How To Have Sex With Yourself And Guarantee An Orgasm

Sure, there's something special about a partner who's fully devoted to your pleasure — but your sexuality shouldn't stop there. If solo sex hasn't made it into your routine yet, you could be missing out on one of the most rewarding parts of being sexual at all.

Beyond easing stress and helping with sleep, masturbation teaches you exactly what turns you on and gets you off — knowledge that translates directly into better partnered sex. And your solo routine doesn't have to feel repetitive, either. These tips can help you enjoy sex with yourself in ways you might not have tried yet.

Get to Know Your G-Spot

Your G-spot is a genuinely remarkable part of your body, and solo exploration is often where you really discover it. You may have felt G-spot stimulation during partnered sex before, but taking the time on your own to locate it and learn what it responds to can open up a whole new dimension of pleasure.

Your G-spot sits along the front vaginal wall, just behind the pubic bone. In some women it's positioned closer to the vaginal opening, making it simpler to locate, while others benefit from a curved toy or hooked fingers to reach it. Check out our G-spot guide with images.

It typically feels slightly textured or bumpy compared to the smoother tissue around it. Sometimes called the female prostate, it's made of spongy tissue you stimulate indirectly through the vaginal wall. Most G-spots respond better to firm thrusting motion than to vibration alone, which explains why curved toys tend to work so well here.

G-spot stimulation can trigger orgasms that many women describe as deeper and more full-bodied than clitoral ones — sometimes leading to squirting as well. If mess is a concern, laying down a towel beforehand helps. And if you turn out to be a frequent squirter — congratulations — Liberator makes an absorbent blanket called the Fascinator Throe specifically to protect furniture.

Reach Orgasm Through Clitoral Stimulation

Clitoral orgasms tend to come more easily for most women, and locating this sensitive spot just above the vaginal opening is usually straightforward. No toys are required to enjoy this kind of solo pleasure, either — a hand slipped into your underwear and some experimenting is all it takes. Try tapping, light pinching, stroking along either side, and working down the clitoral "legs" toward the vagina.

Some women actually prefer indirect stimulation through fabric — even the seam of a pair of jeans can deliver enough sensation to trigger arousal, sometimes even unintentionally. It's part of why so many women have discovered dry humping as a favorite, purely for the clitoral sensation it provides. More on clitoral stimulation here.

Experiment With Anal Stimulation

If anal sex with a partner has already been part of your experience, you likely already know whether you enjoy it — but there's no reason to treat it as something that requires another person. Anal toys, always with a flared base for safety, make solo backdoor play entirely possible. You might discover a love for double penetration, or enjoy a plug inserted while working toward clitoral climax.

That said, anal pleasure doesn't require penetration at all. Lightly rubbing around the sphincter with fingers or a toy can feel wonderful for plenty of women. And don't hold back from a scratch, a spank, or a firm grab of your own backside if the mood strikes — it's yours to enjoy fully.

Don't Skip the Nipples

While nipple-only orgasms tend to be exaggerated in movies, that doesn't mean your breasts can't add real heat to your solo sessions. Some women prefer gentle caressing, others enjoy a deep, oil-slicked massage, and some love a firm pinch.

A few tools can amplify breast and nipple stimulation too — vibrating nipple clamps and suction pumps both work well, or simply run a vibrator across your chest. More tips on nipple clamps here.

Bring In a Dildo

We're clearly enthusiastic about phallic toys around here. Whether a partner isn't available or you'd simply rather focus purely on your own pleasure without factoring anyone else in, a dildo can become an incredibly reliable companion. Body-safe silicone, temperature-responsive glass or ceramic, and ridged or angled G-spot-specific designs mean there's a dildo suited to nearly every preference.

Once you find your favorite, solo sex tends to get a whole lot more fun — and there's no shame in becoming something of a connoisseur, since half the fun is in the shopping itself. Learn how to use your new dildo here.

A few shopping notes worth keeping in mind: PVC, jelly, rubber, Cyber Skin, and other porous materials can trap bacteria no matter how thoroughly you clean them. Always use a condom when switching between partners or body parts. Silicone, stainless steel, glass, and wood dildos, on the other hand, can all be properly sterilized.

Try a Vibrator

Want something beyond a dildo alone? Vibrators generally fall into two camps: internal (vaginal or G-spot-focused) and clitoral. Internal vibrators can double as a thrusting toy, with the added bonus of some models also reaching your clitoris simultaneously. If yours has a flared base, it can double for anal play too. Dedicated clitoral vibrators, meanwhile, tend to be smaller, more discreet, and easy to travel with whenever you need a quick release.

If serious power is what you're after, a plug-in wand-style vibrator is worth considering — the Original Magic Wand is a classic example, and it's not limited to sexual use either, since it doubles nicely as muscle relief. Dual-stimulation vibrators, like the classic rabbit style, hit multiple spots at once for an even bigger payoff.

Take It to the Shower

Plenty of women discover masturbation in the shower or bathtub as their very first solo experience. The sensation of water pressure against the clitoris and vulva feels entirely different from a partner or a vibrator, which is exactly why so many women love it.

Shower time also tends to be one of the few genuinely private moments available if you share a home or have kids around. A detachable showerhead aimed between your legs is the most convenient setup, though a bathtub faucet works in a pinch too. And if squirting is part of your routine, the shower makes cleanup practically effortless.

Set the Mood With Music

If a particular song makes your hips move or boosts your confidence enough to feel undeniably sexy, let it set the tone for your solo time.

It doesn't matter whether it's Marvin Gaye, a Def Leppard classic, or something you'd never hear on the radio — what matters is that you genuinely like it. Hit play on a laptop, put your phone on speaker, or grab a portable Bluetooth speaker to enjoy music while you masturbate. Beyond setting the mood, it also happens to mask any sound if privacy is a concern.

Dive Into Erotica

Whatever niche you're curious about, it almost certainly exists somewhere in erotica. Cleis Press is one publisher known for excellent anthologies and full-length novels from skilled authors, including Alison Tyler — covering everything from straight and lesbian to gay, BDSM, and stranger-sex scenarios. The internet is packed with free steamy erotica too — Tumblr in particular hosts plenty of aspiring writers honing their craft, and there's nothing stopping you from joining in.

Erotica isn't limited to reading, either — writing it can be just as thrilling and might be exactly the spark that gets your own solo sessions going. Starting a blog to share your stories is one option, and sites like Literotica host an active community for both roleplay and erotica writing if you're after feedback. BooksieSilk offers a similar space to publish your own work and read others'.

Explore Porn

Assuming porn is a guys-only interest? Think again. If you respond strongly to visuals, watching people flirt, tease, and eventually get into the action can be genuinely arousing. You can imagine yourself in the performers' place, simply appreciate attractive bodies, or even pick up a technique or two. Thanks to the internet, there's no shortage of places to find whatever style of porn appeals to you.

Keep mental notes of anything that catches your eye — you might want to try it solo or bring it up with a partner down the line.

Beyond all this, there's a wide range of things that can heighten the mood and boost pleasure further. Sneaking an orgasm in an unexpected public place like a bus seat or a fitting room, sending flirty texts to a partner (or a stranger) to build arousal, and taking boudoir photos for a confidence boost are all things plenty of women genuinely enjoy. Not every idea here will resonate with you, and that's completely fine — the goal is simply enjoying your own pleasure with zero pressure attached.

December 17, 2020