How To Embrace Being A Slut – 14 Steps To Get There

The first time a reader asked me how to become a slut, it caught me off guard. I had to sit with the question for a while to figure out why that might actually be something worth wanting.

Like most of you, I grew up believing sluttiness was a bad thing. But I've since realized that's not necessarily true, and now I'm glad to offer my readers guidance on embracing their slutty side.

A conversation with a friend about a woman I was interested in got me questioning what my friends and I actually meant whenever we tossed around the word "slut" for women.

I mulled it over for ages.

"Slut" typically describes women who sleep around or enjoy casual sex. It's a label used almost exclusively for women, and it rarely carries a positive spin. It conjures up an image of a woman who's somehow worth less. A man living the exact same lifestyle usually gets called a stud or a player instead [1 p 3].

So really, what's the problem with a woman who likes having sex?

Should women bottle up desires that men get to freely satisfy? That double standard is neither fair nor healthy.

We don't apply this thinking to men. Nobody expects men to "save themselves," and sleeping with many women often earns a guy respect from his peers.

The more I turned it over in my head, the murkier it got. Even though women get slapped with this label constantly, it doesn't seem to carry one consistent meaning!

So What Actually Makes Someone A Slut?

Before figuring out how to become one, you need to pin down what "slut" even means.

Everyone who throws the word around uses it a little differently.

Most commonly, it conjures up a woman who's sexually free — lots of partners, a love of casual sex, maybe a wardrobe that leans provocative.

Other times it's just a put-down aimed at a woman who's unpopular or who's done something people disapprove of. It might even get slapped onto someone who's made questionable choices, sexual or otherwise.

Even people who agree the word means "promiscuous" can't settle on a magic number of partners that qualifies. Five? Ten? Maybe it's about sleeping with multiple people simultaneously, or simply refusing to settle down?

What makes one woman claim "I'm a slut" varies wildly.

Honestly, some women even toss it around affectionately among friends.

The women labeled as sluts often share nothing in common besides somehow fitting this loose, sprawling definition.

That alone proves how subjective the term really is. Ten partners in a single month might be an enormous number to one person and a totally average month for someone else!

So take it with a grain of salt whenever someone slaps that label on you — or anyone else. And remember how subjective it is before you're tempted to call another woman a slut yourself. Because regardless of what the word means to any given speaker, it's almost always a judgment cast on a woman — usually an unfair one. You've likely felt the sting of that judgment yourself, and the world could use less of it, not more!

Research shows highly sexual women often face real struggles tied to their sexuality [2]. Shedding sex-negative attitudes is one solid way to boost your own sex life.

Check out this article with more tips to improve your sex life.

And honestly, there's nothing wrong with being a "slut" if it genuinely makes you happy — as long as nobody gets hurt along the way. That last part matters, even though people forget it sometimes. You might insist it's "just sex," but if the guy's actually fallen for you, is in a relationship, or thinks you're exclusive, your slutty streak could cause real damage.

Fortunately, you can dial up the slutty energy with just one guy, or if you'd rather, plenty of single guys out there are looking for the exact same thing!

How Being A Slut Can Look For You

There are basically two schools of thought on this. One is sleeping around a lot — more one-night stands or casual flings because commitment isn't on your radar right now (or maybe ever).

The other is being wildly adventurous with a single partner. Think of the classic line, "a lady in the streets but a freak in the bed." Some wouldn't even call this being a slut, but it's probably exactly what your guy means if he's told you he wants a slutty wife.

Most men will confess they'd love a slutty partner — maybe not one sleeping with other guys, but one who behaves like a slut exclusively for him. No man fantasizes about a partner who's dull and unadventurous between the sheets. They want someone eager to experiment and who makes them feel like a stud.

Related: What Men Want in Bed

Plenty of guys dream of a partner who checks every slutty box we'll cover below — but only for them. They want to be the sole recipient of that energy.

What happens behind closed doors is nobody else's business, and if this is genuinely what you're into, embracing it can only help you get the satisfaction you're craving.

If you're wondering how to be great at this, you've landed in the right spot.

Here are 14 principles to help you level up your slutty side. Use these as a starting point whether you want to lean further into it or simply want to check whether you're already doing great. They apply whether you're meeting new partners or just at home with the one you've got.

1. Have The Sex You Actually Want

Step one is chasing the sex you genuinely crave. Got a high sex drive, or does the thrill of a new partner do it for you? Follow that. Want your man every single day, want to be on top calling the shots, or want to try something wild and kinky? Go for it.

Maybe that means spending more time at bars or parties in search of guys.

Maybe you're swiping on Tinder or another app looking for a one-night connection.

Read More: How To Have A One Night Stand (Regret Free + Thrilling Sex!)

Some people will judge you for this, especially if you're not interested in settling down. Society often measures a woman's worth by how much she contributes to home and family. That's not everyone's path — and it might not be yours right now.

That's totally fine. Just accept that judgment will come. Let it! You'll be too busy enjoying yourself, hopefully.

That said, don't take unnecessary risks or pick reckless partners. If a guy's already taken, or clearly wants something more serious than sex, going the slutty route with him probably isn't wise. And always protect yourself no matter who you're with.

2. Dress However You Please

Women often get branded sluts purely based on their outfit — a tight dress, a short skirt, a plunging top. If you're out on the town, you might choose something eye-catching specifically to signal you're up for casual fun.

Of course, you might just genuinely like dressing that way with zero slutty intentions whatsoever. It's entirely a matter of personal taste.

But if you do want to look sexy — or you're dressing this way because you already feel sexy — go for it.

Related: 14 ways to make yourself feel sexier.

This kind of attention isn't just for strangers at a bar, either. Dressing up for your man signals you're ready for something dirty and wild. Whether it's your date-night outfit or the lingerie you slip into when he gets home from work (get tips for picking the right style for your body), he'll notice the effort.

It's easy to overdo it when chasing "sexy," and sometimes it lands closer to silly than hot. The trick is picking things that make you feel confident.

Don't copy someone else's version of sexy. Create your own.

Learn how to dress sexy.

And remember, it's not just about what's visible. What's underneath — a killer bra and panty set, or nothing at all — matters too!

3. Master The Art Of Flirting

You'll need solid flirting skills if meeting guys and bringing them home is the goal. Luckily, Love Curi has plenty of resources to sharpen your flirt game.

• How to Flirt with a Guy
• Flirty Text Messages to Send
• Flirting Tips to Make Him Obsessed with You
• Flirting Tricks to Show Him You Like Him

Flirting is just step one in this journey, but it's a critical one!

4. Make The First Move

Starting sex usually falls on men's shoulders, possibly for biological reasons — women more commonly experience responsive desire compared to men [3 p294]. But that dynamic puts more pressure on him and leaves him facing rejection if you're not in the mood. It can also frustrate women who drop hints hoping their partner will initiate, only to have those hints sail right past him.

The fix? Make the first move yourself. It takes the weight off him, makes him feel wanted, and gets you sex on your own timeline (usually).

This works whether you're with a longtime partner or someone brand new. Text him first if you're setting up a booty call. If you're at his place with a glass of wine and the vibe is clearly headed somewhere, take charge and get it going.

Discover 9 ways to initiate sex.

5. Get Familiar With Great Sex Positions

Knowing a broad range of sex techniques and positions lets you drive slut-loving men wild. Who you decide to share that knowledge with is entirely up to you.

Browse the sex positions section for over 100 positions worth trying with your guy.

Pro tip: positions where you're in charge and on top tend to drive most men crazy. I get that being on top can feel intimidating, especially if body confidence is an issue. But trust me — your man will absolutely love it!

Read this if you need to bolster your confidence when you're on top.

6. Perfect Your Blowjob Game

A truly great slut has blowjobs down to a science. She knows all the go-to moves, like the "Tongue Squeeze," the "Handyman," and the "Sucker."

You could pick this up over years of trial and error, or fast-track it with this in-depth blowjob instructional video, where I break down exactly what to do to make him arch his back with pleasure.

Craving more tips like this? Discover how to be good in bed.

7. Get Yourself In The Mood

In a truly balanced relationship, initiating sex would be split more evenly rather than falling on your guy every time. Still, sometimes he'll make the first move. How would a slut respond? Enthusiastically.

Saying "yes" more often to his advances might come easily for you, and he'll absolutely appreciate it if that becomes the norm. Genuinely wanting sex is basically the core of what it means to be slutty.

But what if "yes" doesn't come easily? Maybe you rarely feel in the mood. Consider whether you're actually not in the mood, or whether you do want it deep down. Picture a scale from 1 to 4:

1. You definitely don't want sex
2. You'd rather not, but you'd be okay if it happened
3. You want it, but you'd be fine skipping it too
4. You absolutely want sex right now

Three out of four could lead to sex you'd feel fine about, while only one would leave you regretting it if you went ahead anyway.

If desire feels elusive, it might just mean you don't fully understand how your own arousal works. No worries — I've written a full breakdown of sexual desire.

What if desire isn't the issue, but getting turned on quickly is hard? That's completely normal, especially for women! You might simply need to figure out what actually flips your switch.

I polled a bunch of readers on what gets them horny, and the responses poured in!

Find ideas to help you get horny in this post. On the flip side, you might discover you're almost constantly aroused, and leaning into a slutty lifestyle helps you channel that. If nonstop arousal starts interfering with everyday life, check out this guide on how to stop being horny.

Related: Learn how to turn him on.

8. Never Skip Safer Sex

Whether you're deep into one relationship or juggling a few partners, safer sex needs to stay a priority.

What does that actually mean?

Safer sex covers the habits that guard against both pregnancy and health risks.

While sex always carries some risk, smart choices can shrink that risk significantly. That includes:

• Using condoms for vaginal, anal, and oral sex. Learn how.
• Using dental dams during oral sex with women
• Wearing gloves while fingering. Keeping nails trimmed and filed matters regardless.
• Using lube, which helps prevent microtears that raise infection risk. Discover which lube to use when.
• Using birth control to avoid pregnancy.
• Taking emergency contraception after unprotected sex. Plan B is one well-known option [4, 5, 7, 8, 9, 11, 12]. Certain IUDs can also serve as emergency contraception [13, 5, 14, 15, 16].
• Completing any treatment plan fully if you catch an infection
• Getting vaccinated against HPV and Hepatitis B. The HPV vaccine now covers adults up to age 45 and guards against several strains [17].
• Getting tested for STIs — before new partners, after unprotected sex, or after being with a partner who has one
• Asking partners if their STI screening is current

Unsure whether testing makes sense for you? Planned Parenthood has a quiz to tell you if you should.

These habits protect your sexual health, but risk never disappears completely. Condoms and birth control aren't foolproof. You can still contract STIs like HPV even while using condoms [18, 19]. Some STIs show zero symptoms [20, 21, 22, 23], meaning you or a partner could carry one without any idea [24, 25].

Rest assured, embracing a slutty lifestyle doesn't automatically raise your STI odds. HPV alone is so widespread that "nearly all sexually active men and women get the virus at some point in their lives," per the CDC [26], with 80% acquiring it by age 45 [27]. Plenty of those people aren't promiscuous at all! Somewhere between 25% and 50% of Americans will contract some STI in their lifetime [28].

Studies also show people with multiple partners have STI rates comparable to monogamous folks [29]. Being committed doesn't shield you if your partner brought an STI from a past relationship, or has cheated (and cheaters may skip safer sex practices).

Talking safer sex with a partner can feel awkward, but it's non-negotiable. Ideally the conversation happens before clothes come off — it can be folded into early negotiations or even flirty banter.

Tell your partner you want to protect you both with condoms or other barriers. You don't need to demand paperwork from his last screening — something simple works fine:

I've recently been tested and the results were negative. What about you?

Ultimately, you may need to walk away from sex entirely if a partner won't respect your safer-sex boundaries. Hold your ground — this is your health on the line.

There will also be moments you need to disclose a current or past STI. That's understandably scary. What if they don't want to sleep with you afterward?

Still, disclosure matters so the other person can make an informed choice about their own safety.

Remember how common STIs really are — HPV alone is the most widespread STI in the US [30] — and it's entirely possible he's carrying something himself without realizing it, since symptoms often never show.

Having an STI doesn't make you a bad person. It can happen even with careful safer-sex habits. All kinds of people get them.

Disclosing is as simple as telling a (potential) partner you've tested positive, that they may be at risk, and that they should get checked. If you're already sexually active together, pause until they've tested and finished treatment. Condoms can help in the meantime, though they won't fully block something like HPV, which spreads through skin contact [31, 32, 33, 34].

It can help to plan what you'll say ahead of time, deliver it face-to-face, and have facts about treatment and outlook ready to ease your partner's mind.

Your partner may need to notify other current or past partners if they test positive, and the same goes for you.

9. Sleep With As Many People As You Genuinely Want

I used to advise women chasing a slutty lifestyle to aim for at least two partners a week, but I've dropped that advice. Why? Because some people thrive on hitting a number, while others simply want as much sex as feels right — and that hinges on mood, time, meeting the right people, and even where you fall on the introvert-extrovert spectrum.

If setting a target like two-plus partners weekly appeals to you, go for it. But if that goal feels stressful or unreachable, drop it entirely. Just chase as much sex as genuinely feels good.

Just don't let a numbers obsession crowd out quality partners in favor of quantity.

10. Let Technology Do The Matchmaking

You don't need bars or parties to find a partner if that's not your scene. Smartphones have completely reshaped how people connect. Apps like Tinder have made hookups easier than ever to find. Sluts everywhere — introverts included — rejoice!

Unfortunately, legal changes have pushed hookup listings off Craigslist and Reddit, but plenty of alternatives remain.

More traditional platforms like OkCupid or Plenty of Fish work too. Many guys won't mind a fling-only vibe, and both sites let you state you're just after sex. Just be ready for your inbox to fill up fast!

Big on social media? Your next hookup might already be sitting in your Facebook, Snapchat, or Twitter contacts. Don't be afraid to get a little creative!

11. Pick Your Partners Wisely

If sheer volume of sex is the goal, it might not matter much who you're with. That said, I'd steer clear of guys who've caught real feelings for you if you're after something no-strings, along with anyone already attached.

Hooking up with someone hoping for a relationship can create messy situations, and it's rarely worth it, even when the sex itself is fantastic.

But as most women know, sex isn't automatically great. Choosing partners carefully raises your odds of actually enjoying yourself. Otherwise you risk a string of underwhelming encounters.

You're looking for a balance between someone available and someone genuinely good. Even a one-night stand or casual arrangement shouldn't mean total selfishness or being ignored in bed.

Seek out partners who give as much as they take. Someone who's considerate outside the bedroom often carries that same attentiveness into it. If he's demanding of your time, he'll probably be demanding in bed too. But if he makes even conversation feel worthwhile, odds are good he'll bring that same energy to sex.

A solid fuck buddy is also discreet and honest. Check out these other traits of a good fuck buddy.

You might want to jump straight into bed, and that's completely fine — but taking a little time to size someone up first can help you filter out the bad apples (and there are plenty out there), including anyone unwilling to practice safer sex.

Basically, a slut doesn't owe sex to everyone.

You get to decide when to say yes and when to say no. And being able to say no makes your yes carry that much more weight, because you actually mean it.

There's an old joke that a slut sleeps with everyone except you — a bit harsh, but the point stands: you can always say no when something doesn't feel right.

12. Own Your Pleasure

One surefire way to enjoy yourself in bed — which some might call slutty — is taking control of your own pleasure. That usually means asking directly for what you want. It can also mean literally taking matters into your own hands.

Feel free to ask your partner to touch your nipples or clit exactly how you like, or direct him to shift left or press harder. And if he's not catching on or can't quite land the technique, don't hesitate to touch yourself mid-sex or bring out your go-to vibrator.

It might feel bold, but a guy who's drawn to a slutty partner will probably love this about you. He might even appreciate you taking some of the workload off him, or discover that toys enhance things for him too!

13. Film It

Sometimes sex is so good you want a lasting record of it. Sometimes it's fun to play out a pornstar fantasy. Either way, filming yourselves counts as a pretty slutty move.

Sharing that tape with others cements the reputation, sure — but even keeping it private between you two, or never watching it at all, still makes the act itself pretty wild.

Not into full videos? A sexy selfie sent to your partner works too.

A note on tapes and photos: you absolutely have the right to make them, but be aware people beyond your intended audience could end up seeing them — someone scrolling through your phone, or your partner sharing with friends.

If a relationship ends badly, an ex might threaten to leak them or send them to people you know. This is known as "revenge porn" and has landed in headlines through various legal battles.

Even a lost or hacked phone can expose your images. And once something's online, it's essentially impossible to fully erase.

Just go in aware of that risk. If you're at peace with it, there's no reason to hold back.

Celebrities like Paris Hilton and Kim Kardashian earned a slutty reputation partly through leaked tapes — tapes that have racked up hundreds of millions of views from men worldwide. Clear proof of how much men secretly love a slut.

14. Stay Safe

There's nothing inherently wrong with embracing a slutty lifestyle, but it can occasionally put you in risky situations.

Maybe alcohol's involved, or you're alone with someone who could overpower you, or you're at an unfamiliar place.

Whatever the circumstances, protect yourself where you can. That means:

• Practice safer sex. See above for details.
• Know your drinking limit. Avoid blacking out or losing control.
• Never depend on a guy for a ride home. Line up a friend or rideshare as backup. Drive yourself whenever you're sober enough.
• Never drink and drive.
• Host at your own place if that feels safer. No need to find a ride home, and you can ask him to leave whenever you're ready. Though keep in mind he'll then know your address, and not everyone leaves gracefully. You can also opt for a different location entirely — check out the best 48 places to have sex for inspiration.
• Tell someone where you'll be. Even solo outings deserve a heads-up to a friend about your plans and location. If you head home with someone, send a quick photo and address. A scheduled check-in call is another smart safety net.
• Never leave a drink unattended. This leaves you exposed to drink spiking.
• Get friendly with bar staff. Having an ally on-site helps, even solo. Flag the bartender if someone's making you uncomfortable, or ask if a regular has a reputation.

Common sense goes a long way, as always. But there's inherent risk anytime you're intimate with someone you don't know well.

Ultimately, what counts as "slutty" is entirely up to you. Maybe that's reserved for one guy, or maybe it's for plenty of them. Maybe it's just a phase of experimentation. None of that matters much — what counts is having fun, staying safe, and not obsessing over what other people think.

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – What does being a slut actually mean?

Plenty of people use "slut" as an insult aimed at promiscuous women. But there's no fixed definition or agreed-upon usage of the word. Nobody agrees on a partner count that crosses the line into "slut" territory.

In fact, the word gets thrown at any woman dressing provocatively, even one with very few sexual partners. It can become a catch-all insult for another woman regardless of her actual behavior or appearance.

Bottom line: a slut is essentially someone doing something a person or society disapproves of, and even when it's not sexual at all, people still feel entitled to comment on a woman's sexuality despite having zero insight into what actually happens behind closed doors.

Truthfully, the word gets used constantly. You've almost certainly heard it aimed at you, and you may have aimed it at someone else too.

Yet its meaning is so fuzzy that it probably shouldn't carry the weight it does.

Still, it persists, and not everyone deploys it negatively.

FAQ #2 – How can identifying as a slut be empowering?

Plenty of people, women in particular, have reclaimed "slut" for themselves. They may enjoy plenty of partners or casual sex, and they often point to the glaring double standard: men get praised for racking up partners while women face shame and penalties for the same behavior [36, 37]. This bias can even shape how people view rape survivors [38].

These women proudly own the label and, crucially, refuse to let anyone dictate what they do with their bodies or how they pursue pleasure. In many ways, they embody the "bad girl" archetype.

While this reclamation brings real satisfaction and lets them live more authentically, they're still fully aware of the negative baggage tied to "slut." That's exactly why some actively push back against the gender double standard, sometimes through events like Slutwalks.

FAQ #3 – How do I handle being called a slut by others?

If you're a woman, you might get called this regardless of your actual behavior. Even with limited sexual experience, someone might still hurl the word your way.

Remember that people saying this typically know very little about you or what actually happens in your sex life. And honestly, it wouldn't matter even if they did.

Someone's insults usually reveal more about them than about you.

You can actually learn a lot about a person's worldview based on whether — and when — they reach for this word. Keep that in mind and let the comment roll right off. Keep your head up.

Surrounding yourself with open-minded, sex-positive people helps too — meaning people who view consensual sexual activity as fundamentally healthy and encourage pleasure and exploration.

Many feminists champion these values, as do plenty of people in the LGBTQIA+ community. There are numerous online spaces that celebrate sexuality, push back against slut-shaming, and welcome newcomers. Just know that not every sexually permissive person will automatically celebrate someone else's permissiveness [39].

Easier said than done, but consider distancing yourself from people who judge your sexuality. There's no obligation to keep anyone close who insults you or shames you for how you choose to live.

FAQ #4 – Do you need to dress a certain way to be seen as a slut?

Provocative dressing might invite the label more often. But as covered above, "slut" is frequently just an insult with little connection to your clothing or actual behavior.

That said, sometimes dressing slutty is exactly the vibe you're going for.

FAQ #5 – What does it mean if my partner wants me to be more of a slut?

Curious about being a slut just for your man? Maybe he's even asked you to embrace that energy, but you're not sure how. You might assume he wants you sleeping with other people — that's almost certainly not what he means.

The clearest way to find out is simply asking him. He might have something specific in mind that you'd never guess otherwise.

But if you're aiming to lean into this for him, or he's asked for a bit more overall, try the following:

• Dress up something sexy for him — clothes and what's underneath. Don't skip hair and makeup either, since research shows it can make you appear more sexually available [40]!
• Make the first move. He'll love this especially if he's usually the one initiating.
• Learn how to suck cock and genuinely enjoy the process.
• Talk dirty in bed — and even beforehand to build anticipation.
• Take the top position and drive the action. He'll appreciate not having to do all the work himself.
• Let him know afterward how much you enjoyed it. Sexting, phone sex, a naughty note, or a well-timed grab reminds him you're a sexual being who wants him specifically, even when sex isn't on the table right now.

Resources

Anita E. Kelly, Ph.D. discusses the sexual double standard that exists, where women get punished for expressing sexuality.

Jessica Valenti's He's a Stud, She's a Slut, and 49 Other Double Standards Every Woman Should Know breaks down sexual and other double standards in depth.

This article on Medium explores how and why women can reclaim the word slut.

In the magazine Contexts, an article examines how women are viewed poorly whether they're too sexual or not sexual enough.

Michael Castleman, M.A. writes about the struggles of highly sexual women in this piece for Psychology Today.

November 9, 2020