The In-Depth BDSM Checklist (Free Download) & Why You Need One

A checklist for BDSM? That sounds more like homework than fun in the bedroom. Stick with us, though! A BDSM checklist turns out to be a genuinely practical way to communicate your desires and experience level to a partner — and learn theirs right back. And beyond the practical side, filling one out together can actually be a lot of fun, introducing you to activities you'd never considered trying.

Why Bother With A BDSM Checklist?

A BDSM checklist can become a genuinely useful tool in your relationship. That's exactly why we built this one for you and your partner to fill out together.

Obviously, it helps you and a new partner get aligned quickly — you'll each walk away knowing the other's interests and experience.

If you're new to BDSM, the sheer range of options can feel overwhelming, and a checklist gives you a manageable starting point. Don't skip our BDSM for beginners guide either.

Existing couples benefit just as much. A checklist can surface an interest you didn't know you shared, or reveal an activity one of you has only been doing to please the other. As interests shift over time, updating the checklist and checking back in with each other keeps things current — maybe there's something new worth trying, or something neither of you actually enjoys that's worth dropping.

You don't need a partner to get value from this either. As a single person, working through a checklist can help you understand yourself better and clarify what you actually want from future sex or BDSM partners.

To be clear, a checklist isn't strictly necessary. Some couples have fewer BDSM interests and have already talked them through directly. If you've been together long enough, filling one out might feel like overkill — that's fine. You can also skip sections that hold zero interest for you.

Some BDSM couples adapt a shorter version of the checklist for their formal BDSM contract, often listing only the things they're not interested in — otherwise known as limits in BDSM.

Learn more about and see sample examples of BDSM contracts.

Psst, looking for another tool? We also offer a quiz to find out your sexual blueprint and BDSM personality!

Not Just For Submissives

Like a safe word, a BDSM checklist sometimes gets framed as something only submissives need. We disagree! Dominants have their own preferences and dealbreakers too — it's a real problem if you're only into leather while your submissive partner is all about rope bondage. And plenty of people identify as switches.

So fill it out no matter which role fits you.

Related: 10 Femdom Ideas to Dominant Your Man With

A Checklist That Works For Sex In General

You don't have to be into BDSM at all to benefit from a checklist like this. The same format works for a broader sexual checklist — just list activities like anal or vaginal sex alongside your interest and experience level for each.

Feel free to copy this BDSM checklist into your own Google account and adapt it into a general sexual checklist.

Check out our sexual bucket list for more ideas to add and check off.

And don't assume all BDSM is hardcore — read this post on sexual domination to see how much range there really is.

The Love Curi BDSM Checklist

Our BDSM checklist is view-only, so you'll need to copy it to your own Google Drive or download it before filling it out.

You and your partner can each make your own copy to record your interest levels in specific activities. If you consider yourself both dominant and submissive (a switch), use the comments to note which role applies to which activity.

Psst, does your partner want you to be more dominant? Tips for being dominant here.

The comments field for each line can also flag any relevant health considerations — maybe rope knots appeal to you, but arthritis makes certain positions tricky.

Use the comments to let your partner know if a past experience with something didn't go well, but that you're still open to trying it again.

Anything missing from the list (check this complete list of kinks for reference) can simply be added in the "Comments" section at the bottom of the document.

Ready To Fill It Out

You probably don't need step-by-step instructions from here, but here are a few ideas to make filling out the checklist more fun, interesting, or downright sexy.

1. Race to see who finishes their form first.
2. Share access to your spreadsheet so your partner can watch your answers appear live.
3. Once finished, tell your partner the one BDSM activity you're most eager to try immediately — maybe even tonight!
4. Fill it out together in the same room, discussing each line out loud before recording your own answer separately. It encourages conversation — just remember to actually finish the checklist!
5. Hand the checklist to your partner as a submissive task.

When a dominant assigns the checklist to their submissive partner, it often helps that partner open up about needs or desires that felt hard to voice otherwise. Which brings us neatly to our next point.

By the way, you can keep the fun going with these 6 BDSM games.

Honesty Matters Most

When answering questions about ourselves, most of us instinctively lean toward the most flattering version of the truth — not necessarily deliberate lying, just a subconscious habit. But that habit needs to stay far away from BDSM, where the stakes can genuinely be higher.

Fill out the checklist with total honesty about your real experience and interest level. Otherwise, you risk finding yourself in the middle of an intense flogging session because you overstated your experience. How would your partner know otherwise? You can always dial intensity up as you go, but starting too aggressive can cause real physical or mental harm.

Similarly, don't claim interest in something you have zero intention of trying. If an activity is a firm no for you, list it as a hard limit and move on.

You'll also notice "may try for a partner" as an interest-level option in our checklist — it signals genuine willingness without personal enthusiasm. After trying it, you might discover you actually enjoy it, decide you're happy to keep doing it purely because your partner loves it, or realize it's a one-time thing. Update the checklist accordingly whenever that happens.

Still, checklists shouldn't replace real conversation. Don't lean on it as your only form of communication. We know talking about sex can feel awkward, which is exactly why we wrote a full guide to help.

Discover how to talk about sex and why you should!

One more thing this checklist doesn't cover: negotiating your safe word during a scene. A safe word tells your partner whether you're fine, need to stop, or want to adjust the pace or intensity. Expressing interest in — or even a real love for — a particular activity doesn't mean you want it every single time, or at full intensity.

Using a safe word is one of 8 core BDSM rules that keep things safe, sane, and sexy. Discover all 8 BDSM rules here.

Comparing Notes With Your Partner

Once you've both finished your checklists, it's time to compare. Here's some guidance for that conversation.

1. Don't panic over mismatches. They're inevitable. It's nearly impossible to find someone whose sexual and BDSM interests line up perfectly, let alone matching experience levels.
2. You might love something your partner has zero interest in, and vice versa. Never shame a partner for their kinks — that's a fast way to make them shut down and stop opening up to you.
3. You're not obligated to try everything on your partner's list, and they're not obligated to try everything on yours just because it's there.

If your checklists barely overlap, or you both gravitate toward the same role, that's worth paying attention to — sexual satisfaction can suffer if, say, neither of you wants to take the dominant role. But this checklist can be exactly the spark that starts a conversation about better meeting each other's needs.

Remember, there's no rush to work through your entire list right away. Even the entries you're excited about but inexperienced with often take research and practice to get right, and BDSM gear can get pricey fast. There's no need to max out a credit card only to realize mummification or full-body suspension really isn't your thing after all.

Your BDSM checklist can become a genuinely handy reference — maybe pinned to the fridge, maybe somewhere a bit more discreet ;). Revisit and update it as your preferences and relationship evolve. And if a checklist genuinely isn't necessary for you, skip it — just make sure you're still playing safely.

Resources

Access the Love Curi BDSM checklist on Google Drive

October 23, 2020