Dry Humping: A Guide To Intense Orgasms Without Sex

Mention dry humping, and your mind probably jumps straight to steamy nights parked in your high-school boyfriend's car.

It was a solid way to preserve your virginity, if that mattered to you, while still bringing each other to orgasm. Hollywood definitely played up how hot it can be. Dry humping mirrors actual sex in plenty of ways, but it also delivers pleasure that penetrative sex sometimes can't match. That's exactly why it deserves a spot in your sexual routine, even after years of marriage.

Dry Humping As An Adult? Absolutely!

There's no denying penetrative sex is fantastic. But if you strip down and jump straight to it, you might be skipping over the teasing buildup and sexual tension that make sex even better (more on building sexual tension here).

That slow burn — flirty texts all day while you're both at work, a lap dance or striptease from your partner (this guide covers how to strip), or simply making out and grinding — can reignite your sex life in a big way.

Since it skips penetration entirely, dry humping counts as a form of outercourse [1 p225, 2]. Learn more about outercourse.

Plenty of women first discovered their bodies by grinding against pillows, bunched-up blankets, or stuffed animals. Humping is a common way girls and women masturbate, and some use it as foreplay too [4]. That pressure and sensation brought them to orgasm and taught them about their own bodies, long before they even knew the word "clitoris." Plus, dry humping delivers broad stimulation across the pubic region and vulva, which feels great in its own right.

Still chasing your first O? Discover how to orgasm.

Traditional sex often misses this entirely. Why? Because grinding stimulates the clitoris directly, while penetration focuses more on internal areas like the G-spot. Unless your clitoris sits unusually close to your vaginal opening, it can get left out while your partner thrusts [5]. That's not a problem if penetration alone does it for you — plenty of women feel that way — but many women need clitoral stimulation to actually orgasm [6, 7].

Grinding against a person or object delivers exactly that, which explains why dry humping feels so good. That said, penis-in-vagina sex can deliver more of what you're after too, if you're a committed humper!

Find out exactly where the clitoris is.

You and your partner might shift positions during sex to let you grind against the area above his penis and pubic bone, similar to the Coital Alignment Technique (learn how here). That doesn't work for every body or size combination, though — dry humping, on the other hand, adapts to nearly anyone.

Another option for clitoral stimulation through grinding is Thigh Tide. Straddle your man facing away, like Reverse Cowgirl, then have him bend one knee while keeping that foot flat on the bed beneath you. That raises his thigh, giving you something to grind against from on top. Want to get off more often during sex generally? Read this post on positions for female orgasm.

Related: How To Ride Your Man With Confidence – 4 Simple Tips

Propping your hips up with a pillow can help too. A regular pillow does the job in a pinch, but memory foam holds its shape better — which is exactly what dedicated sex position pillows are made from. Some brands even build in pockets for a favorite toy, adding even more clitoral stimulation.

The Best Positions for Dry Humping

There's no single "correct" technique for dry humping, as you'll discover once you start experimenting, but a handful of positions work especially well.

If you're grinding on his thigh, he can kneel with one leg between yours, or you can straddle a single leg. Bending his knee slightly deepens the contact.

Straddling his hips in the cowgirl position is ideal for grinding against his erection while you stay firmly in control of the pace — and how or whether he gets to touch you. Push him back onto the bed or couch, straddle him with confidence, and grind until you're breathless with pleasure!

Don't limit yourself to his thigh, either — though that alone can lead to serious bliss. If your bodies allow it, wrapping your legs fully around him lets you grind directly against his hips and erection. Keep underwear on or ditch it entirely — a thin layer of fabric between you can actually feel incredible.

Related: The Reason Why You Can't Orgasm

Other body parts make great grinding targets too, including:

• His butt
• His tailbone
• The heel of his hand

It might feel a little silly experimenting with all this while you're learning, but focus on sensation and mutual pleasure rather than worrying whether something looks "weird." You'd be missing out if you're not open to contorting a bit or trying something new!

The Best Variations of Dry Humping

His Face: Next time he's going down on you, try grinding against his face too. Oral alone doesn't get every woman there, but adding the pressure of grinding can bring you to orgasm faster, or get you there at all.

His Penis: No penetration doesn't mean no fun. Try straddling your partner while he's out of his boxers — keep your panties on or skip them, your call — and grind directly against his cock as it rests flat against his stomach. Reach down and stroke him in sync with your hip movements for an extra layer of pleasure on his end.

Bondage: Dry humping pairs beautifully with bondage too. Tie your partner up so he can't move, then grind against him at whatever pace you like. It's entirely about your pleasure, and he'll absolutely feel it while you're on top calling the shots!

Squeeze it: One reader mentioned that squeezing her glutes — or having her partner do it for her — made her dry humping sessions even better. Worth trying next time you're grinding.

Use Lube: If you like going at it naked, a bit of lube lets you go longer and harder without any painful chafing for either of you.

Get tips for choosing and using lube.

Pucker up: Facing your partner while you grind is the perfect setup for deep, passionate kissing. Brush up on your technique or get inspiration for making out.

Dry Humping Has Its Perks!

One benefit you might remember from your younger days: dry humping dramatically lowers pregnancy risk [8], especially with a layer or two of clothing involved.

Even if he ejaculates, that clothing usually traps it. That said, any cum that lands on your vulva — the area around your clit and vaginal opening — carries a small chance of finding its way inside. Highly unlikely, but worth keeping in mind.

The same logic applies to STIs spread through bodily fluids, like chlamydia, HIV, and gonorrhea — transmission risk during dry humping is much lower, though it climbs if either of you has broken skin.

Certain STIs, though, spread through skin-to-skin contact alone, so going fully nude for dry humping isn't risk-free. Keep underwear on if herpes or HPV transmission is a concern, since both spread through simple skin contact — and roughly one in four people will contract HPV at some point, so playing it safe matters even here.

Dry humping can also be a great option during your period if you want to skip vaginal sex, or with a brand-new partner when you're not ready for penetration but the chemistry is undeniable. It lets you enjoy real sexual pleasure without going all the way — similar to solo play (the detailed self-pleasure guide is here). The nostalgia factor might even be a turn-on in itself — maybe you'll find yourselves in a backseat again!

Of course, dry humping can also just serve as foreplay, and there's nothing wrong with getting off once or twice before penetration either. Learning how your bodies respond to grinding is genuinely useful for figuring out what positions work best for you overall!

Dry humping isn't for everybody. Sometimes desire takes over and neither of you wants to wait, so it gets skipped entirely. As mentioned, certain body types mesh better than others for this. And some people never quite shake the feeling that it's "immature," especially if they associate it with teenage fumbling.

But if you and your partner are open to it, you might get exactly the clitoral stimulation you need while he gets the satisfaction of bringing you there!

Resources

Here are a few more resources if you want to dig deeper into dry humping.

• The Atlantic published a piece on the clitoris's hidden internal structure — that shape is exactly why dry humping feels so good!
• Dr. Justin Lehmiller explores why some women orgasm during sex and others don't. Spoiler: it comes down to the clitoris, which loves a good grind!
• And Refinery29 explains how to orgasm without even removing your clothes, courtesy of dry humping.

Frequently Asked Questions About Dry Humping

FAQ #1 – Isn't dry humping just for teenagers or people not ready for actual sex?

Kind of, but also not really! Dry humping is a form of clitoral stimulation (techniques that work well here) that plenty of people genuinely enjoy and that can bring a woman to orgasm on its own. It can be deeply intimate, and it doubles as safer sex when penetration isn't possible or you want to reduce STI risk.

FAQ #2 – Is there a "wrong" way to dry hump?

We wouldn't say there's really a wrong way to approach most sexual activities, and this is one of them. As long as neither of you is getting hurt, however and wherever you like to hump is entirely valid.

Watch out for excessive pressure, like squeezing too hard between your thighs, and consider lube if you're going bare — skin-on-skin friction can cause chafing you might not notice until later.

FAQ #3 – Is it weird that I prefer dry humping over "real" sex?

First, try to let go of the idea that penis-in-vagina is the only thing that "counts" as real sex. Definitions of sex vary widely, and that narrow framing tends to demote other satisfying activities to mere foreplay, or worse, treats them as an afterthought [9].

And no, it's not weird at all to prefer grinding against your partner's body over penetration. Dry humping delivers direct clitoral stimulation, which plenty of women simply need to orgasm. If your clitoris sits farther from your vaginal opening, or your usual technique skips clitoral stimulation, penetrative sex might just not do as much for you. Plenty of young women transition from dry humping to penetrative sex and end up a little underwhelmed by comparison.

That's completely normal — sex feels different for every woman (find out what sex feels like for a woman).

November 9, 2020