Angry Sex: How To Turn Conflict Into Intense Orgasms

What's your go-to flavor of sex? More chocolate, or more vanilla? If you're craving something new to try, consider angry sex. Often called hate fucking, it's something every bad girl deserves to experience at least once.

"But that's completely irrational!" you might protest. Society certainly doesn't exactly endorse it.

Hold that thought! We're all products of nature, and nature has a soft spot for chaos and wildness. For a lot of people, it comes down to brain chemistry, which is exactly what makes angry sex feel so good — and society has rarely banned anything genuinely pleasurable without some deeper (if flawed) reasoning behind it!

Researchers point out that hate sex and makeup sex actually share a lot of the same brain chemistry. Both run on intense emotion — anger, sadness, whatever's boiling over. When angry sex and makeup sex overlap, the physical connection it creates can help pull you and your man back together after a fight, and that's just one upside of angry fucking. Because it tends to be rougher, the raw passion involved can even help you reconnect during a rough patch.

Why Try Angry Sex?

For some people, angry sex just doesn't compute. Loving, tender sex within a committed relationship is the only kind they want — maybe the only kind they can imagine wanting. Nothing wrong with that at all, and it's a wonderful way for you and your man to connect. But let's not dismiss angry sex just yet.

Hardly anyone plans to have angry sex. It tends to just happen — after an argument, a brutal week at work, or any moment when stress and emotion are running hot. There's something genuinely compelling about who you become when you're angry. In control. Selfish. Undeniably hot. It's like slipping into an alternate version of yourself in the bedroom, one that doesn't often see daylight. Exhilarating, even necessary, at times.

The mechanics of sex itself can shift too. Maybe you shove your partner onto the bed, threaten him with his own belt, demand he go down on you, or leave marks with your nails and teeth. Angry sex naturally pairs with rougher styles — even BDSM. Learn more in our introduction to BDSM.

Angry sex can trigger a real adrenaline rush as you push past what usually feels acceptable, and that high is one you can explore safely, entirely within the privacy of your own bedroom, without putting anyone in genuine danger.

Mid-hate-fuck, you might notice yourself turning more animalistic — growling with pleasure (or pain, no judgment here!) while your partner howls right back. Afterward, you're both spent and gasping for breath. The wave of relief and relaxation that follows might be precisely what you needed. It's a solid workout too, and it saves you the cash you might've spent on a massage.

Maybe you and your man are mid-argument but still can't shake how attracted you are to each other. Angry sex works when the two of you can channel that anger into something pleasurable — though admittedly, that's not something everyone can pull off.

Has your boss been riding you all day at work, leaving zero room for your own opinions or mistakes? Or maybe you're just fed up with his sexist attitude. Perhaps the kids have worn your patience thin, or you're stressed about hosting family for the holidays. A massage sounds nice, but who has the time? Angry sex to the rescue.

For some, hate sex also offers a sense of closure. Say your man cheated, and the relationship is clearly ending. You've got the upper hand, but you still want one last round with him in the bedroom. Why not hate fuck him before sending him on his way?

Or maybe you've bumped into an ex who still looks incredible, with a small ember of anger still smoldering. The chemistry's undeniably still there, just as undeniably as your refusal to walk that emotional road again. This time, though, you get the last word — and one last orgasm for old time's sake!

Give This A Try Next Time

So angry sex sounds appealing, but you're not sure where to start? Here are a few ideas!

• Get feisty so your man spanks you, or flip the script and spank him instead during angry sex. This kind of playfulness can be way more fun than you'd expect.
• Lean into dirty talk, including derogatory terms like "slut" or "bitch" if that's a turn-on for you. Learn more here. Just steer clear of anything genuinely hurtful or hard to take back.
• Pull his hair, scratch his skin, bite him. Angry sex is the perfect excuse for a love bite!
• Consider weaving roleplay into your angry sex, like a forced-sex scenario. It's hot when you struggle while he pins you down — or the reverse! Just agree on a safe word first.
• Have your man tie you up, or tie him up yourself if you'd rather.
• Tear at each other's clothes. Wear something you won't mind ruining ahead of time, just in case.
• Try a blindfold or mask.
• Let your emotions out fully — crying is fine too. Like an orgasm, crying can be a powerful release!
• Just make sure the usual safety guidelines still apply — agree on a safe word in case anger tips past what feels fun for either of you.

Checking in with your man about how he feels about angry sex before trying any of this is genuinely smart. If tender, loving sex is what he's after, hate fucking might land badly — he could easily misread it and end up hurt rather than turned on. This guide to sexual communication offers some useful pointers.

Does Angry Sex Come With Risks?

As hot as angry sex can be, it shouldn't become your only mode with your man — the same way you wouldn't want makeup sex to be your only mode either. If sex becomes a way to dodge an unresolved issue, that issue only compounds over time. That's especially true if hate sex starts functioning as punishment. Sex should never become a bargaining chip or a way to punish a partner. Playful angry sex can blur into actual anger surprisingly fast. And if anger becomes a constant undercurrent, there's a good chance something in the relationship isn't being addressed.

Leaning on angry sex too often can make it harder to access gentler, more tender sex when you want it. If rough sex is really what draws you in, know that you don't need anger as the trigger for it. Rough sex — even sadism or erotic degradation — can come from a place that has nothing to do with anger. You and your partner can step into those intense roles through roleplay instead, sidestepping any risk to the relationship that repeated angry sex might carry.

Of course, none of this matters much if the person you're hate fucking isn't someone you actually like or want a relationship with. Angry sex can be the perfect send-off for a bad relationship, an ideal flavor of sex with someone gorgeous but otherwise dull, or just an option worth considering with a friend-with-benefits.

Be careful not to bottle up anger, either. Hate sex is fun in the right dose, but unhealthy as a sole diet. You deserve emotionally intimate sex too. If your man only reaches for you when he's angry, that's a problem on his end, not yours.

If you or your man struggle to get aroused without anger driving it, it might be worth seeking professional guidance on getting in the mood for sex.

Hate sex isn't for everyone. You or your partner might rely on sex primarily as a way to connect, unable to fully separate emotion from the act — and that's fine too. Every so often, though, angry sex offers real release, even when the tension driving it has nothing to do with your relationship at all. It's a blast, and just one of many great flavors of sex worth exploring!

January 23, 2021