9 Ways to Make Sex More Intense Tonight

Sometimes intense sex is exactly what you need. It can pull you out of your own head so you're feeling instead of overthinking, and it often paves the way to incredible orgasms. So what actually makes sex intense — and can it go too far?

What Makes Sex Intense

Below are several reasons sex can feel more intense on some occasions than others. Combine a few of these ingredients, and you might land on an experience that's truly out of this world.

1. It's Rough

Rough sex can absolutely feel intense — some would argue it usually does! Rough sex includes things like biting your partner during sex, scratching during sex, hair pulling, and spanking, among other moves. These acts anchor you in the moment, whether you're the one doing them or receiving them.

Ramped-up physical activity naturally feels more intense, and impact play or other rough elements during sex can create a physical intensity that gentler lovemaking simply doesn't.

Check out our passionate, in-depth guide to rough sex to learn the right way to do it and everything it can involve.

2. It Involves BDSM

BDSM stands for bondage, discipline, dominance and submission, and sadism and masochism. If rough sex appeals to you but you're craving something with even more edge, BDSM might be worth exploring.

BDSM often includes role-play. You might take on the dominant role, the submissive role, or switch between the two. Acting out scenes with a partner can heighten intensity simply because you're stepping outside your usual sexual routine.

You can also stick purely to the physical side — bondage and discipline, which might include spanking, flogging, and other BDSM-style punishments. Blindfolds count as a form of bondage for the eyes, and adding one to your routine, without changing anything else, can boost intensity on its own. Restraining a partner during sex shifts the feel of things dramatically too.

Sadism and masochism frequently pair together. A sadist enjoys inflicting pain, a masochist enjoys receiving it, and plenty of people enjoy both! Dominants often lean sadistic and submissives often lean masochistic, but there's real flexibility here — being submissive doesn't automatically make you a masochist, for instance.

We've published quite a few pieces on BDSM and its various activities, which are worth browsing in your search for more intense sex. Check a few out below.

• Light Bondage: Powerplay & Enhancing Your Sex Life
• 8 Vital BDSM Rules To Keep It Safe, Sane & Crazy-Kinky
• 6 Wild BDSM Games

Safety matters enormously here (and with rough sex generally). Start softer than soft and slower than slow — you can always dial things up, but you can't undo going too far.

A safe word guarantees no one crosses a line into something with real negative fallout. Check out this post on BDSM aftercare and read up on safe words and safety practices in this piece on BDSM for beginners.

3. It's Kinky

What counts as kinky differs from one person to the next (Read: What Does Kinky Mean?). Both rough sex and BDSM, already covered above, register as kinky for a lot of people, and many fold other kinks into either or both. But plenty of kinks have nothing to do with roughness or BDSM at all.

Curious what we mean? Browse this complete list of kinks and fetishes.

Ready to lean into kinky sex to raise the stakes? Don't skip our kinky sex tips.

4. You're Emotionally Connected

Ask most people when their sex has felt the most intense, and they'll likely point to being in a relationship with someone. A relationship gives you time to grow comfortable, to experiment (rough or kinky sex included), and to learn each other's rhythms. It also builds the trust needed for riskier activities like BDSM.

Add an emotional bond, and sex stops being purely about pleasure — it becomes a way of expressing love too. So it makes sense that sex can feel more intense with a committed partner than with a casual one. Not that there's anything wrong with casual or no-strings sex, but it may not offer quite the same window for intensity.

5. You Have Great Sexual Chemistry

Sometimes the chemistry with a particular person is just undeniable. Maybe it's a chemical spark, mutual physical attraction, or overlapping sexual appetites and interests.

Chemistry isn't purely a yes-or-no thing, though — you can actually cultivate more of it, which in turn makes sex feel more intense. Learn how to build sexual chemistry.

6. ..And Sexual Tension

Sexual tension shows up when you're desperate to get someone out of their clothes. It often builds from having to wait for sex — maybe you were studying abroad, your schedules never lined up, or an injury, illness, or surgery took sex off the table for a stretch. When you finally get the green light, it can feel like the universe aligned just for you. The sex. is. intense.

That's part of why sexual tension might be one of the single most powerful moves in your arsenal. Discover more about sexual tension.

One way to build tension in the moment is delaying actual penetration or intercourse. Lean into foreplay and build toward the moment until neither of you can stand to wait another second. Tease him into a frenzy, and the tension will climb sky-high!

Restraining your own hands, or your partner's, adds to that tension too — as does delaying or blocking orgasm, which brings us neatly to our next point.

7. You Play Orgasm Games

You might assume orgasm is the whole point of sex (arguable in itself), so you rush toward the finish. But making sex more intense sometimes means holding off your own orgasm, or your partner's.

Orgasm control is a game centered on dictating when and how someone gets to come. Orgasm denial is a specific version where you withhold that release from your partner or yourself entirely. Devices like chastity belts can enforce that, or you can simply ruin an orgasm outright. Another variation is edging — getting right to the brink repeatedly, then backing off each time before finally letting go, which tends to make the eventual release explosive!

Orgasm control pairs beautifully with teasing. Tell your partner he's not allowed to come, then work him into a total frenzy. You'll feel drunk on power while he's driven wild with need. And when he finally does come, it'll be intense beyond belief.

8. It's In Public

For some, the thrill of public sex comes straight from the risk of getting caught. There are genuine consequences if that happens, potentially including fines or being labeled a sex offender, so scouting your location ahead of time — somewhere well away from children — matters.

Find the right spot, though, and the novelty combined with the risk can create a memory that sticks with you. You might find yourself struggling to stay quiet (the same reason sex can feel so hot when someone's in the next room), and you may be working against the clock, too.

9. You've Only Got a Short Time

When you've got twenty minutes or less, foreplay often gets cut. But what you sacrifice in slowness, you gain in urgency and energy, because you want every second to count even without a whole night ahead of you. These short sessions go by the name quickies, and they can be a genuinely good time.

Want amazing sex in 15 minutes or less? Read our tips for quickies.

Sometimes, of course, sex just feels more intense because of your mindset going in. Sex after an exhilarating day, or following a brush with danger, can feel especially charged. Anything that spikes your heart rate and adrenaline can push sex toward more intense territory, and feeling especially worked up in general tends to make you extra eager too.

The Quest for Intense Sex

You can recreate a lot of the ingredients behind intense sex, but chasing that intensity too deliberately might be exactly what causes you to miss it. Sometimes these moments need to unfold naturally, and forcing them just breeds disappointment.

It's worth remembering that your idea of intense sex might not match your partner's. Someone with more vanilla tastes may have zero interest in anything kinky (and might actively dislike it). Meanwhile, someone kinkier might see vanilla sex as the opposite of intense. Talk it through with your partner to make sure you're aligned.

Related: How to Talk About Sex

Not every encounter needs to hit peak intensity, either. You might want to slow way down if it's been a while since you've had sex and reconnection is the goal. Or an injury or recent surgery might mean saving the more intense stuff for another day. Sometimes you just want sex, plain and simple, without needing it to be mind-blowing. In fact, chasing maximum intensity every single time can actually make it feel less intense over the long run.

Some people assume intense sex guarantees an intense orgasm. While an incredible session might well lead to coming hard, that's not a given. You can have great sex and a so-so orgasm, or no orgasm at all, and there's nothing wrong with either outcome.

Sex isn't fundamentally about the orgasm. It's about giving and receiving pleasure, ideally with someone you share a real emotional bond with

If you're hoping to crank up the intensity because you're not getting much satisfaction currently, here's something worth considering.

Has your sensitivity or ability to climax shifted over time? A few culprits could be at play — hormonal changes from pregnancy, menopause, or illness, for one, and depression, anxiety, or their medications can also dampen desire and your ability to feel pleasure.

One thing that genuinely helps with more intense sex — and with enjoying sex in general — is staying present in the moment. Focus on sensation rather than overthinking. That can be tough if sexual anxiety is part of the picture, so we've put together a separate post on beating sexual anxiety for good.

Some people swear by drugs or alcohol for more intense sex. These aren't legal everywhere, so we won't advocate for using them, but research does suggest that if intensity is your goal, marijuana tends to outperform drinking beforehand.

Intense sex is a great way to pass some time (or several hours!) as long as your partner is just as into it as you are. But make intense sex your only goal every time, and disappointment tends to follow. Novelty fades with repetition too, so keep things fresh by mixing up your styles of sex.

December 4, 2020