14 Ways To Actually Feel Sexy Again, Starting Today

Plenty of people struggle to feel sexy, and this guide is packed with ways to reconnect with that feeling — and notice the sexiness you already have. Whether you're building confidence to undress in front of someone new, prepping for a date, or just want to appreciate yourself more, keep reading.

1. Notice What Puts You In A Sexy Headspace

If you've spent a lot of energy learning what your partner likes, you might have skipped over what makes you feel sexy, or maybe you've never really thought about it. Time to change that. Track what boosts your confidence and sex appeal, which isn't always identical to what actually turns you on.

Maybe it's a fresh haircut or new outfit. Maybe nailing a big presentation at work does it. Some people feel unexpectedly powerful and sexy fixing something around the house. You might realize a few items on this list already happen naturally in your life. Whatever it is, start paying attention.

Think of it as a two-part process.

1. Tune into your body – Once you're watching for what makes you feel sexy, you'll actually notice when it happens. You'll also get better at reading your mind-body state, which matters a lot for women getting into the mood.

2. Build more of it into your life – Once you know your triggers, you can deliberately add more of them. Feeling sexier consistently rarely happens by accident, especially with a packed, stressful schedule. A little intentional effort goes a long way here.

2. Get Your Body Moving

Exercise works wonders for feeling sexy for plenty of people. A tough workout floods your system with endorphins. Feeling strong and capable during a workout does the same. And staying fit long-term pays off for your sexual stamina too.

Related (for men): How to last longer during sex.

You might assume sweat isn't sexy, but plenty of partners disagree, so it's worth asking. Not into that? Invite them into the shower with you instead.

Related: How to Have Incredible Shower Sex + 9 Shower Sex Positions

Movement doesn't have to mean a grueling workout, either. Sometimes dancing around your living room is exactly the confidence boost you need. Turn it into an impromptu lap dance for your partner if you're feeling it.

Basically, anything that gets your heart rate up helps you feel sexier.

3. Indulge In Your Favorite Erotic Content

Feeling hot is tough when nothing around you evokes sex. That's where erotic content comes in. Whether it's sex stories, books, audio erotica, porn, or something else entirely, give yourself permission to get turned on.

And if consuming it doesn't do the trick, why not try creating some yourself?

4. Bring Someone In

Everything above focuses on solo strategies, but if you've got a willing partner, romantic or otherwise, let them help.

What kind of help depends entirely on you two. Maybe you want physical closeness like a sensual massage, your partner going down on you, or showering together. Or maybe you need to hear how much they want you, or it's simply time for a proper date night.

Side note: Try praise kink & these 39 praise kink phrases.

Asking for help can feel vulnerable, but it usually pulls you closer together. You'll feel sexy again, and your partner gets to actively show up for you.

Psst — phone sex can absolutely make you feel sexy, distance be damned!

Related: Long distance relationship advice to help you beat the distance.

5. Touch Your Own Body

Your mind probably jumps straight to masturbation techniques, and we'll get there. But first...

Sensual, not necessarily sexual, touch can make you feel deeply sexy. Rub in some lotion, trace your curves, run your fingers through your hair. A shower works well for this too.

It doesn't need to be elaborate. You get the benefits of touch while reconnecting with your own sensuality, especially valuable if physical touch has been scarce lately. And if rubbing your legs happens to lead somewhere else, that's perfectly fine too.

It might seem backwards to masturbate as a route to feeling sexy, but for a lot of women, mental desire actually follows physical arousal, not the other way around. In other words, the body often needs to warm up before the mind catches on.

You might even imagine someone catching you in the act and loving the show.

Learn: How to masturbate (for women): 7 step orgasmic guide.

6. Dress For The Part

Looking sexy is a solid first step toward feeling it. Sometimes swapping out of your sweatpants is genuinely all it takes. Greasy hair and unwashed skin don't exactly scream sexy, and being covered in sweat can leave you feeling disconnected from that side of yourself.

So take that shower. Afterward, slip into your favorite matching bra and panties or lingerie, even under your regular clothes. Whatever makes you smile at your reflection or feel amazing running your hands over yourself counts, whether it's perfectly fitted jeans, a skirt, or a little black dress with your go-to heels.

Related: 10 Vital Tips For Choosing The Perfect Lingerie

These suggestions lean a little predictable, and that's fine if they don't resonate. What matters is this:

Figure out what clothing makes YOU feel sexy.

A sharply tailored suit does it for some people. Clothes that genuinely fit and flatter tend to boost how you feel, while outfits chosen purely to hide your body often backfire, according to psychologist Dr. Jennifer Baumgartner in her book You Are What You Wear: What Your Clothes Reveal About You.

This isn't only about dressing sexy for a guy, either. Your clothing choices should be about how they make you feel, full stop.

7. Recognize Your Own Worth

Knowing your worth shows up in different ways, from setting and holding boundaries (which builds real strength) to refusing to waste time on people who don't respect you.

Say "No" – A powerful word in general, not just for feeling sexier. It also makes your "Yes" mean a whole lot more.

Treat yourself – Knowing your worth means occasionally rewarding yourself, whether that's a massage, manicure, or a full spa day if budget and time allow. Everyone's version of a treat looks different — snacks, a movie, a shopping trip all count just as much.

You'll notice this sounds a lot like classic self-care, because it is. But real self-care also includes doing what's genuinely good for you, even when motivation is low.

Solo date – Take yourself out properly. Shave, do your hair and makeup, book a table, all the usual prep, but go alone (hire a sitter if you need to). Savor the time to yourself, and remember: don't settle for less from anyone else.

8. Flirt A Little

Flirting is a genuinely powerful confidence booster. Single? Head online or out for a drink and turn on the charm with a stranger, maybe even someone worth spending the night with. Even if nothing comes of it, being flirted with confirms just how sexy you really are.

In a relationship? Flirting can make you feel sexy and spice up your sex life, especially if romance has taken a backseat to everyday life. It's easy to forget to give your partner that spark of attention.

Our in-depth guide on flirting with a guy and these 15 flirting tips can help.

Don't overlook sexting either, a flirting method all its own. A dating app match or a willing partner works great here. Few things feel sexier than knowing exactly how much someone wants you.

Read more: 13 sexting tips.

9. Eat Well

Some people notice a strong link between what they eat and how they feel. If that's you, track what leaves you energized and alert versus sluggish and bloated. A solid diet with the right calorie balance supports overall health and can help you maintain a size you feel sexy at.

Even if food doesn't affect you much, avoiding certain foods on days you want to feel your sexiest is a smart move. Heartburn and stomach trouble are the opposite of sexy and can seriously derail the mood.

Feeling sexy taps into multiple senses, so don't forget breath. Brush or grab a mint after garlic or coffee if the aftertaste has you feeling self-conscious instead of confident.

10. Visualize It

Picturing yourself as sexy makes it far easier to actually feel that way. Imagine yourself as a confident, in-control sexual being who knows exactly what she wants.

Then bring in your partner, or even an admiring stranger. It doesn't need to become a full fantasy, though it's fine if it does. Just picture others appreciating your sexuality — it makes it easier to accept that appreciation when it's real.

Related: The 10 Most Common Sexual Fantasies…You Gotta Try These

11. Get Boudoir Photos Taken

Struggling to picture yourself as sexy? Sensual photography might help you actually see it. A good photographer knows how to use angles, lighting, makeup, and lingerie to your advantage, and you might just catch yourself looking genuinely sexy in real time. Bring your partner or a friend along if going solo feels intimidating.

Boudoir sessions make a great gift, though they're not cheap, and more conservative partners might not love the idea of someone else taking the photos.

DIY it – Borrow a page from the professionals. Set up a space with flattering, moody lighting away from distractions. Do your makeup, then use your phone's timer or a selfie stick to shoot your own set.

You'll need to bring the same tricks pros use, angles, lighting, editing, so don't expect instant perfection. Plenty of tutorials online can get you started.

Read now: Tips for taking sexy selfies.

12. Have Sex

If you're feeling so unsexy that sex sounds like the last thing you want, this one might not land yet. But sex can genuinely restore that feeling, especially with a partner who clearly worships your body.

Watching how they look at you, hearing their reactions, and feeling the pleasure you're giving them can seriously boost your sexual confidence.

We're pretty sure your partner won't complain either 😉

13. Steer Clear Of The Turnoffs

Sounds obvious, but it's easy to forget to avoid what makes you feel unsexy in the first place. You can't dodge everything, but a reminder to protect your time and energy helps. A sexier environment often makes you feel sexier too.

This matters even more when actual desire, not just confidence, is the goal, since arousal runs on a dual-control system. Some things rev you up sexually, others shut it down [1].

Piling on more turn-ons doesn't help much if you're still surrounded by turn-offs.

Research shows everyday stress interferes with sexual function [2]. Cutting stress where you can, and building coping tools for what you can't, pays off well beyond the bedroom.

Negative self-talk is another major turn-off. Hard to feel sexy when someone's constantly tearing you down, especially when that someone is you.

Instead, interrupt the negative loop. It doesn't need to flip to positive right away. A neutral thought is a totally fine substitute.

Don't beat yourself up over slipping back into it, though, that's just more negative self-talk. If the habit's proving stubborn, therapy can genuinely help if it's accessible. Self-help books are another solid option.

14. Bring In A Professional

Everyone needs support sometimes, which is exactly why these professionals exist.

If the issue is confined to the bedroom and your goal is simply feeling sexier, a sex therapist could help. They combine general therapy training with specialized sexual health expertise, working with individuals and couples alike.

But if you're dealing with broader mental health struggles, chronic stress, or self-esteem and body image issues, a therapist without a sex-specific focus might serve you better. This isn't an overnight fix, but the investment tends to pay off.

And if you suspect something biological is at play (postpartum depression, menopause), a doctor's visit is worth considering.

Do You Need To Relearn What Makes You Feel Attractive?

Short answer: probably, yes. What makes you feel sexy shifts over time. Aging, illness, injury, having kids, breakups, work stress, and countless other life changes can all reshape it.

Approach these shifts with curiosity instead of resistance. Otherwise, you risk feeling stuck and unable to adapt as life moves forward.

Which brings us to the last point...

It's Completely Normal Not To Feel Sexy Sometimes

Life gets overwhelming. If you or someone you love is sick, you've lost a job or housing, or you're grieving, feeling sexy doesn't need to be on your radar right now.

If chasing that feeling and having sex genuinely helps, go ahead and try what's in this guide. But don't force yourself to feel sexy if doing so just adds more stress to an already hard time.

Sometimes you simply need to wait it out. How long depends entirely on the situation — maybe a week if your cycle isn't cooperating, maybe months if you're grieving, buried in a big project, or waiting for pregnancy hormones to settle.

Now that you understand how to feel sexy, or how to spot the sexy side of yourself that's already there, go enjoy it. Embrace flirting, sex, and dressing however makes a woman who knows exactly how sexy she is feel her absolute best.

March 26, 2024