10 Sexual Fantasies Almost Everyone Has (And How to Explore Them)

The plot of the erotica you write, the dirty scenario you murmur to your partner in the dark, the image that flashes through your mind right before you climax — what ties all of these together? They're sexual fantasies.

Fantasizing is remarkably ordinary. Men and women both do it, and the mental script often has nothing to do with the person actually in bed with them. Having one doesn't make you strange — it makes you human, even when the daydream wanders far from your real-life partner. A fantasy is a mental escape hatch from routine, and that variety is often exactly what keeps a sex life charged.

Some of these scenarios can be brought to life, though plenty of people prefer them to stay purely imaginary. You don't have to act out a fantasy word-for-word to get something meaningful out of sharing or exploring it with your partner.

Below are some of the fantasies women report most often.

1. Receiving (and Giving) Oral Sex

When people hear "sexual fantasy," their minds often jump straight to elaborate BDSM scenes. We'll get there, but plenty of fantasies are built around activities that aren't extreme at all. Multiple surveys rank oral sex — both giving and getting it — among the most frequently reported fantasies. It tends to surface most in relationships where this "ordinary" act just isn't happening much.

If oral sex is rare in your relationship, craving more of it may be your dominant fantasy, especially if it's the surest route to orgasm for you. We've written up ways to encourage your partner to go down on you if that's the case.

And to any men reading who are curious, yes — women genuinely enjoy receiving oral sex.

That brings us to another fantasy rooted in familiar territory.

2. Anal Sex

Whether you've already experimented with anal or never have, it shows up as a fantasy for people on both sides of that line. Wanting it without having tried it is completely normal. Check out our pointers for a first anal experience whenever you're ready — or simply leave it as a fantasy if that feels more comfortable. The vulnerability involved can feel deeply intimate and surrendering, which is part of its appeal for a lot of women.

If your imagination puts you on the giving end instead, penetrating your partner, that's a pegging fantasy. Read up on what pegging involves and how to try it, and check out these 17 pegging positions when you're ready to put it into practice.

3. Forced-Sex Fantasies

Turning up the intensity, fantasies involving being "taken" or overpowered are extremely common, particularly among women — though acting them out for real isn't without risk. Without genuine trust and a sense of control throughout, the scene can end up feeling distressingly real, even traumatic. That's precisely why negotiating the scene in advance, while both of you are sober, matters so much.

A safe word or safe gesture is essential here — a standard safety tool in BDSM circles. Pick something memorable that's clearly distinct from words like "no" or "stop," since those might be part of the scripted dialogue in a forced-sex scenario. If a gag is involved, dropping an object to make noise can serve as a signal that things need to pause.

Worth reading: Consensual non-consent offers a framework for exploring these fantasies safely.

4. Dominance and Submission

Research consistently finds that both dominating a partner and being dominated rank among the top fantasies for men and women alike. Taking charge over your partner grants a kind of control you may rarely feel elsewhere in life, while submission appeals just as strongly to people who carry heavy responsibility day-to-day and simply want permission to let go.

This dynamic is just one slice of the broader BDSM world — we cover more in this BDSM primer. It's worth trying at least once, and this guide can help you learn to submit. The same ground rules around communication and safety from the forced-sex fantasy apply here too. When you want absolute clarity with your partner, a BDSM contract can spell everything out, although something that formal isn't always necessary if you're just testing the waters with light bondage.

Regardless of which role appeals to you, these fantasies can be deeply satisfying — especially combined with the next one.

5. Bondage

Bondage pairs naturally with dominance-and-submission play, but it also stands perfectly well on its own. Restrained wrists or ankles, a ball gag, a blindfold, or something more elaborate can add real spark to your sex life, even if it lives purely in your imagination during masturbation. There's something about the surrender bondage represents that many people find genuinely liberating.

It can be as soft as fur cuffs and silk ties, or as intense as metal restraints and intricate Japanese rope work — a range that probably explains why it's such a widely shared fantasy. The visual style of bondage gear itself can be arousing on its own, too.

6. Sex With a Stranger

You could technically find a stranger through a classifieds ad or fetish site, but most people who fantasize about this don't actually want a real encounter with someone unknown. Luckily, you can stage this fantasy with someone you already trust completely. Arrange to meet at a bar or club, arrive separately, and go through an entire round of introductions and flirting as if you've never met.

Once you've built up some sexual tension, sneak away together — a make-out session in a corner, sex in the car, or a hotel room booked for the night can bring this fantasy to life and reignite your sex life.

7. Sex in Public

Speaking of car sex, getting intimate somewhere public is another fantasy that comes up again and again! The appeal varies — some like the thrill of possibly getting caught and having to rush, others like knowing an unseen someone might be watching. A new setting also forces some creative thinking about positions.

Just be mindful of public indecency laws, and steer clear of anywhere with heightened penalties, like near schools. For more ideas, see our post on having sex outdoors.

8. Threesomes

It's a myth that only men fantasize about bringing a third person into bed — plenty of women do too. A threesome opens the door to experiencing another man or woman, which can be an intense rush. If watching or being watched appeals to you, this fantasy might be especially compelling.

There are a couple of common setups — MMF (you plus two men) or FFM (you, another woman, and your partner) — and we've put together tips for a smooth threesome experience. MMF opens the door to double penetration, while women drawn to FFM scenarios are often bi-curious, with the added comfort of their partner being present too.

Related: MMF and FFM positions worth trying, including the Eiffel Tower position.

For those craving full group sex, the old saying might hold true — the more, the merrier. Maybe there's another couple you know who'd be open to swinging or group play.

Learn more: A beginner's guide to swinging.

If turning this into reality isn't something you want, that's perfectly fine too. You can still tap into the appeal by watching porn together and talking about what turns you on about it, weaving a third person into dirty talk without inviting anyone into the bedroom, or letting a sex toy stand in for that extra participant.

9. Being Watched — or Doing the Watching

Does the thought of someone observing you during sex or masturbation send a shiver through you? Or maybe it's flipped — watching someone else is what does it for you. Either way, you're in good company. There's a charge in knowing someone finds you compelling enough to watch, and an equally strong pull toward observing someone else, whether or not they're aware of it.

This fantasy can play out several ways. If you have an exhibitionist streak, you might masturbate somewhere your partner can walk in on, or arrange to be waiting naked when he gets home from work. Some people take it further by inviting a stranger to watch without touching, or by filming themselves — just knowing the recording exists can heighten the excitement even if it's never viewed.

If you lean toward the voyeur side, watching your partner touch himself might do the trick, or a night at a strip club together as foreplay. Cam sex (video chat works well for this) satisfies that same craving while keeping you connected during time apart. And some people's fantasy has nothing to do with their own partner at all — just picturing two strangers together in a room can be enough.

10. Everything Else

Sexual fantasies are as varied as the people having them, and yours may shift from one day to another. They tend to morph the moment you start layering in variations — swap the person watching you from your husband to a total stranger, or turn the person receiving your attention from your boyfriend into someone else entirely. You could even imagine a different partner altogether, like another woman.

Maybe your mind wanders to performing a striptease, working as an escort, or dancing for a crowd of admiring strangers. Role-play in general opens up nearly limitless variation — real scenarios to try with a partner, or purely mental ones to enjoy on your own. The bottom line: your fantasy life is bounded only by your own imagination.

When it's time to actually discuss fantasies with your partner — this guide to talking about sex can help — keep in mind his list may look nothing like yours, since men and women don't always fantasize about the same things. It's not just about getting your own fantasy realized; staying open to his, provided it's something consenting adults can safely act out, matters just as much.

What arouses him may not be what does it for you, but trading fantasies and giving each other's a try can bring you closer together, whether or not it ends up becoming a regular part of your sex life.

December 17, 2020