9 Orgasm Denial Games To Push Your Limits And Drive You Wild

The whole idea of denying yourself an orgasm seems at odds with sexual pleasure or fun, so why would anyone be drawn to orgasm denial? As it turns out, this kink is surprisingly common. Discover how holding off or delaying orgasm can pay off even bigger in the end!

Orgasm Denial? What's That About?

Orgasm denial is a sex game that falls under the broader umbrella of orgasm control. Essentially, orgasm is off-limits, either entirely, for a set period, or until a task is completed. It can be a solo activity (a handy way to curb excessive masturbation), but it also works beautifully between partners.

Related: 14 powerful masturbation techniques for women.

At first glance, denying yourself orgasm might sound strange. Why wouldn't you want to finish? But putting off climax can build sexual chemistry and lead to more powerful orgasms once you finally get there. There's something hot about controlling someone's orgasm, telling them they can't come (even mid-pleasure) and deciding exactly when they finally can. Surrendering that control to a dominant partner and being submissive to them carries its own appeal, too.

Both men and women can enjoy orgasm denial, and the main variations include:

• Complete denial: no orgasm happens at all, and neither sexual activity nor masturbation is permitted.
• Tease and denial: teasing brings you right to the edge, but coming isn't allowed until given permission. Learn more about tease and denial.
• Ruined orgasm: just as orgasm hits, something disrupts it or makes it far less satisfying. Learn more about ruined orgasms.

Does Orgasm Denial Count As BDSM?

If kinky sex appeals to you and orgasm denial sounds like a perfect fit for your BDSM games, you're spot on! A ruined orgasm might work as punishment for a submissive partner who didn't measure up, or you might be the submissive rewarded with an orgasm for a job well done.

Some dominants lean on orgasm denial or tease-and-denial games specifically to remind their submissive who's calling the shots and "owns" their body.

Side note: Here are 33 hot femdom ideas for dominating your partner.

Plenty of kinksters enjoy the gear that supports orgasm denial. Modern chastity belts, along with cock cages for men, can look like something out of a torture chamber. In reality, they're built to frustrate and annoy rather than cause actual pain. We'll cover those shortly.

Get more ideas in our introductory BDSM guide.

That said, you don't have to be kinky or into BDSM at all to enjoy orgasm denial or ruined orgasms. No extra tools or dominance/submission dynamic required to explore this in the bedroom.

Example Orgasm Denial Games

1. Levels: Deny orgasm a set number of times before finally allowing it for yourself or your partner. You might, say, set ten levels (5, 10, 15, and so on) before orgasm is allowed. Learn more techniques to make your man cum hard.
2. Code word: One partner can't orgasm until the other gives a signal, whether a specific code word or simply "Come." It can also be fun to instruct someone not to come while you're actively teasing them! Try some of these 81 wild things to say during sex to keep it spicy.
3. Schedule: Withhold orgasm for yourself or your partner until a set date arrives. Start realistically with something close, then push the timeline further as you go. Make it more fun by sexually teasing your man mercilessly the entire time he can't orgasm.
4. Point System: Using orgasm as a reward is a common denial strategy, and a point system helps track progress toward it. This works especially well for 24/7 total power exchange (TPE) relationships or D/s relationships. Build a list of tasks for your submissive, sexual or otherwise, each worth a certain point value. Need 10 points to orgasm? That might mean completing five separate 2-point tasks. Watch out — misbehavior can mean deducted points!
5. Homework: Writing an essay doesn't usually sound sexy, but this version might be an exception. Orgasm is allowed only after writing an erotic story, scene, memory, or deeply personal sexual fantasy for your partner to read. Make the prompt challenging enough to be a real assignment, so professional erotica writers probably shouldn't apply.
6. Tit for tat: Orgasm is off-limits until you've given your partner one first. Ramp up the difficulty with rules like no hands, eating pussy only, wearing a blindfold, using only your non-dominant hand, delivering multiple orgasms, or finishing within a set time limit. More tips on sexually satisfying a woman.
7. Desperate times, desperate measures: Your partner can orgasm, but only without using his hands (or only his weaker one). Binding them behind him ramps up the challenge even further.
8. Red light, green light: Like the childhood game. Green means go — instead of running, though, you stimulate yourself. Red means stop immediately (maybe to focus on your partner's pleasure instead) until green is called again.
9. Timer: Don't worry, this one only delays orgasm rather than denying it entirely. Set a timer (a random alarm app comes in handy, no pun intended).

Looking for more ideas? Check out these 7 tease and denial sex games.

Sex Toys for Denying Orgasm

Plenty of sex toys exist to support orgasm denial games. These are the modern update on chastity belts, once heavy metal devices requiring keys to unlock. Today's versions still let you control orgasm through a lock and key, but they're lighter, sleeker, and considerably sexier.

Chastity Belts

Chastity devices for women include leather and metal belts consisting of a waistband connected to a strap between the legs to block access to gratification. They resemble harnesses closely, and you can even find harnesses fitted with butt plugs and internal dildos, though those lean more toward causing orgasm than preventing it. Chastity belts can even be worn discreetly under clothing in public!

Chastity belts don't come cheap, so proper fit matters a lot. An adjustable belt is your best bet since you'll need to account for both waist size and the drop from waist to crotch.

Keep in mind that chastity belts make using the bathroom awkward. That could actually feed into a bathroom-control kink, or you might simply need your partner to unlock you when nature calls.

Combination and key padlocks are still common, but newer models use Bluetooth or similar wireless tech, letting your partner unlock you remotely through an app. Noke, Master, Quicklock, and Ivation all make smart padlocks, though they're pricier and harder to find than standard ones.

Plus-size women sometimes struggle to find a chastity belt that fits well. A DIY route using two separate belts is one workaround, one forming the waistband and the other running between the legs.

Related: 7 great sex positions for plus size women.

The belt running between the legs should have holes positioned near the front of the crotch. You can sew or glue its back end to the waistband belt (similar to a thong) and trim off any excess. Overlap both belts' ends so you can slide a pin through the holes in both before securing it in the buckle.

Adding a lock takes more effort, but locking buckles are available to replace the standard belt buckle.

Rope bondage offers another route entirely. A harness circling the waist and running between the legs, positioned to prevent clitoral contact, works well here.

Cock Cages

Most chastity devices built for men skip the harness look, though a few harness- or jock-strap-style options exist if that more encapsulated feel appeals to you.

These devices fit over a soft penis and typically lock into place. The cage material, plastic, metal, or something similar, stops him from becoming fully erect. Once aroused, his erection presses against the cage without any room to grow. That's part of why cock cages read as a bit more sadistic than chastity belts.

Cock cages are usually easier to fit since most skip the waistband entirely.

Chastity devices also pair well with cuffs to block fingers from sneaking in stimulation. Cuffing the wrists is one option, and bondage positions can place them behind the back or even against the thighs (thigh-to-wrist cuffs exist, or you can improvise with rope).

Syntribation: Some women can orgasm just by squeezing their thighs together, so a spreader bar keeping thighs and legs apart might be worth considering.

Solo Orgasm Denial

If your masturbation habits are getting in the way of your responsibilities and you want to hold off until you can be with a partner, or you're simply curious how long you can go without orgasm, you're far from alone. A handful of tools exist to help with exactly that.

Some websites let you sign up and commit to a set duration of self bondage called chastity.

How to Ruin an Orgasm

Ruined orgasms are one variation of orgasm denial, and they're genuinely fascinating. Right before someone is about to come, you introduce something that halts or disappoints the orgasm. Pain or discomfort is one route — switching from manual stimulation to a spanking, slap, or any form of impact play, for instance.

Paying close attention to your partner's (or your own) response matters here, since timing is everything. Ruin it too early and it won't land; wait too long and the orgasm slips through unimpeded.

Ruining a man's orgasm is fairly simple, since all it takes is halting stimulation at the right moment. Ice can also help shrink an erection quickly.

Orgasm Denial Versus Edging

Orgasm denial and edging your partner can look pretty similar, but they're not identical. Both fall under orgasm control games, and edging can even be viewed as a form of orgasm denial (tease and deny). But orgasm denial can mean truly withholding orgasm, with no payoff during that session, sometimes stretching out for days or weeks at a time.

Orgasm denial can involve a partner or work as a solo pursuit. Solo, you'll likely set your own goals for how often you can orgasm and how long you'll go without. If your sex drive runs high, this becomes a deliciously frustrating challenge.

Does Orgasm Denial Work For Everyone?

For women with a lower sex drive, being denied orgasm might actually help. Knowing you can't come might rev you up and make you want sex more, especially if your partner is the one withholding it.

Related: 10 ways to boost your sex drive.

That said, for women dealing with low libido or difficulty reaching orgasm in the first place, orgasm denial might not help at all. It could even feel dull, since sex wasn't appealing to begin with and orgasm wasn't happening anyway. You know your own body best, so weigh that before diving into orgasm denial.

Orgasm denial is a genuinely fun game for plenty of people, and a partner isn't even required to get started!

February 23, 2022