1,012 People Share Their Most Embarrassing Sex Stories

Sometimes all it takes to turn a hot, carefree hookup into a genuinely cringeworthy memory is a misplaced elbow, a line of dirty talk gone wrong, or the untimely sound of an unexpected fart.

Given that many of us have sex about 80 times per year, a little awkwardness is bound to happen eventually. But what actually makes people feel embarrassed, self-conscious, or outright ashamed during their most intimate moments?

To find out, we asked 1,012 people to share their most memorable embarrassing sexual experiences and secrets.

Half of us think a partner shouldn't feel bad about accidentally peeing during sex

Some in-the-moment mishaps are genuinely hard to shake off. Ninety-three percent of respondents said they'd feel very or extremely embarrassed if they accidentally defecated during sex, and 85% said the same about vomiting. Getting sick turns out to be fairly common — plenty of people told us they'd thrown up mid-encounter.

I have a very sensitive gag reflex and I once vomited on the beach while giving head. It wasn’t on him, so I just buried it in the sand, washed my mouth out with water, and kept going. — Jasmine, female, 20.

Others who dealt with vomiting found themselves in far messier circumstances…

I was once getting a blowjob in a cabin in the mountains from my girlfriend at the time and she vomited all over me. We didn’t even have a shower in the cabin and there had been a heavy snow and rain mix. Our cabin was downhill from the showers and it was such a rough climb with vomit rolling down my legs. I had to cling to tree branches to pull myself up. — Jason, male, 31.

The starkest gender gap showed up around farting. Fifty-two percent of women said they'd feel very or extremely embarrassed if they let one slip during sex, compared to 37% of men. We also asked about vaginal flatulence, better known as queefing (or, less delicately, pussy farts). One in 4 women said queefing genuinely embarrasses them, while only 14% of their partners thought it was worth feeling self-conscious over.

The encouraging takeaway across the board: people consistently felt more embarrassed about the idea of these mishaps than their partners thought they should. Farting, sneezing, and queefing topped the list of things we take too seriously.

Accidents happen, of course, and it's worth remembering that one person's fear is another's fetish entirely. Search data around queefing reveals both sides of that coin…

“How to prevent queefing?” – 1,900 searches per month
“Does queefing mean you’re loose?” – 880
“Why am I queefing so much lately?” – 720

And on the flip side, the fetish crowd…

“Queef porn” – 2,900
“Pussy fart porn” – 1,300
“Pussy fart compilation” – 390

Men are eight times more likely than women to feel ashamed about same-sex experimentation

A stray fart, front or back, is only fleetingly embarrassing, but certain sexual experiences and desires stir up something heavier: shame, a far darker and more corrosive emotion than embarrassment.

We ran a pilot survey with an open-ended question about sexual shame to build a shortlist of relevant acts and attitudes. From there, we asked our full panel of 1,012 Americans which of those 11 items applied to them, and which ones actually made them feel ashamed.

Some acts generated more self-directed shame than outside judgment would suggest. Fifty-two percent of people caught masturbating called it a shameful experience, yet only 34% believed someone caught pleasuring themselves should actually feel ashamed. Similarly, three-quarters of respondents said sexual performance issues made them feel ashamed, while under a third (27%) thought performance problems deserved shame in others.

Other behaviors flip that pattern entirely, drawing more judgment from outsiders than guilt from those actually involved. For instance, 8 in 10 respondents called cheating within a monogamous relationship shame-worthy, while 5 in 10 confessed cheaters said they felt no shame at all.

Clear gender differences emerged too. Men who'd experimented sexually with the same sex were eight times more likely than women to say it left them ashamed (16% vs. 2%), and roughly five times more likely to feel shame over attraction to a transgender person (16% vs. 3%).

I still masturbate frequently even though I am married. My wife does not know I do. I fantasize constantly about sex with others, including men and multiple people at the same time. So far I’ve not acted on it. — Patrick, male, 49.

Women, meanwhile, were notably more likely than men to report shame around group sex and sex with a stranger. Trading sex for money or favors, something 1 in 10 women and 1 in 20 men admitted to, was another act that tended to weigh more heavily on women.

But "shame" isn't always the precise word for what people describe feeling. It's a tangled emotion, and much of the negative charge seems rooted less in believing an act is wrong and more in fearing that others will judge it that way.

I used to trick (work as a prostitute). My friends know this and it’s not really embarrassing, but if my boss knew, I think it would be pretty embarrassing. Actually, I don’t think that’s the right word. I wouldn’t be embarrassed as much as being in fear of consequences resulting from people finding out that I used to have sex for money. I don’t feel ashamed, and I don’t feel like I should be judged, so really when that situation arises it’s more of an anger thing than an embarrassment thing. — Cathy, female, 41.

For others, experiences like group sex leave behind an entirely different kind of regret.

I once was staying in a hostel and was hanging out with three British guys. I took one guy back to my room and we were making out when one of the other guys came in, took his shirt off, and got in the bed. The guys started kissing each other while touching me. I burst out laughing and said they had to leave. Ten years later and I seriously regret not having the threesome. I’m in a committed monogamous relationship and I’m happy in it, but I wish I’d had that wild experience before ‘settling down.’ — Jade, female, 33.

Men are twice as likely as women to hurt themselves while masturbating

Bruised egos aren't the only casualty of an awkward sexual moment; sometimes bodies take the hit, too. When we asked survey takers about sex-related mishaps, men turned out to be more than twice as likely as women to report injuring themselves while masturbating (19% vs. 9%). Women, meanwhile, were slightly more likely to have been hurt during intercourse itself (30% vs. 26%).

Some masturbation-related injuries stayed fairly minor…

I burst a blood vessel in my eye. — Debra, female, 33.

Others might have stayed minor, if only a break had been taken in time…

I scratched myself, but continued and made it worse by removing a layer of skin from my penis. — Andrew, male, 44.

And a few landed squarely in emergency-room territory.

My cervix was ‘cracked,’ which is apparently a ‘thing.’ I was prescribed antibiotics and told to avoid sex – especially rough sex. — Laura, female, 39.

My partner was trying to mount me while in a sling and he fell on top of me. The sling broke and we landed on a concrete floor and I cracked my scapula. It required surgery – I told the hospital staff the truth. — Peter, male, 51.

Not everyone was willing to seek medical help despite the pain. Ten percent of women and 5% of men who injured themselves during sex or masturbation admitted they probably should have gone to the hospital but skipped it out of embarrassment. That works out to roughly 1 in 40 people across the general population.

When I was young I lost something ‘inside’ while pleasuring myself. My mom took me to the hospital and I was questioned about it. I told them what I’d been doing and that it accidentally slipped. It was rather embarrassing. — Jen, female, 33.

Our findings also suggest that minor sexual injuries often go unmentioned entirely, just to avoid ruining the mood or feeling embarrassed. Twenty-eight percent of respondents said they'd been injured during sex, yet only 17% said they'd ever noticed a partner getting hurt. That means 11% of us have unknowingly caused a partner some sexual suffering.

Half of women report being on the receiving end of "accidental anal"

We dug specifically into one particular mishap: the moment a penis slips into the anus instead of the vagina, unintentionally. Half of women said they'd experienced this from the receiving end, versus 35% of men who said they'd done it from the giving end. That 15-point gap hints that some men either don't realize, or won't admit, they've used the backdoor without asking first.

Sex advice columnist Dan Savage has argued that accidental anal is largely a myth, suggesting that some men experience a kind of anal FOMO that pushes them to try it without permission, then chalk it up to an accident if it doesn't go over well. It's genuinely hard to believe the 6% of respondents who said full insertion happened entirely by accident, especially given that one man swore he had no idea he'd used the wrong hole, even after switching positions seven times.

…She mentioned that her ass hurt and I laughed and asked why. She told me that I had been having anal sex with her the entire time and that was why she was asking to change positions. — Dick, male, 26.

Even when anal sex is fully consensual, things can still go sideways…

I went to the doctor and had to tell him the truth, that I tore my asshole during anal sex. — Karen, female, 60.

1 in 3 of us has said something genuinely embarrassing during sex

One in 3 respondents admitted to saying something highly embarrassing during sex. Usually, it's a simple slip of the tongue — the single most common mistake (32% of embarrassing moments) is calling a partner the wrong name.

I misspoke and called her the name of a cartoon character that I’d been fantasizing about. — Paul, male, 20.

I was thinking, ‘Oh baby’ and at the same thinking, ‘Oh Marty’ and it came out as ‘Oh Barbie’…That’s actually happened a few times with a few different men. — Lisa, female, 51.

Women were slightly more prone than men to blurting out the wrong name (34% vs. 30%), while men more often stumbled over deliberate dirty talk. It's honestly hard to say which is worse: a slip of the tongue, or crafting what feels like the perfect sexy line only for a partner to laugh, cry, or get genuinely angry.

My long-time boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night and said ‘check this out.’ He had a butt plug in. I was extremely weirded out. — Frances, female, 38.

I called my ex a dirty bitch. She didn’t like that at all. — Ryan, male, 26.

Calling your partner a dirty bitch is a tough one to talk your way out of, but if you've blurted the wrong name, there's an actual excuse available: Pavlovian conditioning. According to Dr. Jim Pfaus, a professor of neuroscience and psychology, a euphoric state can trigger memories of past pleasurable moments and the people tied to them. Another theory suggests we think in semantic categories, which is why we mix up friends for other friends, siblings for other siblings, and, apparently, romantic partners for one another. It's a fairly logical explanation, most of the time…

I accidentally said the dog’s name. — Deepika, female, 40.

A 50-year-old is twice as likely as a 20-year-old to keep going after breaking the furniture

We wanted to know exactly what kind of interruption would actually stop the average couple mid-act, so we asked respondents how they'd handle five common, embarrassing distractions.

Ninety-one percent said they'd simply ignore a phone call and keep going. A knock at the door proved a bit harder to tune out, though a majority (66%) pushed through anyway. Most people (60%) could also shrug off an ill-timed song ruining the mood. It took broken furniture to actually stop most people (78%) in their tracks.

Our data suggests that tolerance for these distractions climbs with age. One likely explanation: people generally have less frequent sex as they age (falling from 112 times a year among 18–29-year-olds to 69 times among 40–49-year-olds), making them less inclined to call a timeout.

The one interruption that barely correlated with age at all was a pet wandering in during sex. Most respondents (67%) kept going regardless, though 27% said they'd have to remove the pet from view before continuing.

One time, I was having sex with a guy I was dating at his house in the living room and his mom caught us. She yelled at me in Spanish (they’re Mexican) so I didn’t understand what she said, but she grabbed me by the hair and yanked me to the door and told me to ‘get out.’ I left crying and the guy ran after me apologizing profusely but I couldn’t look at him the same after that. That was my most humiliating sex experience. — Crystal, female, 27.

Sex is a wonderfully messy business. At its best, it's synchronized passion, bodies and emotions fully exposed. At its worst, it's a parade of awkwardness, embarrassment, and even shame. The deepest feelings of shame and dissatisfaction in our anonymous responses tended to trace back to desires and behaviors kept hidden from a partner entirely.

My husband had surgery and suddenly became distant to penis-in-vagina (PIV) sex. Now all he seems to want is to be pegged [when the woman penetrates the man with a strap-on dildo] and it takes him forever to finish with PIV or handjobs/oral. I say my libido is low from my birth control, but I just don’t want to fight with him to explain that I’m tired of him only wanting to be pegged and his lack of interest in me. — Debbie, female, 32.

Still, for the most part, our respondents' confessions and opinions show we're generally harder on ourselves in embarrassing moments than we need to be. Most people push through awkwardness for the sake of passion, whether that means a curious pet or a postal worker at the door. And when there's simply no talking your way out of an awkward slip, you might as well laugh about it…

I said ‘suck my dick’ and she thought I said ‘suck me dick.’ She laughed and called me a pirate. — Jim, male, 32.

Fair Use Statement

Feel free to share our research on sexual embarrassment for noncommercial purposes. Please link back to this page for credit. Interested in covering this research or reading more from our respondents? Reach out via [email protected].

Methodology

In July 2019, we surveyed 1,012 Americans between the ages of 18 and 79 about their memories and opinions regarding embarrassing sexual experiences. Men and women made up equal shares of the sample. Shame estimates come with 95% confidence intervals to reflect the uncertainty inherent in these figures.

We recruited respondents through an independent academic research platform. To limit bias, participants weren't told the survey was run for Lovecuri.com, nor were they given full details on the survey's focus beforehand. First names have been changed to protect the identity of the embarrassed.

October 26, 2020