Decoding Body Language: How to Tell What He's Really Thinking!

Learning to decode a man's body language can reveal what's actually going on in his head. Has he been dishonest with you? Is he attracted to you? Is he not interested at all?

Roughly 55 percent of communication happens nonverbally through body language, which makes learning to interpret it a genuinely useful skill. Sometimes we pick up on these cues automatically, and other times we have no clue what a particular signal is telling us.

Before you jump straight to asking your guy how he really feels, it helps to first get comfortable reading body language. It isn't difficult once you know what to watch for, and knowing what to watch for is the whole trick to doing it well.

Once you've got a handle on body language, you can also use those same cues to send your own signals to a man.

Below are some of the most common body language patterns and what they reveal about a man's thoughts:

Crossed Legs

Legs crossed signal that he's feeling shut off from you emotionally. If you want him to agree to something, hold off until his legs uncross. So while his legs are crossed, it's not the right moment to bring up where your relationship actually stands.

Crossed Arms

Given that crossed legs suggest emotional distance, you might guess crossed arms means the same, or perhaps that he's feeling insecure. But this gesture can just as easily mean he's chilly, or he's perched on a stool or armless chair and simply has nowhere else to put his arms. So the sign can be meaningless on its own. Everything depends on context — what other body language is showing and what he's actually saying out loud.

Arms and Legs Both Crossed

When someone crosses both arms and legs at once, they've mentally checked out. He may be physically near you, but his attention has drifted elsewhere.

Ankles Crossed Only

This one shows up whether he's seated or standing. It typically points to nervousness or unease about something.

Bouncing His Leg

You've likely noticed this and known instinctively it's not a great sign. When a seated guy has one leg bouncing, it signals anxiety. It can also point to frustration or annoyance — maybe you just asked him something uncomfortable.

Leaning Toward You

This is a clear sign of interest. He might also orient his body toward you even during silences. Some guys will point their feet in your direction when they're drawn to you. Men generally only lean in or angle themselves toward someone they're interested in. Once conversation gets going, notice if he starts mirroring your movements — that's a strong sign the date is going well.

Rubbing His Hands Together

Seeing a guy rub his hands together usually means he's anticipating something positive. It can also signal nerves. If the rubbing continues, nerves are the more likely explanation. The same applies when he rubs his own arm — that's often a sign of anxiety too.

Fingers in a Steeple

When he presses his fingertips together with fingers pointing up, he's projecting a sense of authority over the interaction. Managers often use this gesture while briefing an employee. If he steeples his fingers while seated but points them downward instead, he still feels authoritative, just now in listening mode.

Breaks Eye Contact Fast When You Meet His Gaze

If he looks away quickly after making eye contact, it usually signals discomfort. Someone at ease would hold your gaze, perhaps with a romantic look, or glance back at you after looking away. If he breaks contact and keeps his eyes elsewhere instead of returning to you, he's either uninterested or feeling uneasy. And if his attention keeps drifting to someone else in the room, he's probably more drawn to that person and may wish he were talking to them instead.

Holds Steady Eye Contact

He's looking into your eyes because you turn him on, and he's hoping the feeling is mutual. Or, alternatively, he's an ax murderer trying to intimidate you with a stare-down.

It's fair to say a strange man's stare in a dark alley would trigger fear, whereas a stare from an attractive date triggers desire instead. Sustaining eye contact also signals genuine engagement in the conversation. That said, if a stare drags on uncomfortably long — past roughly five seconds, especially without blinking — it could be a sign he's lying.

He Stands or Sits Inside Your Personal Space

When a guy positions himself close to you without being forced to by circumstance — like a packed elevator — he's interested. Staying within your personal bubble is a sign he's into you. This is exactly why physical touch is such a useful flirting tool!

Open Body Posture

A guy standing with feet apart, taking up space, is projecting masculine confidence. Kicking back casually in a chair signals he feels in control. Sitting with hands laced behind his head and elbows out shows he feels like he's won something — raising his chin conveys the same triumphant vibe.

When he feels the reverse — powerless or defeated — his posture closes up and he shrinks himself. He might even hug his own arms around his body.

A Smile Without Eye Crinkles

A smile that only shows in the mouth, with no crinkling around the eyes, is a fake one. Genuine smiles produce those little lines at the eyes. Fake smiles tend to surface when someone's being photographed on demand, or when they're putting on a happy face despite not feeling it.

Eyebrows Raised

Does he compliment your outfit while his eyebrows shoot up? That lift isn't about getting a clearer view — it may actually mean he doesn't love the outfit as much as he's letting on. Raised eyebrows often signal discomfort, and they also show up alongside fear or worry.

Eyes Narrowing

When his eyes narrow and his chin drops, something is bothering him — discomfort and stress are at play. Other stress tells include neck-rubbing and a clenched jaw.

Hand Over the Mouth

A hand or fist positioned near the mouth can signal dishonesty. Nose-touching and eye-rubbing are other classic lying tells. Covering the mouth is a subconscious attempt to physically block the lie, and the nose/eye variations work the same way. He might also avert his gaze while spinning a big fib.

Pursed lips are another possible tell of dishonesty.

Touching His Ear

Ear-touching usually shows up when a guy has heard enough and doesn't want to keep listening — almost like he's shielding his ears. He might also do it when he feels like you're talking too much and he can't get a word in edgewise.

Brushing Off Invisible Lint

If he's fidgeting mid-conversation and brushing at his shirt as though removing lint that isn't there, it signals disapproval of something you said or an attitude you're expressing. The gesture gives him an excuse to look away and focus on nothing in particular.

Hand Against His Cheek

A closed hand with maybe the index finger pointing upward means he's engaged in what you're saying. But once that hand opens and starts propping up his head under the chin, boredom has set in. When his palm covers nearly half his face to hold his head up, he's reached peak boredom.

Chin-Stroking

Chin-stroking signals deep thought — he's weighing a major decision or working out a plan.

Paying attention to these cues and getting better at reading body language will help you understand his real feelings. It may even help you figure out if a shy guy likes you. Just remember these signals aren't foolproof. As already noted, crossed arms might mean nothing more than "I'm cold," not "I'm shutting you out."

Site note – You can also check out the signs a guy likes going down on you so you can tell whether he's doing it out of obligation or genuine enjoyment.

Because people are skilled at masking emotions, reading facial expressions as body language isn't always reliable either. We can fake interest while bored, put on a happy face while sad, or stay neutral-looking while furious inside. None of that helps build real connection or seduce someone else. So facial expressions alone shouldn't be your only guide.

Assuming your read on his body language is always spot-on would be a mistake. It can be accurate at times, especially for gauging discomfort and anxiety versus confidence and attraction. That's where getting good at reading body language really pays off.

Body language can also help you spot potential dishonesty. People tend to look uneasy and somewhat guilty when lying, and body language often gives that away.

Basing conclusions purely on body language isn't wise — it's far from an exact science. Treat these signals as one piece of a bigger picture about how he might feel about you. Reading body language can surface useful clues, but nothing replaces a direct, honest conversation about feelings.

January 12, 2021