How To Ride Your Man Like A Pro – 4 Confidence-Building Tips

Susan sent in this amazing account of how she taught herself to ride her man with total confidence, and she breaks down every trick and technique she picked up along the way so you can use them too.

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I sent this story to Love Curi so you could see exactly how to ride your man without any of the nerves or fear that usually comes with it. By the time you finish reading, you'll realize just how simple (and pleasurable!) it actually is. You're about to pick up the exact tips, tricks, positions, and ideas that turned the girl-on-top position into my absolute favorite.

It all began when I started seeing my current boyfriend, David. We met at a Halloween party the year before. Honestly, I hadn't even wanted to go — I was buried in a stressful work project — but my friends nagged, pleaded, and guilt-tripped me until I gave in. Since I barely had time to put together a costume, I threw something together last minute. I was still wearing my red blouse and skirt from the office, so I slid on a pair of black stilettos and, just like that, became a makeshift "sexy secretary."

That's the night we met. We kept catching each other's eye across the room, and he finally broke the tension by teasing me in front of my friends, acting like I was his personal assistant.

"You're my new secretary, aren't you? Don't be like the last one — she didn't even make it a week."

I felt my cheeks go warm and couldn't help smiling as he held my gaze with those deep blue eyes and that cheeky grin.

We went on a handful of dates after that, and things gradually turned "serious." A lot of things pulled me toward David: he was funny, confident without being cocky, and he definitely knew what he was doing between the sheets.

A Problem

There was just one issue — my sexual experience didn't come close to matching his.

I nearly felt like I wasn't enough.

Every time we were intimate, I let him set the pace and lead. I was more than happy to go along for the ride, but I had a feeling David was reading my shyness as disinterest. Everything came to a head one Friday night during sex. He asked me to climb on top, and I flat-out said no. It wasn't that I didn't want to please him — I was just scared stiff.

The idea of being watched and having to take charge in the girl-on-top position filled me with pressure I couldn't shake.

I could tell David was getting frustrated. We stopped, and he reached for his phone.

"I'm sorry, I just don't know what I'm supposed to do up there," I told him while he stared down at his screen.

Climbing Back On Top

The whole situation left me so annoyed and frustrated with myself that I made a decision: I was going to figure out exactly how to ride him with confidence so that awkward moment would never happen again.

Since I'm the type who makes a list for everything, I sat down and wrote out every single thing that made me nervous about being on top so I could tackle each one head-on. Here's what I came up with:

• Being on top makes me feel like I have to perform.
• I don't have much experience, and I genuinely don't know what I'm supposed to do — rock back and forth? Bounce up and down? Something else entirely?!
• It feels like he's staring at me too hard when I'm in the girl-on-top position.
• My body confidence isn't 100%, so having his eyes locked on me makes me feel judged (even though I know that sounds silly).
• I can never tell what he's actually enjoying when I'm riding him.
• I'm more submissive in bed by nature, so taking control isn't really my thing. Here's how to become more sexually dominant.

From there, I worked through each problem one at a time until I'd solved them all. Here's how:

(if none of these hang-ups apply to you, skip ahead to the positions and techniques section)

Killing The Pressure & Building Instant Confidence

The easiest issue to tackle was the performance anxiety — that nagging sense that he was judging me while I was on top. Here's what I did to build my confidence:

Talk To Your Man – I know this sounds like the most obvious and least exciting tip on this list, but it's also the one that matters most. If I hadn't opened up and talked to my guy, I never would have learned what he actually loves in bed versus what does nothing for him. He's obsessed with Cowgirl position when I'm riding him, but that doesn't mean he loves every single position equally.

Skip that conversation and you're basically guessing your way through sex, hoping you land on something he enjoys — a huge waste of time. And there's a bonus: talking to him means he also finds out what turns you on.

The biggest surprise from our conversation? He told me watching me get off turned him on more than almost anything else. I had no idea guys got that much satisfaction from watching their partner climax!

Read more sexual communication tips here.

Turn Off The Lights – This one's simple. We started keeping the lights off during sex, which meant I never had to feel like his eyes were scrutinizing me.

Have A Drink – A glass or two before sex works wonders for confidence and loosens up those inhibitions. Just watch your limit if you're a lightweight like I am!

Break Out The Lingerie – My boyfriend is a huge fan of lingerie, and honestly, most men are. Bonus: it can also draw his attention away from whatever body part you're feeling insecure about. This guide on picking the right lingerie has more tips if you need them.

Try A Blindfold – If turning off the lights isn't your style, putting a blindfold on him is another route. I felt too shy to just ask him outright, so I waited until we'd had a couple of drinks and brought it up then. He was totally on board, and the eye mask we used worked great.

Make Eye Contact – This part terrified me the most. It's not that eye contact itself scares me, but while I'm riding him, it can suddenly feel way too intense — almost like being on top automatically makes me the "dominant" one. Interestingly, eye contact feels much more natural in the missionary position since he's the one on top there.

Eventually I realized eye contact doesn't have to be a big deal when you're on top. You can glance away or shut your eyes entirely — sounds silly, but it genuinely works.

If there happens to be a mirror nearby, use it! Watching yourselves together during sex adds a whole new layer of fun.

Remember To Laugh! – When I first started learning how to confidently ride my man, I got so wrapped up in doing everything "correctly" that I forgot sex is supposed to be enjoyable in the first place!

Instead of losing myself in the moment, I was overanalyzing everything, which killed a lot of my pleasure. The second I let go, started laughing when he slipped out or when I toppled backward, everything got so much easier. If you're stuck fixating on "proper technique" instead of just having fun, sex starts to feel like a task on a to-do list.

Techniques For Riding Your Man

While I was working through all those mental hang-ups, I was also picking up techniques for riding him that made being on top both easier and more pleasurable for both of us.

Lying Flat On Top

The first position I tried was lying flat against his chest. It's known as the Man Missionary position, essentially a twist on regular Missionary position except he's the one on his back.

This position meant he couldn't really watch me since I was pressed against him, and I could stay up on my knees so he could still handle most of the thrusting himself.

Once that felt natural, I branched out to try other positions. Here are 13 more sex positions that put you on top.

Rocking Back & Forward, Aka Grinding

As my comfort level with being on top grew, I experimented with more techniques. First up was rocking back and forth on him. Here's the breakdown:

1. With him fully inside me, I sat all the way down onto him.
2. Then I rocked myself forward and backward along his length while keeping him deep inside.
3. This motion grinds your clit against his pubic bone the whole time. Learn more clitoral stimulation techniques here.
4. You can control the speed and intensity just by shifting how much of your weight rests on him.

Over time I figured out exactly how to work this position for MY pleasure. The point I want to make is that this move isn't really about pleasing him — it's about pleasing you. So if clitoral stimulation is what gets you there, rocking forward and backward on your man is the way to go.

Bouncing Up & Down

The other core technique I picked up was moving straight up and down on him. It'll wear your legs out fast, but the expression on your man's face makes every bit of it worthwhile.

Bouncing works best from your knees, in either Cowgirl or Reverse Cowgirl. All you're really doing is raising and lowering your body. That said, I tried a ton of small variations to keep my legs from giving out too soon, leaning forward or backward on him to change things up.

• I tried bouncing mostly by driving with my hips.
• Then I switched to powering the movement entirely with my legs.
• I leaned way back, propping my arms on the bed behind me, and used a mix of leg and back strength.
• I also tried leaning forward onto my elbows so my abs were doing most of the bouncing.

Speaking of elbows and arms, you're probably wondering what to actually do with them while you're up there...

Where To Put Your Hands

When I was first learning to ride him with confidence, my hands and arms were a constant source of anxiety. I had no idea what to do with them, and crossing my arms clearly wasn't an option, so I brainstormed a list of options — worth keeping in mind if this is something that trips you up too.

• Lean back and rest your hands on the bed or on his legs behind you.
• Lean forward a bit and place your hands on his chest, shoulders, or the mattress.
• Lean further forward, letting your body rest against his while propped on your elbows/forearms.
• Once my confidence grew, I'd put on a bit of a show, grinding on him while touching my own breasts.

Let Him Take Over

As my confidence kept building, I got braver about trying new things on top. One night, while we were messing around, I decided to let him do all the work while I stayed on top.

While in Cowgirl, I lifted myself just slightly, leaving only about an inch of him inside me, and let him start thrusting up into me. It wasn't earth-shattering, but it was a fun change of pace, letting him carry the load for once.

Locking Into A Rhythm

I found that when he was thrusting while I was grinding on top of him simultaneously, our movements would often fall out of sync since we were each doing something slightly different, making it tricky to settle into a rhythm and build toward orgasm.

Talking to friends, I learned this is a really common experience, and the only real fix is communicating with your man and experimenting together until you land on a rhythm that works.

What My Friends Told Me

Comparing notes with friends about riding their partners, I noticed a pattern: the women who felt most confident on top never felt pushed or pressured into it in the first place.

On the flip side, friends whose partners made a huge production out of it, guilted them into trying it, or were simply selfish in bed tended to feel far less confident about the position. All that pressure from their partner just turned it into this enormous "big deal" in their head, which made actually doing it that much harder.

So here's my advice: if your man keeps pushing you to get on top, tell him plainly that the more he pushes, the harder it'll be for you to relax into it and the less you'll actually enjoy it.

The Best Girl-On-Top Positions

Cowgirl – The go-to girl-on-top position for riding your man is Cowgirl, shown in the illustration above. It's about as straightforward as it gets — you sit down on him and let your knees carry your weight.

Man Missionary – Slightly easier still is the Man Missionary position. Think of it as a Cowgirl variation where you lean forward and rest your body and forearms on top of him.

Asian Cowgirl – Want your man thrusting upward into you? Try the Asian Cowgirl position. Squat down over him and hold the position, resting your hands on his legs for support, or lean forward and place them on his chest or the bed. This variant also goes by the name Fast Fuck position.

Reverse Cowgirl – Reverse Cowgirl does exactly what it sounds like — the standard cowgirl move, just facing his feet instead of his face. This was one of my favorites when I was first building confidence since it took eye contact completely off the table.

Crab – Once you've got some confidence built up, I'd definitely suggest the Crab position, especially if you're into putting on a show. Sit in his lap with your feet planted on either side of his shoulders and lean back, bracing your hands on his legs as shown above.

You can learn 13 more girl on top sex positions here.

The Bigger Picture

I hope hearing my journey toward confidently riding my man gives you a few ideas of your own to try in bed. There's one last thing worth thinking through when it comes to riding your man:

What's actually driving you to do this?

Are you learning to ride your man purely to please him, without getting much out of it yourself? Or is it because you genuinely want to discover new ways to satisfy both of you?

If you're doing it solely for his benefit and getting nothing out of it yourself, that could be a sign of an imbalanced relationship. A healthy relationship runs on balance and mutual effort, so if you're the only one putting in work to please your partner while he coasts, it might be time to take a hard look at that relationship.

November 18, 2014