9 Easy Qualities Guys Actually Find Sexy

What actually makes guys find someone sexy? It's genuinely a tricky question, since men make up roughly half of humanity, and getting that many people to agree on anything — let alone something as nuanced as attraction — just isn't realistic. Still, we're going to tackle it here and offer some real, usable answers.Related: The 11 signs of sexual attraction.

So What Do Guys Actually Find Sexy?

There's no universal answer, since what individual men find sexy varies enormously from guy to guy. We can only speak in generalities, but here's the encouraging part: attraction usually comes down to attitude far more than any specific hairstyle or lipstick shade. That's genuinely good news — you won't appeal to every man out there, but plenty of men will find you deeply attractive.

Take traits some might label unconventional or unattractive — an unusual nose, a distinctive laugh. A fuller backside or shorter height (frustrating for clothes shopping, sure) also draws plenty of admirers. There are even guys who specifically gravitate toward shy women. Whatever you consider a flaw might be exactly what draws certain men to you.

Plenty of people work hard to hide perceived flaws, especially in the age of curated selfies. If you're accustomed to showing only your best angle, letting your less "polished" side show can feel uncomfortable — and yes, some men might not be into it. But that same quality is precisely what will draw in the right men for you.

Related: The 9 biggest turn offs for men.

1. Own Your Confidence

Ask virtually anyone, man or woman, what's attractive, and confidence tops the list almost every time. This isn't about arrogance or being overbearing — it's about genuine comfort in your own skin and identity.

Here's the thing: feeling confident tends to translate visibly into looking confident. So wear whatever makes you feel genuinely good, even if it feels risky or unconventional. Confidence radiates from the inside out, so don't be shy about letting it show.

Confidence is also something nearly everyone wrestles with occasionally — some more than others. That's completely normal and part of being human. But when confidence slips, you undersell the genuinely attractive person you are, and you might inadvertently push away men who'd otherwise find you appealing, simply because you don't believe you're worth their attention.

Bottom line: cut that out. You're worthy exactly as you are, imperfections included — and really, who among us is perfect?

Read now: How to ride your man confidently.

2. Fake It Til You Feel It

This classic advice is really about confidence. Maybe you're not there yet, but projecting confidence anyway reads far better than visible insecurity. Easier said than done, admittedly, and it won't click for everyone right away.

Confidence rarely just materializes — it's something you actively build. That might mean working on yourself in some way, or trying sex positions that are more approachable when confidence is low. It's unlikely to show up passively if you're not putting in the effort.

Discover ways to feel sexy starting today.

It might sound surprising, but taking a sultry selfie, or even hiring a professional for boudoir photos, can genuinely boost your confidence — and your partner will absolutely appreciate the results.

3. Understand Who You Are

Confidence comes far more naturally once you genuinely know yourself — your values, your goals, what actually matters to you. This isn't just about attraction. It grounds you day-to-day, especially when facing rejection or someone's unfair judgment. If you know, deep down, you're a genuinely great sister or friend, an accusation to the contrary won't shake you.

4. Advocate for Yourself

Self-knowledge also makes you less likely to let others diminish you, whether at home or at work. You'll speak up when it matters. That takes real courage, and standing firm is admirable — to the right guy, it's downright sexy.

5. Never Stop Growing

Confidence comes across far more naturally when it's backed by genuine knowledge and skill. That's hard to build without regularly investing time in getting better at something, whether that's a hobby or learning to please your partner. Learning itself might not sound like an obviously sexy trait, but it absolutely can be.

Plenty of men find genuine passion attractive — a woman who's deeply knowledgeable about something and happy to share that knowledge with others. If it's a topic he knows nothing about, your expertise might genuinely impress him.

By the way: The exact same principle applies to passionate sex.

Even a general hunger to keep learning and improving reads as sexy to anyone who values open-mindedness and self-growth — and really, who doesn't? Letting your natural curiosity and knowledge show through tends to attract exactly the right kind of partner.

6. Prioritize Having Fun

Fun is hard to access when you're stuck in something uncomfortable or fixated on keeping your hair and makeup flawless. If that describes you, it might help to worry less about appearance and more about how you actually feel — a genuine smile is inherently sexy.

Being overly rigid or uptight, though, is decidedly unsexy — especially during a blow job or hand job. It can make you seem stiff or unapproachable. Letting loose isn't always easy, particularly if sexual anxiety is part of the picture, but creating space to genuinely relax is worth the effort.

Related: How to get rid of sexual anxiety.

Fun also shapes how you interact generally. Being able to tease and take teasing in stride reads as attractive to men — playfulness is a trait plenty of guys actively look for.

7. Stay True to Yourself

There's nothing wrong with experimenting with different looks or drawing inspiration from people you admire, as long as you don't lose your own identity along the way. It's usually obvious, too, when someone's trying too hard to seem sexy (not everyone can pull off saying certain sexy lines convincingly), or forcing themselves into something uncomfortable and self-conscious. You don't need to wobble around in heels that aren't your thing just because it's supposed to make you look smoking hot — it can easily backfire and look awkward instead, drawing unwanted attention.

And while generic sex appeal is achievable for plenty of people, what genuinely holds guys' attention long-term is authenticity — the specific kind of sexy that's uniquely yours. A pretty face can fade in novelty over time, and we all age regardless, but a magnetic personality stays compelling indefinitely. Rather than trying to hide your perceived flaws, focus on highlighting what's already naturally appealing about you, whether that's your figure, your humor, or your compassion.

8. Lead With Honesty

Honesty serves nearly every situation well, though here it often takes the specific shape of vulnerability. You're not flawless, and you likely carry a few hang-ups about that. Letting that vulnerable side show can genuinely deepen your sexual chemistry with a partner, precisely because it's difficult — maybe even because of how difficult it is. It also invites the same openness in return.

That said, there's a line between vulnerability and neediness or fishing for compliments, and it's worth pacing how much you share early on.

Related: The best compliments to give a guy.

Still, it's perfectly fine to admit you're nervous about a first date post-divorce, or anxious about meeting his parents for the first time. A genuinely good guy will likely try to ease those nerves, but the point of honesty isn't his reaction — it's simply being real with another person.

9. Reliable Sexy Staples

We've mostly avoided sweeping claims about universal attraction, but a handful of things do come close to universally appealing. A few examples:

• Red lipstick
• Glossy, healthy-looking hair
• Curves — breasts, lips, hips, butt
• Heels
• Stockings with a vertical seam. Learn how to choose sexy lingerie.
• Skirts
• Wearing his clothes
• Snug-fitting jeans

Related: How to Dress Sexy for Your Man and How to Look Hot

Feel free to experiment with these and see which ones fit naturally into your personal style. You don't have to lean on the standard "sexy" toolkit constantly, either — surprising your partner with stockings you don't normally wear can spark something exciting precisely because it's unexpected.

Sometimes less really is more, too. Full reveal has its place, but leaving something to the imagination has real power of its own. It keeps his mind wandering back to you when you're apart, and you might just enjoy the moment he undresses you to discover what's underneath.

There's genuinely no tidy formula for what guys find sexy, and honestly, that's a good thing. Certain images dominate pop culture, sure, but ultimately it's your own confidence and individuality that will win over the right guy for you.

February 8, 2022