The Complete Guide To Using Every Type Of Sex Toy

Sex toys genuinely rank among the best inventions out there! Beyond spicing things up in the bedroom, plenty of people credit their first — or best — orgasms to toys like vibrators, and some can only reach orgasm with one in play. Whether you're brand new to sex toys, want pointers on using them with a partner, or wonder if there's something you haven't yet tried, this guide covers plenty of ground on how to use them well.

Are You On the Fence About Adult Toys?

Worth remembering: sex toys are tools. Plenty of people rely on tools to get things done, and since bodies and abilities vary so much, some genuinely need them while others simply don't.

Nothing wrong with using tools either way, even without a strict need — a point plenty of people miss, especially when a partner brings toys into the mix.

Sex, though, is about far more than one thing: pleasure, fun, connection, intimacy, exploration… and sex toys can genuinely support all of that!

That said, ignoring a partner in favor of toys or solo play, or using toys outside agreed boundaries, can create real problems. But in those cases, the toy itself isn't the issue — the relationship or attitude behind it is.

Why does this matter? Because it means the right mindset lets anyone genuinely enjoy sex toys!

With that settled, let's get into specifics.

• How do you actually use sex toys?
• Is there an optimal approach?
• How do you maximize your odds of enjoying one?

Answers here often hinge on whether you're going solo or with a partner. A vibrator vibrates regardless, sure, but how you use it on a partner might differ entirely from solo use. Certain toys suit solo play best, while others genuinely require a partner.

Let's start with solo play — masturbation! Using a toy on yourself is a fantastic way to explore your body, learn what triggers orgasm, and figure out whether (and how) a given toy works for you. All of that knowledge transfers directly into partnered sex later, even for toys you ultimately skip.

With that groundwork laid, here's how to use sex toys solo.

Toys For Masturbation

Lube

Technically not a toy, but lube deserves a spot here as an essential accessory — easing insertion and penetration, guarding against friction-related tissue damage, and letting sessions run longer comfortably.

Some hesitate to use lube, worried it signals something's "wrong," but nothing could be further from the truth. Natural lubrication varies dramatically person to person, and even cycle to cycle for the same person. Stress, antidepressants, birth control, other medications, menopause, and various illnesses can all affect it too [1]. So don't hesitate to give it a try.

Learn more about the benefits and types of lube.

Consider lube essential for anal play specifically, since the anus doesn't self-lubricate at all.

A note on lube and sex toy compatibility – Water-based lube plays nicely with everything, but softer silicone toys can react poorly with silicone lube. Test this by applying a small amount to the toy's base and rubbing vigorously for five minutes — stickiness afterward means the silicone has been compromised, losing its nonporous quality entirely.

Vibrators

This category is so vast that covering every variation would be impossible, but a few broad groupings exist.

• Insertable vibrators, G-spot toys included
• Dual stimulators targeting both vaginal/G-spot and clitoral zones — rabbit vibrators being the classic example
• Clitoral stimulators — most women need or prefer clitoral stimulation to reach orgasm [2]
• Massagers or wands, typically plug-in models delivering serious vibration power!
• Mini vibrators like eggs and bullets, ideal for clitoral or nipple stimulation, with discreet lipstick-shaped vibes falling into this group too
• Wearable vibes, including strap-on styles, panty-slip designs, or finger/hand-worn models

The most reliable approach with any vibrator is simply pressing it against whatever you want stimulated. Try combining an external clitoral vibrator with a vaginal or anal toy simultaneously!

Start on the lowest setting – You can always ramp up from there. Even the lowest setting feeling too intense? Try wearing underwear, placing a sheet between you and the toy, adjusting the angle, or pressing against the labia rather than making direct clitoral contact.

Rub, thrust & turn – Experiment with rubbing, thrusting, or rotating the toy during use — though holding it perfectly still is entirely valid too.

Grind – Some enjoy grinding directly against a vibrator, propped between pillows or held by dedicated position pillows with built-in toy pockets.

Remote control – Remote-controlled and app-controlled vibrators exist too, for hands-free operation!

Keep in mind most vibrators serve more than one purpose.

Get more tips like these in our guide to using vibrators.

Dildos

These might seem simple on the surface, but plenty of variety exists among nonvibrating insertable toys, aka dildos. Fantasy and realistic shapes, handles or suction cups, even bullet-vibrator slots — the options run deep. Dual-density dildos stand out especially, pairing a firm inner core with a softer outer silicone layer for a more realistic feel.

With enough lube, a dildo inserts vaginally or anally without much trouble. Toys secured to a surface may take some practice to find the right angle.

Thrusting is the typical motion, though holding it steady makes sense while another toy, like a clitoral vibrator, handles simultaneous stimulation. Textured dildos sometimes feel great when rotated too!

Read More: Learn How To Use A Dildo For Maximum Self Pleasure

Anal Toys

Whether backdoor play is the whole point or an addition to other stimulation, plenty of options exist:

• Butt plugs – Designed to stay in place once inserted. Discover how to use a butt plug during sex and masturbation.
• Prostate toys – Vibrating and non-vibrating designs capable of delivering intense, even multiple, orgasms for those with a prostate.
• Anal beads – Deliver stimulation both going in and coming out.

Related: How to Use Anal Beads

Some dildos and vibrators work anally too, even without being built specifically for it — C-shaped G-spot toys, for instance, often double well for prostate stimulation. That said, the best anal toys stay smooth, unbreakable, flexible, easy to clean, comfortably sized, and feature a flared base for secure grip and easy removal [3] (handles or loops accomplish similar safety).

And while dual anal/vaginal use is possible for some toys, thorough cleaning between uses is essential [4].

Male Masturbators

Masturbators form a broad category — toys you thrust into or stroke along your shaft. The iconic Fleshlight and popular Tenga eggs both fall here. Hard-cased designs like Fleshlights typically suit thrusting, while softer versions work better held and stroked by hand, though exceptions always exist.

Beyond varied textures, materials, and designs, masturbators come in single-use and reusable versions. Some offer adjustable suction, others vibrate, and some even stroke automatically! A bit of lube goes a long way toward comfort here.

Thorough cleaning and drying matter enormously, since trapped moisture invites mold. Some materials also need a manufacturer-provided renewing powder to stay soft over time.

BDSM Gear

Most BDSM gear leans toward partnered use, though plenty adapts for solo play too. Nipple or clitoral clips and clamps, for instance, can be genuinely fun solo if a little pain enhances your pleasure. Gags, blindfolds, or collars are options too. A paddle can technically be self-applied, though not every body accommodates that easily.

Self-bondage appeals to some — ankle or wrist cuffs are straightforward to manage alone, though binding your entire body solo gets trickier and riskier. Rope bondage enthusiasts can find tutorials for self-tie techniques, and spreader bars or chastity devices like cock cages often adapt for solo use too.

Avoid any solo bondage setup you can't easily escape on your own.

In a genuine emergency — fire, medical event, anything unexpected — that inability to escape risks serious injury or worse.

Cock Rings

Like BDSM gear, cock rings typically show up in partnered contexts, though plenty enjoy them solo too. They can feel great while supporting erection size, firmness, and duration [5]. A vibrating cock ring can even be flipped to target the perineum during solo wear.

Basic designs are single loops worn around the shaft alone, or shaft-and-scrotum together — some toys use double loops for exactly that. Put it on while semi-erect, and a bit of lube smooths the process.

Fit matters — too tight, and problems follow.

Generally, wearing a cock ring safely tops out around 30 minutes. Remove it immediately if numbness sets in or discoloration appears.

Sex Toys For Partnered Play

Lube

Lube proves just as valuable — arguably more so — during partnered sex as it does solo. You may well wonder how penetrative sex ever happened without it once you try! It works for vaginal and anal penetration, hand jobs, and manual clitoral stimulation alike, while flavored lube shines specifically for oral sex.

Oil-based lubes clash with condoms since they break down latex [6, 7]. Silicone or water-based lube is the safer bet instead!

Vibrators

Vibrators aren't purely a solo tool — they bring plenty to partnered play too. Hand your partner a powerful wand vibrator to take the lead (maybe while you're restrained, or controlled remotely), or try a smaller vibe nestled between your bodies during sex.

Show a partner exactly how you like to be stimulated, or explore their sensitive spots directly. Men's bodies respond to vibration just as much, something plenty of people overlook — leaving loads of room to explore there too!

An entire category of wearable couples' vibrators exists too, typically hugging the pubic bone during vaginal penetration. We-Vibe essentially created this space, though options abound now.

Some vibrators are even discreet enough to wear out in public without anyone noticing.

Worth remembering: vibration isn't limited to the genitals. Nipples and the anus can respond well too (though anal insertion always calls for a flared base or handle).

Dildos

Like vibrators, dildos work easily by hand, suiting both vaginal and anal stimulation — provided a flared base is present for anal use.

Partnered play opens up another option too: slotting a dildo into a harness for penetration. Targeting the prostate this way is known as pegging!

Related: How To Find and Stimulate The Male G Spot For Powerful Orgasms

A compatible harness and dildo pairing matters here. Harnesses typically use stretchy O-rings fitting snugly around the dildo's base, so girth should match the ring — though some harnesses feature swappable O-rings for handling different sizes.

Dildos, along with insertable vibrators, also open the door to dual penetration — try two toys together, or a toy alongside a penis, for a genuinely full sensation!

Anal Toys

The various anal toy types were already covered above — scroll back up for a refresher. Partnered use opens up a few directions:

• Pair an anal toy with oral or manual sex.
• Insert an anal toy during vaginal sex for double penetration.
• Focus purely on anal stimulation via probe, plug, beads, or a prostate toy.
• Wear a harness with an anal toy to penetrate your partner.

Plenty of creative variations exist beyond these too, given some imagination!

Restraints and BDSM Toys

Exploring BDSM fully really does call for a partner. BDSM covers bondage, discipline, dominance, submission, sadism, and masochism — an umbrella spanning countless activities:

• Impact play (spanking, paddling, flogging, etc.)
• Restraint (rope, cuffs, spreader bars, blindfolds, breast bondage, gags, etc.)
• Erotic roleplay/power exchange and giving or following instructions in the bedroom
• Clamps and clips for nipples or the clitoris
• Chastity devices like cock cages
• Cupping
• Electrostimulation
• Foot worship – find out how to satisfy a foot fetish
• Needle play
• Orgasm denial/control
• Pet play
• Pony play
• Sensation play (hot, cold, fur, feathers, Wartenberg wheel, etc. — get ideas in our post about sensual domination)
• Sensory deprivation kink
• Wax/candle play

Real overlap exists with rough sex here too — hair pulling, biting, scratching, fisting, and similar acts.

Read More: 16 Rough Sex Ideas For Crazy, Passionate, Intense & Hard Sex

Space doesn't allow covering every one of these in depth, but safety always comes first. Learn any gear thoroughly before using it, agree on safe words, keep shears/wire cutters/scissors nearby for emergency release, duplicate any handcuff keys, never leave a restrained partner unattended, and follow through with aftercare afterward. Stay vigilant regardless of experience level, skip play while impaired, and make sure everyone involved has genuinely consented.

Even with deep knowledge and experience, these activities carry inherent risk — exactly why the BDSM community places such heavy emphasis on health and physical safety awareness across the board [8].

The guide 8 Vital BDSM Rules To Keep It Safe, Sane and Sexy will help you learn the basics of BDSM safety.

Cock Rings

Cock rings work well in partnered sex too, boosting erection quality or delivering shared stimulation through a vibrating attachment or bullet.

Learn how to use a cock ring for better sex.

Position Pillows and Furniture

Whether crazy sex positions are the goal, a height mismatch is getting in the way, an injury or disability needs accommodating, staying in one position too long grows uncomfortable, hitting the right spot needs an assist, or novelty is simply the appeal — position pillows and sex furniture might be exactly the fix!

Inflatable versions exist, but most quality gear uses memory foam, offering far more support than a standard pillow since it resists compressing. Unless space is genuinely tight, foam tends to be the smarter pick.

Liberator's line of position pillows comes in a range of colors and materials, some even with built-in bondage attachment points, and washable covers keep them looking fresh. The brand also makes full-sized sex furniture that doubles as regular home furniture.

Perfect Position Cushions, Dame Products, and Misstu offer position pillows worth checking out too.

Sex Swings, Straps, and More

Sex swings and similar gear sit somewhere between position aid and bondage equipment — supporting your body for positions that would otherwise be difficult, while also gently restricting movement.

Several styles exist:

• Freestanding swings with their own frame
• Ceiling-mounted swings
• Over-the-door swings, easily stored when not in use

Related slings and straps help lock in unique positions and provide support during acts like doggy style.

Related: Doggy Style Position

Penis Sleeves, Extenders

For anyone wanting a bit more during penetrative sex, extenders and cock sheaths offer a solution — adding girth, length, or both. Some come textured for added partner pleasure too.

Masturbators and Strokers

Finally, some toys seem purely solo-focused — "masturbator" is right there in the name! Yet using a stroker while giving a partner a hand job, or holding a Fleshlight between your legs as they thrust, can be genuinely hot. Get creative here!

Other Sex Toys

Inconspicuous Sex Toys

A whole category exists purely for discretion — designed to avoid looking like a toy at all, or to stay hidden entirely:

• Remote-controlled vibrators, like panty vibes a partner can control while you wear them
• BDSM gear disguised as jewelry, cuffs or collars included
• Incognito vibes, like Crave's Vesper — a vibrating pendant necklace
• Sex toy storage bags styled as purses or makeup cases
• Hollow pillows built for hiding favorite toys

Some overlap exists with generally discreet vibrators, though not every discreet vibe is quite public-ready like these options.

Kegel Toys

Kegels — exercises strengthening pelvic floor muscles to reduce incontinence [9] and potentially boost sexual pleasure — can be done anytime with a simple squeeze (discover how to do Kegel exercises), but dedicated toys help too.

These come in various forms. Vaginal balls, Ben Wa balls among them, may be weighted or vibrating, squeezed via muscle contraction. Some Kegel trainers resemble bulbous dildos designed for squeezing. An entire smart Kegel trainer category also connects via Bluetooth, guiding sessions with app-based games and tracking your actual progress!

Sex Machines

Fucking machines like the Sybian technically serve solo play, though they're genuinely uncommon — largely due to cost, since these can run into the thousands, plus the sheer space they demand. That's exactly why porn features them far more than real bedrooms do.

Budget and room permitting, though, these machines deliver a genuinely novel, intense experience — a vibrator or dildo thrusting automatically as you straddle or lie back. Definitely not for the faint of heart!

Packers

A packer is a dildo variant built for everyday wear rather than penetration. Trans men, and anyone exploring gender identity, often find these invaluable — matched to skin tone and body shape, or chosen as something entirely fantastical instead. Personal choice all the way.

Pairing a packer with a comfortable harness (a jock-style option works well) makes sense for extended daily wear. Since packers run softer and more flexible than standard dildos, penetrative sex often calls for a separate, firmer toy. Experimenting will reveal what actually works for you.

Pussy, Nipple, and Penis Pumps

Another toy category boosts sensation and potentially size through vacuum suction — manual hand-pumping or motorized. Designs exist to fit over the clitoris (or full vulva), nipples, or penis.

Pussy and penis pumps generally don't deliver pleasure on their own, and may even temporarily block genital access — most people use them as pre-sex or pre-masturbation prep instead. Smaller pussy pumps sometimes stay wearable during actual penetration, and nipple pumps adapt more easily to wear during sex or masturbation.

Urethral Sounds

Urethral sounds are unfamiliar to most people, and that's completely normal. Some men insert these ultra-thin rods — often glass or metal — directly into the urethra. A genuine taste for pain and extreme kink is basically required here, alongside real awareness of the associated risks — though that caveat applies to any sexual activity, really.

The Best Positions for Sex Toys

Our giant list of the best sex positions is worth browsing for toy-friendly options generally, but the positions below (and their variants) suit specific toys particularly well.

• Missionary – works well for small vibrators tucked between bodies, couples' vibes like We-Vibe, and cock rings.
• Doggy style (and other rear-entry positions) – suits anal toys, dual penetration, and clitoral toys.
• Cowgirl – pair with anal toys, cock rings, or clitoral stimulators; lean forward, and your partner can incorporate impact play toys too.
• Spooning – leaves the clitoris fully accessible for stimulation
• Reverse cowgirl – excellent for anal toys

Plenty of other positions adapt just fine too, sometimes with a small tweak like adding a position pillow! And for non-penetrative play, an entirely different set of positions opens up — over-the-knee or kneeling suit spanking and impact play beautifully, and nearly any toy works while a partner lies down (restrained or otherwise). Even standing can turn into a fun toy-friendly position!

Going solo with sex toys, meanwhile, opens the door to literally any position your body can manage!

A Few Final Words on Sex With Toys

After this deep dive into sex toy use, the urge to head straight for the bedroom (or the nearest sex toy shop for restocking!) probably makes total sense — who wouldn't want to try some of these ideas, or their own variations inspired here? Still, a few words of caution first.

First, big spending isn't required. Plenty of toy types exist, and budget-friendly versions often perform just as well. Sex toy preference is also deeply personal, so no guarantee exists that any given toy — however well-reviewed, beloved, or expensive — will actually click for you. Testing new toys or categories with a cheaper option first is often the smarter move.

It's also easy to overestimate what you can comfortably handle. Sometimes people order a larger toy purely for the challenge, only to find what arrives is simply too much. Sizing up gradually as comfort grows is always possible; forcing something too large from the start isn't a good idea. Shop with practicality in mind.

Finally, using a toy with a partner differs meaningfully from solo use. A partner's angle or grip on the toy may not match your own instincts, which can be exciting — or occasionally a little frustrating. Open conversation heads off the latter. Let your partner know what's working and what isn't; enjoyment should genuinely flow both ways!

Since talking about sex isn't always easy, we put together the guide to sexual communication.

Consider yourself fully equipped to dive into sex toys, solo or partnered. Have fun, but never lose sight of safety.

May 3, 2021