Dating A Married Man? 4 Tips You Need

Maybe falling for a married man wasn't the plan, but it happened anyway. Maybe it's the lifestyle he offers — the extravagant gifts, the trips away. Or maybe it's the intellectual connection and the perspective a more experienced, possibly older man brings to the table. Maybe you like that he isn't around 24/7 because you're not looking to commit, or maybe you had no idea he was married when things started.Disclaimer: At Love Curi, we understand there are countless reasons a woman might end up dating a married man. Dating someone who's married is broadly frowned upon and can carry serious legal, emotional, and ethical consequences. If children are involved, their wellbeing needs to factor into your decision too. Move forward carefully if this is the path you're on!

Whatever led you here, if you've decided to date a married man, here's some guidance worth considering.

Related: Why do men cheat

1. Keep It Quiet

If you're currently caught up in someone else's sexless marriage situation, that might be exactly how you ended up here. You might feel tempted to confide in your closest friend, but odds are good she'll pass it along to someone else, who tells someone else, and so on. Definitely don't loop in family or coworkers — they're unlikely to approve, and things can spiral quickly if word gets out.

He'll be just as invested in keeping this under wraps. He can't risk anyone in his circle — especially his wife — spotting the two of you together. That means public outings are largely off-limits. Meeting his friends or joining him at events he attends? Not going to happen.

Related: 30 fun date ideas to keep your relationship red-hot

2. Prepare for a Possible Confrontation With His Wife

If she finds out, she may come looking for you, so brace yourself. He may have spun a very different version of events to her, so expect some surprising claims — like her being told that you're the one who pursued him, regardless of what actually happened.

If she requests a meeting, don't have her come to your place — there's a real risk the encounter turns hostile. If you do agree to meet, pick somewhere public, and let a friend know your plans beforehand.

Stay composed. Keep things as neutral and businesslike as you can manage. Let her speak, then leave. There's no reason to twist the knife by implying he's chosen you over her — because in reality, he hasn't.

Related: The 23 reasons why women cheat

3. Make Sure He Cleans Up Before Heading Home…

This is far from the only precaution he needs to take, but it's a big one.

If his interest in sex with his wife has faded and you're content keeping the affair going, it's in your interest to help him avoid detection as long as possible. Here are four common giveaways that tend to raise a spouse's suspicion — worth passing along to him:

• Don't let him suddenly upgrade his wardrobe or start wearing cologne just because he's seeing you — even if you love it on him. His wife will notice the shift.
• If you're someone in his wife's orbit — a coworker, say — tell him to avoid mentioning your name casually. The more it comes up, the more she'll start connecting dots. It's also smart to steer clear of sex at work in case you're overheard or spotted.
• Suggest he get a separate phone his wife doesn't know about (or use one of the apps covered below built for discreet communication). It's far too easy for her to scroll through his usual phone and find everything. A separate device also makes it simpler to send him flirty texts.
• If you touch the radio presets in his car, have him reset them before you part ways. His wife won't buy a sudden interest in a genre he's never liked before. In general, steer clear of anywhere she might stumble across evidence.

4. Apps That Keep Things Steamy — and Discreet

Keeping this secret from his wife is the top priority if you want things to run smoothly. Point your guy toward a few apps that can help him keep your texts under wraps (sexting tips here). Options exist across iOS, Android, and even BlackBerry.

• Slydial: Available on iOS and Android, this sends his calls to you straight to voicemail, eliminating the risk of an awkward live conversation getting overheard.
• Fox Private Message: An Android app that lets him shake his phone to instantly wipe evidence if his wife walks in mid-conversation. If he leaves the phone somewhere she might find it, this app can also remote-delete messages via a text code.
• BlackBook: For BlackBerry users, this app recreates the old-school "black book" players used before smartphones existed. It hides your contact info (and anyone else he wants kept private) separately from his regular contacts, locked behind a code, and masks your name on incoming calls.
• Vaulty Stocks: This Android app disguises itself as a stock-tracking tool but actually hides the photos you send him. It only works as long as his wife doesn't recognize what it really is — and if both of you know about it, there's a decent chance she eventually will too.
• Spy Pix: The iOS equivalent of Vaulty Stocks, arguably better designed since it hides real photos behind an innocent decoy image, unlockable only with a code.
• Signal: Lets you set messages to auto-delete after a chosen time window.

Most messaging apps these days also offer password-protected folders for hiding sensitive conversations.

Some Considerations

All that said, falling for and dating a married man isn't a great position to be in, especially if his marriage is otherwise happy or kids are involved. Whatever he says about his wife, she's still the person he chose to marry. If there are children, the two of them are raising them together.

You're essentially a source of excitement layered onto his existing marriage. Once the novelty fades, you'll become just another routine. Even if he insists his marriage is failing or that he's separated, his marriage remains his business to handle — not yours to disrupt. Getting involved puts you somewhere you don't belong.

And consider this: he's already lying to someone. If he's keeping your relationship hidden from his wife, that's proof he's capable of deception. What makes you confident he's not doing the same to you? He could be unfaithful to you too, in his own way. Either way, he's likely prioritizing his own needs over yours.

End the Affair

When dating a married man starts feeling too intense, veers somewhere you didn't want it to go, or just isn't heading anywhere good — it's time to stop. Remember: you're putting your own life on pause for someone who probably isn't going to upend his for you. If he genuinely saw you as a soul mate, he wouldn't have put you in the position of being "the other woman" to begin with.

Once it becomes clear you're pouring time into something with no real future, cut ties. Tell him plainly that you won't be seeing him, answering his calls, or replying to his texts anymore — even if the phone sex has been incredible. Block him if you need to. Staying strong matters here; caving to persuasion just resets you back to square one. It'll be hard initially, but the discomfort fades, and you'll be free to start a new chapter.

There's no shortage of better options out there, so avoiding this situation altogether is the smarter path. If you're honest with yourself, this probably isn't something you're proud of, even if you currently resent your own husband. You're living a double life, sneaking around while your partner orchestrates secret rendezvous. Dating a married man also means spending holidays alone and missing out on the events that matter most to him.

On top of that, relationships built this way rarely survive long-term. Men leaving their wives for the other woman is rare, and so is transitioning smoothly into something like an open marriage. Even in the unlikely event he does leave her for you, the odds of long-term success aren't in your favor — there's simply too much guilt and dishonesty baked into the foundation.

You've probably heard the saying: "If he'll do it with you, he'll do it to you." A relationship built on deception from day one isn't a solid foundation for trust. You'll have far better luck finding something lasting with someone who's actually free to be with you, rather than staying tangled in a relationship with a married man.

February 1, 2022