7 Fiery Ways To Make A Guy Horny When You're In The Mood

A handful of straightforward moves can genuinely get your man in the mood. Some guys light up just from holding your hand, others need considerably more effort to get there. Below are some of our most effective Love Curi strategies for turning him on without feeling forced or awkward.

How To Get A Guy Horny

1. Set The Right Mood

The atmosphere surrounding you and your partner plays a massive role in turning him on. A sunny afternoon at a football game might be a blast together...

...but it's rarely where guys get genuinely turned on.

Compare that to a quiet corner booth at a bar, a candle flickering on the table. Considerably more likely to get him going. Next time you're picking a hangout spot, ask yourself:

Is this genuinely conducive to arousal, or not?

Some solid picks worth considering:

• Small, quiet bars
• Your place
• His place
• A secluded beach after dark

Just a starting list, but notice the common thread, each option offers privacy and low noise.

Engaging every one of his senses matters enormously here.

Smell – Candles or incense delight his nose. Spritz your signature scent nearby, or apply lotion to draw his attention. Scented massage oils work great too. Leather's a favorite scent for plenty of people. If either of you is sensitive to strong smells, skip this step, a headache is decidedly not sexy.

Sight – Dressing seductively naturally captures his eyes, more on that shortly. But don't overlook the room itself. Clear the clutter, dim the lights, swap in softer bulbs if needed. Candles add romance and sensuality without fire risk if you go LED. Drape a scarf over a lamp for ambiance. Feeling a little adventurous? A blindfold removes his sight entirely, which can seriously amplify the mood.

Taste – Certain products change how your skin tastes, flavored lube included. Or he might simply love the way you naturally taste. Wine or another known aphrodisiac food is worth considering too.

Hearing – A well-chosen playlist can genuinely help seduce him. Some find thunderstorm sounds oddly sexy. Porn playing softly in the background is another option. Even lowering your voice slightly adds real allure.

Touch – Silk sheets, scarves, fur, gloves, even your own hair brushing his skin, all engage his sense of touch. Room temperature matters too, too hot or cold kills the mood fast. Aim for something comfortable enough to undress in.

2. Consider How You Present Yourself

Appearance genuinely matters when it comes to arousing a guy. Worth repeating: men respond strongly to visuals. An old overcoat, greasy split ends, baggy jeans, unlikely to spark much interest (exceptions exist, always).

So does that mean dressing provocatively is required?

Not remotely.

Sexy doesn't require slutty. It means choosing clothes and makeup that flatter your best features.

• Fitted pants or leggings can highlight your figure.
• Low necklines draw attention to your cleavage.
• The right bra can enhance your shape.
• Glasses might make you look hotter, or removing them might work better for you.
• Great legs? A dress shows them off beautifully.
• Heels add height if that's your goal.
• Concealer handles any blemishes.

Plenty more examples exist, but the point stands: you have real control over your look, and it genuinely shapes his arousal.

Love Curi has a whole guide dedicated to dressing sexy too.

Lingerie deserves special mention, sensual pieces designed to showcase your assets before (and sometimes after) sex. The key is choosing pieces that highlight your favorite features while downplaying whatever you're less confident about.

Check out our guide to picking the right lingerie for your body.

Pairing lingerie with stockings and heels is a combo plenty of guys love.

That said, feeling genuinely comfortable and confident in whatever you wear matters most. He'll notice if you're uneasy, which kills the mood for both of you. Never force lingerie you don't actually want to wear.

Layering is worth considering too, removing pieces one at a time as you strip for him or deliver a lap dance.

Check out this list of lap dance songs.

3. Touch Him

A seductive setting is a solid starting point, and dressing well amplifies it further. But without actual physical touch, neither one accomplishes much on its own.

Touch is absolutely essential here.

To be clear, this isn't about groping or anything inappropriate, it's simply maintaining physical contact whenever you're talking or spending time together. This contact helps turn him on while communicating your feelings clearly. Start subtle, nothing too forward, and build gradually as you grow closer.

A few examples, roughly in order of increasing intimacy:

• Brief touch on his arm or shoulder while making a point.
• A quick hand touch while talking or laughing together.
• A brief touch on his leg mid-conversation.
• Gently pressing your leg against his while seated together.
• Resting your hand on his hand or leg briefly while talking.

All of these help arouse him without feeling creepy or forced. Combine them with the right mood and a great look, and you're practically guaranteed results.

Once you're confident he wants you, in an established relationship, for instance, feel free to escalate. Kiss him deeply (tips here). Press against him, grind against his crotch. Rub him through his pants, or unzip and go down on him.

Related: The Ultimate Guide On How To Give A Great Blowjob

Focus on his erogenous zones, including his nipples. Most men find nipple stimulation genuinely arousing [1].

These more direct touches communicate desire clearly, especially useful if he's slow to pick up on subtler cues. Which brings us to...

4. Just Be Direct

Dropping subtle hints to initiate is understandable.

It might work great 🙂

Or completely miss the mark 🙁

Don't stress, plenty of guys are genuinely slow on the uptake. The fix?

Just be direct instead.

Walk into the room naked, and there's no missing that signal. Seeing you bare is practically guaranteed to arouse him too.

One small study found undressing yourself or your partner led to sex 100% of the time [2]. Strip down, and things escalate. Genuinely that simple.

Directly asking works well too, a 76% success rate, though undressing often feels less awkward and sexier overall.

Women initiate less often than men on average [3], but he'll likely appreciate you taking the lead. It can feel genuinely empowering too. It might feel awkward at first, but it gets easier with practice.

Read: 9 Ways to Initiate Sex, Drive Him Wild, and Take Control of Your Sex Life

5. Recall What Gets You Going

You might recall our earlier post for women about getting horny. We surveyed readers and gathered insight on their go-to arousal methods, and plenty translate directly to men too.

Popular reader-submitted approaches:

Shower or bath together – Invite him into shower sex. Steam and slippery suds set the mood fast.

Read erotica or watch porn together – Read aloud if he's into it. If porn feels too explicit, try a movie with a steamy scene you love and gauge his reaction.

Send a sexy text – Plenty of women light up seeing a message about how desirable they are, why not return the favor? Take it further with a voice note, video clip, or photo. Doesn't need to be explicit, just a hint of what's ahead. Check out these sexting tips, sexting examples, or learn how to send a sexy selfie.

Masturbate in front of him – Plenty of women feel aroused masturbating solo, but doing it in front of him tends to arouse him considerably.

Shop for lingerie or toys together – Great for building anticipation for both of you, sometimes leading straight to sex right after checkout, or once your package arrives!

Share fantasies – Genuinely arousing, and a great way to discover new ideas together. Here's the 10 most common fantasies. This list of 40 freaky things to try together is worth exploring too.

Have a drink – Just one, though. It loosens things up nicely, too much can hurt his performance [4].

Give a massage – Touch matters, as covered above, and a genuine massage adds even more (learn to give a sensual massage). Beyond physical closeness, massage measurably reduces stress [5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10], and stress is a serious desire-killer for plenty of people, women in particular [11 p 118, 12 p 29].

Notice how many of these touch on dirty talk. Understanding how to arouse him fully means getting comfortable with a bit of it. Don't worry, though, tips for talking dirty are right here.

Sexual "conditioning" – Here's something worth noticing. Repeating the same pre-sex ritual can end up arousing him even outside sexual contexts entirely.

What do we mean exactly?

Spraying a specific scent, letting your hair down, playing a certain song or film, whenever sex is on the agenda, these can all become mentally linked to intimacy. Over time, he might associate them automatically with arousal, even outside the bedroom.

This concept, "conditioning," might ring a bell from psychology class. It genuinely applies to sexual arousal too [13]!

This is a genuinely powerful tool, and men may be especially responsive to this kind of conditioning [14]. Feel free to experiment, just be aware he might end up aroused by a random song on the radio, or a familiar scent, even when it's someone else entirely wearing that same perfume.

Watch for these: The clear signs you're already turning him on.

6. Skip The Overused "Sexy" Tropes...Mostly

A common misstep: mimicking movie clichés exactly, a trench coat with nothing underneath, towering stilettos, a husky voice. These work great on screen, and they can work in real life too, if you can genuinely pull them off.

Show up in sky-high heels and all-black leather, and it might read as exotic and arousing... or leave you so uncomfortable you can barely move, tipping into comedic rather than sexy territory. It's easy to overdo "sexy." Sometimes restraint wins out.

Comfort matters most, so feel free to add small touches or develop your own signature style rather than copying someone else's.

7. Watch The Laughter

Laughter builds real connection, but if arousal's the immediate goal, too much of it (or talking) can derail the mood. If you've been together a while, you probably know his preferences here already. With someone newer, tread carefully until you understand their style.

That means dialing back excessive silliness or chatter. A lowered, sultry whisper (audible, though) paired with a slower pace tends to work better.

Signs You're Getting Him There

Since a man's body and mind tend to stay in sync more often than a woman's [15, 16], physical cues are usually reliable indicators of arousal.

Erection — an erect penis (and yes, erect nipples too) signals arousal clearly.

Flushing – warm, reddened skin, especially face and chest, points to arousal.

Breathing – faster, deeper breaths mean you're on the right track.

Heart rate – his pulse quickens noticeably when aroused.

For a lot of guys, these signs surface fast with minimal effort. Others take considerably longer, more on that shortly.

If he reciprocates, removing clothes, grinding against you, or escalating things further, you've clearly succeeded.

When He's Just Not Feeling It

This guide's built around techniques that reliably work. And most of the time, they will.

But sometimes they won't.

Be direct – Maybe subtlety just isn't registering, hence our earlier advice. Direct requests might feel less spontaneous, but they guarantee clarity. Worth repeating: guys can be genuinely oblivious no matter how obvious your signals seem.

But what about outright disinterest?

A direct "No"?

It can genuinely sting, understandably. That doesn't mean giving up entirely.

Remember, though: he's declining sex this one time, not forever, and not you as a partner. It's rarely a personal statement.

There could be something entirely unrelated at play, a stomachache he hasn't mentioned, for instance. We often internalize rejection when it says nothing about us at all.

There's always next time.

The exception: if this becomes a persistent pattern, especially alongside broader relationship struggles or compulsive porn use, shift focus away from arousal techniques and toward the relationship itself. Relationship satisfaction and desire are genuinely linked.

Once emotional and physical factors align, desire tends to follow naturally. With a healthy partner, you'll spend far less energy chasing arousal and more time enjoying what follows, along with the confidence of knowing you can arouse him whenever you choose.

Consider A Doctor's Visit

Absent relationship issues, a health concern might be the real culprit. Hormones, testosterone especially, play a major role in male sexual function and desire [17]. Reduced desire or erection trouble compared to his usual pattern could point to hormonal imbalance.

We'd recommend a doctor visit once other likely causes are ruled out (the same advice holds for women, incidentally).

Related: How to Increase Libido for Women

A doctor can also rule out depression [18], anxiety [19], related medications [20, 21, 22, 23], injury, or other conditions (diabetes affects desire [24], cancer too [25]). While declining testosterone with age is normal, a more serious deficiency later in life, andropause, can genuinely disrupt sexual function [26].

Plenty of people avoid these conversations out of embarrassment or the assumption it's not worth discussing. But sexual health genuinely shapes quality of life, making it worth addressing directly.

What The Science Says

Research and surveys have taught us plenty about arousal, some of this may sound familiar if you've read our other posts on desire and arousal. Much overlaps between men and women, though understanding the differences helps clarify exactly what boosts, or blocks, his arousal.

The Sexual Response Cycle

You've probably encountered the sexual response cycle before, four distinct phases, each with its own physiological signature [27, 28, 29, 30]:

1. Excitement/arousal
2. Plateau
3. Orgasm
4. Resolution

This cycle explains why arousal tends to come easily for guys. Excitement plus stimulation leads to orgasm. After resolution, he needs recovery time before another erection and orgasm are possible, the refractory period [31], lasting anywhere from minutes to a full day, and lengthening with age [32]. This explains why re-arousing him immediately post-orgasm just isn't realistic.

Women typically experience a much shorter, or nonexistent, refractory period, one reason multiple orgasms are more common for women.

The response cycle looks somewhat different for women [33], with alternative circular models proposed too [34, 35]. The 4-phase model fits men well not because desire differs in kind, but because it typically shows up differently for them.

Spontaneous Vs. Responsive Desire

Researchers describe two distinct desire types: responsive and spontaneous.

Spontaneous Desire – Exactly what it sounds like. Desire strikes randomly [36], even without any sexual thoughts or triggers present. Might sound unfamiliar if you're a woman, since most women lean toward responsive desire instead (more on that shortly). Most men experience spontaneous desire, getting turned on almost instantly. Which makes arousing your partner considerably easier.

With spontaneous desire, arousal comes first, then physical activity follows, a straightforward, linear sequence. Responsive desire works differently.

Responsive Desire – Most women, and some men, experience desire this way [37]. Desire tends to emerge only after sexual stimulation is already underway [38]. Arousal shows up after kissing starts, after foreplay begins, or even mid-sex. Desire follows arousal here, rather than preceding it [39].

This explains why different approaches work to arouse you specifically.

It might also respond to a steamy book or movie scene, a particular scent, or a song. If this sounds like you, you probably already know your own specific triggers.

Responsive desire doesn't mean low or absent desire, it just means his (or your) drive needs something concrete to respond to. This might explain why arousing your current partner takes noticeably longer than an ex did, one likely had responsive desire, the other spontaneous.

Getting him aroused really comes down to identifying what his desire responds to, then doing exactly that.

The Dual-Control Model

With spontaneous and responsive desire covered, the dual-control model rounds out the picture. Proposed by researchers Bancroft and Janssen, this theory frames sex drive not as one single force, but as a balance between two competing systems [40, 41, 42].

It's not simply "on" or "off." There's no single switch controlling arousal.

Instead, sex drive comprises two distinct parts. One boosts arousal, the sexual excitement system, easiest to think of as accelerators. Hit the gas, and things move forward.

The other, the sexual inhibition system, functions like brakes. These lower drive and can include relationship friction, poor body image, stress, and more.

And what happens pressing the gas and brake simultaneously?

Exactly: nothing at all.

You're stuck in place.

This guide focuses heavily on releasing those brakes first, since working the accelerator alone accomplishes little without addressing them.

Good news: most men have more responsive accelerators and less sensitive brakes than women do [11 p 60], meaning arousing him should genuinely come easily. This same tendency can even nudge men toward riskier sexual decisions [43, 40]!

Arousal Concordance

Finally, arousal concordance, essentially agreement between mental and physical arousal signals [44, 45, 46].

Researchers typically ask participants directly whether they feel aroused, then use tools like vaginal photoplethysmography (tracking blood flow via light) or penile plethysmography (measuring erection firmness [47]) to measure physical arousal objectively [51].

Studies consistently show discordance is more common in women [48] than men [49, 50, 51], possibly because women simply notice physical arousal signals less readily. This actually works in your favor here, since men typically show higher concordance, mind and body stay aligned. An erection usually means genuine arousal, and mental desire usually triggers a physical response too.

So focusing on physical stimulation may get him there just as effectively as targeting his mind.

Worth noting: exceptions exist, and an erection doesn't automatically confirm arousal [52, 53].

Resources

Leon F Seltzer Ph.D. covers differences in sexual desire between men and women at Psychology Today, useful for understanding why arousal looks so different for each of you.

Etienne Benson's piece on the science of sexual arousal expands further on the research introduced above.

Stephen Snyder M.D. explores how feeling desired is itself a major turn-on for men. If arousing him is the goal, showing genuine desire and initiating yourself, rather than waiting for him to always lead, matters enormously.

October 16, 2020