15 Powerful Ways To Please Your Man In Bed

20 min read

Figuring out how to please your man in bed matters if you want your relationship with him to stay strong…and the good news is this guide walks you through exactly how, with 15 seriously effective techniques…

1. Take The Lead And Initiate Sex

Want a simple way to please your partner sexually? Be the one to initiate. Since men are usually the ones who initiate [1, 2] (nearly twice as often as women while dating [3]), they're usually also the ones facing rejection when a woman isn't in the mood. Even if you say yes most of the time, constantly having to be the one who starts things can wear on a man.

So flip the script and make the first move.

Ask him outright if he's up for sex.
Strip down and stroll into the room naked.
Let him catch you mid-masturbation.
Give him a heads-up that sex is happening the moment you're both home, or send him off in the morning with a kiss and a promise of what's to come.

Check out 9 ways to initiate sex.

Taking the initiative lifts a lot of pressure off your man's shoulders. It can also make him feel more wanted [4]. Trust me, he'll notice and appreciate it.

You may also end up having sex more often, which most men are more than happy about. Men tend to link frequent sex with greater satisfaction [5]. After all, men are more likely to regret the sex they missed out on, not the sex they actually had [6].

2. Master The Art Of A Fantastic Blowjob

If you've spent any time browsing Love Curi, you've probably come across plenty of blowjob techniques and tips on giving great head to your man. Once you can genuinely blow your man's mind orally, he's much more likely to return the favor. But keep in mind that great head isn't just about absorbing good information — it takes actual practice to put those techniques to use.

Naturally, he'll appreciate you practicing directly on him. That said, a smart move is trying a new technique on a peeled banana first, then surprising him with it later. Reading through the Love Curi guides on how to suck cock and how to give deep throat will show you that a truly memorable blowjob involves more than sucking — you'll want to get skilled at fondling, kissing, and licking, while giving attention to his ass and testicles too.

Want my strongest techniques for delivering an unforgettable blowjob? You'll find them in this blow job instructional video.

3. Give His Balls Some Attention

His testicles may not be the flashiest part of his anatomy and usually take a backseat to his penis, but the balls and scrotum are packed with nerve endings that make them surprisingly sensitive [7]! Many people consider them a genuine erogenous zone, and we'd agree [8]!

So don't ignore them while going down on him or stroking him if you've got a free hand available. Depending on the position, you may even be able to reach down and fondle his balls during penetration.

A few techniques worth trying:

Cupping his balls
Massaging his testicles
Tugging gently – be careful not to hurt him!
Sucking his balls and sack – get advice here

Giving his balls attention is a great way to satisfy a guy sexually and can set you apart from other partners he's had.

4. Stay Actively Involved In Sex

It's tough to feel connected to your partner if they're lying there silent and still. That's why staying actively engaged during sex matters so much. This engagement can even start before sex begins, as mentioned in the first tip above.

While things are happening, try heavier breathing and moaning, changing positions, taking the top spot (check out how to ride your man with confidence), tugging at the sheets or scratching him when it feels good, and wrapping your legs around him or drawing him closer in positions like Missionary. You can even pull him toward you right before penetration to show him how badly you want it.

Most of these behaviors signal enthusiasm, and enthusiasm is one of the biggest factors in being good in bed. Whatever you might lack in technique, enthusiasm can usually make up for.

5. Explore His Entire Body With Touch

It's easy to zero in on the genitals (and breasts) once things get sexual, but the body offers far more than the obvious erogenous zones. Nearly any part of the body can become sensual once arousal kicks in.

Run your hands across his chest, arms, and back. Use your nails if he's into a little bite of pain. Touch his face. Stroke or pull his hair. Grab his ass. Caress his hips.

Picture sexual energy flowing out through your fingertips (or wherever you're touching him) and into his body. It might sound a bit new-agey, but stepping out of your head and into physical sensation can make sex noticeably more satisfying for both of you.

Pay attention to the signs that he enjoys sex with you so you can learn what works and what doesn't.

6. Experiment With New Sex Positions

A great blowjob obviously matters when it comes to pleasing your man, but many guys actually rank great sex even higher on the priority list. The fastest way to level up your skills here is learning some great sex positions that feel amazing for him.

Here's the catch when it comes to discovering which positions please your boyfriend most…

Every guy is different.

Maybe your man loves being on top and calling the shots. Maybe he's into doggy style, or maybe he prefers watching you take control from on top. The most direct route to finding out is simply asking him — though that's not always the most exciting approach. A more playful method is trying different positions and paying attention to what gets the best reaction.

7. Keep Things Varied

Variety isn't the most precise sex tip out there, but skip it and your man risks getting bored. Wanting novelty ranks among the most common sexual fantasies people have [9 p 12]. Animals — humans included — show renewed sexual interest when novelty enters the picture [10, 11, 12, 13].

Being varied means regularly bringing new things into the bedroom with your man.

That said…

It doesn't mean tossing out what's already working. Keep doing what he loves.

Rather, it means layering in new positions, techniques, and ideas on top of the tried-and-true favorites.

Some of the new things you try will flop completely, but along the way you'll stumble onto things that work incredibly well and please him enormously.

8. Talk Dirty To Him

If you've never talked dirty to your man, you're missing out on something almost every guy secretly loves when his partner does it [see talks dirty].

But don't assume dirty talk has to be overtly explicit.

A lot of it can be subtle, even soft-spoken. Take a look at these dirty talk examples and phrases — most aren't outrageous, yet they'll still get him worked up.

What's really cool about dirty talk is that it builds a little private world between the two of you, almost like a secret language nobody else shares. Something a lot of people don't realize when learning to talk dirty is that it's not only about turning him on in the moment.

It also builds sexual tension, keeps him thinking about you throughout the day, teases him, and makes your whole relationship more playful and fun.

Quick note: if you came here specifically hunting for advice on building tension and keeping him thinking about you through dirty talk, check out my course on how to talk dirty.

Whether you go sweet or a lot nastier, think about your tone of voice. A softer, slower delivery than usual tends to work well without tipping into ridiculous territory. And while there's a place for yelling and moaning aloud (how to moan during sex), whispering into his ear during sex can sometimes hit even harder. It's perfect for telling him how good something feels, that you love him, or simply saying his name.

Whispering forces you closer together physically, and that closeness feels intensely intimate.

9. Ask Him To Play With Your Butt

Picture this: you're mid-sex, and it's incredible. You don't want it to end — you just want more. So what do you do?

You say to him:

"Finger my ass."

And what happens next?

He goes for it, because he's just as turned on as you are and that request is about as hot as it gets, especially if anal play isn't usually your thing but he's hinted at wanting to try it. This might seem like it's really about your pleasure (find out the benefits of anal fingering) rather than his, but plenty of men are curious about anal play and rarely get the chance to explore it.

If it turns out you're into it, you can always move on to anal sex from there.

Read More: How To Have Pain-Free Anal Sex

10. Explore Roleplay Together

Roleplay is a great tool for bringing your and your man's fantasies to life — it's really that simple. Most people carry a range of fantasies, from familiar tropes like schoolgirl/headmaster or dominant/submissive dynamics to things far less commonly discussed.

The best way to get your man talking about his fantasies is to share yours first. Once he sees you're comfortable discussing different fantasies, he'll be far more willing to open up about his own. As you act each other's fantasies out together, you'll both grow more at ease sharing the wilder ones. Talking things through before acting them out also helps you map out your limits together [15].

When these conversations happen, stay open-minded and non-judgmental about whatever he brings up, even things you don't personally want to try.

Discover the most common fantasies.

11. Change Up The Location

Switching up where you have sex is one of the simplest ways to keep pleasing your man. There's no shortage of easy locations worth trying at least once.

In the shower
Somewhere else around the house
On a beach
In the woods
Somewhere you might risk getting caught

WARNING: Whatever location you pick, make sure you're not breaking any laws.

You don't have to hit every item on this list every time you have sex, but making the effort to learn what he likes and to bring him more pleasure pays off — and with any luck, he'll return the favor.

12. Give His Prostate Some Attention

Another often-overlooked pleasure spot on a man's body is his prostate. You may already know it's an organ tied to intense pleasure, which makes it worth exploring if you're serious about satisfying him. You can reach it through his anus [16] — which is exactly why so many men and their partners hesitate to try prostate play in the first place.

But did you know his prostate can also be reached through the perineum, the stretch of skin between his balls and anus (often nicknamed the "taint")? Prostate play can lead to a distinct type of orgasm for some men [17], and can even help them become multiply orgasmic (learn how to do this for yourself)!

Those are compelling enough reasons to give prostate play a shot. You can work it into a handjob (tips here), oral sex, or certain sex positions.

For more on this, check out:

You might also want to look into pegging, where a woman penetrates her male partner anally. If he already enjoys prostate stimulation, pegging could be especially rewarding for him. Try out a few of these 17 pegging positions when you're ready.

13. Tell Him When – And Where – To Finish

Here's a little secret: you have more control over when your guy finishes than you might think. A lot of men try to hold off because they assume you want sex to last longer, but that's not always true. Sometimes you're ready for it to end, or maybe the idea of him finishing inside or on you right then sounds hot.

So what's the move? Simple — just tell him you want him to cum. Those words alone will push most men right over the edge.

Take it a step further by specifying where you want him to finish, whether that's inside you (vagina, ass, or mouth) or somewhere on your body (stomach, face, chest, etc.).

Giving him instructions like this works especially well during roleplay, and you'll likely feel pretty powerful doing it.

Learn more ways to make a guy cum hard.

And if dominating your man appeals to you even more, check out this guide to femdom.

14. Turn Up The Intensity During His Orgasm

As he's finishing, try scratching him or digging your nails in a little. Biting, spanking, or pinching can also work. That mix of slight pain with pleasure can feel genuinely delicious.

Of course, this really depends on his pain tolerance. If he can't stand pain at all, this trick could backfire rather than satisfy him. Talk to him about it before you try anything along these lines.

15. Play With His Cum Afterward

This might sound unusual, but his pleasure doesn't have to stop once he's finished. You could massage it into your skin, or lick it up.

Just the visual alone is likely to turn him on, and it might even get him hard enough to go again.

Do this, and he may just decide you're a freak in bed — the good kind.

..But Avoid These Mistakes

By now you've picked up plenty of ways to satisfy a guy sexually, but a handful of things are worth steering clear of.

First, don't overdo the moaning and screaming. Let sounds come naturally as an expression of pleasure — there's no reason to fake volume.

On that note, never fake your orgasms. Doing so only teaches your man habits you don't actually enjoy.

Also, steer clear of bringing up your exes, even in a way meant as flattering. It might feel like a compliment in your head, but most guys don't want to hear about a partner's past lovers while they're in bed with you.

Here's a more controversial one: don't tell him he's the biggest you've ever had, especially if he's average. Men are generally quite aware of their own size. A comment like that tends to land as patronizing and dishonest rather than flattering. Instead, compliment his skill and how well the two of you fit together.

That said, if he genuinely is well above average, feel free to say so.

Related: The 13 signs that a man likes going down on you.

Remember, It Takes Two

While putting in effort to please your partner matters, his satisfaction isn't entirely your responsibility. You can drive yourself crazy trying to please someone who's simply impossible to satisfy. And if he isn't interested in being pleased, there's only so much you can do.

Even a skilled, generous lover can run into obstacles outside her control — health issues, medications, anxiety, and more can all get in the way of a partner's pleasure. Guilt around his own sexuality can also lower his satisfaction [18]. Aging, too, is linked to a dip in sexual satisfaction [19, 20].

Your own pleasure matters just as much as his.

So if he isn't putting in effort to please you too, it may not be worth exhausting yourself trying to satisfy him. Whatever gets you off is a decent bet for what he'll like too — research shows more overlap than difference across groups (like men and women) when it comes to sexual satisfaction [21].

And don't judge pleasure purely by whether orgasm happens. While men generally reach orgasm fairly easily, that's not universal. You can still enjoy each other fully even on nights he doesn't finish.

Resources

Therapist Laurie Watson shares five sex tips about men for women in this article on Psychology Today. These tips can help you better satisfy your partner.

Dr. Sarah Hunter wrote this article to help women understand that men also need to feel desired — pleasing him is about more than technique alone.

You may already know sex therapist Ian Kerner's book She Comes First, but he also wrote one aimed at helping women please their male partners: Passionista.

The Good Girl's Guide to Great Sex by Sheila Wray Gregoire is a solid full-length resource if you want an entire book devoted to sexually satisfying him.

For those with female partners: If your goal is fully satisfying a female partner instead, check out these 31 sex tips for men aimed at pleasing her.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – What if my man never makes any noise — how do I know I'm pleasing him?

Some men are simply quieter in bed than others, and it's fairly common among guys who learned to stay silent while masturbating to avoid being overheard. Still, like a lot of women, you might wish your man would make more noise when he's enjoying himself.

Beyond being a turn-on, hearing him reassures you that you're doing something right and can even tip you off to techniques that are working especially well.

Let him know that his moaning and heavy breathing turn you on and how much they drive you wild — he may start making more noise as a result.

You could also try dirty talk as a way to draw him out. Phrases like "that feels so good" or "I love when you do that" express desire while opening the door for him to respond. See if he picks up on it. Or ask him seductively whether he likes what you're doing — though try not to overdo the questions mid-sex, since that can break the mood.

His body language can also tell you plenty.

A relaxed body during sex is generally a good sign; tension often signals discomfort (though a man's body does tend to tense up right before orgasm). Other signs he's enjoying himself include:

A quickened pulse
Faster, heavier breathing
Pressing his body closer to yours
Grinding against you (tips for grinding to orgasm)
Bucking hips
Pulling you in closer
Guiding your body for more intense stimulation
Gasping – though a sharp inhale can occasionally signal pain instead

Learn more: How to read body language.

Finally, bring up your sex life in conversations outside the bedroom. It's a genuinely useful habit for a lot of reasons — talking about sex lets you check in, spot areas for improvement, and celebrate what's already working. Being quiet during sex doesn't mean he won't open up and reassure you over lunch instead.

FAQ #2 – How do I get my man talking about sex so I can figure out what pleases him?

Even a man who's vocal and comfortable with dirty talk during sex might clam up when it comes to talking about sex afterward. You may be left guessing what he actually wants to explore. Maybe you have hunches about his interests but aren't sure how to raise them.

Start by having most sex-related conversations outside the bedroom, unless you're offering quick in-the-moment guidance like "a little to the left." Keep things light and add some humor — sex is a serious topic at times, but treating every conversation about it as high-stakes can backfire into rejection or arguments.

Try opening with something like, "Hey, I'd love to talk about ways to make our sex life even better." You could also kick things off by sharing your own fantasies first, then invite him to share his.

Keep in mind that if he grew up in a conservative or religious household, is less experienced sexually, or carries guilt about his desires, these conversations may take more patience. Comfort and openness with a partner often take time to build, especially around anything he feels shame about.

An app or website might help if talking face-to-face feels too awkward at first.

A professional therapist can also help couples build better sexual communication.

That said, don't assume he's secretly repressed or hiding desires he hasn't shared. Some people genuinely have lower interest in sex, aren't especially creative in bed, or are simply happy with straightforward, "vanilla" activities.

FAQ #3 - Can I still please my man if my sex drive is lower than his?

Yes! Encourage him to explore his own sexuality through masturbation — plenty of people in relationships do, and it's completely healthy, offering a kind of satisfaction sex doesn't always provide. Watching porn together (or him watching alone) is another option worth suggesting.

Remember, you can stay sexual together without penetrative sex being involved. Consider mutual masturbation, outercourse, or just being present while he masturbates. You could help by stroking him, maybe with the help of a sex toy (vibrator use has actually been linked to greater sexual satisfaction in men [22]). Reading erotica aloud while he masturbates can also be a hot option.

These activities might get you in the mood too, but that's not really the point — you can stay sexually connected without sex actually happening.

Ultimately, prioritize quality over quantity.

It's often more worthwhile to spend extra time having better sex occasionally than settling for frequent but mediocre sex.

FAQ #4 – Why doesn't anything I try seem to please my man?

It's genuinely frustrating to feel generous and adventurous in bed without seeming to make progress. Ask yourself a few things first.

Are you certain he's actually unhappy? He might just be quiet (see above) or naturally reserved. Don't jump to conclusions without talking to him directly.
Is the relationship still new? You'll naturally sync up more as time passes and you both learn what satisfies the other. Early nerves also tend to fade with familiarity.
Does he even know what he wants? It's more common for women to be unaware of their own preferences due to less masturbation experience, but it happens to men too. When it does, frustration builds on both sides since neither of you knows quite what to ask for. Encourage him to masturbate and learn more about his own body, then share that with you.
Is he masturbating in a way that dulls sensation? A common issue is guys getting so used to a particular masturbation style — often fast and with a tight grip — that partnered sex can't match the intensity. If that sounds like your man, suggest he take a break from masturbating for a few weeks.
Have you actually talked to him about it? Nobody can answer questions about how he feels better than he can. Use the conversation tips above to get things started, and encourage him to speak up about techniques so you can learn what actually works.
Is he simply impossible to please? That might genuinely be on him, particularly if he's expecting something unrealistic. If he's willing to consider alternatives like masturbation, there may be room to work with. But it might not be worth pursuing further, especially if the next point applies.
Does he criticize your performance just to hurt you? If so, pleasing him shouldn't be your focus anymore. Instead, consider whether staying with someone who treats you this poorly makes sense at all.
Are there deeper relationship problems? No matter how good the sex is, unresolved relationship issues will bleed into it. Great sex can't patch over a broken foundation. Address that first and see whether things in bed improve too (discover how to improve your sex life).

December 30, 2019

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