13 Sex Positions For When You're Feeling Self-Conscious + 5 Confidence Tips

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#sofaSex Positions For Low Confidence#jockey

Maybe body confidence isn't your strong suit. Or maybe you're simply a naturally shy person. Plenty of things can leave someone feeling nervous or anxious during sex. Even issues that seem unrelated — like a setback at work — can chip away at self-esteem, which then bleeds into your sex and love life in a very real way.

Whatever the root cause, low self-esteem becomes a much bigger problem once it starts triggering actual sexual dysfunction. Harvard Medical School points out that "When performance anxiety develops as a result, it can spark a downward spiral of repeated sexual failure and diminishing self-esteem." [1]

Low confidence — whether in or out of the bedroom — can make it genuinely hard to get aroused, feel real pleasure, or reach orgasm.

Despite how serious this sounds, feeling less than fully confident in bed is completely normal. Most people have wrestled with some degree of insecurity around sex at one point or another.

Thankfully, certain sex positions and general strategies can help rebuild that confidence and make your sex life better than it's ever been.

Sex Positions for Low Confidence

Another Harvard resource notes that "developing a repertoire of different sexual positions not only adds interest to lovemaking, but can also help overcome problems." [2]

So…

Whether your nerves stem from general attractiveness worries or something more specific like penis size or breast size, there are several sex positions designed to ease those insecurities.

And even if body image isn't the underlying issue for you, chances are you'll still find a position here that improves your sex life.

Sex Positions for Women with Low Confidence

These positions work particularly well if low confidence has been an issue for you lately.

Why?

Because they demand very little effort on your part, and…

For the most part, direct eye contact with your partner isn't really required. Let's get into it.

1. Jockey Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#Sex Positions For Low Confidence#missionary

A solid option for women dealing with low confidence, the Jockey lets you stay almost entirely passive, or focus purely on subtle, sensual movements like lightly stroking your partner's legs.

True to its name, this position mimics a jockey (him) riding a horse (you). You lie face down on the bed while he straddles your waist, one knee on either side.

2. Missionary Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#jockeySex Positions For Low Confidence#doggy

Even if this is the only position name you know, you're almost certainly familiar with Missionary.

Its simplicity means it demands very little confidence to pull off. You lie on your back with legs open while he positions himself on top, face down, legs between yours.

This position keeps you largely passive while still feeling deeply intimate, since you're face to face and pressed close together. It's extremely common for good reason — it's genuinely enjoyable.

3. Doggy Style Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#missionarySex Positions For Low Confidence#spooning

Another hugely popular choice, Doggy Style has you on hands and knees while your partner kneels behind and mounts you. It's a fantastic option for low-confidence women because he's largely in control while you simply hold your position.

That said…

You can also shape the experience by pushing back against his thrusts or arching your back to adjust the angle, boosting pleasure for both of you.

4. Spooning Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#doggySex Positions For Low Confidence#burning

A go-to for couples craving maximum body contact, Spooning trails just behind heavy hitters like Missionary and Doggy Style in overall popularity.

One of the easiest and most relaxing positions around, it has both partners lying on their sides with him nestled behind you. Much like Missionary, Spooning boosts confidence through its intimacy — even without face-to-face contact, you get full-body closeness throughout. Many women love being held tightly by their partner during this one.

5. Burning Man Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#spooningSex Positions For Low Confidence#right

Named for the intensity it can deliver, the Burning Man position is also great for women dealing with low confidence.

Unlike the bed-based positions above, this one requires a table or countertop.

You lie stomach-down on the surface with your feet planted on the floor while he does most of the work from behind. Worried about slipping out mid-thrust? Since your feet stay firmly grounded, Burning Man can handle even vigorous sex without much risk of that.

6. Right Angle Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#burningSex Positions For Low Confidence#butterfly

The Right Angle position doesn't get as much attention as it deserves. It's genuinely simple to execute and doesn't require much flexibility at all.

As the receiving partner, just lie on your back and raise your legs toward the ceiling. The exact angle is up to you and your partner, who'll support your legs while straddling your hips with his thighs.

7. Butterfly Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#rightSex Positions For Low Confidence#cowgirl

Another excellent low-confidence option thanks to how simple it is, the Butterfly works on either a bed or tabletop. All you need to do is lie on your back at the edge of a flat surface and let your partner support your legs and hips.

Rest your lower legs on his shoulders or beside his hips as he enters you, kneeling on the floor if you're on a bed or standing if you're on a table.

Sex Positions for Men With Low Confidence

Now that we've covered positions for women dealing with low sexual confidence, let's shift to options that work well for men facing the same struggle.

These positions share a common thread — no elaborate moves or thrusting required.

1. Cowgirl Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#butterflySex Positions For Low Confidence#back

Among positions with the woman on top, Cowgirl is the most common, most enjoyable, and easiest to execute.

For him, Cowgirl asks for nothing more than lying still on his back, though he can add thrusting or gyrating if he wants to. Its simplicity makes it a great low-confidence option for both partners.

Psst, if confidence is an issue in this or similar positions, check out how to ride your man with confidence.

2. Back Seat Driver Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#cowgirlSex Positions For Low Confidence#rear

The Back Seat Driver works well beyond the bedroom or tabletop — really, anywhere you can both sit down.

He simply sits while she settles into his lap. This is a great low-confidence position for men since it puts you in a passive role, and eye contact is essentially impossible to worry about.

While using your hands to touch your partner is definitely encouraged, this position is really designed to let her take the lead. She can even ramp things up with a little strip tease or sensual dance beforehand.

If you want, try giving your man a lap dance before settling into this position to heat things up even more.

3. Rear Entry Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#backSex Positions For Low Confidence#washing

If smaller size is part of what's fueling your insecurity, the Rear Entry position is worth a try.

Because this position lets your partner squeeze her legs together as tightly as she likes, she can create a snug fit even for a smaller penis, boosting pleasure for you both.

Go further: Squeezing her thighs tightly together is the pleasurable technique known as syntribation.

To get into Rear Entry, both partners lie flat on their stomachs, with him on top between her legs, similar to Missionary.

This position also translates well to anal sex.

Related: 8 Reasons Why Guys Like Anal Sex + Why You Should, Too!

4. Washing Machine Pose

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#rearSex Positions For Low Confidence#irish

The Washing Machine Pose is perfect if you want to give your partner extra mechanical stimulation without reaching for a conventional vibrator. (Not that there's anything wrong with using a vibrator to get off.)

Instead, it swaps in a common household appliance. Toss some clothes in the washing machine, crank it to the highest spin setting, and let it run. Then position your partner over the top just like in Burning Man. For men, this is a great low-confidence position, since the machine's vibrations near her groin significantly ramp up her pleasure without much effort from you.

5. Irish Garden Sex Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#washingSex Positions For Low Confidence#sofa

Similar to Rear Entry, the Irish Garden takes hip-thrusting pressure entirely off the man.

He can mostly just touch his partner with his hands and gently rock her using his arms. This position has him reclined and seated, propped up on his elbows or cushions, while she lies on her stomach straddling his hips.

6. Sofa Surprise Position

Sex Positions For Low Confidence#irishSex Positions For Low Confidence#

Another great pick for low-confidence men because it hands control to their partner, the Sofa Surprise has him sitting on a sofa or armless chair, just as usual.

Facing him, she squats onto his lap and rocks her hips back and forth. As with many seated positions, he mostly just gets to touch and support her with his hands.

Sex Tips for Low Confidence

Beyond trying the positions above, there are plenty of other strategies to help ease nervousness or self-consciousness in bed. Here are a few tips for building your confidence and skill together.

1. Really Get to Know Your Partner

It might sound a bit old-fashioned, but…

Building genuine familiarity with your partner before sex can significantly boost your comfort level once you do get intimate.

Experts at UC Davis emphasize treating your partner's thoughts and feelings as equally important to your own. [3] Establishing that mutual understanding tends to make both of you feel far more at ease together.

2. Speak Up About What You Like

Before, during, and after sex, being upfront about your likes and dislikes matters. That same Harvard resource we mentioned earlier suggests sharing fantasies with each other in writing: "This exercise can help you explore possible activities you think might be a turn-on for you or your partner. Try thinking of an experience or a movie that aroused you, and then share your memory with your partner." [2]

Talking about sex isn't always easy. Fortunately, we've put together a guide to sexual communication to make it simpler.

3. Don't Take Yourself Too Seriously

Movies and books tend to portray sex as intensely dramatic, but it's completely fine to laugh at yourself — or the situation — when things don't go quite as planned.

Little releases tension faster than a genuine laugh. In fact, the connection between humor and attraction throughout courtship and long-term relationships is well documented, both anecdotally and in academic research, including a study from the University of Kansas. [4]

4. Do the Inner Work

It probably goes without saying, but the best way to address low self-esteem is to trace it back to its source. Often, people can pinpoint one or more emotionally difficult experiences at the root of their confidence issues.

These might range from something as serious as childhood abuse to something that seems minor, like an offhand cruel comment as an adult. Whatever the cause, it's worth honestly asking yourself why your sexual confidence has taken a hit. Whether the root is physical or emotional, identifying it is the first step toward actually addressing it.

Beyond that, feeling at ease in your own body — even when you're alone — is a big part of overall sexual confidence. It might help to explore healthy solo self-discovery before diving into partnered sex.

Discover how to get over sexual anxiety once and for all.

5. Curate the Right Atmosphere

It might sound like a cliché, but mood lighting genuinely helps when self-esteem is an issue in bed. For those with body confidence concerns, dimming the lights can work wonders.

Consider layering in candles, a favorite scent, or some romantic music to round out the mood. Alcohol and drugs certainly aren't for everyone, but a glass of wine or a bit of cannabis are well known for easing people into the right headspace. Just be sure to use anything mood-altering safely and legally.

All of these small touches can help you get in the mood for sex.

Better Self-Confidence Leads to Better Sex

No matter what triggers your nerves or how anxious you tend to get, there's no shortage of ways to work through low confidence in bed.

Very few of us feel completely confident every single time we have sex, but trying the positions and tips laid out here is a solid first step toward a noticeably better sex life.

June 14, 2021