How To Be Submissive Sexually – 22 Techniques

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This guide will teach you how to be submissive in the bedroom. You’ll learn everything from safety to submissive sex acts to submissive sex positions to aftercare (for when things get really intense!). If you’re ready to jump in, you can go right to the 23 techniques for sexual submission.

Being Submissive in Bed vs Being Submissive in BDSM

Being submissive in bed – Being submissive during sex in bed is slightly different from BDSM submission. Being submissive during sex means:

• Allowing your partner to take the lead, and following
• Tapping into the bratty, primal, or even the masochistic side of your personality during sex
• Exploring consensual non-consent during sex
• Submitting sexually – I’m talking about things like being spanked, giving a blow job, being restrained in bondage during sex (17 exciting bondage positions), etc

BDSM submission – Being a submissive in a BDSM relationship can overlap with being submissive in bed. But…

BDSM submission often extends far outside the bedroom and even go as far as a 24/7 total power exchange relationship, throughout your everyday life. BDSM and D/s relationships sometimes don’t even involve sex.

For more information on BDSM submission, check out our guide on how to be a good submissive during BDSM play.

Have Fun.. Safely

Submitting in the bedroom can be tons of fun, but it can also be risky. Playing smart can minimize the risks so you don’t find yourself in a situation that you’ll regret.

Make sure to do a little research about any activity or tool you want to try so you’ll know how to proceed safely.

Useful: 8 vital BDSM safety rules.

Understand Consent vs Coercion

Being submissive doesn’t mean that you’re passive and powerless.

Submissives hold the power – Some people even say that submissives hold all the power and can take it back at any time. Whether that’s true, anything you do in the bedroom you should do only because you want to and you can give informed consent, not because someone has forced, nagged, or otherwise coerced you into doing something.

Read next: How to give informed consent during sex.

Only play with those who understand consent – In fact, someone who wants to dominate you without getting your consent or figuring out how to play safely likely isn’t a safe person for you to be a submissive with… even if they’re your partner or spouse.

Communication

Communication is necessary in any relationship, sexual or otherwise. Submissive sex is no exception.

Why communication is important – Communication is how you’ll let your partner know what you want, what you like, when you need a break, and so much more.

Full guide: How to communicate sexually with your partner for better sex.

Some of the things you might cover when you talk about your submission kink include:

• Things you won’t do or aren’t ready to do (BDSM limits)
• How you’ll check in and how often
• Previous sexual trauma that you don’t want to trigger
• Whether it’s okay to leave marks

Safe words

Safe word – A safe word is a pre-agreed word/phrase you can say to pause or end your submissive sex.

Safe signal – A safe signal is an action that you perform when you want to pause or end submissive sex. A safe signal could be

• Tapping your partner’s body
• Ringing a bell
• Dropping a ball

Safe words and safe signals allow you to stop things and prevent yourself from getting hurt.

While typically used by the submissive, a dominant can have a safe word, too. It’s important that you trust your partner to listen to your safe word. Otherwise, it’s useless, and you’re not actually safe.

Go to our guide to safe words for more in-depth help on this.

Start Small, Go Slow

We always recommend starting small, proceeding slowly, and ramping up to more intense or kinky stuff in bed. This helps you avoid potential injuries or other negative experiences that could turn you off from being submissive in bed for good.

Example of starting slow – This means trying out a blindfold and bondage or gag separately for the first time, even though it might not sound like a big deal to use them together right from the start. It can be incredibly overwhelming if you actually do that. When you’re comfortable with using them alone, you can try them together.

Another example – Start with a light spanking before getting more intense. Also, make sure your partner knows how to use anything they pick up. If they’re careless, even if they don’t mean to be, they could hurt you.

Related: Light bondage ideas.

Different Types of Submissive Sex

There are different ways to be submissive during sex. My advice is to try some of the submission types below before choosing the one that fits your personality best.

Bratty – Brat submission can range from a little sassy pushback to outright disobedience, especially if you love the attention and punishment that follow. It can be fun to wrestle, sometimes literally, for power in the bedroom.

Speaking of punishment, check out these 16 BDSM punishments.

Primal – If you’re more into animalistic sounds, biting, and shedding your everyday responsibilities in bed, tapping into your primal submissiveness might be for you.

Masochistic – A masochist is someone who enjoys receiving pain.

I’m talking about wanted and anticipated pain.

So this type of sex would involve receiving pain, whether it’s from impact play or figging or something else.

Go deeper: What is sadism & masochism?

Consensual non-consent – CNC is a type of sex where you give permission prior to the act but not necessarily in the moment. It’s not just rape play, either. Sex while you’re asleep, drunk, high, or while you’re “kidnapped” are all examples of CNC.

There’s more: Check all 18 types of submission to get inspired.

Trust Is a Must

Before you can really unleash your sexually submissive side, you have to trust your partner. Kinky sex like this can be risky, both emotionally and physically. So…

You need to know that your partner not only has your best interests in mind but also has the capacity to respond well if something goes wrong.

Because of this, it’s usually not a good idea to get into kinkier sex with someone you don’t know well. So you may want to avoid one-night stands. However…

A regular sex partner, friend with benefits, or your romantic partner should know you well enough that you can trust them. You can increase that trust in the beginning by doing a little safety research, and it should grow over time as you play safely together.

Encourage Your Partner’s Dominance

If you want to encourage your partner to be (more) dominant in the bedroom, you can use phrases like the following.

• I love(d) it when..
• You bring out my submissive side in bed
• I just like pleasing you
• There’s something so hot when you.. [hold me down, etc]
• You’re the boss

Want more ideas like this? Check out these submissive things to say in bed.

Being Direct When You Want to Submit in Bed

If you’ve never talked about being submissive in bed, your partner might need you to be more direct.

This can mean telling them you want to submit (and explaining why), asking for specific things, and offering encouragement after they dominate you sexually. Here are a few things you can say to be more direct:

• I want to feel your dominance tonight
• I want to feel you pinning me down
• I want you to use me tonight

This can be especially important if your partner associates being dominant with being disrespectful or they are afraid of hurting you. The funny thing is that:

Exploring new things is one way to be respectful.

23 Submissive Techniques During Sex

1. Prioritizing Partner’s Pleasure

Focusing on making your partner feel good can be an incredibly submissive thing to do, especially if you try to anticipate their needs ahead of time. You could even go to the extent of body worship if that’s your thing.

Folks who have a foot fetish often engage in some body worship.

2. Openness to Direction

Being open to direction, to being told what to do, is a great way to be submissive during sex.

• When your partner asks you to move into a new sex position, do it.
• When they ask you to get down on your knees and eat their pussy or deep throat them, do it
• When they ask you to give them a hand job or finger their pussy, do it

You can even make a game out of it similar to “Simon Says.”

3. Getting on Your Knees

Getting on your knees is a powerful move. Not only does it put you in a position to give head (10 incredible blow job positions), but it also signifies your partner’s superiority.

You don’t need to wait until you’re giving oral sex, either. You can drop to your knees at any time!

4. Eye Contact

There are multiple ways to use eye contact to be more submissive in bed:

• Look up at your partner while going down on them
• Break eye contact first
• Keep your gaze downward and do not make eye contact unless instructed or given permission

More help on this: How to comfortably and confidently make eye contact during sex.

5. Going in for the Kiss

This is a subtle move that can work just as well on an early date as it does when you’re learning how to be submissive for your partner in bed. By bringing your mouth close to your partner’s but letting them kiss you, they are “technically” the one initiating the kiss.

This attitude also works for a lot of other kinky things too. For example:

• You could surprise your partner by wearing something sexy that you know turns them on (lingerie, etc), but you still wait for them to make the first move.
• You could try sleeping naked in the bed and cuddling up next to them for “warmth,” but still wait for them to make the first move.

6. Asking for Directions

Along with taking directions, you can ask for directions. This ensures you’re doing exactly what your partner likes — and how they like it.

• Tell me how to please you
• I just want to give you as much pleasure as possible. What can I do to make that happen?
• Where/how do you want me to touch you?

7. Clothing

What you wear, or don’t wear, can help set the mood for submissive sex.

• You might be fully naked while your partner is dressed
• You can wear move submissive clothing. Revealing clothing works great for appearing submissive
• Let your partner choose your clothing
• Allow your partner to undress you
• Wear dresses or skirts (without panties) to keep yourself accessible to them
• Choose clothing that can be manhandled, ripped, or even used for bondage

8. Naked Presentation

What better sight than you opening the door naked after they ring the bell or enter the room? Experiment with positions to make yourself look seductive, vulnerable, and overall submissive.

9. Massage

Massage is a great way to show your partner your submissiveness. Check out our tips for a general sensual massage. Alternatively, you can try giving your partner a yoni or lingam massage.

10. Oral Sex

Oral sex is naturally submissive. It’s hard to give bad oral sex to your partner, but it’s also hard to give them the best oral sex of their lives…

To be the best they ever had.

These blowjob techniques and these 85 techniques to give a girl great head will help bring your oral skills to the next level

And if you really want to challenge yourself, try doing it completely hand-free or while in bondage.

11. Body Worship

Body worship is a kinky practice that involves intense admiration of your partner’s body and often specific body parts. It can involve physical stimulation from rubbing to kissing or licking. You might dress it up, take photos of it, or even wax poetic about it.

Worshipping your partner’s body is one way to be submissive, and some people are especially drawn to specific body parts like your ass, penis/vulva, hands, muscles, etc.

12. Wrist Restraint

Wrist restraint is the tip of the iceberg when it comes to bondage.

Now…

When you are exploring how to be submissive, you don’t have to go out and buy bondage gear for restraining your wrists. Your partner can hold your hands with their hands (or wrists) to prevent you from moving.

If that submissive sex idea sounds like too much soon, don’t worry. You can experiment with mental bondage, where you try to restrain yourself through willpower alone, no matter what your partner does to you.

Check out our bondage guide for beginners to learn more.

13. Submissive Dirty Talk

Even if you don’t necessarily act differently in bed, certain dirty talk phrases or words can practically transform the atmosphere! So pepper these in if you want to be sexually submissive:

• Use me
• I just want to please you
• Please
• I’m a dirty little slut/whore

We’ve got a whole Dirty Talking Guide if you want more phrases like this!

But you don’t necessarily need to say specific things to sound submissive. A pleading or begging tone of voice, whimpering, and speaking more girlishly can all hit the right buttons for someone, as long as you’re comfortable doing it.

Or you can play innocent to let your partner be the sexual deviant who corrupts you.

14. Blindfolds

Blindfolds and submissiveness practically go hand in hand. When you’re wearing one, you’re left in suspense, wondering what your partner will do next. It can force you to focus on your other senses to figure out what’s happening around you–and what will happen to you…how submissive!

15. Biting and Scratching

Biting your partner and scratching them is not just for dominants.

As a submissive, you can bite and scratch your partner during sex, too! Think about it.

Biting and scratching can be ways your body naturally responds to rough thrusting, intense pleasure, and startling actions.

As always, it’s a good idea to let your partner know if you are likely to do this BEFORE sex.

Go deeper: How to be a freak in the sheets.

16. Hair Pulling

Having your hair pulled during sex is a pretty typical activity for a submissive. And don’t think it’s impossible because you have shorter hair, either! Unless it’s buzzed, nearly all hair can be pulled.

Once someone safely has your hair in hand, they can tug it to pull you wherever they want you.

17. Spanking

Getting spanked during sex can help you be more submissive in bed in multiple ways. Spanking itself can be a dominant action from your partner that causes pain. It can also be used as a punishment to correct behavior.

But spanking doesn’t need to be so intense that you can’t sit afterward. It’s totally okay if you prefer a few light taps.

18. Slapping

While spanking typically focuses on your ass, there are other parts of the body that make great targets for hitting.

You’ll definitely feel dominated when your partner slaps your face or breasts.

Full guide: Slapping during sex.

19. Submissive Sex Positions

Some sex positions feel more submissive than others. This might be because your partner is on top of you or because the position lets them manipulate your body or force eye contact with you. Try these ones:

• Missionary – The OG works well as a submissive sex position because your partner will be on top of you. Missionary position is also great if you like clitoral stimulation during sex.
• Doggy – Not only can Doggy Style be submissive because of how your partner can grab your body, it also offers G-spot stimulation for many women. Plus, it leaves your butt free for spanking!
• Turtle – This variant on Doggy Style has you pull your knees to your chest and wrap your arms around the back of your knees, making your body smaller and more submissive.
• Prone bone – Prone bone isn’t just submissive. It’s a deeply intimate sex position where your bodies make significant contact, and your partner’s mouth will be close to your ear to whisper sweet nothings or growl sexy commands.
• Anvil – This position can make you feel submissive because it can be uncomfortable. Your partner can also grip your ankles for more purchase while thrusting and push them further back to go deeper.

You can also experiment with the position your body is in, especially with the help of bondage. For example, having your legs (and potentially arms) spread wide leaves you vulnerable to your partner’s whims.

20. Anal Sex

For some people, anal sex is a more submissive sex act than vaginal intercourse. This may be because it’s often more taboo and done less frequently or because, in some cases, it’s really about letting your partner experience pleasure even if you don’t get much out of it yourself.

Related: 82 Men Explain Why Guys Like Anal Sex

Of course, many women find anal sex physically pleasurable in addition to making their partners feel good. And you can take steps to have pain-free anal sex if that’s a concern.

21. Free Use

So you think you’ve mastered how to be submissive in bed? Take it up a notch by letting your partner use you freely. Free use is an activity where your partner can take you anytime and in any way as long as it’s safe and they listen if you revoke consent or use your safeword.

Free use assumes you’ve previously consented, similar to consensual non-consent.

22. Choking

When it comes to things you can try in the bedroom, choking is more extreme, and that’s because it’s potentially dangerous. Not everyone is into choking, but if you are or might be, check out our guide to choking during sex to learn more.

23. Roleplay

Roleplaying can be a great way to be submissive in bed if you’re not super confident about how to do it. Instead of figuring out who you are as a submissive, you can play a more submissive role or even one like a prisoner, where subservience is ordered/forced. The phrase “I surrender” becomes powerful here.

You can even get creative and pretend you’re a puppet!

More: 42 sex roleplay ideas and 35 BDSM ideas.

Aftercare

While you’ll usually hear about aftercare in the context of BDSM, it can be useful after any sexual activity because it lets you return to your baseline self and your everyday life. After all, there is nothing better than basking in the afterglow of sex!

As a sexual submissive, you might need aftercare that deals with potential injuries and reconnects you to your partner. The latter is often helpful for dominants, too, who can feel bad about what they’ve done to a submissive… even if you cried and begged for it.

So take a moment for aftercare to end your experience on a positive note.

Now you’ve got a good idea what it means to be submissive during sex and how to be submissive sexually. All you need to do is make sure your partner’s on the same page and try it out!

April 23, 2026