What 987 People Actually Consider Kinky

Whether you're partnered up or flying solo, a healthy sex life offers benefits well beyond orgasms. Sex in any form can ease stress and anxiety, deepen feelings of intimacy, strengthen your immune system, and help you sleep more soundly. Put simply, as long as your sexual experiences stay positive — with consent and mutual pleasure as absolute non-negotiables — you're doing something genuinely good for your body and mind.

Positive sexual experiences also mean feeling free to embrace your kinkier side. Sexuality isn't a binary, and even if what turns you on strays from conventional expectations, there's no rulebook barring those desires from your sex life.

You might also be surprised to learn just how common some of your kinks and fetishes actually are.

To get a clearer picture of these intimate preferences, we surveyed nearly 1,000 gay, lesbian, bisexual, and straight men and women aged 19 to 80 about their kinks and fetishes. Join us as we dig into who's embracing their kinkier impulses, which bedroom activities carry the kinkiest reputation, and how comfortable people feel discussing these desires with a partner.

How Kink Varies by Orientation

Definitions of what counts as kinky or fetish-related differ from person to person, but a clear majority (69%) described themselves as at least a little or somewhat kinky. Sixteen percent embraced their unconventional desires fully, calling themselves very or extremely kinky — a figure that climbed notably higher among bisexual respondents.

Compared with straight respondents, bisexual, gay, and lesbian participants were far more likely to identify as very to extremely kinky — 30% of bisexuals, 22% of lesbians, and 17% of gay respondents landed in that category.

Slightly fewer people, overall, reported having an actual fetish (43%), though men were 20 percentage points more likely than women to label at least one of their desires that way. Fetishes typically involve attraction to scenarios or objects not inherently viewed as sexual, though experts note these desires aren't inherently unhealthy. Gay respondents were less likely than lesbian or bisexual respondents to call themselves kinky overall, yet 62% still reported having a genuine fetish. Straight respondents were the least likely group to report having one at all.

What Actually Reads as Kinky

On average, people needed roughly five months before feeling comfortable opening up about their own kinks or fetishes. So what actually qualifies as kinky? We asked respondents to rate how kinky they perceived six fairly common sexual activities to be.

Just 12% rated missionary sex as very or extremely kinky, while spanking (36%), anal sex (34%), and sex toys (34%) landed much higher on the kink scale. Even if your toy experience has stopped at vibrators so far, there's a whole world of options worth exploring for your nighttime routine — masturbation included.

Roughly 1 in 4 respondents rated oral sex as very or extremely kinky, with a similar share saying the same about doggy style.

Side note: We've also asked 1,114 women whether they enjoy giving blow jobs (most do) and asked 1,058 women about receiving oral sex (they're big fans, too).

Putting Kink Into Practice

Regardless of what actually turns you on, open sexual communication between partners — covering both what feels great and what doesn't — is essential to a satisfying, pleasurable relationship. Nearly 1 in 3 respondents admitted to participating in a kink or fetish they personally didn't enjoy, just to satisfy a partner.

Anal play (55%) and playing with dominant and submissive roles (53%) topped the list of practiced kinks, with men favoring the former by roughly 10 percentage points and women favoring the latter by about 8. Submissive role play isn't everyone's thing, but plenty of women in particular find it genuinely arousing. Other popular kinks among both men and women included role play (43%), bondage (42%), orgasm control (38%), and broader BDSM practices (36%).

Anal play ranked as the top kink among straight (46%), bisexual (60%), and gay (69%) respondents specifically. Lesbian respondents, meanwhile, gravitated more toward dominant/submissive play (64%), bondage (56%), and role play (52%).

Where there's a will, there's apparently a way. Despite quarantine and lockdown measures keeping plenty of people apart, 23% of respondents still found a way to explore a kink or fetish during the COVID-19 pandemic. About 1 in 3 of those did so virtually, via phone sex or video sex. While virtual intimacy sidesteps some traditional risks, safety still matters — sticking to encrypted platforms, reviewing privacy settings, and using an anonymous account are all worth doing.

Respondents were noticeably more guarded when it came to naming specific fetishes. A fetish generally involves attraction to an inanimate object, and despite today's more open cultural attitudes toward sex, plenty of people still consider fetishes taboo. Still, among the braver respondents willing to share, foot fetishes and attraction to underwear or jockstraps topped the list.

Getting Comfortable Talking About It

Communication is widely recognized as foundational to any healthy relationship, sexual communication included. We found that 53% of sexually active respondents felt comfortable discussing kinks or fetishes with a partner, with straight couples reporting the lowest comfort levels overall. Among those who did share their turn ons, 55% of women reported a positive reaction from their partner, compared to just 31% of men who got the same warm response after opening up.

Lesbian respondents (63%) felt most at ease discussing their kinks or fetishes, followed by bisexual (60%) and gay (54%) respondents. Straight respondents reported the lowest comfort level at 47%.

Openly sharing bedroom preferences appears to genuinely boost relationship satisfaction. Our data shows 58% of people who felt very comfortable discussing their kinks with a partner also reported feeling satisfied in their relationship. Among those uncomfortable with the topic, satisfaction dropped notably — only 38% reported feeling satisfied with their sexual relationship overall. Thirteen percent also admitted to cheating on a partner specifically because that partner showed no interest in their kinks or fetishes.

Learn: 23 reasons why women cheat.

Owning What You're Into

Definitions of "kinky" clearly vary from person to person, yet the majority of respondents still considered themselves at least somewhat kinky in their sexual preferences.

Straight respondents were generally the least comfortable calling themselves kinky, owning a fetish, or discussing these topics with a partner — yet anal play, orgasm control, and role play still ranked as fairly popular kinks within this group. More than half of sexually active respondents felt comfortable discussing their kinks and fetishes overall, with women more often reporting a positive reception than men.

At Love Curi, we send weekly guides packed with original sexual research (like this one) straight to your inbox. Covering everything from sex positions to blow jobs and dirty talk, Love Curi is built to help you level up both your relationships and your sex life. Check out our tips for a spicier sex life and explore everything else happening between the sheets at Lovecuri.com.

Methodology

We surveyed 998 sexually active individuals across the UK and U.S. to explore kinks and fetishes. All respondents confirmed they were sexually active at the time of the survey. Sample breakdown:

Men: 523

Women: 464

Nonbinary: 11

Bisexual: 267

Gay: 140

Lesbian: 73

Straight: 518

Respondent ages ranged from 19 to 80, with a mean age of 32 and a standard deviation of 9 years. As with any self-reported survey data, limitations apply — including telescoping, exaggeration, and selective memory. We did not weight the data or run statistical hypothesis testing. This project was intended purely as an exploratory look at kinks and fetishes among sexually active adults.

Fair Use Statement

Want to help spread these findings? Feel free to share our kink-focused study for any noncommercial purpose — we just ask that you link back to us for proper credit.

February 18, 2022