13 Ways To Hold Hands During Sex & What Each One Signals

Below you'll find 13 ways to hold hands during sex (plus oral sex!), followed by 4 intimate ways to hold hands while kissing your partner, and finally what it might mean when your partner reaches for your hands during sex.

First, some general pointers on hand holding. There's more than one way to do it:

1. Palms mirrored so they touch each other directly
2. Hands facing the same direction
3. Fingers laced together
4. Fingers interlaced without palms touching
5. Fingers wrapped fully around your partner's hand
6. And plenty of other variations too!

At the end of the day, it's worth experimenting with different styles of hand holding during sex and…

Finding whatever feels most natural and connected for both of you.

13 Ways To Hold Hands During Sex & Oral Sex

Playing around with different hand-holding styles opens up more sex positions to try, even in positions that aren't classically built for holding hands or where you're not gripping tightly. You could even cup one of your partner's hands with both of yours!

Sometimes fully holding hands just isn't practical mid-position, but that's okay!

Simply laying your hand over your partner's can create similar closeness. It also works well for guiding their touch where you want it.

With all that in mind, here's how to work hand holding into specific positions.

1. Tug of Love

Tug of Love practically demands hand holding. With both of you on your backs and only genitals touching, clasped hands keep you tethered together.

2. Missionary

Missionary offers a few options — arms stretched overhead with fingers laced together, or your partner pinning your wrists to the bed for a more dominant feel.

From there, you could shift into something like Cowboy, where hand holding still works fine.

3. Doggy Style

There are several ways to hold hands during Doggy Style.

When the penetrating partner leans forward – This works if your partner's tall enough to lean over and rest a hand on yours. It shifts more of their weight onto you for extra body contact, and it can also change your angle and depth of penetration (tips for deeper penetration).

When the penetrating partner pulls you back – Alternatively, your partner grips both your hands and pulls your arms back to keep your torso raised off the bed.

They might even pull you all the way back toward their body. Not every body finds this comfortable, so an easier modification is resting your chest right on the bed while your partner leans further down, easing the strain on your hands, arms, and shoulders.

Getting pulled into your partner with every thrust is great if you're into intense, hard sex.

With light restraint – You can also have your partner fold and twist one or both of your arms behind your back, holding them there — more of a bondage-style feel. This usually means gripping the arm rather than the hand itself, so adjust if hand-to-hand contact is your goal.

Keep exploring: 17 BDSM positions.

4. Lotus Position

Plenty of face-to-face positions lend themselves naturally to hand holding during sex.

Lotus, for instance, calls for some flexibility — you sit in your partner's lap with their legs crossed and yours wrapped around their waist. Instead of the usual neck-and-waist hold, try clasping hands instead.

Or simply press your palms flat together. It's a nice way to feel that shared energy during tantric sex practices.

5. Spooning

Holding hands is effortless in Spooning, whether mid-sex or just cuddling. The big spoon just wraps their arms around the little spoon so their hands can meet in front of their partner's body.

If tucking an arm underneath your partner feels awkward while cuddling, just use your top arm instead.

This same trick works for other positions with the receiving partner in front, whether standing (as in Bodyguard) or lying face-up on top of your partner, like in Pearly Gates and Bent Spoon, or on your side during Sideways.

6. Triceratops

Standing positions where you bend forward while your partner is behind you also allow for hand holding — think Triceratops, where your partner supports you by gripping your hands or wrists.

The Washing Machine position is nearly identical, just leaning over an appliance or piece of furniture instead.

7. Sitting

Many sitting positions leave your hands totally free for holding. Try it while seated in your partner's lap during Back Seat Driver.

8. Cowgirl

Cowgirl might be the best position out there for holding hands during sex. You're already face-to-face, so reaching for your partner's hands is effortless. You can even press their hands toward the pillow while leaning over them for closeness or a more dominant feel.

9. Reverse Cowgirl

Reverse Cowgirl also allows for hand holding, just with a different setup since you're facing away. When your partner rests their hands on your waist or thighs, lay yours over theirs to lace fingers. Swap positions whenever it's more comfortable.

10. Criss Cross

Criss Cross is probably the closest cousin to Missionary here. Since you're on your back with your partner kneeling, your hands stay free for them to hold.

This position — along with the similar Right Angle or Legs on Shoulder — also opens up good access for breast and nipple play.

11. Praying Mantis

If stretching your legs that far isn't comfortable, Praying Mantis is a bit easier on the body while still letting your partner hold your hand(s) resting on your knees.

You might even flow into the Launch Pad position while still holding hands.

12. Rear Entry

Most of the from-behind positions also work for hand holding, since your partner is leaning or lying over you and can reach your hands easily. Give it a shot in Prone Bone or Jockey.

13. Oral Sex

Hand holding isn't limited to intercourse! Try it during a blow job or while going down on her.

Just know it means one less free hand for support or added stimulation, but it's absolutely doable.

If you're receiving and lying back, reach down to meet your partner's hand as they reach up. If you're the one giving, reach up to find theirs. It's especially natural if you're kneeling and they're standing. Making eye contact during oral sex takes the intimacy even further.

4 Ways To Hold Hands While Kissing

Interlacing fingers while you kiss can feel sweet, intimate, and often simpler than holding hands during sex itself. The easiest approaches are bending your arms with hands raised slightly to the side, or just letting your hands hang and clasping them.

Both get trickier with a noticeable height difference. Here are 4 more ways to hold hands while kissing:

1. Both hands together at chest height – If your heights line up, hold hands between your chests as you lean in. Keeping your hand flat against your partner's rather than balled up may feel more comfortable.

2. Holding both hands behind their back – Works best if you're taller with longer arms. Wrap your arms around your partner while kissing to hold them in place — a bit like being handcuffed.

3. Resting your hand over theirs – If your partner likes to cup your face while kissing deeply, place your hand over theirs.

4. Cupping one hand in both of yours – Holding just one of your partner's hands between both of yours is a small, sweet gesture, especially mid-kiss.

Keep in mind kissing doesn't always happen face-to-face or on the mouth. If your partner kisses the back of your head or side of your face from behind, they can reach around to hold your hand too.

What It Means When Your Partner Holds Your Hands During Sex

You might be asking yourself whether hand holding is really that intimate. It absolutely can be!

What it signifies really depends on the people involved and the nature of the relationship.

Love – Between spouses or committed partners, holding hands during intimacy often reflects genuine emotional closeness and love.

Intimacy – Even in more casual setups, some people enjoy holding hands simply because it heightens the moment.

Restraint – For others, holding hands functions as a light form of restraint during sex or kinky play.

Related: How to try bondage – a beginner's guide.

As a feedback channel – Squeezes or taps while holding hands can double as a subtle communication tool, even functioning as a safe signal.

Related: 51 Effective Safe Words To Use During Your Next BDSM Scene

Mismatched expectations can cause friction – If your partner has developed feelings and wants more, they may read deeper meaning into hand holding, even when it's a spontaneous gesture on your end.

Now that you've got plenty of ideas for holding hands during sex…

There's still so much more you can do with your hands beyond that…

They're just as useful for caressing, spanking, or hair pulling!

June 2, 2026