7 Ways To Get Your Boyfriend To Spank You

So you're craving a spanking. Great! But you're probably asking yourself, "How do I get my boyfriend to spank me?" Sure, you could leave a copy of Fifty Shades of Grey on your nightstand, but there's no guarantee he'll actually pick it up. There are far more reliable ways to get your boyfriend on board with your spanking needs. How to get my boyfriend to spank me is a question we hear often, and here's what actually works.

If you're tired of just wondering how to get your boyfriend to spank you and want to make it happen, try these approaches:

1. Just Ask Him

Bring it up before things get physical, like over dinner. Tell him plainly, "I want you to spank me." Chances are he'll love the idea, and might even want to skip straight to dessert at home.

Or wait and say "Spank me" mid-sex instead. You could bite him or slap his butt first, then tell him you deserve a spanking for it. Talking about it directly gets a lot easier with advice from this post about communication.

2. Try Some Personalized Panties

Write your man a special message he'll spot while you're wearing nothing but panties. Grab a permanent marker and write "Spank me" across the back.

Or buy underwear that's sheer just at the butt, that message will come through loud and clear. You can also find panties printed with phrases like "It's not going to spank itself" to make your point.

Just be ready to take them off before the actual spanking starts!

3. Tell Him You Love It When He Takes Control

Being ravished by a confident, assertive partner tops plenty of women's fantasy lists. Countless romance novels feature a commanding male lead who won't back down from a woman's initial hesitation. If that resonates with you, tell him you want to feel dominated, and that a spanking is exactly how you'd like him to show it.

We've got tips for being submissive during sex right here!

4. Bring It Up Through Dirty Talk

Mid-sex, ask him if you've been a bad girl, or a naughty one. He'll likely say yes. Follow up by asking what exactly you did wrong. He might improvise something, sexual or not, like claiming you skipped his blow job or left clothes on the floor. Respond that you clearly need to be punished for being so naughty. That's usually enough for him to catch on that spanking is what you're after. If not, just say it outright: "Spank me," because you deserve it for whatever he claimed you did.

Dirty talk doesn't come naturally to everyone, so check out our detailed dirty talking advice and examples.

5. How To Spank For Maximum Pleasure

For the most pleasurable spanking, have him bend you over his knee. I actually walk through this in my guide on how to spank your husband.

From there, have him tuck a pillow under your stomach for comfort and positioning. Getting on all fours or lying flat on your stomach works too. He should target the fuller part of your butt cheek, right where it meets your thigh. Afterward, a light caress over the spot he just spanked feels great. Just make sure he's not wearing any rings while doing it.

6. What To Use

Beyond his hand, your boyfriend has plenty of options for spanking you. With any of them, start gently and build up intensity gradually. A massage or a light tickle can be a great warm-up before working up to the sting of an intense slap.

His hand: Naturally, start here. He can use an open palm or a cupped hand, each creates a different feeling and sound.

A paddle: (available in wood, leather, silicone, or metal): Every paddle type feels distinct, and all of them hit harder than a bare hand. It's smart to start with his hand and work up to the paddle, since jumping straight to it might be too intense.

A whip: Whips and riding crops come in all sorts of lengths and styles. Whips typically deliver a loud, cracking sound.

A flogger: Similar to a whip but with multiple tails. Floggers made from soft material, like suede, tend to be gentler starting points.

A cane: Canes deliver a sensation close to a whip's, sharp and intense, and will likely leave marks on your skin.

Learn more about how to spank and impact play.

Consider wearing Ben Wa balls internally during your spanking session, more ideas to try here. Each spank will send the balls shifting inside you.

7. Set Some Ground Rules

Now that you know how to make it happen, a few ground rules are worth setting first. Agree on a safe word you can use if the spanking becomes more painful than pleasurable.

Skip words like "stop" or "that hurts," though, since they can kill the mood unnecessarily. A neutral, prearranged word with no sexual connotation, like "broccoli," clearly signals you've had enough.

Or, if you don't want him to stop entirely but just ease off the intensity, try a traffic-light system instead. Red means stop, yellow means ease up, green means keep going. Read more about safe words.

Spanking is one of those activities where pleasure and a bit of pain go hand in hand. Asking your boyfriend to spank you for the first time might feel a little awkward or forced, but odds are you'll both enjoy it enough that asking again won't be hard at all.

Depending on how intense the session gets, your butt might end up a bit red and tender afterward, though that feeling usually fades fast, especially with a soothing balm applied.

Read: Guide on exploring S&M.

If it felt good and being dominated is genuinely your thing, a little lingering sensitivity is a small price to pay. Now that you know exactly how to get your boyfriend to spank you, you're ready for some fun.

November 29, 2020