Outercourse Explained – A Hot Way To Rediscover Your Youth

Spend time on any website preaching abstinence (definitely not our approach at the Love Curi!), and you'll eventually run into the term outercourse. So what is this activity, and how can it improve your sex life even if intercourse is already part of your routine? Read on to find out!

What Exactly Is Outercourse?

Outercourse refers to non-penetrative sexual stimulation, typically done with clothes still on. It's essentially the opposite of intercourse or vaginal sex. Think making out while grinding or dry humping (sometimes called frottage or tribbing) against a partner, though some people stretch the definition to include any vaginal or anal stimulation, meaning fingering or toy use could technically count too! Since definitions vary so widely, outercourse can even stretch to cover mutual masturbation or phone/cyber sex.

Read: How to Have Intensely Hot Phone Sex

Isn't Outercourse Just For Teenagers?

There's a common assumption that outercourse is mainly for horny teens not yet ready for sex, and there's some truth that this group makes up a large share of its practitioners. But outercourse has plenty of other applications, too:

• During your period, when you'd rather skip penetrative sex. Period sex can still feel great, for what it's worth.
• While recovering from an injury or infection. Penetration can prolong something like a bacterial infection, for instance.
• If your preferred style of clitoral stimulation involves grinding or pressure (which, it turns out, applies to a lot of women!).
• For transgender individuals who'd rather avoid genital contact.
• While waiting until marriage.
• To sidestep the risk of pregnancy.
• To protect healing stitches after childbirth or surgery. Most doctors recommend waiting roughly six weeks before resuming sex, but you might want something sooner.
• As a way to stay sexually connected with a partner if you have vaginismus, a condition where the vaginal muscles don't respond typically. It can be painful, but it doesn't have to come between you and your partner.

Sound like outercourse could ease sexual frustration for you? Find out more on how to deal with sexual frustration.

And plenty of people simply find outercourse fun and a nice way to change up the bedroom routine!

A Note on Virginity

Some people turn to outercourse specifically as a substitute for penetrative sex while waiting for marriage or another milestone. Others still consider outercourse just as significant as sex, since it's a sexual activity capable of producing orgasm.

As it happens, how you define virginity is a deeply personal call, and few people genuinely wait until marriage. Of course, it's entirely fine if that's your plan, and equally fine to lean on outercourse as a substitute for intercourse in the meantime.

A Word on STIs

Outercourse is a great way to stay sexually healthy, but it's not risk-free. STIs such as HPV can spread through skin-to-skin contact alone, and others can spread via oral sex.

Clothes On Or Off?

That's entirely your call. Keeping clothes on limits direct contact, and fabric can restrict movement. On the other hand, the friction of fabric can feel great, and those extra layers add a bit of protection against STI transmission.

Plenty of people enjoy outercourse in their underwear. Stripping down to your undies allows for closer contact — you'll feel his body heat and his erection, which is just as hot!

Still, things can escalate quickly, so keeping clothes on might be smart if you're worried you won't be able to say "no" to full sex once things heat up.

Positions for the Grind

If dry humping (here's why dry humping is so great) is your main goal with outercourse, certain positions offer better leverage than others.

• Missionary position works well, particularly if you spread your legs or tangle them with his. He can also kneel between your legs with one knee bent for you to grind against.
• Thigh Tide is a Cowgirl variation where your partner bends a knee so you can rub against it. You can replicate this fully clothed or in underwear.
• Coital Alignment Technique was designed specifically for clitoral stimulation.
• Some women enjoy grinding against a partner's tailbone, so have him lie down while you position yourself on top.
• Any straddling position could work for outercourse. Mastery position and Sofa Surprise position are two we'd recommend.

You may well land on your own favorite positions, and grinding might not even end up being your favorite part of outercourse. The next section covers even more ideas.

Outercourse As Foreplay

There's nothing stopping you from simply folding outercourse into foreplay. While making out, it's natural to grind against your partner, and you might do it without even meaning to. Discover tips to make out like a pro. From there, you can move into full sex by shedding clothing.

Throughout, feel free to add some dirty talk. Not sure what to say? Try one of these 64 dirty talk phrases that will get him addicted to you!

Whether or not outercourse is involved, foreplay is often essential for a woman's enjoyment during sex, particularly if orgasm is the goal. It helps you relax and get into the right headspace. A sensual massage works great here and pairs naturally with grinding.

Read: Erotic Massage 101

Foreplay can also ramp up sexual tension precisely by withholding what you want right away. By the time you're ready for the main event, you'll feel insatiable and (maybe literally) begging for penetration. Check out 22 foreplay tips that lead to wild sex!

Outercourse can also help break up your usual sexual routine by forcing you to slow down, focus on parts of your partner's body (or your own) beyond the genitals, sync up with each other, and stay present in the moment.

Related: The Ultimate Guide to Slow Sex

Turn It Into a Game

Not sure whether outercourse is your thing, or your partner seems hesitant? Try turning it into a game. Here are a few ideas to get you started.

• Find all the hot spots: Map out all your partner's non-genital erogenous zones. That knowledge can definitely be used to drive him wild.
• Orgasm competition: Who can make the other come first, or get closest to orgasm, before any clothes come off?
• Time it: If you usually rush through kissing and foreplay, try setting a required minimum time for specific activities instead. Five full minutes of kissing? Sign us up!
• As still as possible: Can you generate intense clitoral stimulation using only the smallest movements? Locking eyes with your partner this way can feel remarkably intense.

We're confident you can dream up even more outercourse games that are just as sexy!

While outercourse often gets dismissed as something less than "real" sex, or written off as only for minors or people not ready for intercourse, it can serve as a wonderful alternative to penetration whenever life gets in the way. You might also find it's a great tool for reconnecting, slowing down, and breaking out of your usual routine.

December 4, 2020