How To Have Truly Romantic Sex With Your Man – 12 Heartfelt Tips

Staying romantic isn’t always easy once daily life gets in the way. That’s exactly why we put together this guide on having deeply romantic sex with your man. The opening tips lay the groundwork, and then you’ll move on to the most romantic sex positions and sensual techniques for the physical side of things.

Fast, hot, even rough sex has its place, but there’s real value in balancing that out with slow, romantic sex, and for more than one reason. Romantic sex is about intimacy, tenderness, and showing your man exactly how much he means to you. Being romantic is about forging a connection that goes beyond the physical.

Keeping a relationship fresh means breaking away from the usual routine — not just another night in front of a movie. Carving out dedicated time for intimacy has been shown to help couples stay together, and that isn’t just my opinion; the American Psychological Association backs it up. Leave your partner a note after your conversation letting them know something special is coming. Anticipation itself works as a powerful aphrodisiac.

Psst: If you’re a guy looking to romance your wife sexually, most of what’s below applies to you as well. That said, you may also want to check out the Bad Boys Bible guide to pleasuring your woman for even more tips!

1. Talk It Through First

Solid communication is the foundation of romance and romantic sex with your man. Make room for conversations that go beyond the kids or the to-do list. Somewhere in one of those talks, bring up wanting to elevate your sex life. You want both of you aligned on what romance actually means to each of you.

Tell your man how much you crave romantic “date nights” (30 fun date ideas) together — how they draw you closer and how enjoyable they can be.

Speak up about specifics – If your guy isn’t naturally romantic, or his idea of romance looks nothing like yours, you might end up let down when he tries to bring his version into the bedroom. So if candlelight, rose petals, eye contact during sex, and soft music are what you want, say so.

He can’t read your mind.

The clearer you are about what you want, the better your odds of actually getting it.

Do you actually know what you want? – If not, he certainly won’t. Give yourself permission to sit with the question of what romantic sex means to you — it’s fine if you don’t have an answer right away.

This might even be something the two of you can figure out together. What does romance look like in your relationship specifically?

Save the conversation for outside the bedroom – As long as you’re in a relationship where this is possible, talk about it away from the bedroom. If you’re already deep in passionate, intimate sex, you’re both feeling exposed, and any request for more romance or something different can land as criticism.

Pick a neutral moment instead, one where you both have the time and attention to talk it through without either of you feeling cornered or blindsided.

Talking about sex doesn’t have to be awkward – We know, bringing up sex is uncomfortable for a lot of people. That’s exactly why we put together this guide to sexual communication. And remember: before any sexual activity, everyone involved needs to give consent — a clear agreement expressed through words, tone, and body language [1].

The conversation shouldn’t stop once the act does, either. Afterward is actually a great moment to tell your man what you loved. This is positive reinforcement at work — “anything that occurs after a behavior that increases the likelihood that the behavior will reoccur” [2].

Positive reinforcement also lets you gently steer your partner away from things that didn’t land. Rather than something negative like “Stop” or “Not like that,” try “That felt amazing. Next time, I think it would feel incredible if you tried fingering me (15 fingering techniques), pressed against me for more clitoral stimulation, or [insert whatever you actually want].”

Learn: How to grind on your man during sex.

You get to compliment your partner, reinforce what worked, and steer things toward what you want — that’s a genuine win-win.

2. Book a Weekend Getaway

If it fits your budget, plan a weekend at a nice hotel or bed-and-breakfast. He’ll love that you handled the planning and all he has to do is show up. Just the excitement of getting away purely to enjoy sex in a hotel should get both your hearts racing. Can’t swing a trip? You can still build romance at home, which we’ll cover shortly.

The fact that you put in the effort to plan this weekend is romantic on its own — that’s a great starting point. Scope out the best restaurants or dance spots nearby so you have something fun to help get yourself in the mood for sex.

Look for a romance package – See if the hotel offers a couples’ suite or romance package. These typically include champagne, flowers, candy, or even a spa visit for both of you. They’re often marketed around honeymoons or Valentine’s Day, but many hotels offer them year-round.

Or just schedule it – Even without a getaway or hotel budget, you can still carve out time for sex. Yes, that means scheduling it.

Putting sex on the calendar could genuinely improve your sex life, even if it doesn’t sound very romantic on paper.

Here’s the truth: scheduled sex beats no sex. And taking your time beats rushing through it like a chore before bed — that rushed pattern is exactly how couples end up in a sexless marriage.

A standing date night gives you dedicated space to reconnect with your man. And because you both know it's coming, you can walk in prepared instead of scrambling.

3. Pick Up Something New to Wear

Don’t skip the lingerie. It might feel silly if you’ve been together a long time, but a sexy new piece is a genuine way to arouse your man. Men respond visually — if you want his eyes on you, choose something that flatters your shape.

Curvier women often look stunning in a supportive, lacy bra paired with boy shorts or high-waisted panties. A push-up bra with side paneling and a thong tends to suit a straighter or more boyish frame. And don’t forget to grab him something too — what man doesn’t want proof that you find him sexy?

Go deeper: 20 techniques to turn a guy on quickly.

4. Set the Mood

Arrange for the kids to stay at grandma’s or a friend’s house — you can return the favor down the line. Once you’ve got the place to yourselves, start transforming the space into something more sensual.

Clear out the clutter, then fill the room with scented candles, incense, or flowers. Some massage candles smell wonderful and let your hands glide smoothly across your partner’s skin. It’s a simple but genuinely romantic thing to do for your boyfriend in bed.

Learn: How to give a guy an erotic massage and then turn it into a happy ending massage.

Have something soft and cozy nearby too. Spritz the bed with a pleasant scent, maybe your own perfume. Freshly washed sheets go a long way toward making the night feel special.

Play music you both love, or switch on white noise if music isn’t the vibe tonight. Some people find that cracking a window to let in the sounds and smells of the outdoors adds to the romantic atmosphere — just make sure the neighbors won’t overhear.

Listen: Playlist of 25 romantic songs to make love to.

Don’t overlook temperature, either. A chilly room kills the urge to undress, while a stuffy one can kill the mood entirely.

If your image of romantic sex comes straight from a movie screen, borrow some of those ideas. Think rose petals leading to the bed (fake ones last, real ones stain), champagne chilling in a bucket, or chocolate-covered strawberries. Feeding your man something delicious can even become part of foreplay, which we’ll get into shortly.

Dim the overhead light and switch to a bedside lamp instead. Light a few candles (LED versions add ambiance without the fire risk). Or drape a scarf over the lamp to soften harsh light and tint the room. It’s a small, simple move with a surprisingly big payoff.

You don’t need to confine this to the bedroom, either. With the house to yourselves, consider setting the scene somewhere else, like the couch in the living room.

Pretend you’re newlyweds again, back when you were exploring all types of sex together. Or if you’d rather stay in the bedroom, bring something new into the mix — massage oils and lotions are wonderfully romantic and double as a way to unwind.

5. Begin With a Massage

It also gets your hands all over each other, not just your genitals. You can keep your hands moving across his body all the way from foreplay to orgasm. Touch every inch of him, and have him do the same for you.

Aim to stimulate all of his erogenous zones.

This deepens the connection between you, making it feel more like making love in a romantic way rather than just sex (17 signs you are making love instead of just having sex). You're more than your genitals — you're a whole person connecting with another whole person.

A sensual massage can put you both in the right headspace, and it's easy to trade off.

Massage oils and candles are nice to have, but a good lotion or oil works fine in a pinch — even a plant-based oil like shea, coconut, or olive oil from your kitchen. Silicone-based lube also works well for massage and doubles nicely for penetration.

6. Slow Down for Foreplay

One of the simplest ways to make sex feel romantic is to just slow everything down. There's nothing wrong with a quickie here and there, but take the time to really connect with your man.

Related: The Ultimate Guide to Slow Sex.

That means not shortchanging foreplay, which may be essential to getting you in the mood and giving you your best shot at having an orgasm.

In fact, foreplay matters so much to so many women — and plenty of men too — that it deserves to be called coreplay. It can transform the whole experience.

In-depth guide: 22 foreplay tips, techniques & ideas to drive your partner wild.

7. Speak Romantically (And Get a Little Dirty!)

Not sure how to talk dirty? Our guide on how to dirty talk offers 73 phrases you can try tonight.

But it doesn't have to be raunchy. Focus instead on loving words, genuine compliments, and your emotional bond.

This kind of talk shows your man how much you care for and love him — that while you can handle life on your own, you still choose to need him.

Tell him you'd pick him all over again. Let him know it's okay to work long hours or spend time with his friends. He'll relax more and feel more open to slow, romantic, hot sex.

And once things heat up, feel free to mix in some romantic dirty talk too. These 91 dirty things to say to your man during sex should spark some ideas!

8. Focus on the Experience, Not Just the Finish Line

Romantic sex is about taking your time and drawing out the experience. The "big O" isn't the main point here — though interestingly, pairing romantic connection with lovemaking tends to help most people have better sex anyway. Hold eye contact during sex, especially if you usually close your eyes, to deepen the connection.

If it appeals to you, weaving tantric massage and tantric sex into your romantic sex can help you stretch out lovemaking even further. Tantra is about both partners staying attuned to their bodies, not defaulting to routine sex.

Sync your breath – Start by matching your breathing. Sit on his lap in the Straddle position and breathe in as he exhales. He does the same with your breath. Let that breath travel through your whole body as you both mirror each other.

Get present – This naturally opens the door to mindfulness — being fully aware of what's happening in the moment [11]. A core piece of mindfulness is withholding judgment [12] of your own thoughts and feelings, which can make it easier to reduce your anxiety during sex and reach orgasm. Research shows this practice can help combat depression and anxiety [13], and it's also linked to greater sexual satisfaction [14 p 84, 15] and heightened arousal [16].

Mindfulness is much easier to talk about than to actually practice. We rarely let ourselves stay fully in the moment, but you can start small by tuning in to your surroundings. What do you notice — sight, sound, touch, smell, taste? How does your body feel right now?

When your mind wanders off to tomorrow's errands or worries about your body, gently bring it back to the present.

If staying mindful during sex feels hard, practice earlier in the day instead. Sit quietly for a few minutes and focus on your breath and how your body feels. When your attention drifts, guide it back.

Repetition is what builds this skill over time [17].

9. Never Skip the Kiss

Kissing often gets skipped during routine sex, but it's a core part of romantic sex. Some people don't even kiss during casual sex — they save those deep kisses for the people they're truly romantic with.

So if romance is the goal, plant one on your man!

You should already feel relaxed from the breathing exercise, and your kisses should carry that same calm, unhurried energy. Trace the tip of his tongue with yours, then massage his tongue gently. Let the kiss carry the love you feel for each other.

Need to brush up on your kissing skills? Check out these 22 hot kissing techniques.

10. Try These Romantic Positions

What matters just as much as kissing when it comes to romantic sex? The position you choose.

What actually makes a sex position feel romantic? It varies.

For some, eye contact is what makes sex feel romantic.

If that's you, you're not limited to Missionary — options like the Face to Face sex position work too.

Physical closeness is another thing that makes a position feel more romantic, and a handful of positions deliver exactly that.

Take a look at the romantic positions below for inspiration.

Lotus Sex Position

Any position that keeps you looking into his eyes counts as romantic — that's why I always point people toward something like the Lotus position if you're flexible enough to make it comfortable.

Keep your movements slow and steady while you feel his breath on your lips. You'll get great stimulation here, and he gets quite a view.

Missionary Sex Position

Missionary might be the classic go-to, but it's popular for good reason. It's ideal when you want romantic sex with your man since it keeps eye contact going the whole time. He can run his fingers through your hair and touch your face while you move together in sync. Plus, your bodies stay fully connected throughout.

Anvil Sex Position

Switch things up by draping your legs over his shoulders for the Anvil position. It allows for deeper penetration and lets you keep those sexy heels on from date night.

Keep the pace slow here especially, since deep penetration with your legs up can hurt if he moves too fast. Communication matters a lot in this position.

A variation on Missionary is keeping your legs pressed together. Some women find that closing their legs helps tighten the vagina for extra sensation.

Spooning Sex Position

Spooning your man sacrifices eye contact, but it more than makes up for it with romantic sex through sheer physical closeness.

With him as the big spoon, he's perfectly positioned to plant slow kisses along your neck and earlobe while murmuring how he feels about you. He's taking the lead in a gentle way, while you lean into being a little submissive and let him steer. But...

You can still push back against him or adjust the angle by shifting your position.

Lying on your side with him behind you, he enters you as you scoot back into him. This gives him easy access to caress your breasts and play with your nipples. After a while, roll over to face him and, staying in spoon mode, wrap one leg around his side so you can look at each other and start kissing again.

Slow Dance Position

If you and your man can pull off the Slow Dance sex position, it's a wonderfully intimate option. You're both in a standing position, facing each other. Spread your legs slightly so he can enter you (he may lift one of your legs to make it easier).

Stand & Carry Position

The Stand & Carry sex position isn't for everyone — your partner needs the strength to hold you up — but it's incredible when it works. You'll feel secure in his arms, locking eyes with him and watching the pleasure play out on his face (15 ways to pleasure your man).

Once he lifts you, wrap your arms around his shoulders and your legs around his waist for extra stability. He can brace you against a wall to make it more manageable, freeing him up to focus on thrusting rather than lifting.

If his arms tire, he can set you down on furniture or lay you back on the bed to continue in Butterfly position or whichever position you both enjoy.

There are, of course, plenty of other unique sex positions worth exploring, and what feels romantic to you might differ from what feels romantic to someone else. Don't be afraid to experiment.

11. Cuddle Afterward

Cuddling can be deeply romantic. Your bodies stay entwined, you can whisper sweet nothings (64 dirty talk examples), trade gentle touches, feel each other's heartbeats, and share soft kisses.

Nonsexual touch matters just as much to your connection.

You can cuddle whenever you want — it doesn't need to lead anywhere sexual.

But cuddling after sex also counts as a form of aftercare. It helps your body settle back to baseline as your heart rate steadies, the sweat dries, and your hormones level out.

Plenty of women and men love post-sex cuddling, though not everyone does. If it matters to you, especially if your man tends to doze off right after, tell him you'd like a few minutes of cuddling and see if he can hold off falling asleep for five or ten minutes.

It's not really his fault that he crashes afterward — that's just the chemicals talking. But when your partner tends to fall asleep quickly, you might crave that affection and emotional bonding even more [18]. It's fair to ask him to meet you halfway.

Related: 19 Cuddling positions for before, during, and after sex.

12. Manage Your Expectations

With your head full of romantic sex ideas and an urge to try every romantic gesture on your boyfriend tonight, pump the brakes for a second.

Real sex never plays out like it does on screen.

It won't always be smooth – You don't have a production crew making your sex life look — or sound — perfect. You're a real person with real imperfections, and so is your man. Even romantic sex can feel a little awkward sometimes. One of you might not be in the right headspace, orgasm might take longer than expected so you call it a night, or your partner finishes too fast (tips for men to last longer in bed).

That's just the reality of real-world sex, and Hollywood has never portrayed it accurately. That's fine.

But if you can't make peace with that, you're setting yourself up for disappointment. You might never fully enjoy sex if you're chasing something unattainable. Keep your expectations grounded and stay open to outcomes that might not match your mental picture exactly.

Remember that sex is something you and your partner create together. It'll never look identical twice, and honestly, it would get boring if it did — there'd be no room to grow.

Once that clicks, you'll notice sex getting better with time, and romantic sex becoming easier to come by.

Keeping the Romance Alive

The intense, passionate honeymoon phase rarely lasts more than a couple of years, since your hormones naturally settle down over time.

Expect it to shift – But couples who put in the work don't lose that phase entirely — it just transforms into something calmer, a different kind of love that's just as vital for keeping a marriage intimate.

Keep talking – Staying close in a relationship comes down to communication that keeps the connection alive. Trust and respect have to flow both ways. You should feel free to talk about anything, and the tone you use matters as much as the words. Sometimes you can predict whether a couple will last just by listening to how they talk to each other.

You both also need to let each other's quirks slide — yes, you have some too. Knowing you accept each other fully, quirks included, strengthens the relationship and opens the door to more romance and passion.

There's a myth that this kind of connection should come naturally [19], but it actually takes real effort.

How satisfied you are with your relationship is just one piece of a healthy sex life [20, 21, 22], so don't neglect the relationship itself while working on your sex life. Your sex life, in turn, shapes the health of your relationship [23], particularly for men [24].

Romance Is Whatever You Define It As

While this article is full of romantic sex ideas that aren't exactly groundbreaking, what matters most is building the version of romance that actually works for you.

We've touched on this already, but it bears repeating: romantic sex doesn't have to follow a script.

It doesn't require rose petals and champagne. Eye contact isn't mandatory. Those things might feel romantic to some people, but not to you — and that's completely fine.

Freaky, kinky sex can absolutely still be romantic. You might romance your husband by exploring bondage together or giving him an incredible hand job. The power exchanged during a BDSM scene feels deeply romantic to plenty of people.

Go deeper: BDSM for beginners guide.

Sometimes what makes sex romantic has nothing to do with the ideas you try and everything to do with who you're sharing it with.

If you're completely smitten with each other, your sex life is bound to carry at least a touch of romance no matter what you do.

If a weekend getaway isn't in the cards, try a picnic while the kids are at school, or revisit something you used to do together before life got complicated. Love Curi will teach you everything you need to know about having incredible sex as a couple, but don't lose sight of the fact that a romantic, passionate relationship is about more than sex alone.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – What if I want romantic sex but he doesn't?

This can run the other direction too — wanting romantic sex isn't exclusively a women's thing.

If you're in this spot, work toward a compromise that meets both of your needs [25]. You might alternate between romantic sex and something different, like more intense sex, depending on who wants which style right now.

You can also find ways to blend both preferences into the same encounter — maybe the penetration is rougher, but you make time to cuddle and talk afterward.

Keep in mind that a partner not wanting romantic sex isn't automatically a red flag.

It doesn't mean he doesn't love you. He might simply lean toward a different style, or want something different in the moment, or express romance outside the bedroom entirely. Even if he's not romantic in the way you are, he's probably showing his feelings through other, more practical gestures.

That said, if romantic sex is a constant need for one of you and never happens for the other, it may be worth exploring whether you're sexually compatible and whether that gap is something you can live with.

July 25, 2025