How To Submit Sexually In Bed – 23 Ways To Explore It

This guide walks you through what it means to be submissive in bed — everything from staying safe to submissive acts and positions to aftercare (essential once things get really intense). Ready to jump straight in? Skip ahead to the 23 techniques for sexual submission.

Bedroom Submission vs BDSM Submission

Submission in bed – Being submissive during sex is a bit different from submission within BDSM. In bed, it typically looks like:

• Letting your partner lead while you follow
• Tapping into the bratty, primal, or masochistic side of yourself during sex
• Playing with consensual non-consent
• Sexual submission itself — think being spanked, giving a blow job, or being restrained during sex (17 exciting bondage positions)

BDSM submission – Submitting within a BDSM relationship can certainly overlap with bedroom submission. That said...

BDSM submission frequently extends well beyond the bedroom, sometimes reaching a full 24/7 total power exchange relationship that runs through your entire daily life. D/s dynamics don't even have to involve sex at all.

Want to go deeper on that side of things? Check out our guide on how to be a good submissive during BDSM play.

Have Fun, But Stay Safe

Bedroom submission can be a blast, but it's not without risk. Playing it smart cuts down the odds of ending up somewhere you'll regret.

Do a bit of homework on any activity or tool before you try it, so you know how to approach it safely.

Useful: 8 vital BDSM safety rules.

Consent, Not Coercion

Being submissive doesn't equal being passive or powerless.

Submissives hold real power – Plenty of people argue submissives actually hold all the power, since they can reclaim it whenever they choose. Whatever the truth of that, anything you do in bed should come from genuine, informed consent — never from someone nagging, pressuring, or manipulating you into it.

Read next: How to give informed consent during sex.

Stick with partners who get consent – Anyone trying to dominate you without your consent, or without bothering to learn how to play safely, isn't a safe person to submit to — spouse or not.

Talk It Through

Communication matters in every relationship, sexual ones included. Submissive sex is no exception.

Why it counts – Talking is how your partner learns what you want, what you enjoy, and when you need to pause.

Full guide: How to communicate sexually with your partner for better sex.

Topics worth covering when discussing your submission kink include:

• Things that are off the table for now (BDSM limits)
• How and how often you'll check in
• Any past trauma you don't want triggered
• Whether marks are okay

Safe Words And Signals

Safe word – A pre-agreed word or phrase that pauses or ends your submissive play.

Safe signal – A physical action that does the same job. Options include:

• Tapping your partner
• Ringing a bell
• Dropping a ball

Safe words and signals give you a way to hit the brakes and stay unharmed.

While the submissive usually holds the safe word, a dominant can use one too. Whichever of you it belongs to, you need real confidence your partner will honor it — otherwise it's meaningless, and so is your safety.

Check our guide to safe words for a deeper dive.

Ease In, Don't Rush

Start small, move slowly, and work your way up to more intense or kinky territory. This keeps you clear of injuries or bad experiences that could sour you on submission entirely.

Example – Try a blindfold on its own first, then bondage or a gag separately, even if combining them from day one doesn't sound like much. Doing all three at once can be genuinely overwhelming. Once each feels comfortable solo, layer them together.

Another example – Ease into a light spanking before ramping up intensity. And make sure your partner actually knows how to handle whatever tool they're using — carelessness, even unintentional, can hurt you.

Related: Light bondage ideas.

Flavors Of Submissive Sex

Submission shows up in different forms. Try a few of these before settling on the one that fits you best.

Bratty – Brat submission ranges from playful sass to flat-out disobedience, especially if you love the attention and consequences that follow. Wrestling for power, sometimes literally, can be part of the fun.

Curious about consequences? Check out these 16 BDSM punishments.

Primal – If animalistic sounds, biting, and shedding your everyday self in bed sounds appealing, primal submission might click for you.

Masochistic – A masochist enjoys receiving pain.

Wanted, anticipated pain, specifically.

This flavor of submission means welcoming pain, whether through impact play, figging, or otherwise.

Go deeper: What is sadism & masochism?

Consensual non-consent – CNC means giving permission ahead of time rather than moment-to-moment. It's broader than rape play, too — sex while asleep, drunk, high, or "kidnapped" all count as CNC.

More to explore: Browse all 18 types of submission for inspiration.

Trust Comes First

Before you can fully embrace your submissive side, trust has to be there. This kind of kinky play carries real risk, physical and emotional. So...

You need confidence that your partner genuinely cares about you and can handle it if something goes sideways.

That's exactly why diving into kinkier sex with someone you barely know isn't a great idea — one-night stands may not be the place for it. That said...

A steady partner, friend with benefits, or romantic partner should already know you well enough to earn that trust. Some early safety research helps build it, and it'll keep growing as you play safely together over time.

Bringing Out More Dominance In Your Partner

Want your partner to lean into their dominant side more? Try phrases like:

• I love(d) it when...
• You bring out my submissive side
• I just want to please you
• There's something so hot about it when you... [hold me down, etc]
• You're the boss

Looking for more like this? Check out these submissive things to say in bed.

Speaking Up About Wanting To Submit

If submission has never come up between you two, your partner might need you to spell it out.

That could mean telling them directly you want to submit (and why), requesting specific things, or offering encouragement once they take charge. A few lines to try:

• I want to feel your dominance tonight
• I want to feel you pinning me down
• I want you to use me tonight

This matters even more if your partner equates dominance with disrespect, or worries about hurting you. Here's the thing though:

Trying new things together is itself a form of respect.

23 Ways To Be Submissive During Sex

1. Put Their Pleasure First

Focusing entirely on your partner's pleasure, and anticipating what they need before they ask, is a deeply submissive act. You could even lean into body worship if that appeals to you.

People with a foot fetish often find themselves drawn to this kind of worship.

2. Stay Open To Direction

Welcoming direction — being told exactly what to do — is a core piece of submission.

• When your partner asks for a new position, shift into it.
• When they ask you to kneel and go down on them or deep throat, do it.
• When they ask for a hand job or want their pussy fingered, do it.

You can even turn it into a "Simon Says"-style game.

3. Drop To Your Knees

Kneeling is a genuinely powerful move. It sets you up for oral (10 incredible blow job positions), and it signals your partner's dominance too.

You don't need oral sex as the excuse, either — drop down anytime.

4. Play With Eye Contact

Several eye-contact tricks can boost your submissive energy:

• Look up while going down on your partner
• Be the first to break eye contact
• Keep your gaze lowered unless told or allowed otherwise

More help on this: How to comfortably and confidently make eye contact during sex.

5. Let Them Close The Gap

A subtle trick that works on a first date just as well as it does once you're deep into learning submission: bring your mouth close to your partner's and let them close the last inch, so they're "technically" initiating the kiss.

This mindset carries over to other kinky moments too. For example:

• Surprise your partner by dressing in something sexy you know they love, but hold back and let them make the first move.
• Sleep naked and cuddle up close for "warmth," but still wait for them to initiate.

6. Ask For Guidance

Along with following direction, ask for it directly. That way you're doing exactly what your partner wants, and how they want it.

• Tell me how to please you
• I just want to give you as much pleasure as possible. What can I do to make that happen?
• Where/how do you want me to touch you?

7. Use Clothing

What you wear (or don't) can set the tone for submissive sex.

• Go fully naked while your partner stays dressed
• Wear more revealing clothing to read as submissive
• Let your partner pick out your outfit
• Let them undress you
• Skip the panties under a dress or skirt to stay accessible
• Choose clothes that can be pulled, ripped, or used for bondage

8. Present Yourself Naked

There's nothing quite like opening the door naked once they knock or walk in. Play with different poses to look seductive, exposed, and submissive.

9. Give A Massage

Massage is a wonderful way to demonstrate submissiveness. Start with our sensual massage basics, or try a yoni or lingam massage for something more specific.

10. Focus On Oral

Oral sex is inherently submissive. It's genuinely hard to do poorly, but hard to do exceptionally well too...

To become the best they've ever had.

These blowjob techniques and this 85-technique guide to going down on a woman can level up your skills fast.

For an extra challenge, try doing it hands-free or while restrained.

11. Worship Their Body

Body worship means showering your partner's body, and specific parts of it, with intense admiration. It might involve rubbing, kissing, or licking, and could extend to photos or even poetic praise.

Worshipping your partner is one clear path to submission — plenty of people gravitate toward specific areas like the ass, penis or vulva, hands, or muscles.

12. Try Wrist Restraint

Wrist restraint barely scratches the surface of bondage.

That said...

You don't need to buy gear to explore this. Your partner can simply hold your hands or wrists to keep you still.

If actual restraint feels like too much right now, try mental bondage instead — restraining yourself through willpower alone, regardless of what your partner does.

Our bondage guide for beginners has more.

13. Talk Submissively

Even without changing your behavior, the right phrases can completely shift the mood. Try weaving in:

• Use me
• I just want to please you
• Please
• I'm a dirty little slut/whore

Our full Dirty Talking Guide has plenty more phrases like these.

You don't have to say anything specific, either. A pleading tone, whimpering, or a girlish voice can all hit the mark, as long as it feels good to you.

Or play the innocent one and let your partner be the deviant who corrupts you.

14. Wear A Blindfold

Blindfolds and submission naturally pair. Not knowing what's coming next leaves you in suspense, sharpening your other senses to track what's happening — and what's about to.

15. Bite And Scratch

Biting and scratching aren't just dominant moves.

As a submissive, you can bite and scratch your partner right back. Think about it —

Both can be natural bodily reactions to rough thrusting, intense pleasure, or a sudden jolt.

As always, give your partner a heads-up beforehand if this is likely.

Go deeper: How to be a freak in the sheets.

16. Let Your Hair Get Pulled

Hair pulling during sex is a classic submissive activity. Short hair doesn't rule it out either — unless it's buzzed, there's almost always enough to grab.

Once your partner's got a safe hold, they can steer you exactly where they want.

17. Get Spanked

Spanking can ramp up submission in a couple of ways. It's inherently a dominant act that delivers pain, and it doubles as a form of correction.

It doesn't need to leave you unable to sit, though — a few light taps are perfectly fine too.

18. Get Slapped

Spanking tends to target your ass, but other areas work well too.

A slap to the face or breasts will leave no doubt about who's in charge.

Full guide: Slapping during sex.

19. Choose Submissive Positions

Certain positions naturally lean submissive, whether because your partner ends up on top or because they let your body be maneuvered or your gaze controlled. Try:

• Missionary – The classic works well here since your partner's on top the whole time. It's also great for clitoral stimulation.
• Doggy – Beyond the submissive feel of your partner controlling your body, it delivers G-spot stimulation for plenty of women, and leaves your ass free for spanking.
• Turtle – A Doggy Style variant where you pull your knees to your chest and hug your arms around them, making yourself smaller and more submissive.
• Prone bone – Deeply intimate, with full-body contact and your partner's mouth right at your ear for whispers or commands.
• Anvil – The mild discomfort here adds to the submissive feel. Your partner can grip your ankles for leverage while thrusting and push them back for extra depth.

You can also play with body positioning, especially with bondage — spreading your legs (and arms) wide leaves you fully at your partner's mercy.

20. Try Anal Sex

For some, anal reads as more submissive than vaginal sex, partly because it's less common and more taboo, and partly because it can center your partner's pleasure over your own.

Related: 82 Men Explain Why Guys Like Anal Sex

Plenty of women find genuine physical pleasure in anal too, on top of the connection it builds. Pain-free anal sex is absolutely achievable with the right prep.

21. Explore Free Use

Think you've got the hang of submission? Take it further by letting your partner take you whenever and however they want, within agreed-upon safety limits and always honoring your safeword.

Free use assumes prior consent, similar to consensual non-consent.

22. Consider Choking

Choking sits on the more extreme, riskier end of the spectrum. It's not for everyone, but if you're curious, our guide to choking during sex walks through the basics.

23. Play A Role

Roleplay is a great entry point if full-on submission feels intimidating. Instead of figuring out who you are as a submissive, step into a role — prisoner, servant, whatever fits — where submission is scripted rather than personal. "I surrender" hits differently in that context.

Get creative — you could even pretend to be a puppet!

More: 42 sex roleplay ideas and 35 BDSM ideas.

Don't Skip Aftercare

Aftercare usually gets talked about in a BDSM context, but it's valuable after any intense sexual experience, helping you settle back into your everyday self. And really, is there anything better than basking in the afterglow?

As a submissive, aftercare might mean tending to minor injuries and reconnecting emotionally with your partner. That reconnection matters for dominants too, who can feel guilty about what they did to you, even if you begged for every bit of it.

So give yourself a moment for aftercare to close things out on a good note.

You should now have a solid grasp of what submission during sex looks like and how to explore it yourself. From here, just make sure you and your partner are aligned, and dive in.

April 23, 2026