Tantric Sex Explained: 7 Techniques To Try Tonight

You're about to discover how to practice tantric sex and unlock some of the most intense, connected, intimate orgasms you've ever had. This complete guide breaks down exactly what tantric sex means, which positions work best, and how tantra can deepen your connection with your partner.

Feel free to jump ahead to the tantric sex techniques and tantric sex positions, but I'd recommend reading through first to learn…

So What Exactly Is Tantric Sex?

Tantric sex, or tantric sexuality, is a philosophy with roots stretching back to ancient India. It centers on becoming aware of your own energy and how that energy interacts with the world through sexuality. Some practitioners hold that "the ultimate sexual pleasure would enable one to experience the true nature of reality" [1].

When practicing tantra, you visualize sexual energy flowing through your entire body and even exchange that energy with your partner. The core idea is that by directing their sexual energy intentionally, a couple can rise toward a higher state of awareness and spirituality.

Within tantra, sex is treated as sacred (certain tantric traditions even worshipped the vagina [2]!) rather than something shameful or hidden. Practitioners, known as tantrikas, surrender themselves to this energy and to the power of sex itself.

This mirrors, in some ways, how a submissive surrenders to their dominant in BDSM, though the two aren't identical.

How Tantra Reached The West

Pierre Bernard, an American yogi, scholar, occultist, philosopher, mystic, and entrepreneur, is credited with bringing tantra to Western audiences. He founded the Tantrik Order of America in 1906 [3, 4] and launched tantric clinics nationwide. Bernard also helped introduce yoga to American audiences, and his nephew Theos shared his fascination with Eastern culture.

Bernard understood sex as more than a mere biological function. He's quoted as saying,

In this day and age, when matters pertaining to the sexes are generally avoided, and we are taught that the sexual appetite is an animal craving that should be subdued and concealed it is not surprising that the great majority of persons are blind to the vast importance of the sexual nature [T]hey fail to realize that not only is the cause of our individual existence, but that it is the well-spring of human life and happiness.

Interest in tantric sex has surged again since roughly the 1960s, and this modern wave is often called "neotantra [6]." Contemporary versions of tantric sexuality frequently intersect with New Age spirituality, even though tantra wasn't always tied to religion or spirituality historically [7 p 17, 8].

Still, plenty of people in Western culture zero in solely on the sexual elements, often with no idea that tantric sex has any religious or spiritual dimension at all.

Learn: 23 incredible sex techniques.

What Tantra Is Trying To Achieve

Directing & Sharing Sexual Energy – The original vision behind tantra and sex was about uniting opposites, traditionally a man and a woman, so their sexual energy could merge. Tantra teaches that sex lets you blend your energy with the energy of the world around you. Engaging your heart and body, not just your mind, is essential to reaching enlightened tantric sex.

The same holds true if your goal is deeply passionate, intimate sex.

Applying tantric principles to sex helps prevent the sudden drain of energy that can follow orgasm, or at least soften its impact. This concept of energy loss echoes the Taoist idea of chi, or qi (a vital life force [9, 10]), so tantric sex may click faster if you already have some familiarity with Hinduism or other Eastern traditions. That said, many tantric practices blend easily with other belief systems too.

For women: How to give yourself an orgasm if you're currently struggling.

Sex With Full Presence – Meditation plays a central role in tantra, and while tantric sex doesn't strictly require meditating, entering a state of heightened awareness, often called mindfulness, can boost overall sexual satisfaction [11, 12, 13]. If you struggle to stay present during sex generally, tantric sex may help with that too. Like cuddling and making love, it can deepen the intimacy a couple shares.

Tantra Isn't The Kama Sutra – Many people in the West mix up tantric sex with the Kama Sutra, another ancient tradition known for teaching wild sexual positions. The two share some origin story overlap, since the Kama Sutra also traces back to Hindu tradition, but they're distinct. You can explore both to expand your repertoire of sex moves and positions. Tantric sex can also help dissolve barriers and negative associations you may carry around sexuality.

Read: 31 sex tips for men to make her moan with pleasure.

Key Tantra Vocabulary

Here are some terms that commonly come up in discussions of tantra.

• Tantrika – a practitioner of tantra.
• Chi – the vital life force believed to flow within and around all things.
• Chakra – a point in the body where energy concentrates; there are seven primary chakras.
• Kundalini – derived from "kundal," meaning coiled energy, or an individual's creative potential. "Kundalini" translates literally to "the curl of the lock of hair of the beloved" [14].
• Lingam – the penis (lingam massage techniques and tips for giving a good hand job).
• Maithuna – the Sanskrit term for sexual union.
• Red Tantra – the branch of tantra focused on sex.
• Vajra – another term for the penis, meaning "scepter of power."
• Yab-Yum – a seated position where the woman sits facing her partner in his lap, similar to the Lotus sex position (351 sex positions with pictures).
• Yoni – the vagina, viewed as a sacred site representing the goddess and the "source of all life" (5 satisfying yoni massage techniques).

Where The Chakras Sit In The Body

The body's seven chakras are located at the crown (top of the head), third eye (forehead), throat, heart, solar plexus, sacral (lower abdomen beneath the navel), and root (base of the spine near the tailbone). The sacral chakra governs sexuality and pleasure.

Discover: How to sexually satisfy your man in bed – 21 tips.

Each chakra corresponds to a color of the rainbow, from indigo at the crown down to red at the base. The sacral chakra is represented by orange.

Some practitioners believe chakras can become blocked or thrown off balance, which may manifest as physical or emotional issues. Cultivating your sexuality is thought to awaken and reinforce the sacral chakra.

Why Tantric Sex Is Worth Trying For Women

There are several compelling reasons for women in particular to give tantric sex a shot.

It extends sex – Tantra asks you to slow sex down, breathe deliberately, and stay present. That process is exactly what builds tantric energy.

This matters because many women need more time than their male partners to get into the mood, largely because women more commonly experience what's called responsive desire rather than spontaneous desire [15, 16]. If you've noticed you only feel "in the mood" once sexual activity is already underway, you likely fall into this category, making tantric sex a great match since your desire needs something, sexual or emotional, to respond to [17].

Learn: How to increase female sex drive.

Beyond that, spending extra time on sexual activity gives your body room to become properly aroused. Blood flows to your genitals, your vagina expands to accommodate your partner's penis, your clitoris becomes erect, your labia swells, and your vagina produces lubrication and gets wet [18], all of which makes sex more comfortable. Understanding how to get horny increases your odds of both pleasure and orgasm.

Possibly helpful: The 15 reasons you may be struggling to orgasm even if you're horny.

Keep in mind that with responsive desire, you may only crave sex once you're already aroused by some trigger [19]. Slowing down, as tantric sex encourages, gives your mind the time it needs to catch up.

It anchors you in the present – Tantric sex places heavy emphasis on staying present. Modern psychology calls this mindfulness, defined as:

"maintaining a moment-by-moment awareness of our thoughts, feelings, bodily sensations, and surrounding environment, through a gentle, nurturing lens [20]."

This concept has ancient Buddhist origins [21], much like tantra itself. You can build mindfulness through breathwork, meditation, or movement practices like yoga [22], and it pays off during sex too.

Thoughts will still arise, and you can acknowledge them without clinging to them. That's the distinction between having a thought and being that thought, and it lets you shed the mental clutter that makes it hard to enjoy sex and get aroused.

For your partner: How to help your female partner get horny.

Mindfulness also means tuning into your own physical sensations, which keeps you grounded in your body instead of stuck in your head. Otherwise, women can end up monitoring their own performance instead of just enjoying the experience [23 p 50]

Research supports this – Studies show mindfulness helps align physical and mental arousal (called arousal concordance) [24], boosts sexual satisfaction [11, 12, 13], and increases arousal and sexual response [25, 26, 27] and sexual desire [28, 29]. Whether you go the tantric route or simply follow current research, cultivating mindfulness benefits your sex life either way!

Lori Brotto has spent years researching this exact subject and literally wrote the book on mindful sex. Check out our interview with Dr. Brotto about mindful sex!

Mindfulness is a skill that takes time to build. At first, you may not notice right away when your attention has drifted. Once you do, take a deep breath and return to a grounding phrase or thought. You might also touch your partner in a particular way, brush his arm, or breathe in his scent to snap back into the moment.

Concentrating on your breath is one of the simplest ways to stay present, which explains why breathwork and tantric sex are so closely linked. Whenever your mind wanders, just come back to your breathing.

You can also make mindfulness easier by eliminating distractions ahead of time. That's not just silencing your phone or locking the door — keep any supplies within reach too, like condoms or other safer sex essentials, lube, and sex toys such as vibrators or dildos.

The fewer logistics you have to think about, the more fully you can sink into the moment.

7 Down-To-Earth Techniques For Tantric Sex

Sure, you could relocate to India for six months to master every dimension of tantra, but that's not exactly realistic for most people.

So instead, here's a practical, quick-start version you can put to use tonight.

1. Set The Scene

Tantric sex begins well before any physical contact. Crafting the right atmosphere helps you stay present and tuned into your energy. Start by clearing clutter from the room, then add flowers, candles, and soft fabrics to build a mood that's sensual yet calm.

Tantra draws on all five senses, so weaving in lighting, scent, sound, and even temperature will support your tantric experience.

Listen: 25 songs to make love to.

2. Sync Your Breathing

Breath is central to tantra, and you and your partner can use it to deepen your intimacy. Try a technique known as breathing each other's breath.

Face your partner directly, then inhale as they exhale, and vice versa. Straddling them makes this easier, or you can lie facing each other in bed.

Practice the breathing on your own first — inhale for a count of seven, then exhale for even longer than the inhale took. As you breathe in, picture that breath transforming into energy you can direct to different parts of your body, or even specific chakras.

Done well, this technique can even help you reach a full body orgasm.

A tip for him – During sex, he should aim to exhale while thrusting in and inhale while pulling back. As orgasm approaches, he can reverse that pattern.

3. Hold Eye Contact

Tantric sex positions make it easier to maintain eye contact with your lover. Western culture tends to default to closed eyes during sex — even during intimate love making, you may find yourself looking away, especially near orgasm.

Locking eyes, though, keeps you present and connected in another dimension entirely. It can feel awkward at first, but stick with it, and both of you will settle into it.

Many positions that support eye contact double as great options for romantic sex.

4. Practice Presence Through Mindfulness

We've circled back to staying present and mindfulness a lot already, and that's because it's genuinely central to tantric sex.

Intentional touch – If staying present is a struggle, focusing on conscious, deliberate touch can anchor you. Pay attention to exactly where and how you're touching your partner rather than moving on autopilot.

Clarify your intent – Staying grounded also gets easier when you're clear on your intent. Are you trying to make him feel good? Focused on staying connected? Or is your touch simply expressing how much you love his lips and tongue on your clit?

Try this: 27 blow job tips to push him over the edge.

5. Find Your Positioning

Further down, you'll find suggested tantric sex positions built around breathing, eye contact, and full-body connection. But two specific practices come up often in tantric sex.

Hand on Heart – One way to connect and exchange energy is resting a hand on your partner's heart while they do the same for you. Your free hands can also touch or interlock.

From there, you can feel each other's heartbeat throughout sexual activity. Alternatively, have him place his hand over your heart while your hand rests on top of his.

Nurturing Meditation – While in spoon position (learn how to spoon), the "big spoon" rests his bottom arm beneath your neck on the bed, bending it at the elbow so his hand reaches your third eye (forehead). His top arm wraps over your body, hand resting against your heart chakra. Place your hand over his.

6. Embrace Stillness

Sex might seem like it requires constant motion, but that's not always true. Tantric sex sometimes involves stretches of stillness and silence, aside from the natural sounds that come with pleasure.

In fact, some tantrikas believe you can make love without intercourse at all when you fully embrace tantric principles.

Don't rush through foreplay. Plenty of people treat intercourse as the main event, but any sexual activity can be intense and deeply intimate.

Side Note: Tantric massage and sensual massage are wonderful for foreplay and for connecting with your partner.

7. Let Go Of Orgasm As The Goal

Part of what defines tantric sex is having sex without necessarily orgasming [30]. That might sound unappealing at first, but remember, orgasm isn't the only source of pleasure available during sex.

Tantric sex is built around control, including control over when and whether you orgasm. For men especially, breathwork and mindfulness can extend sex without ejaculation, which can lead to a more powerful orgasm down the line.

For men: How to last longer and prevent premature ejaculation.

Men might also find that mastering this kind of bodily control opens the door to orgasming without ejaculating, which for some men is the key to multiple orgasms [31 p 27].

Even when orgasm can't be avoided, treating sex as something you build together rather than a destination-driven quest adds a genuinely new, satisfying layer to your intimacy.

A renewed emphasis on foreplay – Since tantra shifts focus away from orgasm, foreplay stops being optional and becomes central.

That's especially fitting for many women, since clitoral stimulation tends to be the easier path to orgasm [32]. It only makes sense to slow down and invest in foreplay if full arousal and satisfaction are the goal. It's also a great way to break out of any bedroom rut.

So swap those quickies for a slower, less goal-oriented experience, and you might find your sex life feeling refreshed. You could even discover you're capable of multiple orgasms!

If the spiritual elements of tantra aren't for you, you can still capture many of the same benefits simply by practicing slow sex.

4 Tantric Sex Positions

Tantric sex is obviously about far more than positions alone, but positions are likely what brought you here. Notice that many of these let you and your partner maintain eye contact and breathe in sync. Even positions where you're facing away still heighten your awareness of your bodies and your connection to each other.

1. Hot Seat

Here, your partner kneels while you kneel in his lap, keeping your bodies pressed together as closely as possible. Your legs sit between his, and he can wrap his arms around your hips or waist, or reach between your legs to rub your clit. You control the movement with your hips, whether up and down or in circles. Take breaks whenever it gets tiring.

Switch things up by sitting in his lap with your knees bent, which pushes your butt backward much like a lap dance, giving him a great view while letting you grind against him. The Hot Seat closely resembles the Backseat Driver sex position.

2. Butterfly

The Butterfly is a popular tantric position that calls for a flat, low surface like a table or bed. It's excellent for stimulating your G Spot and may even help you squirt during sex. You'll lie back while he stands and grips your butt to lift your hips to meet his pelvis, an ideal setup for resting your ankles on his shoulders.

In the Butterfly position, your back lifts off the surface, so use your arms to brace yourself. A pillow under your back or hips adds comfort.

Related: 9 wedge pillow sex positions.

Bring your legs together and hold them straight up, and you'll shift into the mermaid position, which makes your partner's penis feel larger.

3. Padlock

Start the padlock by leaning against the edge of a counter or piece of furniture, facing your partner. He steps between your legs, and you lock your legs around his waist. Lean back on your arms for support and a great view of his body, while also giving him easy access to your clit.

4. Lotus (Yab-Yum)

To try the Lotus position, adapt the classic cross-legged yoga pose for sex. Your partner sits cross-legged while you sit in his lap, wrapping your legs around his waist and crossing them behind him. Rocking works better than thrusting here. Your arms stay free to embrace each other closely, and breathing in sync and maintaining eye contact both come naturally in this position.

You can each ease strain on your joints by keeping your legs slightly straighter instead of fully crossed.

Bringing Tantra Into Oral Sex

Much of tantric teaching focuses on connecting your bodies in mirrored or complementary positions, as with Nurturing Meditation. That's often simpler during penetrative sex, when your bodies are closer together and positioned similarly. Still, you can absolutely bring tantric principles into oral sex too!

Start by maintaining eye contact — and no, it doesn't need to feel overly staged. A loving gaze while going down on your partner works just fine, and they can return the favor.

Using your hands alongside your mouth helps involve the whole body in the experience.

Breathe gently on and around your partner's genitals before making contact with your mouth. Whether your hands or mouth are in contact, you can still visualize energy passing between you.

Finally, stay mindful by releasing any self-judgment while giving or receiving oral sex.

Learn more blow job techniques and cunnilingus techniques to sharpen your oral skills further.

Practicing Tantra Solo

Most tantric sex resources assume you have a partner, but that doesn't mean solo people are locked out of the practice. You can absolutely fold tantric elements into masturbation (14 wonderfully satisfying masturbation techniques) too. That might look like:

• Focusing on slow breaths with extended exhales during tantric masturbation
• Picturing erotic energy circulating through your body
• Giving yourself plenty of time for "foreplay"
• Clearing clutter and setting aside dedicated time and space for masturbation
• Exploring every part of your body
• Letting negative or judgmental thoughts pass without holding onto them
• Accepting your body's sexual needs and preferences as valid

Some people take this further with a practice called orgasmic meditation.

While not strictly masturbation, some women also use yoni eggs to strengthen their pelvic floor, add pleasure, and activate their sacral chakra.

Related: 5 Kegel exercises to strengthen your pelvic floor.

Do You Need To Find A Tantra Teacher Or Guru?

Some people suggest finding a tantric teacher or guru, particularly if you're interested in a broader tantric lifestyle rather than just tantric sex. But it's far from mandatory, even if you want tantra woven through every part of your life.

Self-guided learning is a perfectly valid path. Books, websites, and videos can teach you plenty about tantra if you'd rather skip finding a guru, or simply can't locate one nearby.

A word of caution – If you do seek out a teacher, watch out for scammers or people who might exploit the power imbalance between student and teacher. Some so-called tantra teachers use their position to pursue sex with students, and there are documented cases of people abusing that role for personal gain rather than genuinely teaching tantra.

Look for a guru focused on helping you do your own inner work to live tantrically or explore tantric sex, not one promising instant healing, enlightenment, or some miracle five-step formula. If it sounds too good to be true, it probably is; trust your instincts.

More broadly, be wary of anyone charging exorbitant sums to teach tantra. This practice has been criticized for commercializing an ancient Eastern tradition in a disrespectful way [33].

Even a legitimate tantric teacher might not be the right fit for you personally, so don't be surprised if it takes meeting a few before you find your match.

Tantra For The Skeptical

Everything up to this point has assumed a certain openness to tantra, but that's not everyone's starting point. What if you think this all sounds like new age nonsense?

First, know that none of this requires joining a commune, sleeping with a guru, or discussing tantra with anyone else at all. You're free to explore tantric sex privately or with your partner alone.

Second, you don't need to overhaul your life around tantric spirituality. Feel free to cherry-pick whichever elements appeal to you and leave the rest.

Third, belief in tantra isn't a prerequisite for benefiting from tantric sex. You might never literally "feel" energy transferring between you and your partner (sometimes called sublimation), but trying new positions, holding eye contact, or syncing your breathing can still spice up your love life and shift how you think about sex.

Obviously, tantric sex isn't something you'll pull off with someone you just met at a bar, and if your week is packed, you might not have the bandwidth to slow down enough to reach that heightened state tantra promises. Still, giving it a try even once could help you enjoy sex more, explore your own sexuality, and strengthen your relationship. Even if it's not ultimately for you, tantric sex can shift your mindset around sex from a goal to be achieved into an experience to be shared.

The Bottom Line

Tantric sex offers a great way to shake up your bedroom routine and slow things down. Some find genuine spiritual meaning in it, while others simply treat it as a more intimate style of sex.

Whatever you're hoping to get out of tantric sex, my advice is to go in with an open mind and no fixed expectations.

Resources

Better Sex Through Mindfulness is Lori Brotto's book examining how mindfulness improves sex for women, grounded in her own clinical research.

Nik Douglas' Spiritual Sex: Tantric Software for Love offers a reference guide covering both tantra and Kama Sutra.

The Art of Everyday Ecstasy: The Seven Tantric Keys for Bringing Passion, Spirit, and Joy into Every Part of Your Life is another tantra-focused book, though this one steers away from sex specifically.

In this article, Isabel Thomson-Officer examines what happens when tantra goes wrong and teachers exploit students seeking to learn.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – Is tantra only for "weird" people?

You might picture unconventional communes or new age hippies when you hear "tantra," but you don't need to fit that mold to enjoy tantric sex. Pull in whatever resonates and skip the rest, the same way you'd approach adding kink to sex without turning it into your entire identity.

FAQ #2 – Is a guru required to learn tantric sex?

If self-teaching isn't your style and you want to dig into tantra's non-sexual, spiritual side, working with a guru could genuinely help. But if you find it awkward to talk about sex with others, or you'd simply rather explore on your own, a guru isn't necessary at all.

FAQ #3 – Does tantra produce stronger orgasms?

We can't promise it will, but plenty of people report exactly that after trying tantric sex. The only way to know is to try it yourself.

What tantra reliably does is push you to try new things, stay present, and slow down to connect with your partner, all of which can make orgasm more accessible and potentially more intense.

FAQ #4 – Are tantra and the Kama Sutra the same thing?

Not quite, though they're related. Tantra draws from Buddhist, Hindu, and other Indian traditions, and originally centered on education long before it became linked to religion or sex specifically. Teachings and learning were woven throughout a person's daily life.

The Kama Sutra, meanwhile, is an ancient Sanskrit text on sex and eroticism, written by Vatsyayana sometime between the 2nd and 4th centuries CE. It's not purely a sex manual, either. Much like tantra, it teaches broader ways of thinking and living that happen to include sexuality.

Together, the ideas of interconnectedness and desire ("Kama") form the core of both traditions.

FAQ #5 – How much do positions actually matter in tantric sex?

The positions covered here and elsewhere can help you get more out of tantric practices like breath exchange or moving energy between you and your partner.

That said, you can achieve much of the same effect in other positions. Approaching sex with a tantric mindset matters more than sticking rigidly to any list of tantric sex positions.

FAQ #6 – Is tantric sex accessible to everyone?

Yes. Elements of tantra can work for nearly anyone, regardless of whether you fully buy into the philosophy, and regardless of whether you're LGBTQ+, disabled, or single. In fact, you can absolutely bring tantra into your solo sex sessions!

FAQ #7 – Can tantra help with sexual trauma or PTSD?

Some people find relief from PTSD or related symptoms after taking up tantra. Its emphasis on mindfulness and present-moment awareness may explain why, since mindfulness has shown benefits for people managing borderline personality disorder, substance dependence, stress and anxiety (how to get rid of sexual anxiety), and major depressive disorder [35, 36, 37] [34].

One study also points to potential benefits for trauma survivors specifically:

facets of mindfulness such as the tendency to engage in one's everyday experiences with awareness and nonjudgment of experience are worth continued exploration in trauma populations [38].

That said, mindfulness can sometimes intensify PTSD symptoms for certain people. If that's a concern for you, check in with your medical or mental health provider before deciding whether mindfulness practices are the right fit.

July 10, 2025