm and then pulling back before release. Repeat the cycle, and the eventual orgasm can be far more intense.

Feeling a little devious? Try tying your partner up and using a vibrator to edge her while she strains against the restraints.

One warning, though: if you're not deeply familiar with your own body, you might not be able to stop yourself in time. And if orgasm is already hard to reach for you, edging could feel more frustrating than fun.

Side note: 17 fun bondage positions to try with your partner.

Anal Play

Anal play can be a blast, whether it's a standalone activity or mixed into everything else. This spans massaging and biting the cheeks, anal fingering, rimming, and penetrative toys. Just make sure anything inserted anally has a flared base, unless an embarrassing (and pricey) ER trip sounds appealing!

Related: How to eat ass like a pro.

You can even bring in toys like anal beads for double penetration between two women.

Sex Toys

Looking to spice up lesbian sex? A good toy delivers every time. They're useful when fingers or tongues wear out, and for some women, they're essential for orgasm at all. No wonder so many lesbian couples keep a nightstand stocked full!

Whether you want G-spot or clitoral stimulation, options abound. Talk with your partner to figure out what she's into, and what she's not.

Check that your partner's comfortable with toys you've used with previous partners, or just buy new ones dedicated to the two of you. Shopping together for toys can be genuinely fun and doubles as foreplay.

Sex toy guides: How to use a dildo and how to use a vibrator.

Strap-Ons

Strap-ons are a especially popular way to have penetrative lesbian sex, including in deeply intimate Missionary or in Doggy style. They also work for anal penetration, known as pegging.

Plenty of harness styles exist, some with pockets built to hold a vibrator specifically for the wearer, adding extra sensation while she's the one doing the fucking.

BDSM

Like any kind of sex, lesbian sex can absolutely incorporate BDSM, an umbrella term standing for:

Bondage
Discipline
Dominance
Submission
Sadism
Masochism (Sadomasochism guide)

BDSM can pull from any combination of these categories. Some couples stick to just one or two elements, like spanking, while others dive into a wide range of BDSM activities.

Check out our BDSM guide or this list of BDSM role play ideas for inspiration.

Whatever you and your partner enjoy, sticking to these BDSM rules keeps everyone safe.

Roleplaying

Roleplay in the bedroom doesn't need to be kinky by default. Dynamics like teacher and student, or officer and suspect, work regardless of gender!

Tantra

Built around sharing energy, tantric sex is something women who love women can absolutely bring into the bedroom too. It's about a lot more than just exotic positions!

Kinks And Fetishes

Some people gravitate toward one specific kink or fetish, and these can make for incredibly hot lesbian sex. Fisting, for example, feels deeply intimate to many. Or explore a foot fetish by giving your partner a foot job if that appeals to you.

239 more kinks & fetishes: There's an enormous range of fetishes and kinks worth trying!

Dirty Talking And Texting

Dirty talk can heat up nearly any encounter! Talk dirty during sex to intensify it, or talk dirty ahead of time, even hours or days in advance, to build sexual tension.

Dirty talk takes many shapes, from describing what you want to do to her (or have her do to you) to reminiscing about past encounters, and more.

Check out our Dirty Talking Guide for inspiration!

Want to take it digital? Learn how to take a sexy selfie and try these sexting tips.

Rough Sex

Biting, hair pulling, pinching, slapping during sex, or rough sex more broadly can be seriously fun between women! Just make sure consent is clear and safety stays a priority. A safe word is worth having on hand just in case.

Change Up The Location

A new setting can make even familiar activities feel fresh. Try sex in a car or sex outdoors, for instance. Your next trip or camping excursion might be the perfect chance to leave the bedroom behind entirely. Or simply switch rooms at home.

Related: The 48 best places to have sex.

Group Sex And Threesomes

Group sex, especially threesomes, can be a blast when everyone involved is a woman (bring toys!). And if either of you is bisexual or pansexual, inviting a man or two in occasionally adds variety. Variety is the spice of life, after all!

Threesomes come with their own learning curve, so our guide on how to have a threesome is worth a read. Curious about something more ongoing? Check out the swinging lifestyle.

Mirror Sex

Having sex in front of a mirror can be an enormous turn-on. It's like starring in your own private film, with a leading lady you genuinely can't keep your hands off!

Get tips for mirror sex.

Misconceptions About Lesbian Sex

Before wrapping up, let's tackle some of the common misconceptions surrounding lesbian sex, and there are quite a few!

Lesbian sex isn't "real" sex – This myth claims lesbian sex doesn't count as real sex since it skips intercourse and may involve no penetration at all. It stems from a culture obsessed with what a penis wants and does, above connection or a partner's actual pleasure. Some people genuinely struggle to picture how two women have sex!

But lesbian sex is entirely real, just like penetration-free sex between a man and a woman is real. It also means you don't need sex with someone of a different gender to lose your virginity.

The next misconception ties back to that same penis-obsessed lens!

Sex should end with ejaculation – Some people are confused about when lesbian sex is "over" without semen marking the finish line. But that's a poor benchmark for sex generally, since it often leaves one partner hanging.

There genuinely isn't always an obvious endpoint, especially if either of you experiences multiple orgasms. Women often carry more sexual stamina overall, and lovemaking can stretch on for hours! It's no wonder some people can't quite picture what lesbian sex looks like.

But sex can end whenever you decide, including:

Before anyone climaxes, or after several rounds
Once you're exhausted, sore, or overstimulated
After a set stretch of time
If hunger or thirst kicks in
Whenever something else needs your attention

In between, pause, cuddle, nap, or grab a snack before picking back up. That flexibility is one of the genuine perks of not sharing a man's refractory period.

At the end of the day, communicating openly with your partner, whether through words or otherwise, is what matters most.

And of course, you can always tap out and playfully let your partner know she's "won," or that you surrender, just for fun.

Scissor sisters – One last big misconception is that lesbian sex is basically nonstop scissoring. Maybe some people just can't wrap their heads around genital-to-genital contact any other way.

While scissoring is a fun idea plenty of people want to try, many women find it just doesn't deliver in practice! Other positions and techniques in this guide often end up feeling much better.

What Not To Do During Lesbian Sex

There's plenty lesbians do in bed worth trying yourself, but a few things are worth actively avoiding too.

Don't let her do all the work while you soak up all the pleasure. This is called being a pillow princess, generally frowned upon unless your partner specifically wants the spotlight on you or prefers you not touch her. Good sex tends to be far more balanced than that!

Don't assume every woman is the same. Bodies differ, sexual histories differ, and tastes differ as a result. Your partner might enjoy things you don't, and she might be nothing like past partners you've had. Stay flexible and respect her individuality.

Don't compare female partners to men. You'll probably notice similarities across partners regardless of gender, but plenty of differences exist too. Unless sleeping with women just isn't for you, it's really more about lesbian sex being different, not better or worse.

Hopefully by now it's clear there's no single blueprint for lesbian sex, and that's exactly the point! Lesbians have sex in countless ways and positions, just like everyone else.