Boners Explained: The Full Guide to Male Erections

The short version of what an erection is: it’s a firm, enlarged penis caused by sexual arousal.

Men and women don’t experience arousal or sex identically; both sexes move through four stages — excitement, plateau, orgasm, and resolution — but each stage plays out differently depending on anatomy. Keep reading to understand exactly what a boner is and how it works.

How Arousal Works For Women

During the excitement phase, a woman’s vagina starts producing moisture, lengthens, and her clitoris and breasts begin to swell. The plateau phase brings even more swelling as everything from the excitement phase intensifies further.

During orgasm, the vaginal walls contract rhythmically, and during resolution, both the vagina and clitoris return to their resting size. Women are capable of another orgasm almost immediately afterward — this is part of what makes multiple orgasms possible.

How Arousal Works For Men

To really understand what a boner is, it helps to walk through each arousal stage. During excitement, a man’s penis begins to harden, and sometimes his nipples respond too. By the plateau stage, he’s reached full erection. During orgasm, fluid gathers at the base of the penis first, letting him know climax is near. When he does climax, semen is ejaculated through muscular contractions. During resolution, the penis returns to its flaccid state. Most men need a recovery window before they can orgasm again — how long depends on his age and fitness level.

The Science Behind an Erection

You’ve probably heard the joke about a guy thinking with the “wrong head” — meaning his sexual urges are overriding his rational judgment.

But an erection actually begins in the brain. Without mental stimulation, the penis stays put. The brain sends a chemical signal that relaxes the relevant blood vessels, allowing blood to flow into the penis and produce an erection. Beyond just size, an erection also involves firmness — a hydraulic process regulated by testosterone.

Several systems have to work together for an erection to happen: the brain, blood vessels, muscles, nervous system, hormones, and emotional state. Trouble in any one of these can make erections difficult or impossible. When everything’s functioning properly, an erection can be triggered just by sexual thoughts or physical touch.

Now that you understand what causes a boner, here’s how to help your partner get one.

How to Get a Guy Turned On

You have real power in helping your partner achieve an erection. These 10 approaches are reliable:

1. Send a sext instead of a regular text. Describe what you want to do to him, or borrow one of the 19 ideas in this post.
2. Tell him specifically what you love about him.
3. Nibble his ear or neck with your lips and tongue — both are prime erogenous zones.
4. Wear something revealing.
5. Mention, mid-date, that you skipped the underwear tonight.
6. Take him along for lingerie or sex toy shopping.
7. Masturbate in front of him — showing him what turns you on tends to turn him on too.
8. Touch him in the spots you know he loves, penis included.
9. Give him a relaxing massage, with a happy ending.
10. Talk dirty — describe exactly what you want him to do to you. Check out 12 killer dirty talk ideas and more examples for inspiration.

Get him aroused quickly with this advice, or jump straight to foreplay techniques that get him erect.

Related: These are the 17 indicators that a guy is super turned on by you.

What Can Get in the Way of an Erection

Several factors can make it harder for men to get or keep an erection:

Alcohol: Drink too much, and elevated blood alcohol makes it harder to get erect, since alcohol reduces blood flow to the penis. A reduced-blood-flow erection is still possible, just weaker and less satisfying. The key word is “too much” — a drink or two in moderation can actually relax a guy and improve his erection. Other substances that interfere include marijuana, cocaine, nicotine, amphetamines, barbiturates, and opiates.

Nerves: Anxiety, fear, and stress can all block the brain signals needed to relax blood vessels, making erections harder to achieve. This can spiral — struggling to get erect creates more stress, which makes future erections even harder. It helps to identify what’s driving the anxiety and address it directly, whether that means professional support or trying these anxiety-relief tips.

Age: Younger men tend to get erect more easily. Age alone isn’t the direct cause of erectile dysfunction, but age-related conditions often are — hardened arteries from diabetes, smoking, obesity, high blood pressure, and high cholesterol are common culprits. Declining testosterone levels can also make arousal harder to achieve.

Low testosterone: While aging is the most common cause of declining testosterone, it isn’t the only one. Levels typically start dropping around age 30, but medical issues can accelerate this — testicular injury or cancer, hormonal disorders, infections, liver or kidney disease, AIDS, and obesity can all play a role.

Medications: Plenty of over-the-counter and prescription drugs can cause erectile dysfunction, including diuretics, blood pressure medication, antidepressants, anti-anxiety medication, antihistamines, NSAIDs, muscle relaxants, and chemotherapy drugs. If a man suspects his medication is the culprit, he should talk to his doctor rather than stopping on his own — there may be a better alternative available.

Erections Aren’t Always Under a Guy’s Control

Especially for teenagers, erections can happen with little to no conscious control — a bumpy car ride, a train, a bus, or just spotting someone attractive can trigger one. Plenty of guys wake up with an erection already in progress. As men age, they gain more control over erections from mild stimulation, but full control never really happens. All kinds of triggers can cause one: a memory, a fantasy, a touch, even a specific smell or sound.

Show-ers vs. Growers

Here’s a fun fact about penises: flaccid size doesn’t predict erect size — you genuinely can’t judge a book by its cover. Penises tend to fall into two camps: show-ers and growers.

Understanding what a boner is also means understanding this distinction. A show-er starts out relatively large while soft but doesn’t expand a whole lot once erect.

A grower starts small while flaccid but expands considerably once aroused.

People unfamiliar with this distinction might wrongly assume a show-er will be enormous when hard, or that a small flaccid penis signals inadequate size later. Neither assumption usually holds up.

The takeaway: flaccid size tells you very little about erect size. Most erect penises fall somewhere between 4.7 and 6.3 inches, regardless of how they look when soft.

How Men Can Build a Firmer Erection

Now that you understand what a boner is, you might wonder how men can strengthen theirs. A firmer erection generally means more satisfying sex. Here’s how men can work toward that:

• Masturbating less frequently
• Quitting smoking
• Drinking alcohol in moderation
• Strengthening the core muscles that support erections
• Doing cardio to keep the cardiovascular system — and blood flow — in good shape
• Lifting weights to build muscle and boost testosterone
• Practicing Kegel exercises, which can help too
• Working with a doctor to adjust any medications that might be interfering
• Keeping laptops off the lap, since heat can affect erection quality
• Eating well and avoiding heavy, hard-to-digest foods
• Losing excess weight if needed. 12 wild sex positions for bigger couples.
• Prioritizing sleep
• Steering clear of high-stress situations

Why Erections Matter

If you’ve ever wondered what exactly a boner is, now you know the full picture. A strong erection isn’t just about pleasurable sex — it’s also a sign of good overall health. Helping your partner maintain his ability to get and sustain an erection supports both his sex life and his broader well-being.

November 10, 2020