5 Reasons To Sleep With Your Best Friend & 5 Risks

Thinking about sleeping with your best friend is more common than you'd guess, mostly because it's not something people openly discuss. Actually acting on it, though, is an entirely different matter. For this post, we'll assume your best friend is male. It happens! If your bestie is a woman, you're probably navigating a different set of complications entirely.

Why Would You Want To Sleep With Your Best Friend?

1. You're Just Horny

Maybe it's really that simple. Perhaps you've hit a dry spell. Maybe you don't have the time to hunt for a new fuck buddy or go on dates. Sleeping with a friend, even your closest one, could simplify things dramatically. And since sex is all you're after, you might feel safe from catching feelings. If it's strictly a one-time thing, that risk really is fairly low.

Side note: If you find yourself constantly turned on and want to dial down the horniness, check out these reasons you might be so horny. And if the opposite is true and arousal is hard to come by, this guide to getting horny should help.

2. You Have Feelings For Him

Sometimes we try to lock someone down by sleeping with them first. Build a physical connection, the thinking goes, and romance might follow. Honestly, sometimes it does work out that way.

Related: How to be romantic – 12 romantic ideas.

But if you're secretly harboring feelings, sex as a strategy to make something happen is usually a bad bet. Talking it through beats sleeping together and hoping. That way your friend can tell you where he stands, and you can either act on your feelings or start moving past them.

Side note: How to improve your sexual communication.

3. You're Craving Connection

Maybe there's no romantic pull toward your best friend at all, just a deep craving for intimacy, and sex delivers a certain kind of that.

Related: 17 intimate sex techniques and 27 intimacy ideas for an intense connection.

But if what you really want is a relationship, and he wants one too, your energy might be better spent finding someone who's genuinely available for an equal, caring partnership with you.

4. Your Headspace Isn't Right

Most people wouldn't dream of sleeping with their best friend. But every so often, an unusual — or downright bad — idea takes hold because of where our mind is at. Maybe you're drunk or high. Maybe you're grieving, overwhelmed, or just not feeling like yourself.

Once you're back to a clearer headspace, whether that takes sobering up or working through something with a therapist, you might be stunned you ever considered this. Or you might land on the opposite conclusion — that it's actually not such a bad idea.

The Upsides Of Sleeping With Your Best Friend

You've seen the risk side of things — but what about the benefits?

1. You Already Know Each Other

Everything you already know about each other outside the bedroom could translate into real sexual chemistry inside it. Anyone who's struggled through the awkward learning curve with a new partner can appreciate why that's a huge plus.

Your best friend likely already understands your work stress and anxiety triggers. He also knows your friends and family, which could cut either way depending on how you look at it.

Learn: How to get rid of sexual anxiety.

Plus, since you already know each other, there's no need to go hunting for a partner. Skip the clubs, the bar-hopping, and other date ideas entirely — a potential partner is already right there, assuming he's interested.

2. He's Probably Into It

Plenty of guys admit that if they have close female friends, the thought of sleeping with them has crossed their mind. Very few would be offended by the suggestion (assuming he's single and straight). It's part of why some people insist men and women can't really be "just friends," though plenty push back on that idea too.

Of course, he might not be attracted to you at all (11 signs of sexual attraction), or might view you so platonically the idea's never even occurred to him. In that case, you may need to figure out how to break out of the friend zone.

3. You're Already Comfortable Together

This one overlaps with knowing each other well, but comfort matters a lot for enjoying sex, especially for women. Since you're already at ease with your best friend, you skip the awkward getting-to-know-you phase and go straight to the good part.

He should read this: How to go down on a girl and eat her pussy.

4. It Gets It Out Of Your System

Sometimes one satisfying round is all it takes to quiet a brain that's been obsessing over sex. Afterward, you can refocus on work or dating without constantly needing to stop thinking about sex.

5. You Get Real Practice

Sexual inexperience breeds a lot of anxiety. Maybe there's someone attractive you'd love to sleep with but feel too unsure of yourself to approach (these 13 positions can help build bedroom confidence). Enter your best friend, happy to lend a hand, or two.

You might recall a certain storyline from FRIENDS, where, in an alternate timeline, Chandler steps in as Monica's first sexual partner. She feels a rush of confidence after finally losing what she calls her "flower," while Chandler ends up jealous of the guy she'd originally been saving herself for. Which brings us to our next point.

But There Are Real Risks

Of course there are. That's exactly why you're reading a post about the risks of sleeping with your best friend instead of just jumping into kinky sex territory. The first risk is the obvious one.

1. Someone Catches Feelings

Even without feelings going in, sex with your best friend can spark them. That's one of the classic downsides of any friends-with-benefits arrangement. Rules and boundaries aside, someone usually ends up developing feelings. If it happens to both of you, great.

But if feelings show up without real compatibility, you could be looking at a genuinely messy fallout. Never fun.

If it's one-sided, though? Resentment, feeling used, or wanting more than your friend is willing to give could all follow. And that stings even more because it's your best friend.

2. You're Gambling With The Friendship

The biggest thing stopping most people from sleeping with a best friend is the fear of losing the friendship entirely. You worry you'll end up with neither a sexual partner nor a best friend anymore. If your best friend's support matters more to you long-term, adding sex into the mix might just not be worth the gamble. Could you handle it if your best friend suddenly wasn't in your life the same way?

3. Things Get Weird Between You

You might not destroy the friendship outright by sleeping together, but the quality of it could take a hit. Think about what you'd normally talk to your best friend about — probably sex, dating, and romantic partners. But once he's the partner in question, you'll need someone else to vent to.

It can go deeper too. Maybe you're used to texting your bestie constantly, at all hours, no big deal. But once sex enters the picture, it's easy to start overanalyzing every message and feeling needy. Or you might find yourself needing space from him now that things have shifted.

Side note: One perk is you'll probably start exchanging a lot more sexy text messages.

The end result might be less closeness overall, with both of you unsure when or how to even communicate anymore.

4. People Might Judge You

If word gets out that you're considering, or already having, sex with your best friend, expect some pushback. People might slam the decision as reckless. Others might push you toward an actual relationship even if that's not what you want.

That doesn't mean you can't tell anyone, just choose someone supportive and even-handed who won't pile judgment onto you and your friend. Sometimes talking it through with someone is genuinely necessary.

5. The Sex Could Just Be Bad

Bad sex happens to everyone at some point. It's actually part of why Love Curi exists, to teach incredible sex tips to satisfy your man and an entire library on how to pleasure a woman.

Sometimes it's just a rocky first time (tips for first-time sex) that improves (tips for improving your sex life) as you both learn each other's sexual desires and erogenous zones. Other times, you're simply not sexually compatible. So what happens if the sex with your best friend turns out to be bad, and you never want a repeat?

That situation can get seriously awkward. You might not know how to bring it up. Feelings could get hurt on either side. Making eye contact after sex is already a little strange sometimes, but if the sex flopped and he's your best friend, it can be downright mortifying.

If You Decide To Go For It

Despite the risks, plenty of people still choose to sleep with their best friend. That decision is entirely yours to make. Once you've decided, how do you actually make it happen?

You could be direct and say something like, "Hey, it's been a while for me, and I know it has for you too. Want to take care of that together?" Or you might simply lean in for a kiss or a bit of touching next time you're physically close.

You could also start flirting and see if he picks up on it. Just be ready for the possibility he doesn't notice, or worse, notices and isn't interested.

For some, alcohol or certain substances loosen inhibitions enough to make it happen. Just be aware you might regret choices made while under the influence, and legally may not be able to consent at all. That said, if you're both comfortable with a bit of social lubrication, a glass of wine might do the trick. Honestly, alcohol is how plenty of best friends end up sleeping together in the first place.

If this isn't a spur-of-the-moment thing, talk through expectations and desires beforehand to make sure you're aligned. Is this one-time only (one-night-stand tips)? How will you handle any feelings that come up? And so on.

Don't skip safer sex practices, including birth control and condoms, especially if either of you has other partners in the picture.

Set clear expectations for contact afterward. This comes easier for some people than others.

Finally, think through what you'll tell future partners. Will they know you once slept with your best friend? Partners often feel some jealousy toward close friends by default, especially ones of the opposite gender (or the same gender, if you're bi or gay).

Related: How to deal with jealousy

Combine that with the fact that you now have intimate knowledge of your best friend, and you could be opening a real can of worms with a future partner you haven't even met yet.

Sometimes, despite every risk listed here, you just have to go for it and see where things land. Following the advice above can help minimize some of these risks before you sleep with your best friend, but it won't erase them entirely.

February 23, 2022