Strap-On Sex: How To Use One With Your Man For Maximum Fun

Looking to shake things up in the bedroom? The harness and strap-on section of your nearest sex toy shop is a great place to start. These tools let you send a lover into orbit through penetration (him or her), while letting you experience the powerful side of giving during sex yourself. This guide walks you through exactly how.

Keep reading for the best strap-on sex techniques.

Using a strap-on to stimulate a man anally is also known as pegging [1, 2, 3].

Discover how to peg your partner.

It's far from the most mainstream activity, but it's a genuinely great way to add excitement to your sex life. Check out other tips for spicing up the bedroom.

What's So Great About Using a Strap On?

Taking on the penetrating role instead of the receiving one hands you a real sense of power (partly explaining why guys like anal) — you're the one delivering the pleasure. Pegging also pairs beautifully with power exchange and bondage dynamics, letting you step fully into the dominant role — more tips on dominating here.

Strap-on sex is also an excellent route to prostate stimulation for him. The prostate, a walnut-sized gland producing part of semen's fluid [4, 5], can be reached through the rectum or via the perineum — the strip of skin between testicles and anus, commonly nicknamed the "taint."

Check out this guide for more tips on prostate play. Even without a prostate yourself, if you've enjoyed anal play, imagine how good it feels for him with this extra sweet spot in the mix!

Strap on Orgasms – Strap-on sex can produce prostate orgasms for him, which are dry (no ejaculation involved) [6]. These may even open the door to multiple orgasms — yes, some men can experience these too, just like some women.

Read More: How To Have Multiple Orgasms

Beyond that, the anus is packed with nerve endings [7], meaning penetration itself can simply feel great.

Wearing a strap-on can also create a genuinely striking visual. Glancing down to see your dildo bobbing, or watching your partner's reaction as you approach, adds real electricity to the room if a little kinkiness appeals to you. Want to snap a sexy photo or two? A strap-on makes a fun prop, doubling as a memento of a good time.

Certain harnesses even include pockets for bullet vibrators or other attachments, letting you feel stimulated while penetrating your partner simultaneously.

For some couples, pegging stays an occasional special-occasion activity — reserved for birthdays, anniversaries, or moments needing a drink beforehand to ease into it. Your partner may feel similarly about it. Most standard anal sex tips apply equally well here.

Even as an occasional activity, it's genuinely worth expanding your horizons to include.

How to Get Him Interested

Maybe you're reading this because your partner hinted at curiosity around pegging, or maybe you find the idea hot and want to broach it yourself. Simply sharing this article, comparing sexual bucket lists, or asking whether he's ever tried prostate play are all solid openers.

Not everyone will want to try strap-on play, though, so be ready for a flat "no," or for him needing time before warming up to the idea.

Some men worry about what interest in pegging says about them, given how readily society links penetrating men with homosexuality. Though logically, if it's happening with a woman, that association doesn't really hold up.

For a hesitant partner, the strongest argument is often simply that pegging and anal play stimulate the prostate directly, leading to more intense orgasms [8, 9].

Related: Prostate Massage 101

The prostate itself, susceptible to inflammation and infection, can also benefit from regular stimulation.

None of this means the activity is risk-free. Overly aggressive anal sex, or anal sex without lube, can cause tearing (fistulas) and bleeding.

Pegging doesn't involve direct fluid exchange, but tears from anal sex can still raise susceptibility to STIs like HIV [10, 11] — worth knowing if he's also having anal sex elsewhere. Anal sex can also lead to conditions such as anorectal abscesses [12].

Some people experience fecal incontinence linked to anal sex [13, 14], and anal penetration can worsen hemorrhoids. Overly rough play with an oversized toy can even damage the colon, and rectal perforation from sex toys has been documented in rare cases [15]. An extremely rare complication of rough anal play is anal disruption [16].

This post covers anal sex risks and how to have anal sex safely.

Choosing the right equipment and taking your time genuinely minimizes these risks while maximizing enjoyment. So let's get into the gear itself.

How Do Strap Ons Work?

A basic strap-on setup needs two components: the dildo, and the harness holding it. Most harnesses feature an O-ring — sometimes fixed, sometimes swappable — usually made from a stretchy material that grips the dildo's flared base. That O-ring should fit snugly, so having a few sizes on hand makes sense if your dildo collection varies. Some harnesses come with permanently fixed O-rings, meaning you'll need dildos matching that exact diameter to avoid slippage.

Psst, collecting dildos and rings in various sizes doubles nicely as anal training gear. Find out more.

Other harnesses attach differently. The Vac-U-Lock system suits those chasing realism, since compatible dildos skew phallic rather than novelty-shaped — though these systems generally require specialized, compatible dildos.

An O-ring setup works with a broader range of dildos regardless of brand, and adjustable versions accommodate essentially any size.

"Strapless" strap-ons exist too — shaped like double-ended dildos, inserted vaginally and curving around the pubic bone to enable penetration without any straps at all. Strong PC muscles make this option more viable. Depending on design, a favorite harness might still work alongside a strapless dildo, since harnesses generally add stability during penetration.

Side note: Butt plugs can technically pair with a strap-on, though that's not their intended purpose. Learn how to use a butt plug for anal pleasure.

Similarly, a flared-base dildo works well for anal masturbation.

Choosing a Strap on Harness

Finding a harness suited to your body and preferences makes learning to use a strap-on considerably easier. Common styles include:

• Three-strap/jock — worn around the waist with leg loops, similar to a jockstrap, leaving the vagina unobstructed [17 p 208]
• Two-strap — resembles a G-string, one strap running between the legs, one around the waist.
• Corset — cinches at the sides or back like a corset, offering a customized fit with aesthetic flair.
• Underwear/lingerie — worn just like underwear.
• Rope — a length of rope tied into a harness around a dildo, then untied afterward. More advanced, but you get to pick whatever color rope suits you.

Lingerie-style harnesses use soft fabric for extra wearer comfort, typically styled like boxers, briefs, or bikini bottoms. These tend to be the easiest entry point for beginners or anyone unfamiliar with strap-on use, and the strapless design also suits anyone dealing with dexterity limitations like arthritis.

Traditional harnesses often use leather, while nylon versions are common and generally more budget-friendly. Plenty of strap-on kits, Sportsheets among them, include a basic adjustable nylon harness. Plastic and clear "jelly" PVC harnesses exist too, though they can feel less comfortable or chafe more. Wearing underwear beneath any harness is always an option for extra comfort.

Different materials need different care. Underwear-style harnesses often go straight in the wash; otherwise, a damp cloth handles spot-cleaning for most. Test any cleaning product on a small patch first before treating the whole harness. Leather versions may need conditioning — always follow the specific care guidance provided.

Sizing matters a great deal here. Too large, and the harness slips, undermining your ability to peg effectively; too tight, and it digs in uncomfortably. Most harnesses go by hip circumference, and stretchy or adjustable versions accommodate a wider size range — check manufacturer-specific sizing, since it varies.

A beginner-friendly strap-on doesn't need to be expensive, especially if you're still unsure whether strap-on sex is for you.

Novelty Harnesses

Most harnesses sit around the waist for that classic silicone-cock feel, but plenty of unconventional options exist too — worn on the hand, forehead, thigh, even the ankle! Not everyone will click with these, but having your partner grind against your thigh mid-penetration can genuinely be hot.

Choosing the Right Dildo

Your harness choice shapes which dildos you can use. Any flared-base dildo should work with a standard O-ring, opening up options from brands like Fun Factory and Tantus, plus independent makers.

Stick with body-safe silicone, stainless steel, or glass — all disinfectable [18] and nonporous enough to avoid harboring bacteria [19]. You might already own a dildo perfectly suited for pegging.

Material choice affects lube selection, and lube is non-negotiable for anal play. Water-based lube works with every toy material [20] and offers a plush feel some people love, though it can get tacky as it dries. Silicone lube stays slicker and lasts longer, though it can degrade softer or lower-quality silicone toys on contact.

Related: What Is Lube And Should You Use It?

Plenty of strap-on attachments vibrate, or accept a bullet vibrator addition if that appeals to your partner. More tips on choosing and using a dildo here.

Targeting his prostate means adjusting your dildo's curve direction based on position (anal sex position ideas). Pegging from behind, for instance, calls for a downward curve to reach his prostate — the same principle applies if you're with a female partner in Doggy style aiming for her G Spot. Most standard sex positions adapt easily into strap-on positions.

Start smaller than you think you need and size up gradually — it's easy to overestimate. Going bigger later is always possible; undoing discomfort from starting too large isn't.

A solid rule of thumb: pick a dildo roughly as wide as however many fingers comfortably insert. Without prior manual stimulation experience, cap it at three fingers wide. Some even suggest matching the size to a partner's typical bowel movement — genuinely not a joke.

With experience, that same receiving partner may comfortably handle something larger over time [21 p 36].

One last dildo category worth mentioning: packers, ultra-soft and generally not designed for penetration at all. Look and feel are the point here rather than function — commonly worn by trans men, though not exclusively.

How to Put on a Strap On

It might feel confusing at first, but putting on and adjusting a harness becomes second nature quickly.

• Lingerie: Step in like you would a pair of underwear.
• Two-strap harness: Position the bottom strap between your legs first, then connect each side strap. With enough give, you can slip it on and off like underwear, tightening as needed.
• Three-strap harness: Step through the waist and leg loops, pull it up, then adjust each strap individually.

Most corset-style harnesses are really two- or three-strap designs with corset detailing layered on top, letting you adjust side straps independently of the decorative ribbon.

Whether you attach the dildo before or after putting on the harness comes down to preference. Adjustable dildo-holding straps may need retightening once the harness itself is already on.

Preparation

Once you've bought a new harness and dildo, walking around in it a bit is actually genuinely useful — it helps you dial in the right tightness for comfortable wear and dildo control. Spend real time learning how to insert, remove, or swap dildos, and look up video tutorials if the mechanism isn't intuitive.

Your partner might also want guidance on prepping for anal penetration. Shaving can help since men tend to have more hair prone to tangling, though it's not mandatory.

More: How to shave your pubic hair down there.

Usually a shower covers it, and a wet wipe works in a pinch — just make sure the anus itself gets proper attention.

For anyone wanting to feel extra clean, a douche is an option too — lukewarm water, squirted in while sitting over the toilet. An enema generally isn't necessary for anal penetration prep.

Get more tips on preparing for anal sex.

Jumping straight to toy penetration, especially on a first attempt, usually isn't ideal. Fingers or mouth work well as a warmup instead (learn how to toss his salad) before introducing the dildo. Keep nails trimmed short and smooth if anal fingering is part of the plan.

Oral sex or regular penetrative sex beforehand can also help him relax and get in the mood ahead of pegging.

Strap On Positions

Anal penetration, perhaps surprisingly, works in most of the same positions as vaginal penetration, provided the dildo has enough length. A modified Missionary, legs raised and knees bent toward his chest, is one option. Any position leaving him bent forward works too — Doggy style, or leaning over furniture or an appliance.

Check out this list of sex positions from behind for more ideas.

Nearly every penetrative position in our full sex positions guide translates directly if you're wearing a strap-on with a female partner too!

How to Have Sex With a Strap On – Insertion

Insertion is typically the trickiest part of anal play. Lubricate both the toy and his anus generously to minimize discomfort — lube matters here since the anus doesn't self-lubricate much [22]. Rimming remains a great option regardless.

Skimping on lube and rushing things risks discomfort or real pain, potentially souring him on trying again. Plenty of lube, patience helping him relax, and the right dildo choice can turn pegging into a comfortable, regular part of your sex life instead.

Discover how to get rid of pain during anal sex.

Warning: Skip anal desensitizing creams or oils entirely. Pain is your body's warning system, and if he can't feel it — and you can't feel anything through the dildo either — real problems could go unnoticed.

Once positioned, spread his cheeks yourself or have him do it. Guide the dildo toward his rectum by hand, expecting some initial resistance since the rectum is ringed by muscle. He can ease this by pushing down, similar to using the bathroom — and relaxing the throat, oddly enough, can help relax the anus too.

Full penetration might not happen on the first attempt, and that's completely fine. It sometimes takes a few tries before relaxing enough. Once past that outer sphincter, things generally get much smoother.

Strap on Techniques Once You're In

Plenty of people assume penetration is purely about thrusting, but there's more nuance than that. Think of any partner who's ever thrust carelessly without rhythm — rarely a great time for anyone involved.

Speed, depth, and angle are all adjustable, with angle taking the most practice to master. Nail that skill, and you'll be able to target a specific spot precisely — essential for effective prostate stimulation.

Practice shifting your hips up or down, leaning forward or back. A helpful trick: slide a sex pillow under your partner's hips to adjust their positioning and shift the angle further. Gripping his body — shoulders, hips, or under the stomach, among other spots — gives you extra leverage for deeper thrusts and closes the distance between you.

If your dildo feels hard to control, check whether the harness has loosened, or whether the toy's too long or flexible. Heavier dildos, metal or glass especially, tend to droop lower in a harness, so expect to adjust strap tightness as you get the hang of using a strap-on with a partner. Firmer materials also feel more intense, so easing up on speed or depth might help avoid discomfort.

Thrusting isn't the only motion available, either. Grinding keeps far more of the shaft inside throughout, and circular hip motions or a Figure-8 pattern are both worth trying.

He may lose his erection mid-session, which is entirely normal and doesn't signal a lack of enjoyment [23 p 31]. Some men also feel an urge to pee when the prostate gets stimulated, similar to how G-spot stimulation can feel for women.

Experimenting with movement is genuinely exciting, but keep checking in with your partner about what's actually working for him. Real-time feedback matters enormously here, since a toy cock has no nerve endings of its own — you simply can't feel what's happening internally, and even if you could, you'd never know exactly how it registers for him.

So talk before, during, and after. That gives him room to signal if you should slow down, shift position, or stop entirely.

Talking about sex isn't always easy, which is exactly why we put together this guide to sexual communication.

Don't Forget the Rest of His Body

Early on, penetrating your partner with a strap-on will likely command your full focus. As comfort and confidence build, though, branching out beyond the core technique becomes worthwhile — stimulating his balls, pinching his nipples, running your hands over his body, scratching his back, tugging his hair, or otherwise engaging his other sensitive spots.

Learn more: 13 Awesome Male Erogenous Zones

This guide should set you up to choose the right gear and build genuine skill as a partner, but like anything, it takes practice. Things won't always go smoothly. You might even discover one or both of you just isn't into strap-on sex, and that's completely fine.

How to Experience Pleasure When Using a Strap On

For plenty of women, the appeal of pegging lies primarily in the sense of control and power it brings. Still, physical pleasure is entirely possible too, with a little adjustment for the harness.

The good news: most harness bases rest right over the mons pubis and clitoris, meaning the dildo's base delivers pressure there as you penetrate your partner. If that's not intense or consistent enough, tucking a small vibrator between the harness and your body — if it fits — adds direct clitoral stimulation. Some harnesses even include a dedicated pocket for this, or you can slip one into underwear worn beneath the harness.

Prefer vaginal stimulation instead? Try inserting a separate dildo while wearing the harness. So-called "strapless" strap-ons insert vaginally on their own, though they can be a bit fiddly in practice — plenty of people pair them with a harness anyway for extra control and comfort.

Take It One Step Further

Once pegging's been tried and enjoyed, a few extras are worth exploring.

• Craft your own rope harness.
• Have your partner worship your strap-on, especially if femdom appeals to you (get other femdom ideas).
• Let your partner perform oral on the dildo.
• Invest in an ejaculating dildo for an extra layer of realism.

Sticking with the basics is always fine too — plenty of people try pegging once and decide it's simply not for them.

That said, finding your rhythm can genuinely take a few attempts. Sex isn't always great the first try, new activities included, even with a trusted partner. Sometimes what sounds appealing in theory doesn't land in practice. Staying honest with yourself and your partner throughout matters most. And if strap-on sex ultimately isn't for you, that's not a failure — you've still learned something valuable about yourself and each other.

Strap-on play can also genuinely deepen intimacy and closeness, thanks to the vulnerability and communication it demands. Pegging isn't for everyone, but there's only one way to find out where you land.

Resources

Unbound Babes offers a great visual explanation of the different types of strap on harnesses.

One Reddit thread asks women to share their strap-on experiences.

Lovehoney's video strap on guide walks through the various styles available.

FAQ #2 – Frequently Asked Questions

FAQ #1 – Can men use strapons?

Yes. Traditional strap-ons are built for people without penises, but harnesses exist specifically designed for people with penises too — featuring a ring or opening beneath the dildo for the penis to pass through. Men might turn to these for erectile dysfunction, a smaller penis, or simply to please a partner in new ways. Strap-on sex can even serve as an alternative to prosthetics in some cases [24].

FAQ #2 – Do lesbians always use strapons?

Porn and mainstream media often suggest strap-ons are a given in lesbian sex, but that's far from universal. Penetration isn't required for satisfying sex — hands, mouths, other body parts, and toys all work without a strap-on involved. Research even suggests female couples tend to count a broader range of acts as "sex" than heterosexual couples typically do [25].

Some lesbian couples never touch a strap-on. Others use one nearly every time, simply because they prefer it that way.

Read now: 14 lesbian sex positions that include strap ons, fingering and oral sex.

November 10, 2020