How To Have A Great One Night Stand, Regret-Free

Know how to approach a one night stand the right way, and you're in for a genuinely great time. Get it wrong, and it can spiral into mediocre, disappointing sex tangled up with regret and hurt feelings.

This guide will point you toward doing a one night stand (ONS) right, setting you up for genuinely incredible sex.

First, what actually counts as a one night stand? It's a form of casual sex (discover more), though the two terms aren't perfectly interchangeable. Similarly, an ONS differs from a booty call. A one night stand means exactly that, one night, done. A booty call can recur and usually implies some ongoing connection. More on booty calls.

That makes a booty call closer to a no-strings-attached arrangement or friends-with-benefits setup, which has its own guidelines. That said, plenty of these terms overlap loosely with "hookup" [1].

Curious about no-strings arrangements more broadly?

Why Consider A One Night Stand?

The list of reasons runs long. Here are the biggest ones.

1. It's Genuinely Fun

Hands down, the best part is simply the fun of it. The thrill of meeting someone new and attractive. The flirting. That first kiss. And of course, discovering whether his body lives up to the promise once the clothes come off.

2. Sex Itself Is Good For You

Plainly put, safe sex genuinely benefits your health. It can boost immunity, burn calories (more vigorous sessions burn more), and lower blood pressure. It can also improve sleep, thanks to the oxytocin released during orgasm.

3. It's A Great Way To Explore

Ever felt held back sexually with a long-term partner? Sometimes caring about someone too much makes admitting hidden fantasies or fetishes feel risky, fear of judgment gets in the way. With a total stranger, that fear largely disappears. Who cares what you share if you'll never see him again?

There's a long list of reasons to consider a one night stand, but plenty of reasons to skip one too.

Why You Might Skip A One Night Stand

Some of these carry more weight than others.

1. Skip It If Feelings Are Involved

Sleeping with someone who thinks it's purely casual while you're secretly (or not-so-secretly) hoping for more is a recipe for heartbreak. Maybe you think your skills in bed will win him over, but real connection takes more than that. If he's not interested in anything serious, you're setting yourself up to get hurt.

Flip side: sleeping with someone who you know has feelings for you, telling yourself you were upfront about your intentions, doesn't absolve you of responsibility for the fallout. The considerate move is not leading someone on.

2. Skip It As Revenge

Just discovered he cheated? Getting back at him through a one night stand of your own won't fix anything. It'll likely leave you guilty and just as upset as before. Far better options exist for handling infidelity than stooping to his level.

3. Skip It If You're Hunting For "The One"

A one night stand is almost never the right foundation for finding a serious partner. It sets things off on the wrong footing entirely. But if you're after something casual, dating around, or a friends-with-benefits arrangement, it's actually a solid way to meet that kind of connection.

Now that we've covered the bigger reasons for and against, let's get into having one safely.

4. Be Cautious If You're Chasing A Confidence Boost

Sure, a great night can leave you feeling like a goddess. Plenty of women use casual sex partly to confirm their own desirability [2].

But if you're trying to fill a deeper void, a hookup probably won't do it. It might be worth examining your own insecurities, and what you're actually seeking or avoiding. Sorting out your feelings afterward can take a bit [3], but it's usually worth doing.

Finding A Hookup

Finding a partner has never been easier if one night stands are your thing. A dating app on your phone does most of the work, plenty let you specify you're not looking for anything serious. Just brace yourself for a flood of messages.

Prefer the old-fashioned route? Bars and clubs work well. Parties are great too, and don't rule out weddings. Some people even meet someone unexpectedly in the grocery store produce aisle.

Just brush up on your flirting skills first to catch his attention.

Your Place Or His?

Once you've decided to go for it, figure out location first. Yours or his? Two big factors here:

• Your place is generally the safer bet, especially with someone you don't know well.
• Which location is simply more convenient to reach?

Heading to his place? Tell someone you trust where you're going, just in case. Consider asking them to check in 30 minutes to an hour after you head out together.

Staying Safe

Yes, Love Curi is packed with advice on having wild, satisfying, orgasmic sex, but don't let that excitement override safety.

Staying safe becomes second nature with practice. We'd recommend packing condoms, lube, and dental dams. Dental dams cut STI transmission risk during oral sex, even though nearly half of surveyed people seem unconcerned about that risk [4].

Remember, birth control only prevents pregnancy, not STIs, which is exactly why skipping condoms is generally a bad idea. A barrier method like a condom or dental dam adds essential protection.

A quick note on spermicide: it's not particularly good for you, can actually make STI transmission easier [5], and can irritate sensitive tissue [6].

Your kit might also include a small toy for fun and a wipe for easy cleanup. Some people even pack fresh underwear.

Related: What Is Lube And Should You Use It?

Planning to stay over? A travel toothbrush and toothpaste come in handy.

Just as crucial as packing the right supplies: actually talking about sexual health. It might feel less comfortable than with a familiar partner, but that conversation still needs to happen.

Unfairly, women often end up shouldering the responsibility of pushing condom use [7], so you may need to bring it up first. Cover your preferred safer-sex approach (STI protection and birth control) and recent test results.

No, not a school exam, an STI screening matters a lot if you're sexually active, especially with multiple partners.

Get tested routinely, and ask about your partner's sexual health too. If he won't discuss it honestly, reconsider sleeping with him at all.

Look, talking about sex is genuinely hard. But it's non-negotiable.

Check out this guide to sexual communication for pointers.

The Alcohol Factor

Plenty of women want to try a one night stand at least once, but letting go and actually going through with it can feel tough, alcohol often helps lower those inhibitions.

A drink or two is generally fine for easing nerves around the idea. Just watch the line between "relaxed" and "uncontrollably drunk." That's when regret-worthy decisions happen, and research links heavy drinking to riskier sexual choices [8].

It can also leave you more vulnerable to being taken advantage of.

Choosing The Right Guy

Obviously you'll need a partner for this, but a few factors matter beyond just availability.

Is he attractive to you? – Why bother with no-strings sex with someone you're not even into? Hopefully obvious.

Can he keep quiet? – Nothing's worse than a hookup within your social circle turning into gossip fodder. Think twice before sleeping with someone who shares mutual friends. Less of a concern with zero overlapping social circles.

Does he respect boundaries? – Before getting alone together, make sure he's someone who genuinely respects you and your wishes. The last thing you want is ending up with someone dangerous. This one's serious. Test the waters a bit to confirm he understands that no means no and stop means stop.

Do you feel safe? – You won't feel safe around someone pushy or unsettling. Trust bad vibes and walk away if needed. If things feel genuinely unsafe, loop in a friend for backup.

Will you regret this later? – Hormones (and sometimes alcohol) can cloud judgment. Picture how you'll feel about this guy tomorrow morning, embarrassed? regretful? Or simply satisfied and ready to move on?

Is there real chemistry? – Without it, the sex might disappoint even with an attractive, trustworthy partner.

Missing chemistry? Don't stress, there's a fix.

Check out these ways to build sexual chemistry.

Is he actually single? – Knowingly pursuing someone in a relationship, no matter how convincingly he insists it's basically over, is a bad idea. People rarely follow through on leaving, and partners who discover infidelity can react with real anger. Skip the drama entirely by steering clear.

The Actual Sex

When things get physical, browse the sex tips section for great ideas on what to try. Need position inspiration? Over 115 options await in the sex positions section.

Want to brush up on dirty talk? Wild Dirty Talk covers everything. Love Curi also offers two blow job resources, the blow job section for the basics, and this instructional blow job video guide (with detailed demonstrations) for truly mind-blowing oral technique.

Some extra guidance never hurts. Plenty of people follow a "sexual script" shaping how they respond in the moment [9, 10, 11], and these scripts differ between relationships and one night stands [12].

Unfortunately, the widely accepted script often looks like this for women:

1. Meeting, flirting, then kissing or making out.
2. Some over-the-clothes touching before clothes come off.
3. Rushed, brief foreplay. Oral, if it happens, may be lackluster, women are more often expected to perform it on men than the reverse.
4. Penetration, thrusting until he finishes. You might not orgasm at all before he rolls off.

Yes, this default script shortchanges most women, and plenty of men are too lazy or self-focused to change it.

But while the script may loosely define expectations, gender included, you're free to rewrite it yourself.

First… build some sexual tension. Genuinely fun, and it doubles as a read on his interest while helping you both relax, and get you properly aroused. That last part matters, know how you personally get horny, and help him understand it if he doesn't already.

It's not just about you, either, turning him on matters too, and we've got great tips for that.

Then… move into real foreplay. It's what most women actually want, and pairing penetrative sex with oral and fingering measurably boosts orgasm odds [13].

Reciprocate as you go, watching his physical cues just as closely as he should watch yours. That's genuinely part of being good in bed.

Next… time for the condom. A dab of lube inside it, plus more outside and on your body, makes a noticeable difference.

Consider guiding things along yourself, literally, by touching your clitoris or other sensitive spots during penetration. A toy can help too, boosting both pleasure and orgasm odds.

Don't hesitate to take the top position either. Get advice for riding him with confidence.

Switch positions, pause, revisit foreplay, whatever feels right in the moment.

You'll find plenty more detail in our guide to being good in bed. It's not purely about technique, your mindset matters just as much. If you're not actually enjoying it, that link's worth a read.

After The One Night Stand — Now What?

Once it's over, what happens next? Many people want a moment alone to come down from the high, sometimes cuddling, though you might skip that after a hookup. Sitting quietly is fine too, or if you'd rather get moving right away, that's fine as well.

Don't expect either of you to stay the night, though it occasionally happens. Deep, emotionally intimate conversation typically isn't part of the deal either.

If you're at his place and it's wrapping up, let him know your plans. Something like:

I know you probably want your space back, but I need a few minutes to collect myself, if that's okay.

When you're ready to head out, thank him for a good time. You might suggest doing it again and swap contact info, if you don't have it already, though technically that shifts things beyond a single "one night" stand.

At your own place instead? Maybe you've got work or class early. Try:

I had a great time, and it's totally fine if you need a minute, but I've got an early morning and could use my space. Thanks!

One thing worth knowing: plenty of guys fall asleep right after sex.

Not really his fault, biology's at play, the physical exertion plus a sudden drop in dopamine and prolactin. A partner drifting off usually makes you want to cuddle more [14], though that instinct might not apply here.

A few tricks to keep him awake: keep lights on during sex, and stick to positions other than lying flat. Lights off? Turn them back on once you're done. Getting up right after, maybe to hand him his clothes or offer coffee, also curbs the urge to nap while making your expectations clear.

The key questions to weigh when planning a one night stand:

• Are your reasons genuinely your own?
• Where will it happen?
• Have you covered safer sex?
• Are you keeping tabs on your drinking?
• Have you found the right person for this?

Answer these honestly, and you're set up for a genuinely enjoyable experience, though one night stands certainly aren't for everyone. That's completely fine too.

What The Research Says

Plenty of studies have examined one night stands, with some genuinely interesting findings.

Contrary to assumption, women aren't necessarily reluctant about hookups, research shows they're generally fine with it as long as the sex itself is good [15]. That said, young women report a bigger dip in psychological wellbeing afterward compared to young men [17], and casual sex does correlate somewhat with mental health struggles [18].

Some people see zero upside to unattached sex with a stranger they'll never see again, but that's not universal. For those genuinely drawn to casual sex, it can boost self-esteem, life satisfaction, and ease depression and anxiety [19]. That same research suggests people naturally inclined toward casual sex (high "sociosexual" orientation) see similar benefits regardless of gender.

Another study found "only socio-sexual orientation attenuated the sex difference in regret passing up casual sex [20]." In plain terms, men regret missed casual sex opportunities far more than women, though women with a strong sociosexual orientation regret it less than those without.

Meanwhile, inexperienced men may face greater psychological distress after casual encounters [21].

Specific reported struggles include embarrassment [22] and regret (78% of women, 72% of men) [23]. A follow-up study found similar numbers [24]. Men also tend to want more intimacy than a one night stand typically offers [25].

Plenty report positive feelings too. One college study found 65% described "predominantly enjoyment" from their hookups [26]. Another found 57% of women and 82% of men were happy with their most recent one [27].

On sociosexuality specifically, one study found a link between sociosexual tendencies, casual sex engagement, and higher alcohol use [28], echoed elsewhere too [30, 31].

There may even be a genetic component to casual sex preference [32].

Interestingly, men tend to lower their standards for casual partners [33], while women tend to raise theirs.

One study on women found only a weak correlation between attractiveness and sociosexual orientation [34].

Condom use trends aren't encouraging either, among college hookups, usage actually dropped between freshman and sophomore year [35].

The research paints a genuinely mixed picture overall, all the more reason to make sure you're doing this for your own reasons.

Resources

Dr. Justin Lehmiller breaks down the many flavors of casual sex, often lumped together with one night stands.

This Psychology Today piece by journalist Michael Castleman explores whether hookup culture is genuinely new or just newly visible. Worth remembering: one study found "only 27% of hookups involved oral and/or vaginal sex" [36], plenty never go beyond oral.

Ryan Jacobs introduces the concept of sociosexuality, essentially an orientation toward liking (or not liking) casual sex.

This article covers findings from the Online College Social Life Survey (2005-2022), including orgasm likelihood during hookups. Notably, women report far fewer orgasms than their male partners assume happened.

Zavamed's survey found just 11% of women orgasm during an ONS 🙁

Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – When is a one night stand a bad idea?

While plenty of fun can be had, we wouldn't recommend it:

• Under any coercion
• If you (or they) actually want more than sex
• If you know you'll regret it by morning
• Without trust or a sense of safety
• If your partner won't discuss safer sex
• If the sex itself seems unlikely to be good
• If low self-esteem has you substituting sex for genuine affection

That last point matters especially, since women tend to be fine with hookups as long as the sex delivers [13]. Bad sex, though, can sour the whole experience even for someone who generally enjoys casual encounters.

FAQ #2 – Why do some people view one night stands as wrong?

Opinions run strong here. Some genuinely prefer them over committed relationships. Others don't get the appeal at all, and assume that means it's wrong for anyone. But nobody's entitled to judge someone else's sexual choices.

What's right, or wrong, for you sexually doesn't necessarily apply to anyone else.

So why the negative attitudes in the first place? Let's unpack it.

Plenty of us are raised, by parents, religious communities, or broader society, believing the ideal path is settling down, marrying, and having kids. Often we're taught sex should wait until marriage, or at minimum, until we're deeply in love.

Even though few people actually wait for marriage anymore, and marriage rates keep declining [37], these attitudes still sink in easily, and can linger for years.

A one night stand checks none of those boxes, no marriage, no guaranteed love, no commitment. It breaks every rule. But there's more going on underneath.

These rules exist partly to control behavior.

Follow the rules, and you're easier to keep in line, whether the pressure comes from parents, a partner, religion, or broader society. Straying costs you a bit of autonomy in their eyes.

Women in particular face harsh judgment over sexuality [38]. You've likely witnessed this firsthand, a woman with "too many" partners, even within committed relationships, often gets labeled unfairly, while men doing the exact same thing get celebrated.

It's a genuine contradiction [39], those men have to be sleeping with someone, after all.

A woman's sexual history becomes yet another tool for judgment, all the more reason to support other women making choices that work for them, even choices you personally wouldn't make.

FAQ #3 – Is something wrong with me if I don't enjoy one night stands?

Not at all. Plenty of people simply aren't drawn to the idea. You might find sex genuinely improves the more you know someone, women report more orgasms in relationship sex than hookup sex [40], and women are more likely to feel used after a casual encounter [41].

Or maybe desire only shows up with an actual romantic partner. Anxiety, attachment style [42], and sensation-seeking tendencies [43] all shape whether casual sex appeals to you. Some research even links atypical arousal during negative moods to a higher likelihood of pursuing a one night stand [44], in some cases, skipping it might genuinely be the healthier call.

Past disappointing experiences might play a role too. Women statistically regret casual sex more often than men, who more often regret opportunities they passed up [16]. Figure out what genuinely works for you, guilt-free.

Women are also more likely to regret full sex than lighter hookup activity [24], so sticking to making out might leave you feeling better the next morning.

Forcing yourself into a one night stand that doesn't feel right can backfire, but so can denying genuine desire for one out of guilt or forced commitment. Either extreme can breed real resentment.

FAQ #4 – Why do I feel so bad after a one night stand?

We've touched on a few factors already, disappointing sex, absorbed sex-negative attitudes, or simply not being wired for this kind of encounter.

Even in a purely casual context, a partner treating you like an object rather than a person is a real problem. Never seeing him again doesn't excuse skipping genuine communication or mutual satisfaction. Unfortunately, plenty of men still fall short here, sometimes viewing an ONS-seeking woman as little more than an opportunity, whether from selfishness or inexperience.

FAQ #5 – Should I prep for a one night stand?

Preparing for safe, satisfying sex always matters, though how much prep depends on how you're finding partners. Scrolling Tinder at home means sex is clearly on the table already. Staying open to spontaneous encounters means being ready at a moment's notice instead.

Preparation isn't only physical, either. Some people prefer shaving certain areas beforehand, others go further with bleaching (though vaginal and anal bleaching carries real risk). Whatever your personal routine, a good partner won't care whether you've groomed every inch of your body.

Do prepare for safer sex, though. Some people carry a dedicated kit, including:

• Condoms (learn proper use here), dental dams, or other birth control
• Lube
• A small toy, like a bullet vibrator
• Toy and body wipes

Consider adding fresh underwear, makeup wipes, and a travel toothbrush and toothpaste for the morning after. A phone charger's worth throwing in too.

Keeping these on hand means you're always ready. Prefer more planning? No need to carry them constantly, just make sure whatever you need is within reach if you're hosting.

FAQ #6 – Where can I find someone for a one night stand?

Thanks to the internet, options abound. Tinder remains the most ubiquitous choice, though other apps exist too (availability varies by region):

• DOWN Dating
• Happn
• Casualx
• Pure
• Feeld
• Tonight

Or keep it old-school. Bars and parties remain popular hookup spots, though you can meet someone almost anywhere, the grocery store, a wedding, as long as you're reading (and sending) the right signals: open body language, eye contact, maybe light touch.

Find out how you can make body language work for you.

There's no single "correct" way to find a willing partner.

FAQ #7 – What etiquette applies to one night stands?

Great question. No universal script exists (for this or any sex), but a few guidelines help:

• Don't assume cuddling's on the table. You can ask, but don't expect it automatically.
• Don't overstay your welcome. Bolting immediately can feel rude, but lingering too long is just as awkward. You can tell him when it's time to go, no obligation for him to stay the night.
• Speak up honestly about what you want, especially with a selfish partner.
• Keep things tidy, including your space if you're hosting. Nobody wants to step into a mess.
• Always discuss and prepare for safer sex, condoms and everything else covered above.
• Don't assume hugs or kisses are guaranteed. Some skip kissing during an ONS entirely, others skip the goodbye hug. Ask if you're unsure.
• Skip the neediness. It's a one night stand, novelty and brief connection take priority over deep intimacy. Neither of you owes the other affirmation of being loved.
• Don't expect follow-up contact. Occasionally an ONS evolves into something ongoing, casual or romantic, but that's the exception. Generally, expect never to see him again [45].

January 3, 2021