8 Steps To A Lap Dance He Won't Forget

Lap dances tend to conjure images of strip clubs and late-night outings, but they don't have to stay confined to that setting. Even in a committed relationship, men respond to a bit of unexpected spice, and treating your partner to a lap dance can be a memorable way to express how you feel while lighting up his night.

Naturally, pulling it off requires actually knowing how to give a lap dance, which is exactly what we're breaking down here. We'll walk through the fundamentals — how to bring the idea up with your partner, how to rehearse, what to wear, and more.

Keep in mind the final result will land somewhere between smooth and seductive or a little clumsy, depending on how much preparation you put in beforehand. Don't rush it — work through these steps and you'll come out on top.

1. What to Wear

One of the most effective lap dance techniques involves shedding clothing gradually as you go. This raises the tension bit by bit and gives you built-in variety, letting you weave clothing removal directly into your dance moves rather than treating it as a separate step.

Layering is key here. Obviously you shouldn't look bundled up for winter weather when you start, but there are ways to layer smartly without appearing bulky. Try a bra topped with a camisole and a sheer blouse, maybe accented with a feather boa. On the bottom, thong underwear under tiny fitted shorts, topped with a skirt, gives you multiple pieces to peel away throughout the performance, building the effect as you go.

Lean into whatever clothing your partner finds sexy. For more ideas, check out our article on strip teases.

2. Practice Ahead of Time

If lap dance basics are unfamiliar territory, the whole thing won't get very far. So step one is learning the moves. YouTube is an easy starting point, and if you want expert guidance, Carmen Electra has some excellent tutorial videos. Focus on mastering a few essentials — circling the chair, climbing into his lap, and dipping down before rising back up. There's plenty more to explore beyond that, but these form a solid foundation.

Highlight your best features. If you're smaller-chested but proud of your curves elsewhere, angle that toward him for part of the routine and run your hands lightly over it. If your chest is your standout feature, keep it front and center.

That said, don't get too hung up on your body. If confidence is what you need, these tips to love your body are worth a read.

3. Bringing Up the Idea

A genuinely good lap dance depends heavily on avoiding awkwardness. If the vibe between you two feels stilted or strange, nobody's going to have fun. That means how you introduce the idea matters — keep it relaxed, confident, and a little mischievous. Some nervousness is fine, but if your own confidence wavers, his will too. When you bring it up, put on a playful or bold expression. Be coy — invite him "into your chambers," or tell him to "step into your office." You could even frame it as a role play scene. Keep it lighthearted, and own it.

4. Turn Up the Heat

Unlike a dancer working a strip club floor, you're not bound by any hands-off rules — you're free to touch and take things further (lap dances translate beautifully into sex). Lucky for both of you. Rather than maintaining strict distance, weave in extra contact — trail a hand down his chest or up his thigh, plant a kiss on his lips or neck, and let full contact happen every so often.

This in-depth guide to foreplay offers more inspiration. Worth noting specifically is dry humping, which is essentially the mechanics of a lap dance already. You're obviously free to go further if the mood strikes (wink), but pulling back occasionally keeps the anticipation alive.

That said, a strict no-touching rule can actually amp things up in its own way. If you want to try it, open the dance by telling him — in your sultriest tone — that his hands need to stay put or you'll "call your manager." Then, any time he reaches for you, take his hands and pin them above his head, behind his back, or have him sit on them. Feeling extra bold and ready to bend the rules? Handcuffs can bring in a touch of light bondage.

5. Keep It Simple or Go Elaborate

This really comes down to you and your partner. If you've got dance training or gymnastic flexibility, an elaborate routine might suit you well. For most people, though, simplicity works better — and that's completely fine. Slow and deliberate movement is often the sexiest approach for a lap dance anyway.

6. Picking the Right Soundtrack

Marvin Gaye is the classic lap dance soundtrack, and "Let's Get It On" definitely sets the tone, but there's a whole range of options beyond it. Usher brings a quicker tempo while still carrying plenty of suggestive energy. If a slower pace suits you better, R&B offers endless choices. Ultimately, let your own taste as a couple guide the playlist — anything with a slow, sultry groove will work. Our sex songs playlist has more suggestions for setting the mood, and these songs are curated specifically for lap dances.

Whatever music you settle on, rehearse with it directly. Practicing only alongside random videos can throw off your timing once you switch to your actual playlist. And when building that playlist, make sure the tracks flow into each other smoothly, without jarring transitions that could break your rhythm.

7. Build Toward the Climax

A strong buildup is one of the most crucial elements of a great lap dance. Diving straight into heavy grinding without any lead-up rarely feels sexy. On the flip side, sticking to feather-light touches and gentle swaying the whole time falls flat too. The goal is a steady escalation from start to finish.

The most reliable way to maintain that escalation is planning your routine ahead of time. Mix your moves so each minute pushes slightly further than the one before. Pulling back or slowing down occasionally is totally fine, but the overall arc should trend upward — think of it like a film or novel, where each "scene" ramps up just a bit more than the last: a little sexier, a little closer, a little more daring.

8. Settle Your Nerves First

A touch of nervousness can be endearing, but if shyness stops you from actually following through, it defeats the purpose. If you're too self-conscious to pull it off without a little help, a drink or two beforehand can loosen things up. A night when you're both already sipping wine — a holiday or anniversary, say — works especially well, since his own inhibitions will likely relax too.

See? Giving a lap dance isn't nearly as intimidating as it sounds, as long as you put in some practice and planning ahead of time. Beyond being totally achievable, it can inject real fun into your relationship and bring the two of you closer together.

Consider saving this for a meaningful occasion — his birthday, a holiday, or your anniversary. The surprise factor makes it land even harder, so resist mentioning your practice sessions or dropping hints beforehand. Instead, spring it on him when he least expects it and watch his reaction.

November 15, 2020