Getting Him Hard: 5+ Proven Tips For A Strong Erection

Here's exactly how to get your man rock hard and genuinely craving you. Doing this ramps up his desire considerably and makes sex noticeably more enjoyable for both of you.

Here's the thing: some guys get hard just from looking at you, while others need something more specific to get there.

Follow the framework below, and you'll deliver a strong erection reliably, every time.

Use Your Voice

Unsurprisingly, dirty talk is one of the most reliable ways to get him hard. We've already got a dedicated guide on Love Curi covering this in depth, so we won't repeat everything here. Instead, here are a few key phrases and approaches that work especially well. These land whether spoken aloud or sent as texts.

1. Tell Him How Much He Turns You On

Letting him know exactly how much he affects you is one of the fastest routes to a solid erection.

Why does this work?

Guys carry real ego investment here. They want to believe they're capable of conquering the world, earning serious money, and successfully attracting and arousing their partner.

Feeding into that ego by expressing genuine attraction is powerful stuff. In turn, this makes him horny and, naturally, gets him hard.

So how do you actually communicate this?

Simpler than it sounds. Start with dirty talk. Apart? Send some dirty text messages instead. Beyond words, add touch that goes beyond what friends would do (a bit more assertive than usual).

That might mean resting your hand on his arm, rubbing his leg, draping your arm around his shoulder, or kissing him.

Also worth learning: The 17 signs he is really turned on by you.

2. Tell Him You've Been Thinking About Him

This pairs naturally with expressing desire. It signals you want him badly enough that he's been on your mind constantly. Maybe mention you've been distracted at work. Already been intimate together? Bring up a specific memory from a past encounter.

Want to go further? Tell him you've been touching yourself while thinking of him. That mental image alone is enough to get most guys hard fast.

3. Compliment Him Genuinely

Our third verbal tip: genuine compliments. Guys rarely receive compliments on their looks, so a few sincere words can make his whole week, maybe his year.

Keep it PG if you like, his smile or eyes work fine, but you can go further too. Mention his forearms if they do something for you, maybe with a playful squeeze. Compliment his chest, especially post-workout. Bring up his backside if that's your thing.

Don't stop at physical traits. Love his style? Say so, he'll love hearing his shirt flatters his best features. Tell him how much you appreciate how he cares for you, or how incredible he is in bed. No need to overdo it, just speak honestly.

He might feel a little bashful if compliments aren't something he's used to, especially if he's faced criticism before, so don't make a big deal if he seems flustered.

4. Get Him Hard Over Text

Everything above translates to text too, but a few things work especially well in that format specifically.

Add media – A photo, video, or voice note gives him something tangible to see or hear. You might find yourself just as turned on sending these messages.

Turn it into a game – Try a few flirty texting games designed to arouse you both. Check our suggested texts to get him hard.

Plenty of phrasing works here, feel free to get creative.

Actions Speak Louder Than Words

Whether shyness holds you back or you're craving something new, physical action works just as powerfully. Combine words and action, and you might drive him completely wild.

5. Prioritize Foreplay

Been talking dirty for hours, maybe days via text? Time to escalate toward actual foreplay.

Foreplay is easier to nail than you'd think. We've built an entire section on foreplay right here.

For now, focus on smoothly transitioning from kissing to a hand job or blow job while building his arousal along the way. Try this 5-step approach:

1. Start with light grazing, your legs and hands against his, while talking.
2. Progress to rubbing his inner thigh with your hand.
3. After a minute or two, start massaging his crotch through his pants.
4. He should be genuinely aroused now. Move your hand inside his pants but outside his underwear to rub and massage his balls and shaft.
5. Finally, go inside his underwear and start a blow job or hand job.

6. Hand Jobs And Blow Jobs

By this stage, he should be fully erect. If not, simply take him in hand and start stroking. This article on hand jobs has plenty more detail once you reach this point.

If a hand job alone doesn't do it, move to oral. You'll be surprised how fast taking him into your mouth can produce results. Rather than repeating technique advice here, check out this powerful blow job tutorial video covering our most effective methods.

Short on time or hoping to surprise him? Sometimes you can skip straight ahead. Most guys go instantly hard if you simply pull down their pants, drop to your knees, and start going down on them. Which leads to our next point.

7. Take The Initiative

Most things that get him hard also work well as ways to initiate, yet plenty of women hold back on initiating, relying instead on hints they hope their partner picks up on [1 p 121]. That can breed frustration if he misses the signal, or resentment if he's always the one initiating. One survey on sexual initiation found initiation skews heavily male, and notably, 72.2% of the guys who usually initiate wished for "a more egalitarian pattern" instead [2].

Initiating means getting sex when you actually want it. It feels genuinely empowering. He feels desired and wanted in return. And balancing who initiates eases pressure and rejection risk for him too.

Related: 9 Ways to Initiate Sex, Drive Him Wild and Take Control Of Your Sex Life

8. Kissing

Ever had a steamy kiss leave your knees weak, maybe even leaving you wet? A passionate kiss can have the equivalent effect on him.

Check out this post to learn how to blow his mind with your kissing skills.

9. Hugging

Sometimes arousal shows up unexpectedly. Ever hugged a guy and clearly felt his erection? Next time you want him hard before sex, pull him in close and linger there.

10. Put On Lingerie

Walking in wearing sexy lingerie is about as close to guaranteed as it gets for both arousal and sex. If he's got a favorite piece from before, break it back out for maximum impact.

Otherwise, check this guide to picking the perfect lingerie for your body.

11. Offer A Sneak Peek

Ever caught him watching you get dressed or shower? Genuinely arousing for both of you. Yet plenty of people default to hiding their bodies out of insecurity, or simply rushing through routines like showering.

If it's been a while since he's caught a glimpse, or it's never happened, why not change that? Change clothes when he's home, or leave the bathroom door slightly open while showering. Even better: let him "catch" you masturbating.

Simply seeing you might be all it takes to get him hard without any touch at all. Whether you play it coy or not is your call. You can always ask if he liked what he saw, and invite him to join in. That'll definitely finish the job.

And don't hesitate to flip the dynamic, appreciatively watch him get dressed or shower too 😉

12. Try Elevator Eyes

There's a slang term for looking someone up and down appreciatively: elevator eyes. It can carry a negative connotation when unwanted, but that's rarely the case with someone you're already romantically or sexually involved with.

So feel free to take in his whole body while he's changing, working out, dressed up, doing chores, or anything else that appeals to you. It might feel a little unfamiliar letting your gaze linger at first, but it becomes natural with practice.

Plenty of paths exist toward getting him erect, this only scratches the surface. Some guys respond to things you'd never expect...

We know of a guy who got noticeably hard simply seeing his partner cry during a sad moment.

So honestly, the most reliable method might just be asking him directly.

Want more? Check out this guide to turning a guy on fast!

13. Take The Pressure Off

One of the worst things you can do is pressure him to "perform" and produce an erection on demand.

To reliably get him hard, keep things genuinely low-pressure. Two simple, highly effective approaches:

• The easiest fix: stop caring or expecting an erection at all. Focus purely on making sure he's having fun and enjoying himself with you.
• If he's not hard, or struggles initially, don't make it a big deal. Skip over-discussing it, don't shift your body language, don't act surprised. It's genuinely not a big deal, every man deals with this occasionally. It's natural.

That fun might mean flirting, cuddling, and kissing for closeness, or focusing on activities that skip his penis entirely. Even masturbating in front of him can be genuinely fun in itself.

And if he's not fully hard? Still plenty of fun to be had. That said, a cock ring or penis pump can help if maintaining an erection is the specific struggle.

A common question we hear:

"I can't get my man hard. What am I doing wrong?"

Our answer:

If he genuinely enjoys being with you and getting sexual, YOU'RE DOING NOTHING WRONG.

Stop worrying. Genuinely.

It's rarely about you. Plenty of factors cause erection trouble entirely unrelated to attraction, love, or desire for you, many of which can also make it hard for him to finish, including:

• Stress
• Medication [3, 4 p 160]
• Illness, diabetes included [5, 6]
• Certain injuries [7]
• Stomach discomfort
• Fatigue [8]
• Body image struggles
• Anxiety [9]
• Depression [10]
• Alcohol or drugs [11]
• High cholesterol [12]
• Nervousness
• Low sexual confidence [13]
• Age [14]

Don't forget the refractory period either, the window after orgasm when another erection simply isn't possible [15]. Sometimes biology just takes over, regardless of effort.

You may also need to adjust expectations around timing, especially with an older partner. Get tips for sex with an older man.

He might not want to explain if something like GI discomfort is behind it, one more reason to simply let it go, especially if it's a rare occurrence. A recurring pattern, though, warrants a real conversation, or professional input.

14. Talk To A Doctor

Trouble getting hard when exhausted or stressed is genuinely common and nothing to stress over, especially if it's rare. It doesn't need to worry either of you.

That said, a small percentage of men do struggle chronically with erections. In that case, a doctor's visit makes sense, there's a reason drugs like Viagra, Levitra, and Cialis generate billions annually, erectile difficulty is genuinely widespread.

A doctor can rule out physical causes too. A useful rule of thumb: check whether he can get hard at all, ever. Morning wood and no trouble masturbating usually rules out a physical cause.

15. …Or A Therapist

Some people hesitate to suggest mental health support, but it's genuinely less uncomfortable than living with ongoing erection trouble or letting relationship friction go unaddressed.

The right specialist varies. Couples counseling might help if relationship tension underlies the issue, which happens more than you'd think. If mental health, self-esteem, or other personal factors are driving it, individual therapy might serve him better.

Either way, seek someone comfortable discussing sex professionally, since that's genuinely the core issue here.

16. First, Understand Desire

Love Curi has a full guide dedicated to how women experience desire. Key takeaways: women often need conditions to feel "just right," may not want sex without feeling safe or connected, and can have desire stall easily. While this applies to women more often, plenty of men experience it too. Dr. Emily Nagoski notes that some men experience responsive desire as well [16 p 3].

This means getting him hard might genuinely be harder without the right setting, or maintaining it might be difficult too. Nerves early in a relationship don't help matters either.

Learning more about desire genuinely pays off. Sometimes what looks like low desire is really just an unidentified trigger.

Erection concerns themselves carry "a significant direct effect on reduced sexual desire" [17]. He may not even want an erection right now if shame or embarrassment about his body is at play. A genuine catch-22, and one more reason not to make a big deal of occasional struggles. Speaking of timing...

17. Get Your Timing Right

If your usual approach isn't landing, reconsider the setting itself. Maybe public teasing or the thrill of possibly getting caught excites you, but that's not universal. Compromise might be needed. Instead of public arousal attempts, try stroking him in the car, going down on him on a rooftop balcony, or getting frisky while camping.

Relationships run on compromise. Fortunately, this particular kind tends to end well for everyone involved.

Want more of our most effective techniques for satisfying your man sexually? Plenty more advice awaits across the site 🙂

October 6, 2020