Should I Text Him First? 9 Rules For Every Situation

You can't stop thinking about your crush, and now his number is sitting right there in your phone. Part of you wants to text him around the clock just to get to know him and figure out whether he's the one, but knowing when you should or shouldn't reach out to keep him interested isn't always obvious. Texting etiquette, especially with a guy you're into, can get complicated fast. This guide walks you through how to tell if he's receptive to your texts, what to say, how to say it, and when.

1. The Golden Rule: Don't Be Needy

Before hitting send, ask yourself whether the text reads as needy.

Are you sending him something that will make him miss you? Or are you chasing his attention with random things he may or may not even care about?

Is he more of an introvert who could feel overwhelmed by a flood of flirty texts? Watch your tone and frequency so you don't come across as clingy. Even unintentionally, it can look desperate, and that's not a trait many guys find appealing.

2. He's Nervous Too

It's easy to forget he's probably just as nervous, especially if he actually likes you. So if you're stuck wondering should I text him, he's likely asking the exact same question about you.

If it feels a little awkward at first once texting starts, remember this and let things unfold naturally instead of assuming he's not interested. Over time you'll pick up on his tone and rhythm, whether a one-word reply is just how he texts or a sign something's off. And if either of you seems nervous, it's probably wise to hold off on the dirty text messages or sexting him something really explicit until you know each other better.

3. Is He Reciprocating Responses?

Nailing the right time to text takes some understanding of his routine, when he tends to have his phone on him, and when he's actually in a social mood. You may already know some of this, but the simplest way to gauge good timing is to watch whether he's reciprocating.

Quick, frequent replies are a solid green light to keep texting.

Related: 20 signs that he wants you

If replies are slow, one-worded, or it takes three or four texts from you to get a single one back, chalk it up to poor timing rather than disinterest. You don't need to track his every move to find the right window. If he works a standard 9-5, try lunchtime or after hours. If he's on a night shift, treat his "morning" as closer to noon and hold off before then.

4. Initiating Text Tone

When you're deciding whether to text him first, think about the tone of that opening message. Keep it light, upbeat, flirty, and fun so he warms up to you. Coming across as fun matters a lot here, since tone is easy to misread over text and you don't want to send the wrong signal.

Extra: 15 flirting tips

Emojis and emoticons can soften your tone and add a bit of emotional color, but don't overload them or jump straight into love messages. That can come across as too much, too fast.

5. Where'd He Go?

Are his responses taking days or weeks to arrive? Unfortunately, that usually means he's not that into you, or, alternatively, that you might be dating a much younger guy.

Resist the urge to flood his inbox if he's gone quiet. Once you've sent three texts without a reply, pause and stop sending more until you understand what's going on.

He might just be going through an unusually hectic stretch, but it only takes a moment to let you know that. If he can't manage even that much consideration, he's probably not that invested. One major exception: something genuinely tragic, like a death in the family. If he's grieving, replying to texts is understandably not top of mind.

6. Save The Essays For Your Blog

Unless you've got something genuinely important to say, keep your texts short and to the point. Massive blocks of text are a pain to read on a phone screen and take a lot more effort to respond to. You don't want your crush dreading your messages, so aim for 1-3 sentences at a time.

The same logic applies to good morning texts.

7. Don't Stress Over Grammar

You're texting, not drafting the next great American novel. Don't obsess over perfect grammar and spelling, autocorrect does most of the heavy lifting anyway. Just don't let it get so garbled that your message becomes unreadable.

Think about it: Say you're dominating him over text, but half your messages are riddled with typo corrections.

This. Is. Not. Sexy.

8. Initiate To Show You're Interested

When figuring out how to flirt with a guy over text, remember not to leave every conversation up to him, he might easily assume you're not interested or too shy to say otherwise.

If you're stuck on how often you should text him, try the 'half time rule', meaning you initiate roughly half the conversations.

You still want him reaching out too, since that makes you feel wanted. A perfect 50/50 split rarely happens thanks to life, schedules, and stress, so just make sure the effort feels mutual, and be upfront if a busy stretch means you'll be texting less. You don't want him second-guessing your interest after all the work you put into getting him hooked in the first place.

9. When Should You Always Text First?

Some guys simply dislike texting. You never catch him on his phone, he types at a snail's pace, and replies take forever no matter who's messaging him. In person, though, he's warm, engaging, and funny. If your crush would rather do almost anything than pick up his phone to text, take the lead on starting conversations and keep them brief.

Save deeper conversations for in person, phone sex, or whatever method suits you both, so his texting habits don't leave you frustrated.

There's no perfect formula for knowing whether to text first or wait him out, but these rules should clear up most of the confusion. When your situation doesn't fit neatly into any of them, fall back on the don't-be-needy rule and trust your gut on whether to hit send.

February 1, 2022