Anal Fingering: A Guide To Doubling Your Pleasure

Once you've explored bondage, sex in public places and edging, what's left to try in bed? Anal play is a great next step. One of the simplest ways to test whether anal sex might be for you — and a fantastic way to give your man intense pleasure — is anal fingering.

You might even find you can orgasm from anal stimulation alone. Check out this advice on having an anal orgasm.

Does Everyone Enjoy Anal Stimulation?

Let's address this up front. Anal stimulation isn't for everyone, whether we're talking fingers, a penis, a safe toy, or just stimulation around the entrance. Plenty of men worry that enjoying anal play means they're gay. It doesn't. Gay, straight, and bisexual men all have the same nerve endings and prostate, meaning all of them are capable of enjoying anal stimulation. Sexuality varies from person to person; biology doesn't.

Learn more about prostate massage.

It's also more common for women to be on the receiving end than men, and that arrangement works well for plenty of couples. Still, you might simply not be drawn to anal play at all — and that's fine too. But you won't know whether you like it until you try, so give anal fingering a shot!

Talking About Anal Stimulation First

Even though a lot of people enjoy having their ass played with, it's not something to dive into without first checking in with your partner. A quick conversation beforehand is the easiest way to find out where your man stands, whether you're curious about having your own ass stimulated or interested in adding to his pleasure. You could even hand him this article to gauge his reaction!

A surprise finger can sometimes go over well, but venturing into unfamiliar territory without his okay risks turning him off entirely. Even a guy who's into anal play might not be prepared for it in the moment, which can lead to an awkward experience or worse. You might also want time to shower or otherwise get ready before diving into backdoor play.

If your partner's into the idea, you might eventually work up to pegging — using a strap-on to penetrate him. This can tie neatly into D/s dynamics, since giving anal stimulation carries a lot of power.

Additional Info: What Is Pegging? Everything You Need to Know!

Getting Ready For Anal Stimulation

Whether you're brand new to anal play or trying to help your man feel more at ease with fingering or a toy, preparation makes for a much smoother experience. Rushing into it can cause discomfort or even pain and bleeding — and who'd want to try anal fingering again after that? Follow these guidelines for a better first experience.

Anal sex isn't supposed to hurt. More on that here.

Tension makes it genuinely harder to enjoy anal play, so take a breath and let it go. Relaxing your throat can help relax the muscles in your butt too, oddly enough. Planning ahead naturally helps you relax — try some music or a little social lubricant, just don't overdo it since you'll want to stay in control. More tips on relaxing for anal.

The right position also makes relaxing easier. Check out this list of positions for anal sex. Some may need tweaking if you're having anal while pregnant.

Most people focused on anal fingering think mainly about their own hygiene, but the hygiene of whoever's doing the fingering matters just as much. Don't take cues from porn, where every performer seems to have flawless, inch-long nails — that's the last thing you want anywhere near your backside. Nails should always be trimmed short with no jagged edges, which can cause internal tearing.

Click here to learn how to use fingernails in a sexy way.

Wearing a glove — or even snipping a single finger off a glove — can protect your partner's rectum while also making lube application and cleanup much easier.

Plenty of people naturally have hesitations about anal play. We all know the anus's primary biological job, but that doesn't mean it can't also deliver pleasure — after all, the vagina's main function is menstruation and childbirth, not sexual pleasure either!

It's worth prepping before anyone eats your ass, too.

Related: What You Need To Know About Rim Jobs And More Orgasms and All About Tossing Salad

There's always some chance of encountering a little fecal matter during anal stimulation, though the odds are lower with fingering than with a dildo or penis that reaches further in. A recent bowel movement helps clear things out, and many people feel more at ease receiving anal fingering right after a shower.

Related: How To Use A Strap On With Your Man For Maximum Fun

You probably don't need to go further, but two extra steps can help you feel squeaky clean before anal penetration. A douche using lukewarm water rinsed into the butt clears out any remaining matter, while an enema is more thorough and handles the deepest clean.

Choosing Lube For Anal Play

Lube is essential for anal sex, and it's worth having on hand for anal fingering too. The anus produces no natural lubrication of its own, which can lead to small tears and raise the risk of STI transmission. Water-based lube is the cheaper option, though it dries out and gets tacky faster — the upside is it rinses away easily with water.

A few water-based options worth trying:

• Sliquid Naturals Sassy is made specifically for anal play.
• Maximus is a thicker lube that pairs well with toys.
• System Jo H2O is the brand's water-based formula.
• System Jo Naturals comes in water- and silicone-based versions designed to mimic natural lubrication.

Silicone-based lubes also work with condoms (condoms aren't needed to prevent pregnancy during anal sex — more on that here). They tend to run thinner but last longer without reapplication, making them great for marathon sessions. They do need soap and water to clean off, though. Sliquid's Silver gets consistently high marks, and Pjur is another well-known name in silicone lubricants.

If you want something between the two, hybrid lubes are now widely available — a bit thicker than pure silicone but longer-lasting than water-based options. System Jo Hybrid, Sliquid Silk, and Wet Synergy are all examples worth trying.

Anal Fingering For Him

Once you're both cleaned up and ready to explore, here's where to start with him.

A man's anus is one of the most powerful erogenous zones on his body, thanks to the prostate. It sits roughly two inches inside, angled toward his stomach. Curling your fingers works well here, and curved toys are also great for prostate stimulation. It feels a bit like a walnut, and most men recognize it the moment you find it — though not all do.

The prostate responds better to firmer pressure than most other erogenous zones. Some men love an on-and-off pressure from a fingertip, while others simply enjoy the sensation of steady pressure on the prostate during sex or a blowjob.

Not every man is into prostate play, though, and there's plenty else to explore with anal fingering. You can work your way gradually toward his anus, circling the puckered ring itself. A simple in-and-out motion can feel great while you're pleasuring him with your other hand or mouth, and you can add more fingers as he grows more comfortable.

Why Women Enjoy Anal Fingering

As a woman, you don't have a prostate — but that doesn't mean you can't enjoy anal stimulation. The thin wall separating the anus and vagina lets sensation travel between them, so anal stimulation can feel especially good during sex or with a toy. Some women even enjoy stimulating their own backdoor during masturbation, which is a great way to get used to the sensation before exploring it with a partner.

When it comes to touching your own backside, there's no need to rush toward penetration. Start by inviting your partner to grab your ass, massage your cheeks, and maybe add a light spank if that's your thing. Before moving to anal fingering, he can circle your anus with the pad of his finger or thumb. Even if things never go further than that, you might find it quite pleasurable, especially paired with clitoral stimulation or penetrative sex.

Curious why guys are drawn to anal sex? Find out now. You can also discover if women like anal sex.

From there, your partner can move from the surrounding area directly over the opening, even resting a finger there before trying actual fingering. Penetration is the natural next step, and a finger or two makes a great warm-up for your partner's penis. If fingering your own backdoor doesn't appeal to you, something larger like a penis or anal toy probably won't either.

Learn more about anal sex and safety.

That said, never go directly from anus to vagina, since that can transfer bacteria and cause nasty infections. Rolling a condom over your partner's fingers, or using a glove, helps prevent that — and always swap condoms when switching between anal and vaginal play.

Some people love the feeling of being stretched and work up to increasingly larger toys. That's known as anal training — read more on anal training here.

Even if anal fingering isn't for you, or you only add it occasionally, you might be surprised how much you end up enjoying a little backdoor play mixed into sex or masturbation. And the thrill of pleasuring your partner through anal and prostate stimulation is genuinely hard to beat!

October 16, 2020