How To Last Longer In Bed (23 Minutes +) – The Complete Ejaculatory Control Guide

Countless men go searching for ways to last longer in bed, and rather than digging into legitimate information and proven fixes, they end up on…

Sketchy internet storefronts pushing unproven products.

Maybe lasting longer matters to you because your own sexual performance is bothering you, or maybe you suspect your partner isn't fully satisfied and want to change that. Whatever's driving the search, real, evidence-backed options exist — psychotherapy, prescription medication, pelvic floor training, hormone therapy, and others.

If you're finishing sooner than you'd like, premature ejaculation could be the culprit. This condition means reaching orgasm and ejaculating too fast, with little to no control over timing. Put simply, ejaculation happens before you actually want it to [1]. Naturally, that leads to the question: "How can I last longer in bed?"

Worth remembering: how long a man lasts varies enormously from person to person. Duration is only worth worrying about if it's actually bothering you or your partner. If neither of you has a complaint, there's nothing to fix. But when it does become a sticking point, it can start straining the relationship [2]. Once it reaches that stage, it's worth getting help and learning genuine strategies for lasting longer — ideally ones that are actually safe and effective.

The Two Types of Premature Ejaculation

Premature ejaculation happens when ejaculation occurs sooner than you or your partner want. It actually splits into two categories: primary premature ejaculation and secondary premature ejaculation.

Primary Premature Ejaculation

Primary PE, sometimes called lifelong PE, describes ejaculation that consistently or almost consistently happens before vaginal penetration, or within roughly a minute of it, along with an inability to delay ejaculation across nearly all instances of vaginal sex [3].

Secondary Premature Ejaculation

Secondary, or acquired, PE develops later in life in men who previously had no issues with ejaculation timing [4]. Research indicates men dealing with secondary PE tend to be older, more prone to erectile dysfunction, more likely to carry cardiovascular risk factors, and generally last longer overall than men with primary PE [5].

What Causes Premature Ejaculation

No single definitive cause of PE has been pinned down [6]. That said, a wide range of factors can play a role. Pinpointing what's driving your PE matters for finding the treatment approach that'll actually work for you.

Performance Anxiety

Many PE-related factors trace back to psychology, and performance anxiety is a big one. Fixating on poor performance tends to make things worse, dragging sexual function down further. Performance anxiety and PE often feed into each other — anxiety triggers early ejaculation, and early ejaculation then fuels more anxiety [7]. This self-reinforcing loop can eventually leave you frustrated about how PE is affecting intimacy and your relationship [8].

Related: How To Get Rid Of Sexual Anxiety Once And For All

Cultural Conditioning

Certain cultures and belief systems instill warped ideas about sex from a young age. Both masturbation and intercourse can get framed as shameful or something to feel guilty about. That early conditioning can eventually manifest as sexual dysfunction, PE included [4].

Stress and Anxiety

Stress and anxiety, generally speaking, are both linked to PE. Research shows a connection between anxiety and premature ejaculation, particularly the acquired kind [9]. Men who've endured significant stress commonly experience sexual dysfunction, including PE — veterans dealing with PTSD are a well-documented example.

Per research from the U.S. Department of Veterans Affairs, "PTSD impairs sexual functioning across multiple domains: desire, arousal, orgasm, activity, and satisfaction…The most commonly reported problems were erectile dysfunction, premature ejaculation, and overall sexual disinterest [10]." A small study found that more than 80% of veterans with PTSD deal with some form of sexual dysfunction [11]. Another case report zeroed in on spontaneous ejaculation as a PTSD symptom, which emerged in one patient as symptoms intensified [12].

Depression

Studies have also uncovered a link between depression and premature ejaculation — and roughly 18% of men in the U.S. deal with depression [13]. A review pulling together multiple observational studies found a meaningful association between the two, suggesting that treating and preventing depression may meaningfully lower PE risk [14]. If depression is part of your picture and you're hoping to last longer, addressing it directly could improve PE too — talk to your doctor if this sounds like you.

Body Image Issues

Body image struggles get pegged as a "women's issue" more often than not, but the film and porn industries have both created plenty of body image pressure for men as well. Beyond feeling pressure to be lean and muscular, men frequently stress over genital size and performance. These worries aren't new, but the porn industry in particular has built an unrealistic standard: a man with a nine-inch penis capable of 30 minutes of sex culminating in a spectacular finish.

On top of that…

Regular exposure to porn — where male performers tend to be unusually well-endowed — has been tied to men overestimating what average penis size actually looks like [15]. Unfortunately, these body image pressures often feed directly into PE and other forms of sexual dysfunction.

Underlying Health Conditions

Often, an underlying health issue is actually driving the PE, and treating that condition becomes the key to lasting longer. Health conditions linked to premature ejaculation include:

Thyroid Imbalances – Men with abnormal thyroid hormone levels frequently deal with sexual dysfunction, PE among them. The strong prevalence of ejaculatory issues like PE, paired with how quickly they can reverse, points to a direct connection between thyroid hormones and ejaculation physiology. Hyperthyroidism and hypothyroidism affect PE risk very differently — research shows 50% of hyperthyroid men experience PE, versus just 7.1% of hypothyroid men [16].

Chronic Prostatitis – Because the prostate is directly involved in ejaculation, ongoing prostate inflammation (prostatitis) can lead to premature ejaculation [17].

Did you know a woman's "prostate" is the G-spot? And with the right stimulation, many women can squirt! Find out how to make her squirt.

Hormonal Imbalances – Men dealing with PE have been found to have lower testosterone and elevated prolactin levels, leading researchers to suspect hormonal imbalance could be a contributing factor in some cases [18]. The studies examining testosterone in PE patients have been limited in size, but a correlation between low testosterone and PE is suspected [19].

Diabetes – PE shows up considerably more often in men with diabetes than those without, alongside a higher rate and greater severity of erectile dysfunction [20].

The University of Utah lists other medical conditions tied to ejaculation disorders, including [21]:

• Spina bifida
• Prostate surgery
• Spinal cord injury
• Radical pelvic surgery

Erectile Dysfunction

Erectile dysfunction and premature ejaculation frequently go hand in hand [22]. If ED has you anxious about getting or keeping an erection firm enough for sex, you may unconsciously — or consciously — start rushing to ejaculate before you lose it [6].

Relationship Strain

Relationship or "interpersonal" issues rank among the recognized psychological contributors to PE [23]. Sometimes it's anxiety tied to the relationship itself, or resentment toward a partner, that drags down sexual function and triggers PE [7]. Other research points to men feeling insecure when they perceive a gap between their own sexual experience and their partner's, and that insecurity and anxiety can contribute to PE [24].

A Lifelong Pattern

Lifelong or primary PE often traces back to conditioning that started young. Some men unintentionally train themselves to ejaculate quickly during adolescence because masturbating felt rushed [25]. Others had early sexual encounters marked by nervousness and urgency — sex in a car, or sex while trying not to get caught by parents — and may have unconsciously linked sex with discomfort and speed, a pattern that persists into adulthood as PE [7].

Penile Hypersensitivity

"Recent studies have indicated that in men with premature ejaculation, penile sensitivity is increased" [26]. One study also found that men with lifelong PE frequently experience penile hypersensitivity, leading to an inability to last long after vaginal penetration begins [27]. Notably, the study found PE was tied to heightened sensitivity not just at the glans, but along the shaft as well.

Fixing Premature Ejaculation: Strategies For Lasting Longer

If PE is something you're dealing with, plenty of solutions exist, and you're not stuck with this forever. The most effective path forward depends heavily on what's actually causing your PE, and often a mix of approaches works best. Bringing it up with your doctor can help you narrow down which of these options will lead to more satisfying sex with your partner.

Tip #1 – Talk To Your Partner

Communication is one of the single most valuable tools when you're dealing with PE. Being open about it can ease anxiety for both of you, leading to better experiences overall. Research has shown PE can block men from achieving full intimacy, even in cases where their partner was genuinely satisfied with the sex itself [28].

This conversation might be as low-key as mentioning you prefer a certain position (browse our list of 100+ sex positions) because it helps you last longer.

What feels like a huge deal to you might not register as a problem for your partner at all. She may be entirely content with your sex life — but without communication, this can snowball into a much bigger issue in your own head. That spiral can end up damaging things far more than the original concern.

Since talking about sex isn't always easy, we put together a guide to sexual communication.

Tip #2 – Try A Condom

Plenty of men complain that condoms dull sensation during sex. But if PE is your concern, that reduced sensitivity can actually work in your favor [29]. If heightened sensitivity is contributing to your PE, a condom might help you last longer. Just be careful — stacking two condoms can cause both to slip off, defeating the purpose [30].

Need a refresher on proper condom use? Check out this post with step-by-step instructions.

Tip #3 – Medication Options

Daily SSRI Treatment – Selective serotonin reuptake inhibitors (SSRIs) — fluoxetine, paroxetine, sertraline, and similar drugs — are commonly prescribed off-label for PE [31]. Taken daily, they typically take around four weeks to reach full effect [32]. Some men experience side effects like fatigue, sweating, or mild nausea, though these usually fade within a couple of weeks [33].

We don't recommend taking SSRIs given the potential for adverse side effects.

On-Demand SSRI Treatment – SSRIs can also be taken on an as-needed basis, roughly 4-6 hours ahead of sex, though this approach isn't as effective as daily use [33].

Again, we don't recommend taking SSRIs given the potential for adverse side effects.

Tricyclic Antidepressants – Clinical trials involving clomipramine specifically have demonstrated effectiveness in managing PE [34]. However, side effects such as dizziness, fatigue, dry mouth, and drowsiness often push men to stop taking it [35].

Sildenafil (Viagra) – Sildenafil, better known as Viagra, is typically prescribed for erectile dysfunction (discover how to get hard), but has also shown effectiveness against PE, particularly in men dealing with both PE and ED together [35]. One small study found sildenafil outperformed clomipramine, paroxetine, sertraline, and the pause-and-squeeze method on both satisfaction and latency [36]. So yes — Viagra can help you last longer.

Tramadol – Tramadol has also been researched as an off-label PE treatment, with several studies showing both on-demand and daily dosing to be effective [37]. Compared against daily and on-demand paroxetine, topical anesthetics, behavioral techniques, and placebo, a meta-analysis found tramadol to be the stronger option [38]. That said, tramadol carries addiction risk and shouldn't be paired with SSRIs, according to one case report [39].

Tip #4 – Desensitizing Creams

One of the more straightforward PE fixes is a topical numbing cream that temporarily dulls sensation at the head of the penis, delaying ejaculation [26]. It's easy to apply right before sex, keeping things spontaneous. While this remains an off-label use, there's solid evidence supporting topical anesthetics like prilocaine and lidocaine — as sprays, gels, or creams — for treating PE [31]. A systemic review and meta-analysis found topical anesthetics moderately effective and generally well tolerated [40].

While serious side effects from numbing agents like lidocaine are rare, skipping a condom can let the anesthetic transfer to your partner's vaginal wall, potentially causing numbness there too [31]. That numbness could interfere with her ability to orgasm.

Tip #5 – Masturbation Training

Cornell Health outlines masturbation-based techniques for gaining more control over PE [41]. Four progressive steps can help you learn to delay orgasm:

Step #1 – Masturbate Without Lubrication – Start masturbating dry, and stop as soon as you sense you're nearing ejaculation. Wait until the urge fades, then continue. Repeat this cycle a few times before finally letting yourself finish while staying focused on the sensations. Practice this several times weekly.

Step #2 – Vary Your Stimulation Instead Of Stopping – Rather than pausing entirely, start switching up the type or intensity of stimulation as you approach climax. Stay aroused while prioritizing control. Repeat this cycle several times a week.

Step #3 – Add Lubrication – Introduce lubrication (learn how to choose lube) to intensify the sensation. Run through the previous two steps again with lube in the mix to build confidence.

Step #4 – Bring It Into Partnered Sex – Apply what you've built up through the earlier steps, tuning into the cues that signal you're getting close. Wait for the sensation to ease, or switch up the stimulation — this could mean easing into slower thrusts or a rocking motion instead of going full speed. Resume gradually and repeat the cycle before letting yourself finish.

This approach can help you build genuine, lasting control over time.

For some men, masturbating ahead of partnered sex can also make it easier to last longer once the real thing starts.

Tip #6 – Edging (Stop-Start And Squeeze Techniques)

Two of the longest-standing PE treatments are the "stop and start" method and the "squeeze" method [42]. Both resemble today's popular technique known as edging — bringing yourself right up to the edge of orgasm, then pulling back before crossing it. With "stop and start," stimulation continues until you're close to finishing, then pauses for around 30 seconds before resuming. Repeat as many times as needed.

The "squeeze" method works similarly but adds a physical step: right before ejaculating, you or your partner gently squeeze the tip of the penis where the head meets the shaft for a few seconds while stimulation pauses. Then it resumes. Repeat until you're ready to finish.

Beyond helping you last longer, some men find edging actually intensifies the eventual orgasm.

Read More: What Is Edging + Why You Should Use It Tonight

Tip #7 – Therapy And Counseling

Psychotherapy and counseling blend psychodynamic, cognitive, and behavioral methods to tackle PE, generally focused on building ejaculatory control and addressing the ripple effects PE can have on you, your partner, and the relationship. Those ripple effects often include lowered self-esteem, performance anxiety, tension with your partner, avoidance of sex, and an overall dip in relationship quality [23].

That said, the research on how well psychotherapy actually treats PE is mixed and fairly limited. Some small randomized controlled trials have shown improvement in ejaculatory control [43]. Despite the small sample sizes and inconsistent evidence, therapy may still be worth exploring, especially alongside other treatments.

Tip #8 – Pelvic Floor Training (Kegels)

Strengthening your pelvic floor is another route worth considering if lasting longer is the goal. In one trial, 40 men with lifelong PE went through a 12-week pelvic floor rehab program, and the results were striking — 82.5% gained noticeably more control over their ejaculatory reflex [44]. Given those numbers, this therapy is now being floated as a legitimate new option for PE treatment.

By the way, women can do Kegels too — check out our Kegels for women tutorial.

Another trial enrolled 78 PE patients in a program covering pelvic floor awareness, learning to contract those muscles pre-orgasm, and rehab involving electrostimulation, biofeedback, and targeted exercises. It takes 2-6 months and real commitment to complete, but roughly half of participants in this study were considered cured afterward [45].

Tip #9 – Breathwork And Yoga

There's a thin but real body of evidence suggesting breathing exercises and yoga can help with premature ejaculation. In one small pilot study, a modest share of participants saw improved ejaculatory control after just 21 days of yoga practice [46]. A separate comparative trial pitted yoga against fluoxetine for PE, and every participant in the yoga group saw meaningful improvement, positioning yoga as a workable, safe, non-drug option [47].

Other research suggests that combining stretching with breathing exercises can boost sexual satisfaction in men, theoretically by building self-esteem and easing psychological distress [48].

Breathing exercises are a core piece of tantric masturbation and tantric sex.

Tip #10 – Hormone Therapy

Some evidence suggests testosterone levels influence ejaculatory reflex control, so it may be worth having your doctor check your levels [49]. More research is needed here, but if your testosterone comes back low, it's worth asking your doctor whether hormone therapy makes sense for you.

Tip #11 – Circumcision

It sounds drastic, but circumcision is a legitimate treatment option for some men with PE. It works by desensitizing the penis — though an incomplete initial circumcision that leaves foreskin remnants can actually cause PE in the first place. Removing those leftover remnants may extend ejaculation time and boost sexual satisfaction for some men [50]. That said, it's never considered a first-line treatment.

Reduced sensitivity from circumcision isn't typically viewed as a plus. Before considering surgery, read up on circumcised versus uncircumcised penises.

Emerging Treatments Being Studied

Beyond these established options, researchers are exploring newer potential PE treatments, including:

• Botox injections for PE [51]
• Exercise as an intervention for PE [52]
• Transcutaneous posterior tibial nerve stimulation (TPTNS – typically used for urinary incontinence) for PE control [53]

A Warning About "Magic" Pills And Herbal Remedies

Plenty of legitimate, effective options exist for lasting longer, but there's also a long list of "remedies" worth steering clear of. Flip on the TV or scroll online, and you'll spot ads for "magic" pills promising to fix your sex life overnight. Because so many men would rather avoid an awkward conversation with a partner or doctor, they gravitate toward a quick over-the-counter fix instead.

The problem is, those enhancement pills and herbal remedies carry real risk. They're not FDA-regulated, so their actual ingredients and potential side effects are often a mystery. Without knowing exact dosages or contents, it's genuinely hard to judge what's safe. That opens the door to dangerous drug interactions or unwanted side effects [54].

Don't Let It Become A Bigger Problem In Your Head

Worth noting: plenty of men believe they have PE when their actual latency time (the gap between penetration and ejaculation) falls squarely in the normal range. Sexually explicit media and pop culture tend to distort what "normal" looks like. On average, most men last around five minutes. That often has men convinced they're dealing with PE and searching for how to not come so fast, when they're actually right on track [55].

It's not just about timing, either. Plenty of men want a bigger penis (learn how) even when their partner is already completely satisfied.

And honestly, a quickie now and then is fun too. What's a quickie?

It's easy to blow this issue out of proportion mentally, letting your perceived lack of control become a much bigger deal than it needs to be. It can feel disappointing, sure, but it's rarely enough to actually turn a woman off.

Related: How to Turn A Girl On and How to Make A Girl horny

If you keep dwelling on a perceived lack of ejaculatory control, it can snowball into a self-perpetuating cycle that undermines your sexual satisfaction [56]. Once again, talking to your partner is the move here. You might discover the whole issue only ever existed in your head, and that your partner is perfectly happy with your sex life as it is.

Constantly chasing "longer" can also make your partner uncomfortable, or it might come across as you being too focused on holding back rather than on shared pleasure — leaving you both less satisfied, and not because of how long the sex actually lasted.

And remember, sex isn't limited to penetration time. It includes everything before and after — what most people call foreplay (tips here). If you can bring her to orgasm through oral, manual stimulation, or a toy before penetration even starts, the pressure eases considerably.

Learn how to eat pussy. These tips for fingering a woman might also come in handy.

Get more advice for pleasuring a woman.

Finally, if lasting longer is really about helping her orgasm, keep in mind most women need clitoral stimulation to get there. These tips to make a woman orgasm are a better place to focus.

Further Reading

GQ spoke with a sex therapist who made the point that sex is far more than penetration alone, so obsessing over duration misses the bigger picture.

Average sex might be shorter than most people assume, according to Esquire.

The International Society for Sexual Medicine tackles the question of how long sex should actually last.

Lovehoney surveyed 3,000 adults on ideal sex duration — see what they found.

Frequently Asked Questions About Ejaculatory Control

FAQ#1 – Is it a problem if I only finish early occasionally?

If it only happens now and then, there's generally no cause for concern. For PE to count as a genuine clinical issue, several criteria typically need to be met [6]:

• You're consistently unable to delay ejaculation during sex
• Ejaculation almost always happens within a minute of penetration, or sooner
• You feel real distress or frustration, potentially to the point of avoiding sexual intimacy altogether

FAQ #2 – How Widespread Is Premature Ejaculation?

Research suggests 20-30% of men worldwide deal with premature ejaculation [57], though these figures are somewhat subjective.

FAQ #3 – Is this worth mentioning to my doctor?

Yes — if you suspect you're dealing with PE, bring it up with your doctor, ideally a urologist who specializes in this area. Women tend to see their OB/GYN yearly as a matter of course, while younger men often only see a urologist once something feels seriously wrong. Regular checkups, or at least asking your primary care doctor for a referral, can help catch issues early, while they're easiest to treat. A urologist can determine whether PE stems from another medical condition, and if not, guide you toward the best path for lasting longer [58].

FAQ #4 – Does PE improve with age?

For some men, PE sticks around for life. That said, research indicates men with PE tend to skew younger overall, and once erectile dysfunction is factored out, PE risk does drop meaningfully with age [59].

FAQ #5 – Are there long-term health consequences to premature ejaculation?

PE itself may not carry direct long-term health risks, but it can be a signal of other underlying issues, which is exactly why it's worth discussing with your doctor. It's sometimes linked to psychological conditions like depression or PTSD, both of which warrant proper treatment [58]. PE can also strain a relationship over time, so talking to both your partner and your doctor beats letting it go unaddressed.

October 11, 2020