How To Give A Hickey: The Perfect Love Bite

There's no shortage of ways to kiss someone and show affection, and leaving a hickey is one playful option. And honestly, its nickname — "love bite" — makes it even more appealing.

But first, do you actually know what a hickey is? Technically, it's a small bruise caused by rupturing tiny blood vessels under your partner's skin. Not the sexiest description on paper, but since it's created with your mouth as part of making out, the act itself is genuinely sexy and fun to try.

Kick things off with regular kissing — check out our tips for kissing in this guide — before moving into hickey territory. Keep in mind the mark won't appear right away; the skin usually just looks red at first, and the actual hickey develops over the following hours if you follow the technique correctly. Here are six steps for giving one.

1. Pick Your Spot — Usually the Neck

The neck is the classic hickey location, but really any patch of soft skin works. Some people prefer the inner arm or inner thigh. You could also target his chest, or he could leave one on your breasts — pair it with some nipple play for extra effect.

2. Start With a Gentle Suck

Begin kissing the target area, then shape your mouth into an "O" and gently draw a bit of skin in. Hold this for roughly 30 seconds.

3. Increase the Suction

To actually form the hickey, increase the intensity of your suction, pulling more skin into your mouth. You'll start to see the mark take shape. Keep this up for at least 30 seconds — the longer and firmer the suction, the bigger the resulting mark.

4. Bring In Your Teeth

For extra variety and intensity, alternate sucking with light nibbling and biting. Giving a hickey is essentially a mild form of sadomasochism (S&M), so a touch of pain fits naturally here. You don't need to be into S&M broadly to enjoy this element — more on that elsewhere.

5. Steer Clear of Sensitive Spots

While some S&M energy is baked into hickey-giving, you don't want to cause real discomfort. Skip areas that won't feel good, like his Adam's apple or anywhere close to major veins.

6. Adjust the Intensity

Once you've got the basic technique down, you can deepen a hickey's color and size if you're going for maximum impact. Run through the full sequence, pause for about 30 seconds, then repeat the same steps on the identical spot.

The Downsides of Hickeys

As fun as giving and receiving a hickey can be, there are some genuine drawbacks worth knowing. They're not dangerous or permanent, but they do stick around for a week or two — since a hickey is essentially a bruise, it fades on the same timeline as one.

1. They Can Be Embarrassing

A visible hickey on your neck basically broadcasts that you recently hooked up with someone. Sometimes that's exactly the message you want to send — if you're genuinely proud of who you were with, showing it off might feel great, and your friends will likely want the full story.

Other times, though, you'd rather avoid the judgmental looks. Maybe your parents are visiting, or you just don't want your evening's activities on display. It's probably not office-appropriate either.

We mentioned earlier that "love bite" is one nickname for a hickey — another, less flattering one exists too, though we don't endorse the shaming behind it. Either way, you may want to know how to conceal one.

2. Hiding Them Can Be a Hassle

A scarf wrapped around your neck solves the problem instantly. If scarves aren't your style, concealer can usually do the trick — start with a primer, layer a yellow-based concealer, then a green one, since covering the different colors within a hickey typically requires both. Top it off with foundation, blended thoroughly until it disappears.

Guys can usually hide one under a collared shirt, or a turtleneck if it's cold weather and he doesn't mind channeling a certain tech-founder aesthetic.

A few tricks can also minimize how noticeable a fresh hickey looks — icing it right after it forms can help, while a warm towel works better on an older one that's already set in.

3. They Can Leave a Lasting Mark

Permanent scarring from a hickey is rare, but it does happen occasionally — most often in people with very fair skin who received an intense hickey involving biting.

4. They Can Read as Immature

Since hickeys are most commonly associated with teenagers, sporting one past a certain age might draw some eye-rolls or comments about growing up.

Giving a hickey is a fun addition to your kissing repertoire, drawbacks and all — which is exactly why it's worth using sparingly rather than constantly. Still, the sensation of receiving one feels genuinely good, which explains why people keep doing it despite the risk of an awkward mark.

It's always smart to ask before diving in. If your partner wants one, he'll likely appreciate being asked. If not, he can simply redirect you toward something he'd prefer instead — either way, it's a win.

Also worth remembering: if either of you isn't enjoying it, speak up. Hickeys aren't for everyone. But when both people are into it, giving and getting one can be a genuinely passionate way to connect — so don't be afraid to have fun with it.

November 28, 2020