So What Does Kinky Mean, Exactly? 25 Deliciously Kinky Ideas

Ask a handful of people “What does kinky mean?” and you’ll hear a handful of different answers. For someone who hasn’t explored much sexually, what counts as kinky might be something a more experienced person would call totally ordinary.

For instance, anal sex might feel wildly kinky to you if vaginal sex is all you’ve known, or leaving the lights on in lingerie could feel daring if you normally go dark.

In the same way, what you consider kinky can shift as you try new things over the years. Handcuffs might seem edgy right now, but that could change the moment you experiment with light bondage. After that, a vacuum bed might strike you as the new frontier of kink, and you’ll laugh at how tame your old definition was.

The meaning of kinky doesn’t just shift between people — it shifts within the same person over a lifetime. And whether “kinky” reads as a compliment or an insult depends entirely on who’s saying it. Someone more conservative might toss the word at anyone they think is having the “wrong” kind of sex. Meanwhile, plenty of people who love their fetishes proudly call themselves kinksters. And in between, you’ll find folks who talk about kinky people and acts with genuine admiration, even envy, wishing they were bold enough to try it themselves.

Chances are there are more kinky activities out there than you could ever dream up, even if you’ve already explored a fair amount. Below is just a small sampling of kinky ideas to consider!

1. Indulge a foot fetish — yours or his — with worship, tickling, licking, and beyond.
2. Leave your mark with scratching and biting as intensely as you like. Rougher sex can be a huge thrill!
3. Unleash your naughty side through spanking, or branch into other impact play like floggers and paddles.
4. Bring a third person into the mix for a threesome (check out these fun threesome positions), or go bigger with group sex. Swap partners with another couple for a change of pace.
5. Bring a toy into your solo time (see how to please yourself with a dildo) or hand control over to your partner for a wilder ride.
6. Explore anal sex as the receiving partner. We’ve got tips for a smooth first time.
7. Massage his prostate for stronger or repeated orgasms.
8. Go further with pegging — strapping on with your man. Learn how to peg your partner.
9. Act out any scenario that turns you on. Naughty nurse, perhaps?
10. Play with Dominance and submission (D/s). Whether you crave taking charge of your man or handing over control, these roles offer serious fun.
11. Rape and “forced sex” fantasies — always role-played with full, ongoing consent between partners — rank among the most common sexual fantasies people report.
12. Dip into BDSM. If you want to get serious, sample contracts can help keep things safe.
13. Try light bondage — blindfolds, cuffs, ball gags.
14. What about getting frisky in public or outdoors? The thrill of possibly being caught is a real draw for many.
15. Do you lean voyeur (turned on by watching others have sex or masturbate) or exhibitionist (turned on by being watched)? Both count as pretty kinky.
16. Give him a striptease that leaves his jaw on the floor. Pole and heels are optional extras.
17. Recording yourselves is another thing that reads as kinky to plenty of couples.
18. Or simply enjoy porn together or solo.
19. Discuss your sexual fantasies with your partner, even the ones you have no plans to act on.
20. While you’re at it, sharpen your dirty talk.
21. Craving deeper connection? Tantric sex can take you to new sexual heights.
22. Maybe recreating positions from the Kama Sutra appeals to you.
23. Trade erotic massages during foreplay. Soft candles or massage oil help set the tone.
24. Invite him to finish between your oiled-up breasts.
25. Turn it into a game night — try “Would You Rather,” sex dice, or pick something from this list of couples’ sex games.

And the list truly could go on, which just proves there’s no single, tidy answer to “What does kinky mean?”

These personal differences in what counts as kink actually matter a lot. If you want to nudge your partner toward trying something new, don’t just ask if he’s open to “more kink.” Get specific about what you actually want — spanking, for instance — so you’re both on the same page.

Talking openly about your desires, especially the less conventional ones, isn’t always easy. This guide to sexual communication can help you find the right words. It also helps when your partner is the one bringing up something that feels kinky or slightly outside your comfort zone. And this advice on managing sexual anxiety can be useful while you navigate these conversations and new experiences together.

Once you push past the initial awkwardness, you’ll find that exploring kink is really about learning more about yourself and your partner. It builds trust. And if either of you needs a particular kink or fetish to feel fully satisfied, honoring that can boost your overall happiness. Suppressing those needs, on the other hand, often breeds resentment — and sometimes leads to cheating. Nobody wants that outcome.

You don’t have to try anything that genuinely doesn’t interest you, but it’s worth giving most things at least one or two honest attempts. Even something you once wrote off as too kinky might surprise you.

Some worry that dabbling in one kink means committing to trying them all — that’s simply not true. You can love one specific kink without wanting to chase every possibility on the spectrum. Interest in kink also rises and falls as life and relationships change… just like your personal definition of kinky evolves right along with it.

Kink, like every part of human sexuality, is layered and different for everyone. That’s honestly the fun of it. What feels kinky to you might feel completely tame to somebody else, and that’s perfectly fine.

January 4, 2021