7 Essential Sex Questions Every Woman Should Ask Her Guy

Understanding each other's sexual preferences and kinky tendencies matters enormously for a satisfying, fun sexual relationship. Asking your partner about his preferences, and encouraging him to ask about yours, helps ensure you're both getting fulfilled.

Bringing it up isn't always simple, though. The conversation can feel stiff or forced. Still, some level of communication is essential if you want a genuinely great sex life. Eventually you'll need to discuss what feels good, what doesn't, and what you each like or dislike.

Let your partner know you'd like to talk about sex. If the timing's off, pick a moment later when you won't be interrupted. This can turn into something fun and positive. You'll learn more about one another and uncover new things worth trying. A great sex life requires putting yourself out there and taking a few risks. The goal is sharing your fantasies with each other, which builds both closeness and pleasure.

Here are seven sex questions worth asking your guy (and having him ask you in return).

Side note: Check out these 206 deep, revealing, fun & flirty questions to get to know your partner better if you're after something even deeper.

Do you ever wish we had more sex?

This question matters because men, on average, have a stronger sex drive than women. Research called "The Social Organization of Sexuality: Sexual Practices in the United States" found men think about and fantasize about sex roughly twice as often as women do, and they experience arousal more frequently, too.

Here are a few more interesting findings. Men tend to want more sex than women at every relationship stage, whether early on, in the middle, or years down the road. Even if they don't act on it within a committed relationship, men typically want more sexual partners over a lifetime than women do, and they show greater interest in casual sex.

The reason to ask whether your guy wants more sex is to find out if he's unsatisfied with your current frequency. If so, you might try scheduling sex occasionally. If he's constantly the one initiating and sometimes getting turned down, he could start feeling demoralized or awkward about asking. Meanwhile, you might feel pressured into something you don't actually want. But scheduling sex now and then turns it into teamwork, a shared solution rather than a source of tension.

Do you ever feel like we have too much sex?

While men typically want and think about sex often, sometimes it can feel like there's too much of it. Maybe the two of you feel compelled to have sex every time you're together simply because that's the pattern you've fallen into. That phase is usually temporary, though. Once the honeymoon period fades, most couples naturally ease off and want sex less frequently.

Too much sex can sometimes lead to pain or numbness, which obviously isn't enjoyable, and that's exactly why this question matters. Sex can hurt for other reasons, too.

The clearest way to find out if your guy thinks you're having too much sex is simply to ask. Reaching a compromise matters if he feels overwhelmed and you don't, since it can be physically or emotionally exhausting for one partner to keep having more sex than feels comfortable.

What's the hottest thing you've ever done sexually?

This question helps surface ideas he might enjoy that you haven't tried yet, or haven't tried often enough.

He might mention something involving domination and submission. Maybe he spends all day in a leadership role and welcomes the chance to hand off responsibility and surrender during sex. Or maybe he loves being in charge so much that he wants to bring that energy into the bedroom with you. Tips to be dominant or submissive can help either direction.

Your guy might find role play incredibly hot. He could describe a scenario the two of you could act out together — you as the housewife and him as the repairman, you as the schoolgirl and him as the teacher, or him as the prison guard and you as his prisoner. You get the idea. Check out our sexual role playing guide.

His hottest experience might have happened outdoors. He might get a thrill from the risk of being caught, or having sex in these locales.

He might enjoy watching. That's your opening to show him what you do when you think he's not around, knowing full well he actually is, and is watching.

Have you ever had phone sex?

Plenty of guys who haven't tried phone sex want to, which makes this a great question. His answer will reveal which camp he's in. Phone sex can also strengthen your bond as a couple, since it requires real trust that you can say anything to each other without either of you laughing it off.

If you've never tried phone sex and aren't sure where to begin, start with a normal conversation. As it continues, set the mood by dimming the lights, undressing, and describing what you're doing to yourself as you touch yourself. Then ask him what he wants you to do to him.

Have you ever used sex toys?

Of all these questions, this one is especially interesting, since a "yes" opens the door for him to describe his favorites, while a "no" opens up a conversation about whether he'd like to try, and you can describe what you enjoy.

Couples' vibrators let you use this popular toy together. He can use a vibrator on you, or you can find a curved vibrator shaped to fit inside you while he's penetrating you too. That delivers both G-spot and clitoral stimulation for you, while he feels the vibrations on his penis.

He might also like a penis ring, which helps him stay harder longer by constricting blood flow and keeping it in the penis. Most guys report a stronger orgasm while wearing one.

Have you ever had anything "up there"?

Some of these questions might feel a little embarrassing at first, but ask anyway, since you never know what you'll learn. Some men enjoy having objects inserted into the butt, thanks to nearby nerve endings close to the prostate, often called the male G-spot.

If your guy enjoys anal fingering, he may already have gone further, or want to. That's where butt plugs come in. Some are round, some are straight, and both can deliver the full or "stuffed" sensation plenty of people love. Some butt plugs even vibrate.

Butt plugs feature a wide base that stops them from sliding in too far, so they stay put rather than moving in and out like most other toys. If your guy wants you to use one on him, start by manually stimulating his anus with a finger, then insert a well-lubricated plug.

Related: For gentler questions to start with, try this list of couples quiz questions.

Would you ever consider a threesome?

Ask your guy this one, and his eyes will probably light up. A threesome ranks among the most common male fantasies. What's not to love about two women wanting him at once? There's also an underlying flattery here, the implication that he's virile enough to please two women simultaneously.

A threesome could also involve two men and one woman (MMF). The Eiffel Tower sex position works especially well for MMF setups.

Some men are eager to watch you with another guy. Check out our threesome advice and these threesome positions for a great experience.

As you can see, keeping communication open, nonjudgmental, and non-confrontational with your partner matters, especially once sex starts feeling routine. These seven questions can help you both discover new things about each other, particularly now that you understand the reasoning behind them.

There are plenty more sexual questions worth asking your guy beyond these seven. You don't need to tackle them all in one sitting — spread them out over time to keep steadily improving your sexual connection.

April 11, 2021