How Often Do People Really Have Sex? High, Low & Everything In Between

So how often do people actually have sex — multiple times a week, weekly, monthly, or less? Nearly everyone has wondered this at some point and compared it against their own bedroom habits. But even with hard data in hand, the answer is trickier than it sounds.

It Really Does Depend

"It depends" isn't a satisfying answer to "How often do people have sex?" But it happens to be accurate. Younger people generally have more sex than older people, and married couples tend to have more sex than singles. That said, frequency drops as people age and settle deeper into relationships, and an older person in a brand-new relationship can throw off the averages entirely.

Breaking the numbers down by demographic — age, relationship status, gender, and so on — helps clarify things.

By Age

Per the National Survey of Sexual Health and Behavior, younger men and women (under 30) are more likely to report vaginal sex with a woman within the past year, with those figures shrinking each subsequent decade [1].

For Men

• 18-19: 62.5% had vaginal sex in the past year
• 20s and 30s: 85%
• 40s: 73.6%
• 50s: 57.9%

Men have a bit of a reputation for inflating how much sex they're having (plus who with and what exactly went on). But the actual figures suggest there are far fewer Casanovas out there than the stereotype implies.

For instance, a mere 6.1% of any single group (men in their 30s) reported sex more than four times weekly. Men in their 20s and 30s most commonly land at two to three times a week, though the bulk of men across all ages fall somewhere between a few times weekly and monthly [1]. Men in their 20s do come out ahead when it comes to sheer frequency, though.

For Women

Women are more likely to have had vaginal sex in the past month than to have masturbated, and that holds true across most of their lives. Take 18-19 year olds: only 26% masturbated in the past month, yet over 43% had vaginal sex in the same 30-day window [1]! Still, we're big fans of masturbation, and more women exploring it wouldn't hurt — check out these techniques for better solo orgasms.

But what does sexual frequency actually look like for women? See the breakdown below.

• 18-19: 41.1% had vaginal sex in the past year, versus 26% who masturbated
• 20-24: 61.9%
• 25-29: 74.3%
• 30s: 73.5%
• 40s: 70.3%
• 50s: 51.4%
• 70s: 21.6%

Women in their 20s report the highest rate of sex in the past year, with that figure dipping the following decade. This seems to run counter to the notion that women hit their sexual peak later than men — though a closer look at the numbers complicates that idea too.

Across the board, women report having had sex less often than men within any given 10-year bracket [1]. Still, plenty of women love a high-frequency sex life — and plenty are living it.

By Relationship Status

As noted, partnered people tend to have more sex, though the gap shifts with age. Women aged 18-24, for example, are almost twice as likely to have had vaginal sex in the past three months compared to single women in that bracket. The gap only widens with age, meaning single women in their 40s and 50s are considerably less likely to have an active sex life than partnered peers [1].

Among unpartnered women aged 18-24, 46% reported sex in the past 90 days, compared to 80% of partnered women (whether dating, cohabitating, or married). The gap grows even wider for women in their mid-to-late twenties — roughly 36% of singles had recent sex versus 92% of those partnered. It only gets worse from there for single people in their thirties, forties, and fifties [1].

Think marriage kills your sex life? Not so fast. And even though the early days of a relationship might feel like nonstop sex, an established partnership still typically wins out over single life in terms of frequency.

Of course, sexual frequency naturally declines with age, which may connect to the tendency for sex to slow down the longer a relationship lasts. But not every relationship starts young — people enter new relationships at every stage of life, which is encouraging if you're hoping to maximize how often you have sex.

By age 70, essentially no single people report having sex, while 36% of partnered people still do [1]. Here's hoping you're still going strong at that point!

Men show similar patterns, though partnered and single men both report more frequent sex than their female counterparts.

These figures come from surveys of men and women in the United States only, so results elsewhere may vary.

What Actually Counts As Sex?

Pinning down how often people have sex gets complicated once you ask what "sex" even means. For some, only vaginal penetration qualifies. For others, oral or anal sex counts just as much.

Yet plenty of people would count manual stimulation, mutual masturbation, dry humping, or BDSM play as sex too. At minimum, these activities factor into how your sex life compares to anyone else's. You can absolutely have incredible orgasms and build a deeper connection with your man through these acts, even without intercourse in the mix.

Factor in acts beyond penis-in-vagina sex, and the numbers shift. Young men aged 16-17, for instance, are more likely to have received oral sex from a partner — both in the past year and the past month — than to have had PIV sex.

Does Any of This Actually Matter?

Short answer: "Eh, kind of." How often other people are having sex relative to you doesn't really matter, so long as you're happy with your own sex life. Quality trumps quantity here. There's no magic number to hit.

Maybe you and your man have phenomenal sex three times a week. Or maybe you lean into mutual masturbation during the week and go all out on weekends. Other people might be having more sex than you and still enjoying it less.

Some people in relationships aren't satisfied with their sex lives at all. They might have plenty of sex that just doesn't do much for them. Unfortunately, women often end up in this spot, having absorbed the idea that men's pleasure is what matters most. Too many women push through mediocre or even painful sex without complaint.

Here at Love Curi, we don't buy into that! You deserve to actually enjoy sex. So speak up about what you want with your man, and seek out a partner who genuinely cares about your pleasure if that's currently missing.

Back to the original question, though. "How often do people have sex?" More to the point — what does that number mean for you? Not much, honestly.

Maybe you're single and wishing for more sex but not drawn to casual hookups. If it feels like everyone around you is constantly having sex (spoiler: they're probably not), that illusion will only make you feel worse.

Read: 12 Downsides of Casual Sex (and Why It's Still Worth Trying)

Sometimes illness or injury gets in the way of the sex life you want, too. When that's the case, leaning on the activities mentioned above can help keep things alive even during hard stretches.

Reviving Your Sex Life

Sometimes boosting your sexual frequency isn't possible — but often it is, and it's worth pursuing. In fact, couples who have sex at least weekly land in a genuine sweet spot, since less-frequent couples report lower relationship satisfaction overall [2].

So how do you actually increase how often you're having sex? Scheduling it might be necessary. Block out the time. If you're waiting around for the perfect combination of energy, time, and feeling sexy enough, it's probably not going to happen often.

Realistically, life gets hectic, sleep gets sacrificed, and sex gets pushed aside anyway. What sex you do have might feel rushed or predictable — and boring sex often just leads to less of it.

Sound familiar? You can boost both how often you have sex and how good it feels with a few adjustments. Love Curi has several resources to help.

• 7 Tips to Spice Up Your Sex Life
• 8 Incredible Benefits of Morning Sex
• 22 Foreplay Tips, Tricks, and Techniques
• Quickie 101: How to Have Amazing Sex in 15 Minutes or Less
• 6 Ideas for the Best Hotel Sex

Bottom line: carve out time for sex. Spend more time warming up with sexting, phone sex, foreplay, and oral sex. Shake up the when and where to break the routine, and make the most of whatever time you've got.

If your man's on board, turning "how do we have more/better sex" into a shared project can genuinely reignite desire for both of you. That said, it's tougher going if he seems disinterested in sex with you.

When Your Partner Wants More Sex Than You Do

So far we've assumed you're the one craving more sex. But what if you're the one with lower desire? Low or absent libido might mean you don't even feel motivated to fix your sex life, and your relationship might be feeling the strain.

Sex genuinely matters in a relationship. How much, exactly? Find out here.

Struggling to get in the mood? Learn how to get yourself horny.

That said, the responsibility isn't entirely on your shoulders. You might occasionally have sex when you're not fully in the mood, but he needs to recognize that relationships run on compromise too. There will be stretches where he's getting less than he'd like — and the same goes for you.

Talking openly about your sex life stays essential for staying aligned and avoiding resentment. Try not to fixate on other people's sexual frequency. Comparison doesn't get you anywhere.

During dry spells — or even when you're totally satisfied — masturbation is a great tool. Some believe you shouldn't masturbate while partnered, but there's really no good reason to avoid it. It supports a healthy sex drive, lifts your mood, and wards off sexual frustration. And mutual masturbation can be plenty of fun on its own!

Nailing down exactly how often people have sex isn't simple. Health, age, and relationship status all play into it, and as we all know, your own frequency shifts constantly. Instead of chasing a specific number, focus on making the sex you're already having better. Quality wins out over quantity every time!

January 23, 2021