Getting A Guy To Go Down On You – The Easy Way

Isn't oral sex just the best? When your partner's entire focus is on your pleasure, it can be a genuinely mind-blowing experience — and there's zero pregnancy risk involved! That said, you may have hit some roadblocks trying to get a guy to go down on you and help you orgasm. It could stem from a bad past experience, confusion about how the vagina or vulva actually works, or just personal taste. In most cases, though, you can make the experience more inviting or help him understand why it matters so much to you.

Side note: Point him toward these pussy eating techniques.

Related: If the risk of pregnancy itself turns you on, you might be into the breeding kink.

Getting Ready Before He Goes Down On You

Let's be honest — receiving oral sex on zero notice isn't always ideal. If you've ever tried giving a guy a blow job after a long, sweaty day or before he's showered, you know the smells and tastes can be off-putting. Plenty of men feel just as sensitive about how their partner's clitoris and vagina taste and smell, so you're far from alone in caring about this.

Related: How to make your vagina taste and smell like a peach

Still, you can use this awareness to make sure you're both comfortable once it's time for some serious attention to your clit.

You've probably heard you should never use soap inside your vagina — true, since it's self-cleaning, and cleansing products can throw off the natural bacteria and pH balance down there. A simple water rinse internally is all you need. External use of a gentle, unscented soap is fine, though.

If a full shower isn't in the cards but you want to freshen up, you've got options — several brands sell cleansing wipes made specifically for sex.

That said, you don't need a specialty product. Regular bathroom wet wipes work just as well and are far more discreet.

Cleanliness isn't the only thing influencing whether your partner's excited to go down on you — presentation matters too.

To Shave Or Not To Shave?

We'd never suggest altering your natural pubic hair just to satisfy someone else's preference — pubic hair is, after all, completely natural — but you might personally enjoy a Brazilian wax, a trim, a full shave, or even a fun trimmed design. Your partner might not care either way, but it doesn't hurt to ask if you're curious about pleasing him.

Even light grooming can go a long way — you don't need to go bare or shave at all, especially since skin can get irritated from repeated razor contact. A neat trim makes your clit and vulva easier to access while lowering the odds of a stray hair catching in his throat.

Solved: How to shave down there without razor bumps or irritation.

You might also enjoy being able to wear more form-fitting underwear or swimwear once you've trimmed.

Flavored lube is another option worth considering. It's a nice trick when going down on your man too, for a more pleasant experience. If he's nervous about taste, keep his favorite flavored lube close by. And often, simply holding your labia aside gives him easier access to your clit and more room to work with.

Some men do this instinctively, but nothing's stopping you from lending a hand. You can even use masturbation techniques on your own clit while he applies his best oral sex techniques.

How To Actually Get Him To Go Down On You

A good starting point might be sharing this study on how many women love receiving oral with him.

Of course, forcing your partner into anything they're not into is off the table outside of healthy power play or a femdom dynamic (speaking of which, here's some tips on being more dominant). So what's the move when every bit of prep and invitation has been turned down?

It might be time for an honest, direct conversation, particularly if orgasm feels out of reach any other way for you.

Related: How to orgasm easily

Getting a guy on board might come easier once he realizes penetration alone often isn't enough for female orgasm. Clitoral stimulation doesn't happen automatically for every body. The further your clitoris sits from your vaginal opening, the less stimulation it naturally gets during sex, unless you or your partner works it directly — manually or with a sex toy.

Even that might not be quite enough. For many women, oral sex outperforms every other kind of stimulation.

And if oral sex alone doesn't get you there — which is completely normal and nothing to worry about — it's still deeply arousing and a great way to bond as a couple.

Also: How to get horny

Remind him how good a blow job feels for him, even without finishing (more blow job techniques). If he needs a nudge, return the favor first as a reminder. Wondering how to get him going down on you specifically? Suggest 69 or something similar where you're pleasing each other at once.

Finally, emphasize how much closer oral sex makes you feel to each other. Few things feel as intimate as your partner's face buried between your legs, tongue working your clit toward orgasm. It's a rare kind of pleasure and power that women don't always get to experience.

He should read this: 25 techniques to make a woman cum hard

Once your partner understands how much oral sex means to you, deciding to give it his full attention gets a lot easier. He might even want to try some of these excellent clitoral stimulation techniques while he's down there.

What To Avoid When Trying To Get Him To Go Down On You

Nagging – If you've ever felt pressured to give someone something you didn't want to give, you know nagging rarely works — and it often sparks fights instead. It's also a serious turn-off for him, along with 9 other things worth avoiding.

Skip the criticism, especially post-sex – Bring up suggestions outside the bedroom, and definitely never frame it as criticism right after sex, if you want to actually motivate your partner. You'll get further with honey than vinegar, and you want your partner drawn to that honey, not repelled by it.

Also avoid the passive-aggressive route of withholding all sex because your partner won't go down on you. That approach damages relationships regardless of the dynamic, and if yours is purely a sexual arrangement, it might be time to consider a different partner instead.

Guilt-tripping or fighting about it tends to attach negative associations to going down on you — the opposite of what you want if you're trying to encourage the behavior. Keep things calm and civil, or you risk poisoning the whole dynamic.

Related: Improve your sexual communication

Final Thoughts On Getting A Guy To Go Down On You

Plenty of women struggle to simply let their partner go down on them, so this is often less about convincing him and more about your own comfort allowing it — especially the first time.

If your relationship is healthy and built on trust, a glass or two of wine might ease the tension. We'd only recommend combining alcohol and sex within an established relationship, and never to excess, since overdoing it introduces its own set of bedroom problems beyond drunk sex. One glass before bed, though, can genuinely benefit both your heart and your sex life.

If you've tried everything here and your partner still isn't into performing oral, he simply might not be — and might never be. It's your call whether that's a dealbreaker, but a few sex toys designed to mimic oral sensations exist as a workaround. Not quite the real thing, but a useful option if you're committed to making things work without it.

Often, all your partner really needs is time and reassurance. Gentle encouragement and positive feedback usually go a long way toward getting a reluctant partner more comfortable with going down on you.

Let things build gradually toward longer, more intense sessions, and never push him — physically or emotionally — into something he's genuinely not comfortable with. Eagerness aside, forcing the issue can damage both your sexual connection and your relationship as a whole.

That said, the patience pays off once you get to experience the full benefits of oral sex, and your partner sees firsthand just how much pleasure it brings you. Give these tips a shot and watch your sex life transform.

February 1, 2022