9 Fun Ways To Unlock Your Sexually Adventurous Side

The Love Curi is packed with tips, ideas, techniques, and nuggets of knowledge on how to please your man in bed.

But what if I'm just not that sexually adventurous, Sean?

First things first: you don't actually have to be sexually adventurous in bed. You're not obligated to use everything — or anything — you find on this site.

Think of it as a reference (and a source of inspiration!). The choice of whether to use it is entirely yours.

Just because it looks like other people are doing wild things with their sex lives doesn't mean you should feel pressured into copying them. Do what feels right for you. Don't let me or anyone else convince you otherwise.

Still, if you've made it this far, chances are you want tips that will help you level up your skills in the bedroom.

1. Becoming More Sexually Adventurous – Start With Your Mindset

Step one toward becoming more sexually adventurous is developing a positive mindset.

I don't mean some kind of 'woo-woo' vibe where you sit around meditating.

Heck No!

That's not what The Love Curi is about. We're about real action and real results.

By 'positive attitude,' I mean approaching things with greater enthusiasm toward new sexual experiences — whether that's games, positions, techniques, or anything else.

Remember that 2008 Jim Carrey movie, Yes Man, where he starts saying yes to every opportunity that comes his way and ends up having a string of wild, memorable experiences?

I'm definitely not suggesting you agree to literally everything someone proposes — your safety always comes first.

But it's worth staying open to trying new things with your partner, even the ones that sound a little absurd at first.

So Is Saying 'Yes' & Staying Positive All It Takes To Become More Sexually Adventurous?

Pretty much, as long as you keep safety in mind.

Once your mindset shifts, you're ready to take your first steps. That doesn't mean you need to run out and buy a full leather outfit. You can start small — reading (both educational material and erotica), browsing online, watching porn, or simply letting your imagination wander.

So do I need to buy a book to get started?

You'll find plenty of free information right here on The Love Curi. There's also a Resource section near the end of this article with more suggestions.

These resources introduce you to terminology, tools, and adventurous ideas worth trying. Once you have a few concepts in mind, play around with fantasizing. Notice what excites you and what you might actually want to attempt.

Fantasies involving group sex, power exchange, novelty, romance, voyeurism or exhibitionism, and even cross-dressing are all surprisingly widespread, according to sex researcher Justin Lehmiller [1 p 11]. Take a look at some other popular fantasies.

It's perfectly fine for some fantasies to remain just that — fantasies you never act on! But you might also try jotting them down for your partner to read [2].

Confidence Makes The Difference

There's one attitude in particular that might be holding you back: how you feel about yourself.

Feeling insecure about your body or your abilities as a lover keeps you inhibited and stops you from being your true sexual self. Studies show that negative body beliefs can even get in the way of orgasm [3]. You'll find plenty of confidence-building advice in this post about riding your man, but if your insecurity runs deep, talking to a professional could be worthwhile.

One thing that never helps: comparing yourself to others. Stop measuring yourself against other women — it only fuels insecurity — and stop obsessing over what other people supposedly do in bed and whether it counts as "normal."

Related: Is Your Vagina Normal? The Different Types of Vaginas

The truth is, bodies and sexual preferences vary enormously. Some things are far more common than you'd guess, mostly because we rarely discuss sex openly. And plenty of "common" habits don't actually lead to a satisfying sex life. That's why chasing "normal" isn't a useful goal.

Sure, it's natural to be curious about how often people have sex, but it's far more useful to figure out how often you and your partner actually want it — and make that happen.

Get A Handle On Anxiety

Lastly, anxiety can seriously hurt your sex life. For one, it tends to lower sex drive [4, 5, 6]. It can also keep you from ever attempting adventurous things in the bedroom. A bit of nervousness is normal — say, with a new partner or a new activity — but heavy anxiety can drain the enjoyment out of every part of life, sex included.

Again, a professional can offer tools for managing anxiety, which in turn can boost your sex life too.

Once you're ready to turn those fantasies into action and get more adventurous, keep reading.

2. Explore Solo First

While figuring out how to be sexually adventurous, trying something new with a partner can feel intimidating — or maybe you don't have a partner right now. Exploring on your own is a great starting point. The method? Masturbation.

Grab all the female masturbation tips along with some excellent masturbation techniques.

Once you've learned what turns you on, you can share that knowledge with your man and build from there.

3. Get Creative With Oral

If you already consider yourself a bit of a bad girl, oral sex probably isn't new territory for you. But being adventurous means pushing past the standard blow job.

I've put together what I believe is the internet's best resource on oral sex tips for women.

Check out my blowjob tips and oral sex techniques — but before diving in, start with this tutorial video I made showing you how to give your man an unforgettable blow job.

And don't skip the detailed section covering all the different blowjob positions you can experiment with.

4. Build Your Sexual Vocabulary

Learning new positions and mastering the art of a great blow job matters a lot for your sex life, but there are plenty of other ways to get more adventurous with your partner.

Dirty talk is a fantastic option — useful both in bed and out of it to keep the spark alive.

You can also send him dirty text messages or talk dirty over the phone when you're apart, keeping him thinking about you all day. That said, for my best and most actionable advice, check out this instructional book on dirty talking, where I show you how to use dirty talk to build tension, turn him on, and keep him hooked.

And this isn't just for his benefit. Plenty of women have told me sexting and similar activities are a reliable way to get themselves worked up too.

Discover how to get yourself horny.

5. Grow Your Sex Position Collection

If you're serious about becoming more sexually adventurous, learning new positions should be near the top of your list. There's no shortage of variety — you'll never run out of options here.

With high-quality illustrations covering more than 100 sex positions to try with your man, boredom won't be an issue.

That includes blow job positions, anal positions, shower sex positions, and plenty more.

I'd especially recommend girl-on-top positions if adventure is your goal — they let you take charge and prioritize your own pleasure. Speaking of taking charge...

6. Explore Your Dominant & Submissive Sides

Ever like the idea of taking control and using your partner exactly how you want? Or maybe you'd rather hand over control to someone who anticipates your every need? Domination and submission fantasies are extremely common — researcher Justin Lehmiller found this was the second most frequent fantasy type overall [1 p 11].

Whether you're drawn to just one role or both (people who enjoy both are called "switches"), exploring this dynamic is a solid path toward more adventurous sex.

You can ease into it — for instance, if you're feeling dominant, the next time you're home alone together, pull him into the bedroom, push him onto the bed, climb on top, and tear his clothes off.

But getting more dominant doesn't have to be that dramatic.

It can be as simple as initiating sex while you're already in bed, unzipping his pants for a surprise blowjob, pulling him in for an unexpected kiss, or giving him a back rub out of nowhere.

Learn how to be dominant in the bedroom.

On the flip side, if submission appeals to you more, try asking him what he wants to do with you, or invite him to punish you after you've "misbehaved." Discover tips for submitting to your man for kinkier sex.

Exploring both your dominant and submissive sides shows your partner you're multi-dimensional — there's more than one version of you in the bedroom, which can add a lot of excitement, especially if you happen to be dating a younger man.

7. Put The Right Tools To Work

Sometimes the only obstacle to branching out sexually is simply forgetting to make it happen. Similarly, plenty of people aren't having as much sex as they'd like just because they never carve out the time. Luckily, a few tools can help.

Start with a calendar or a phone reminder to track what you're doing and nudge yourself toward trying something new. You don't have to commit to a specific activity on a specific date — but a small nudge goes a long way toward breaking out of routine.

If you're still new to being sexually adventurous, checklists can spark both inspiration and arousal. Give this sexual bucket list a try, or browse this list of fetishes and kinks. You don't have to check off every item, but a handful will likely catch your eye!

Feeling extra kinky? Try this BDSM checklist — it can spark ideas and make it easier to talk with your partner about what you'd like to explore.

When people ask me how to get their partner more on board with adventurous sex, I usually suggest turning it into a game. Some websites even let both of you mark your interests separately and reveal where they overlap, keeping the conversation low-pressure. Sites like Mojo Upgrade are a great place to kick things off.

8. Treat Yourself To Something New

Whether you're trying to get your partner more adventurous or just want inspiration yourself, a shopping trip can help. You don't even need to leave home thanks to online shopping, but a visit to your local lingerie or toy shop can be worthwhile (plenty of kinksters swear by hardware store finds too).

You might come home with new goodies and fresh ideas. And even empty-handed, the experience alone might get you so worked up that you can't keep your hands off your man the moment you walk through the door.

9. Don't Underestimate Your Partner's Role

One major factor in how quickly you become more sexually adventurous is……your partner.

People often overlook this, but he plays a huge part in helping you get there.

When you're with someone you trust, someone who makes you feel at ease, being adventurous comes much more naturally. If a new partner leaves you feeling overwhelmed, intimidated, or anxious, it's completely fine to stick with the basics until you feel more settled.

How to Be Sexually Adventurous As a Single Woman

Most of what I've covered assumes you're in a couple — after all, I frequently hear from people wondering how to get their wife more adventurous. But you don't need a relationship to explore your sexuality. Single women can absolutely be sexually adventurous too.

In fact, people with a high sociosexual orientation may lean toward casual sex and later regret skipping it [7]. If that sounds like you, being single might actually give you more room to be adventurous in bed. Monogamous relationships limit your opportunities to sleep with other people, but being single opens that door (as does being part of the swinger lifestyle, in an open relationship, or polyamorous).

Keep a few guidelines in mind to make the most of your single sex life.

• Expect that people will find you attractive — because they will.
• Know that you deserve great sex, and don't be shy about asking for it. When sex educator Laurie Mintz surveyed her students, she discovered men were actually glad to receive direction [8, p 166].
• Keep essentials on hand — condoms, lube, and a small toy — to elevate your experience.
• Take initiative when meeting men (apps like Tinder or Bumble make it easier).
• Dress to turn heads. Dressing sexy for someone can also help you feel sexy yourself.
• Flirt shamelessly (flirting tips here) to grab attention and show your interest.
• Be upfront about your intentions if casual dating and sex is all you're after.
• Let someone you trust know your whereabouts if you're heading off with someone new.
• Skip partners who only care about their own pleasure.
• Set your own pace. Rushing into sex too quickly ranks among women's top sexual regrets, particularly around losing their virginity or having sex before marriage [9]. Move fast if that's what you want — but never feel pressured if you're unsure.

Find more advice like this in my article about one-night stands. You might also enjoy this practical guide to being a slut.

How to Be Sexually Adventurous and Stay Safe

It would be irresponsible not to touch on sexual safety. Even while focused on getting more adventurous, safety has to stay front and center — mainly, preventing pregnancy and avoiding STI transmission.

That means using birth control to prevent pregnancy. Condoms also guard against pregnancy during vaginal sex and reduce STI risk when used during oral sex [10]. A dental dam is another barrier method that can protect you during cunnilingus or analingus [11, 12, 13].

Related: Analingus Guide aka Rimming aka Tossing The Salad

If you have multiple partners, it's smart to always use protection unless a partner is aware of your other partners (and you're aware of his) and you've both agreed to skip barriers. Beyond that, get tested for STIs on a regular basis. The CDC recommends at minimum annual gonorrhea and chlamydia screening for all sexually active women under 25, and for women over 25 who have certain risk factors (new partners, multiple partners, or a partner with an STI) [14]. Ideally, get tested before each new partner and share your results with them.

Keep in mind that some STIs have an incubation period and won't be detectable right away [15, 16], so a follow-up test after a new partner is worth scheduling.

Also worth noting: many STIs don't cause any symptoms at all.

Does Being Sexually Adventurous Guarantee Better Sex?

Getting more sexually adventurous can absolutely improve your sex life — sometimes simply because you discover how freeing it feels to drop your inhibitions, and sometimes because you unlock new sources of pleasure. That said, some people get so fixated on trying new things that checking items off a list becomes the goal instead of actually enjoying themselves. When that happens, you risk losing sight of the pleasure itself — similar to what happens when someone fixates on reaching orgasm instead of enjoying the journey there.

Also worth remembering: some people's tastes lean more basic — often called "vanilla." That's completely fine. Forcing yourself to be more adventurous can leave you feeling overwhelmed or actually diminish your pleasure, a bit like switching positions right when things are getting good.

Psst, here are a few ways to have better sex.

You don't need to try something new every single time you have sex, but staying open to adventure can lead to a more satisfying sex life overall. Trying new things brings couples closer and often teaches you something new about yourself along the way!

Resources

Being sexually adventurous doesn't mean giving up monogamy — The Ethical Slut is a long-recommended book about polyamory and related territory for those whose sense of adventure points that way.

Therapist Lisa Thomas offers solid advice for women looking to break out of their sexual shell over on Psychology Today.

Mating in Captivity: Reconciling the Erotic and the Domestic digs into why sexual excitement often fades once you're coupled up, and how to hold onto it.

The Guide to Getting It On is a widely loved book for exploring your authentic sexual self.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – Why do I struggle to be more sexually adventurous?

We all pick up cultural messaging that gets in the way of embracing our authentic sexual selves, and women in particular absorb a specific set of messages. Some of these might sound familiar:

• You shouldn't have sex too soon if you want a real relationship with a guy.
• You're expected to want less sex after marriage.
• Women with multiple partners are labeled sluts, while men get praised for the same thing.
• Men take sex; women give it.
• It's your responsibility to satisfy him completely so he never strays or leaves.
• Masturbation is shameful.
• You're not allowed to say, "No."
• Real sex means vaginal penetration, ending once he ejaculates.
• Anything kinky or unusual isn't "normal" sex.
• Kissing is only for people you love.
• Certain acts will send you to hell.
• Trying one kinky thing means you'll spiral into the most extreme version of it.
• Attractiveness requires meeting a certain physical standard.

These are just a sample of the messages you may have absorbed simply by growing up in this culture. Traditional stereotypes cast men as more assertive and adventurous than women when it comes to sex [17]. Family, friends, religious institutions, and media all reinforce these ideas.

But when it comes to sex, this is all bad programming. It makes you feel guilty for wanting pleasure or wanting something specific. That guilt serves no purpose, whether you're trying to be more adventurous or simply trying to make sure you orgasm during sex.

Related: How To Orgasm Every Time – For Women

Messages that frame sex as shameful or wrong are called sex-negative, while treating sex as healthy and positive is known as sex-positivity [18, 19]. Embracing sex-positive attitudes is a major key to becoming more sexually adventurous.

Beyond cultural messaging, your own personal history shapes how adventurous you feel comfortable being. If a past attempt at something new went badly, or if you've survived sexual assault, stepping outside your comfort zone becomes significantly harder.

Even if you reject the negative messaging around sex intellectually, being more adventurous can still feel difficult in practice.

Why?

Being open about your needs and desires, and trying new things, opens the door to awkwardness and even embarrassment. But sex is sometimes awkward, or you find out something just isn't for you in practice. That's completely normal.

Think about the concept of sexual brakes and accelerators, a framework sexuality educator Emily Nagoski has written extensively about [20 p 49]. Brakes shut you down; accelerators fire you up. Women generally have more sensitive brakes than men, so if fear or anxiety are among yours, your libido can stall out the moment you try something adventurous.

Letting yourself be vulnerable can actually be attractive to your partner, and opening up tends to deepen your connection. If jumping straight into adventurous activities feels like too much, start with reading. Sites like this one, plus the books in the Resources section, are a great launchpad for expanding your sexual knowledge. Once you feel ready, you can start experimenting.

FAQ #2 – Why won't my partner get more sexually adventurous with me?

Men and women absorb different messages about sex and bodies, but there's plenty of overlap — guys aren't immune to unhelpful messaging either. He might worry that your desire for adventure means he's not satisfying you, or he might not realize sex can involve so much more than penetration. Some guys wonder if trying anal makes them gay (it doesn't), and others fear their partner will develop an appetite they can't keep up with.

Once again, all of this traces back to inadequate sex education — either the information was missing entirely or it was flat-out wrong. Your partner might find it easier to open up gradually, starting with some reading or low-pressure conversation.

There could be other reasons behind his hesitation too. The best way to find out is simply to ask, which helps you figure out how to get your husband more adventurous sexually. Since sex talk is rarely easy, we put together this guide to sexual communication. Frame the conversation around how being more adventurous benefits you both and brings you closer, rather than criticizing your current sex life.

Be ready for a few possible outcomes once you bring it up.

He might not be receptive at all, and could even push back by accusing you of being wrong for wanting change. If he refuses to even discuss it, chances are slim he'll actually change anything. You'll have to decide whether staying in a sexual and romantic relationship with him still makes sense if exploration is permanently off the table.

Or, he might be willing to talk but ultimately admit he's happy with things as they are and has no interest in changing. He could be genuinely vanilla, or he might just be selfish and lazy since he's already getting off just fine. Either way, you'll need to weigh whether this relationship still works for you.

Alternatively, you might have a meaningful conversation that brings you closer together. You could end up exploring as a team and having incredible sex. Sometimes his hesitation stems from a private desire or secret he was scared you'd judge him for — and often these "secrets" aren't even that unusual; people tend to blow them out of proportion in their own heads. For example, opening up can be especially hard for a partner who's experienced sexual violence in the past.

If he manages to be vulnerable with you, respond with gratitude and listen without judgment. That said, be prepared — what he reveals might not be what you were hoping to hear. It could be an intense kink or something else he's kept hidden. Sometimes these revelations are jarring and could even be dealbreakers. More often than not, though, that's not the case, and these conversations are best approached as chances for growth and shared pleasure.

Finally, low libido — in either of you — can be the real reason things haven't gotten more adventurous. If you're simply not in the mood, extra effort isn't appealing, right? Learn about the surprising factors that affect libido in this article about sexual desire.

FAQ #3 – Is it fine if one or both of us just isn't into being sexually adventurous?

Completely! While plenty of people thrive on sexual exploration, it's not a requirement for everyone. What matters most is that you and your partner are aligned. If one of you wants more adventure and the other doesn't, resentment tends to build, which is bad news for the relationship. When there's a real mismatch in how much exploration you each need, it may be time to reassess whether you're sexually compatible.

August 14, 2020