Anal Training 101: The Complete Beginner's Guide To Anal Stretching

At the Love Curi, we encourage most people to give anal sex and anal toys a try, simply because of how fun and pleasurable it can be. Getting comfortable with it — and building up to larger toys — isn't always straightforward, though. That's exactly why we put together this guide on training for anal sex and play.

Two Forms Of Anal Training

Anal training generally falls into two categories: preparing for anal sex for the very first time, and anal stretching once you're already at ease with basic anal play, which calls for more patience and time. We'll start with the first-timer prep.

One of the biggest reasons people shy away from anal — beyond it being where you poop from — is the fear that it'll hurt. It can, but it really shouldn't, especially with the right preparation.

Here's a post about what to do if anal sex hurts.

Because of that, anal sex shouldn't be a spur-of-the-moment decision, and it definitely shouldn't come as a surprise to you. (It can, however, make a fun surprise for your man once you've already prepared!)

So what does preparation actually involve? First, get mentally ready. If you're even a little unsure about wanting anal, your body is going to tense up in response. Tense muscles make penetration harder and more painful — which only reinforces the exact worry you started with.

That's why mental relaxation matters so much; it's what allows your body to physically relax too. For some, a glass of wine does the trick. Others find a sensual massage from their partner melts the tension away (more on that here). If you've already been fooling around and had an orgasm, you're probably feeling nicely relaxed already — often the perfect moment for anal.

You know your own body best, so trust your gut. Speaking of which, check out this post on anal during pregnancy if that applies to you. We've also answered common questions about getting pregnant from anal sex.

Getting Physically Ready

Beyond the mental side, there's physical preparation to think about too. Maybe pain isn't your worry at all — cleanliness and fecal matter are far more common concerns.

The good news: physical prep is usually less involved than you'd expect. A bowel movement beforehand clears things out for most people. A wet wipe or shower handles the rest, and some people choose to shave around the anus and butt cheeks for a smoother feel — though that's entirely optional.

Learn: How to shave your pubes.

For extra peace of mind, an anal douche is worth considering. It resembles a dropper — fill it with room-temperature water (never hot or cold), sit over the toilet, and gently squeeze the water into your anal tract to clear out anything left behind.

Read More: Preparing for Anal Sex

An enema is typically more than necessary unless it happens to be one of your fetishes. You can pick one up at most sex shops and hook it to your shower or faucet for the deepest possible clean — though it takes considerably more time and effort than a simple douche.

Once you're clean, calm, and prepared, what comes next? Our advice: never just insert a penis or toy without warming up first, no matter how turned on you are!

Related: Try these positions for pegging your partner and also these anal sex positions.

Time For Penetration

Starting small is the smart move. That might mean a small toy with a flared base or handle for anal safety, a finger (find out why anal fingering is fantastic) or two, or even your partner's tongue (tips for rim jobs). Learn more about anal rimming. These smaller items can slip past the tight ring of muscle known as the sphincter, which controls what passes in and out of the anus [1].

This is actually part of why anal sex feels so good for men. Discover other reasons men enjoy anal.

As your body adjusts, you can gradually add a second finger or move to a larger toy. Before long, you'll be comfortably ready for a penis or penis-sized toy. Lube is essential throughout — we recommend it for every kind of sex, but it's especially important for anal, since the anus can't lubricate itself.

Learn more about lube and how it makes for better sex.

You may find yourself well on the way to an anal orgasm, or simply enjoying wearing a butt plug during sex. Either way — great!

Read: How to Have Anal Orgasms

Taking Anal Training Further

Maybe you're already an anal enthusiast, and the beginner advice above doesn't really apply anymore. Perhaps you're curious how much you can comfortably take, or you're in a power-exchange relationship where your partner has asked you to train toward larger toys. Anal penetration can carry a particularly submissive charge. Read more about this.

If that sounds like you, here's how to take anal training seriously.

Toy Size

Working up to a larger toy or penis follows much the same logic as first-time preparation. Start small, though with more experience you may find you can handle a medium toy (roughly 1.5″ in diameter) or your partner's penis without much warm-up at all.

Once you're comfortably penetrated, the next step is increasing size — either the toy itself, or moving from your partner's penis to something larger. Some toys are made specifically for that fuller feeling, and people who love larger toys are often called size queens. Any reputable retailer can tell you a toy's circumference (the measurement around the shaft) or diameter (the measurement straight across — circumference divided by 3.14, aka Pi or π).

Dilators exist specifically to ease vaginal penetration [2], and similar anal/rectal dilators are made for safe use in your back door.

Stay realistic about pace. What looks like a small size increase on paper can feel massive in practice. Bumping the diameter up by about 1/4 inch is a sensible starting point, though you might be able to skip a size or two along the way. Eventually, you may find yourself using a toy you never imagined you'd be able to take anally!

You might not manage to fully insert that larger toy you've had your eye on right away, or you may only handle it briefly at first. That's completely fine — anal training rewards patience, so go easy on yourself.

You can always try again, or size up next time. What you can't undo, though, is damage caused by rushing or pushing past your limits.

Stay relaxed and use generous lube whenever you're introducing a new toy.

By the way, men can train anally too — anal penetration is actually great for prostate massage. Learn more about this.

Numbing Products

A few options exist here. Numbing creams built for anal sex, for instance, promise to dull pain using lidocaine or similar ingredients. What the packaging won't tell you is that pain actually serves a purpose — it's your body's way of saying "slow down," "relax," "add more lube," or "try a different angle." That message is worth listening to.

Numbing that pain means losing the signal that something's wrong, and ignoring it can lead to real damage — anal play that's too rough can cause anal prolapse or incontinence, and an oversized toy can injure the colon. That kind of harm tends to be long-lasting, and the subsequent doctor's visit isn't exactly comfortable either.

Find more dos and don'ts for anal play in this guide to anal sex safety.

Talking It Through With Your Partner

Finally, communication with your partner matters enormously. During anal masturbation (get more info), you choose the toy and set the pace yourself, adjusting the moment something feels off. A partner doesn't have access to those same internal cues, so you need to voice them directly.

Since talking about sex can feel awkward, we've put together a guide to sexual communication to make it easier to express your needs and improve every kind of sex you have, anal included.

Thinking about penetrating your man instead? It's worth exploring using a strap-on, and then learning everything about pegging.

Find more tips like these in our post about anal sex.

Hopefully it's clear by now that pain during anal sex or anal training can largely be avoided with patience and the right precautions. Eventually, though, you'll hit a size where you simply can't go further — and that's perfectly okay. We all have our limits.

Finding those limits, alone or with a partner, is part of the fun of anal training.

Now that you understand more about how anal training works, you can set your own goals and work toward them at your own pace. Anal training might be a necessary step toward enjoying anal sex, or simply a fun addition to your sex life. Either way, we hope you enjoy the journey!

October 10, 2020